I Could So Be An Inventor

Theme ThursdayTheme Thursday is a once a week opportunity to observe the writing rituals of bloggers.  Hosted by the lovely Jen of Something Clever 2.0, each week has a different theme to write about.  This week’s theme is Useful Inventions.

(This post was published previously last August.)

I’ve been thinking that maybe I should be an inventor.  Maybe I should have added that to my list of potential jobs.  I’d make very ADD friendly inventions.  Why else would I want to invent something?  It probably wouldn’t be in my best interest-I’d probably lose the patents.

It's ALIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!!

It’s ALIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!!

Here are some of my ideas to make my life easier:

1)  Automatic Lunchbox-  It remembers to pack itself.  It makes sure you have all the components for a healthy lunch.  Best of all, it chases you down if you try to leave the house without it.

2)  Snooze Button That Fights Back– It shocks the unfortunate person who tries to turn it off, until they get up.  This is totally unrelated to the Alarm Clock Force Field-which prevents the spouse from hearing the other person’s alarm go off 15 times before they get up.

3)  Self-Cleaning Children-  Also available as an upgrade to the current version of children you have.  Only for children with Windows.

4)  Answer Me App- This downloadable app will cause your phone to come find you when someone is calling/texting and your phone is on silent/dead/in your car/lying in the yard.  Has a special version for when it’s your spouse-it can be programmed to smack your significant other in the head.

5)  Lost Item Replicator– Looked everywhere?  Called everywhere?  Simply replicate your lost keys/sunglasses/underwear.  Does not work on lost children.

Wrong type of replicator-will not make tea. Especially Earl Grey, hot.

6)  Meal Generator-Using the ability to tap into the brainwaves of all family members, this will not only be able to tell what everyone had for lunch and icraving for supper, it also uses a complex formula to figure out how to combine it all into one meal that everyone will enjoy.

7)  Lie Detector- This is different from the traditional polygraph machine.  It actually causes pants to burst into flames.  Can be downloaded to unsuspecting pants-wearers.  Not compatible with flame retardant material.

8)  Mood Advisory System–  Color coded system that warns what the spouse’s/child’s/coworker’s mood is ahead of time.  Three levels:  Green-good, Yellow-proceed with caution, Red-Get the Hell Away!  Also available with flashing lights and loud alarms.

9) Mess Cloaking Device–  For when you don’t have a door to close.  Excellent for sinks full of dishes.

10)  Grocery Reminder App– Downloadable to your phone, this app will keep track of what you need and start screaming at you when you come up to the checkout about all the crap you forgot.  Also gets angry with you for getting stuff you DON’T need.  Comes in two voices- Wolowitz’s Mom and The Joker from the Dark Knight movies.

Be a dear, and don’t steal my ideas, k?  If you’re planning on doing so anyway, better wear fireproof pants!

Not quite like that…

Be sure to check out what other bloggers would like to invent by clicking HERE.  It’s what all the cool kids do…

HereHere document – A here document (also called a here-document, a heredoc, a hereis, a here-string or a here-script) is a way of specifying a string literal in command line shells in…

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43 thoughts on “I Could So Be An Inventor

  1. Put me down for the mess-cloaking device and the grocery reminder app. Oh, wait–I don’t have a smart phone because I won’t carry a device that is too smart for me. Figure a way around it–and GET BUSY on those inventions!

  2. Ooh, I need the meal generator and the grocery app! Of course, if I had the former, I supposed I wouldn’t need the latter…

  3. I need, the alarm clock force field because even though I get out of bed fast, the hubby is also still woken up. Also I need that lost item replicator, things go missing here on a daily basis…

  4. I need #4 and #5 so very, very much! I seem to always leave my phone somewhere or another; last night, I left it in the car and my poor husband had to leave the hotel room and go back to get it for me, begrudgingly. And there are so many things that I could replicate once lost; is there a limit on how many times the same item can be replicated before the machine smacks you up side the head and says, “Seriously, fool?”

  5. These are ALL great ideas and you could be filthy, stinkin’ rich !!! How cool would it be to have Wolowitz’s mom yell at you? I’d do it just so I could yell back!

    • I know, right? I could so use that. Though I will admit that I found my watch that had been lost for months between my couch cushions last night. Might be something to that…

  6. I LOVE all these inventions especially the meal generator and lunch packer!!!!! INGENIOUS!!! I recently read an online current event article with my high school students and there are some alarm clocks like that babe. Some roll away and others have a snooze button on a wall in another room. Others shock you if you hit the snooze button…sorry babe. But I fully back you with my imaginary money on the other inventions.

  7. This is brilliant! I want all of these, although I must admit I’m a human lie detector. It’s basically my job and I’m really good at it. Matt says he’s glad we don’t give each other gifts because the torture of keeping a secret and lying to keep it would be too much.

    I would totally get the answers out of him.

    LOVED this post! One of my favorites.

      • I seriously think it’s brilliant and one of your best pieces. Isn’t it funny how sometimes the old ones that don’t get many views the first time get a ton the second time around?

  8. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. The alarm one… rofl. If you ever invent that, I’m going to be first in line. If I have to hear my husband’s gd ocean sound alarm go off ONE. MORE. TIME…. gah!

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