A Tale of Two Kitties… And a Dog

I wanted another lap cat, and instead I got a dog that thinks he’s a lap dog.

We’ve had two cats for the last 5 years.  The one we have currently, the little fluffy 8 year old black kitty that we call Antisocial Cat.  This has nothing to do with the dog-she was antisocial before that.  She likes to hide in dark places because she thinks she’s invisible.  The other kitty we had passed away on Easter morning this year.  He was HUGE-a big massive long-haired orange kitty that was the most tolerant animal I have ever met.  He was 14 years old, and he cost $87,000.  When we got him, we got a house along with him six years ago.  He had personality-he was always wanting to be loved.  If you weren’t paying attention to him, he’d come up and head butt you so you’d pet him.  He was so huge he took up your entire lap-and during the winter he was quite a welcome companion.  Who needs an electric blanket when you’ve got a giant kitty?

He passed away rather suddenly-it was certainly unexpected.  And my lap has never been emptier or colder.

Antisocial Kitty stepped up a little.  She is not a lap cat.  We often say she’s ADD just like the rest of us-she hops up on the arm of the chair for a minute to be petted, and then goes away for a few minutes, and then comes back for two minutes, and then goes away, and so forth and so forth.  Realize that these rare moments do only occur for about 20 minutes twice a day.  Three times if we’re lucky.  The rest of the time she’s in hiding.  Occasionally she sits on the back of the couch and surveys her domain.

We’d been teasing her because she’s sweet when she wants love, but otherwise kind of boring.  She’s usually hiding, and she really doesn’t play.  We kept threatening to get a kitten.  And I swear she understood what I was saying-the queen did not approve of that.  When we brought the dog home I know just what she was thinking, “THAT IS NOT A KITTEN!  NOT A KITTEN!”

I’ve decided the dog is all right.  Yesterday I went to get his leash and the big oaf jumped up, put his paws on me, and slipped his head right into the collar.  That was very cool.

I’m not saying he’s not annoying.  And now that I have proclaimed to the world he’s all right he’s certain to do something naughty.  Just the other day I told my mom he’s a good dog and right after I got off the phone he peed on the bathroom floor.  It’s like having a giant toddler.  He’s chosen me-hey he know who walks him, pays attention to him, and pets him.  I knew the me taking care of him part was going to happen.  It’s not like I’m wanting to say “I told you so” to Evil Genius, but “I TOLD YOU SO!”  As long as they bathe him, I can handle the other stuff.  The kids are pretty good about feeding him and watering him when asked.  The Professor loses the pitcher that I’ve set aside for him to fill the bowl on a daily basis, but with help he finds it and gets the job done.  Princess Notice Me actually tries to feed him too much-she brings little handfuls of puppy food into the living room and tries to feed him.

Dogs need to be walked.  This is a very good thing for me.  At first it was hard because he’s a giant puppy, and if we want him to do it right then it requires a lot of stop and go-I didn’t know this but you’re not supposed to be dragged around (Hey I’m a cat person!  This is yet another thing I’ve learned).  It’s a great excuse to get out-sorry honey gotta walk the dog!  I’ve exercised a lot these past few days just getting out with him.  And it seems to get the kids outside.  They say they want to go out and play with the dog, which occurs for about a minute-then they go play but hey they’re OUTSIDE WITHOUT COMPLAINING!  This is a small miracle at our house.

He’s not perfect.  He’s eaten a pair of my underwear and has an affinity for towels and blankets, but he has gotten better about it.  He loves getting into the trash (I counted on that, come one we watch “Martha Speaks” here every day).  He has some separation anxiety due to being left alone in a yard before we got him, therefore he must know where we are at all times.  Sometimes he panics when I leave the room, especially when it’s about time that we walk (I wonder if he thinks I’m going to jump out of the upstairs window and leave him or what?)  He likes to escape and run around the neighborhood.  Friday he slipped out with The Professor when he left to go to the bus stop.  I feel bad for the people of our street who had to be exposed to me walking down the street in my pjs, unshowered, wild hair, no shoes-trying to bribe the dog back into the house with my daughter following close behind.  My husband told me not to do that again.  I’m a CAT PERSON, I don’t know these things!  I obviously got him back though, behold the power of Beggin Strips!

Cats aren’t perfect either.  They hack up hairballs everywhere.  Hairball formula cat food doesn’t work.  Antisocial Cat has spent the last six years carving our banister post into some sort of abstract art.  It’s annoying but it keeps her from scratching on the furniture.  Don’t tell me to get a scratching post-our cat will use everything but what we want her to.  The scratch box is a nice thing to sniff and lay one-the only thing in the house that has ever known what that thing is actually for was the orange cat-and he didn’t have claws.  We even bought her a cat bed.  She will sleep everywhere in the house BUT the cat bed.

I call him The Big Oaf because he’s clutzy and has no idea how big he is.  There is nothing funnier than watching him try to go down the stairs-he gets going and gravity takes over-I should record it and put it on YouTube.  And when he gets excited he barrels around the place and knocks stuff and sometimes people over.  But he’s loveable.  And he thinks he’s a little lap dog-he has claimed the spot next to mine on the couch where he can snuggle up against me and sometimes try to sit in my lap.

How does the cat feel about this?  At first she hid.  Then she decided he wasn’t going to run her life.  There’s a lot of hissing and growling.  The dog wants to play, the cat DOES not.  Once he leaves her alone in the small amount of time she decides to grace us with her presence, she sits behind my head on the couch, eyes on the dog, trying to kill him with her stare.  I think she’s very disappointed it hasn’t worked.

I’m still hoping to get another cat.  A nice little playful boy kitty who hopefully will sit on my lap.  We’ll see-for now I think I’d better focus on The Big Oaf.

2 thoughts on “A Tale of Two Kitties… And a Dog

  1. If Oaf escapes, try yelling his name excitedly and running yourself in the direction you want him to go… Chances are, he’ll chase you!

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