Theme Thursday is a once a week opportunity to observe the writing rituals of bloggers. Hosted by the lovely Jen of Something Clever 2.0, each week has a different theme to write about. This week’s theme is Useful Inventions.
(This post was published previously last August.)
I’ve been thinking that maybe I should be an inventor. Maybe I should have added that to my list of potential jobs. I’d make very ADD friendly inventions. Why else would I want to invent something? It probably wouldn’t be in my best interest-I’d probably lose the patents.
Here are some of my ideas to make my life easier:
1) Automatic Lunchbox- It remembers to pack itself. It makes sure you have all the components for a healthy lunch. Best of all, it chases you down if you try to leave the house without it.
2) Snooze Button That Fights Back– It shocks the unfortunate person who tries to turn it off, until they get up. This is totally unrelated to the Alarm Clock Force Field-which prevents the spouse from hearing the other person’s alarm go off 15 times before they get up.
3) Self-Cleaning Children- Also available as an upgrade to the current version of children you have. Only for children with Windows.
4) Answer Me App- This downloadable app will cause your phone to come find you when someone is calling/texting and your phone is on silent/dead/in your car/lying in the yard. Has a special version for when it’s your spouse-it can be programmed to smack your significant other in the head.
5) Lost Item Replicator– Looked everywhere? Called everywhere? Simply replicate your lost keys/sunglasses/underwear. Does not work on lost children.
6) Meal Generator-Using the ability to tap into the brainwaves of all family members, this will not only be able to tell what everyone had for lunch and icraving for supper, it also uses a complex formula to figure out how to combine it all into one meal that everyone will enjoy.
7) Lie Detector- This is different from the traditional polygraph machine. It actually causes pants to burst into flames. Can be downloaded to unsuspecting pants-wearers. Not compatible with flame retardant material.
8) Mood Advisory System– Color coded system that warns what the spouse’s/child’s/coworker’s mood is ahead of time. Three levels: Green-good, Yellow-proceed with caution, Red-Get the Hell Away! Also available with flashing lights and loud alarms.
9) Mess Cloaking Device– For when you don’t have a door to close. Excellent for sinks full of dishes.
10) Grocery Reminder App– Downloadable to your phone, this app will keep track of what you need and start screaming at you when you come up to the checkout about all the crap you forgot. Also gets angry with you for getting stuff you DON’T need. Comes in two voices- Wolowitz’s Mom and The Joker from the Dark Knight movies.
Be a dear, and don’t steal my ideas, k? If you’re planning on doing so anyway, better wear fireproof pants!
Be sure to check out what other bloggers would like to invent by clicking HERE. It’s what all the cool kids do…
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Put me down for the mess-cloaking device and the grocery reminder app. Oh, wait–I don’t have a smart phone because I won’t carry a device that is too smart for me. Figure a way around it–and GET BUSY on those inventions!
Reblogged this on The Sadder But Wiser Girl.
I need the phone and lost item apps! I lose my phone and everything else on an average of once per hour on a daily basis.
SO you’re saying it’s not just me?
Ooh, I need the meal generator and the grocery app! Of course, if I had the former, I supposed I wouldn’t need the latter…
Right… but it’s good to have a backup.
I need, the alarm clock force field because even though I get out of bed fast, the hubby is also still woken up. Also I need that lost item replicator, things go missing here on a daily basis…
Here too. Guess I need to get on that.
I think you need to start applying for patents.
I think so!
Mom needs the automatic lunchbox. That way I never have to worry about her during the day and if she’s hungry 🙂 XOXO – Bacon
Right! My husband and kids need it desperately.
I love the self cleaning children and where can I sign up for that one, lol!! 🙂
There definitely needs to be such a thing!
LOVE LOVE YOUR IDEAS! As soon as you invent Self-Cleaning Children I want to place an early order. Also all the other things. Wonderful ideas!
I’m glad you liked them! I’ll keep you posted.
I need #4 and #5 so very, very much! I seem to always leave my phone somewhere or another; last night, I left it in the car and my poor husband had to leave the hotel room and go back to get it for me, begrudgingly. And there are so many things that I could replicate once lost; is there a limit on how many times the same item can be replicated before the machine smacks you up side the head and says, “Seriously, fool?”
No, there would be no limits…
I’d also like that meal generator to help me decide what to eat when I am at a loss!
Me too! There are some days when nothing sounds good!
I want the self-cleaning children. Especially if they can clean their own diapers!!
HA HA! That would be very useful!
Love your Meal Generator invention! Might I add the “I’m in the mood for sex- or not” button on your invention list? Please get on that one will ya.
THAT would be an awesome invention!
oooh, I need several of these very badly, but especially the mess cloaking device.
My whole house needs one of those!
These are ALL great ideas and you could be filthy, stinkin’ rich !!! How cool would it be to have Wolowitz’s mom yell at you? I’d do it just so I could yell back!
I love how they tell the story of finding the woman that does the voice. They literally had women come in and yell at them!
ooh!! PLEASE do invent at least one of those! I would pay you with my sons if I could have any of these!! 😛
Yes but you would miss them though… 😉
I would like to vote that the lost item replicator be completed first, please.
I know, right? I could so use that. Though I will admit that I found my watch that had been lost for months between my couch cushions last night. Might be something to that…
I’ll have 2 #3’s, please. And one of everything else.
I’ll put in your order. 😉
I LOVE all these inventions especially the meal generator and lunch packer!!!!! INGENIOUS!!! I recently read an online current event article with my high school students and there are some alarm clocks like that babe. Some roll away and others have a snooze button on a wall in another room. Others shock you if you hit the snooze button…sorry babe. But I fully back you with my imaginary money on the other inventions.
I have lots of imaginary money and sadly not much real money. Thank you for your support!
This is brilliant! I want all of these, although I must admit I’m a human lie detector. It’s basically my job and I’m really good at it. Matt says he’s glad we don’t give each other gifts because the torture of keeping a secret and lying to keep it would be too much.
I would totally get the answers out of him.
LOVED this post! One of my favorites.
Thanks Lisa! This is an oldie but a goody. I’ve reblogged it before but no one really read it. I guess I should be thanking Theme Thursday!
I seriously think it’s brilliant and one of your best pieces. Isn’t it funny how sometimes the old ones that don’t get many views the first time get a ton the second time around?
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. The alarm one… rofl. If you ever invent that, I’m going to be first in line. If I have to hear my husband’s gd ocean sound alarm go off ONE. MORE. TIME…. gah!
If I wasn’t on Ambien I’d probably be more annoyed by my husband’s alarm these days!
I would be happy to help with the self cleaning children LOL! I need that around here too!
Don’t we all???