My Husband Won’t Read My Blog And Other Random Stupid Stuff

My husband won’t read my blog.  At least I don’t think he’s read it.  At one point he hollered “I just read it!”  How could he do that in twelve seconds?  I thin he’s lying.

Why is it so critical that one of the most important people in my life takes a look at what I’ve so carefully crafted?  I really have no idea.  And what would he say to me if he did?  Give me a high five?  Sign me up for a writing class?  Throw something at me?  Tell me that he doesn’t yearn for meat nearly as much as I have led the world to believe?  Not sure…

In other news, I think I’m doing this all wrong.  A couple of nights ago while waiting for the Ambien to kick in I googled “How to get more people to read your blog”.  This is what I learned:

1)  Find your audience.  I didn’t know they were missing.  Seriously, I was more thinking that I just need to get stuff out there and put down what’s in my head, as scary as that may be.  I guess whoever likes it, well, that’s my audience.  Glad I found you.

2)  Dark colored background…BAD.  Oh nooooooooooo… if your blog is dark no one will ever read it.  Nice.  Honestly, I looked high and low for a background I really liked.  Sorry Charlie, I like the particular theme I chose, Dusk to Dawn.  Nothing else on WordPress seemed to fit my personal style.  After reading this, I actually went into the themes and looked again.  I still don’t like any of the others.  Dark is me (well, actually I’m quite pale.)

3)  Tweet.  I don’t.  I know everyone is doing it.  I just don’t feel a need to do it.

4)  Simplify.  Did you know that in this day and age people don’t actually READ blogs?  They SCAN them.  That’s news to me, because I still read stuff.

5)  Use images to break up text.  Because it’s really hard work to see all of those words.  Sometimes I use pictures and sometimes I don’t.  Depends on what I’m trying to do.  I could just find random pictures and put them in to break stuff up, like this…

This is toilet paper.

What’s really super awesome is that if I choose to use this as my only image in here that will be the “featured image” for this post.  I like that.  I like toilet paper.

6)  Unless you’re famous, no one reads personal blogs anymore.  Well that does it.  Guess I’m gonna have to get famous.  I’m still not going to tweet.

I really DO want people to read my blog, because I want them to be entertained.  It’s cheaper than therapy.  It’s also great to get feedback.  It’s nice to be appreciated.  I made a page on Facebook, put it out there for family and friends, and try to at least try to attract a handful or so of people who might enjoy my warped humor.

I still don’t get how I’m really supposed to use tags.  I’ve read a bunch of stuff, and I don’t have the patience to watch the video tutorials.  So I just pick random stuff and use it as a tag.  Probably not the thing you’re supposed to do, eh?  Despite my unwillingness to watch a video, through my persistence I have figured out some awesome features on WordPress.  You can see the countries people are from that view your blog.  I don’t know why, but I think that is very neat!  So far I have people from the US, Canada, Australia, India, and Norway.  Not bad for just a few days of being public.  Maybe I am famous after all.

I’ve recovered from my self proclaimed “Idea Diarrhea” and am now afflicted with some sort of brain constipation (and have no cool name for it).  I have some random stuff in my head but when it comes out it doesn’t come out right.  Is there a sort of stool softener for your brain?  Or brain fiber?  If there is, please tell me where to get it…

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2 thoughts on “My Husband Won’t Read My Blog And Other Random Stupid Stuff

  1. Well, I actually liked this post because I was feeling much of the same anxiety, in that I wanted more people to visit my blog. Did you know you can run ads for your blog? I think that’s taking it a step too far.

    • I’m trying to envision that. I imagine a little cartoon character with a speech bubble that pops up and says “Hey you! Read my blog!” I do have a friend who has a link to my blog on her blog, but I think that’s a little different! 🙂

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