A Man and Football: A Love Story

A friend of mine used to have a shirt that said “Love me, hug me, pretend I’m a football.”  I’m feeling a bit like that right now.  Or maybe pretend I’m a machine that makes agricultural sprayers.  But that’s not what this particular post is all about.

Men love football.  Some women like football too.  I am not one of them.  I tolerate it.  I don’t try to understand it anymore.  It’s just too complicated for my ADD brain.  Believe me, for a while I really really tried!

Every year about this time I become known as a “Football Widow”.  Evil Genius practically salivates when football season approaches.  He gets giddy.  He gets so wrapped up in everything football that I might as well pack up and head for the hills.  He might realize I’m gone eventually.  May I add that he doesn’t do it on purpose.  There is just so MUCH football going on right now.  High school football games every Friday night-I found out last night why I should never ever let him NOT go to a game on a Friday night.  He is no fun.  There is college football on Saturdays.  And Professional Football is on, what,  EVERY night of the week?  And in between all of this there’s ESPN.  This is the time of year I spend a lot of time not in the living room.  Mostly I’m running out of the house, or hiding in my room.  Thank goodness we have DVR, or I may never watch anything else.

He watches football during the off season too.  You can always find and watch the same game about 1000 times on the satellite.  This makes no sense to me, I mean, come on-you know how it ends!

He has a couple of different football video games that he likes to play.  He gets very very angry at them.  Sometimes because the computer cheats.  More often because the opposing team scored.  More than once I have walked in on him playing, and he is angry because he’s “only” winning 101 to 7.  Sports games aren’t his friend, I often refer to them as the games that make him yell.  I’m sure the kids have learned all kinds of cuss words from him playing… (though in his defense the first one my son got in trouble for he learned from me).

In addition to all of this, there’s also fantasy football.  He has several teams.  There is the one for work that he pays money to participate in.  There was an actual draft for this where they all got together and did their picks.  He wasn’t going to go because we had other plans, but in the end football dominated and he ended up going.  I guess it was worth it, he got surprisingly good picks.  That’s what happens when you draft with people who don’t really get how to draft.  Like having a room full of me present for the draft-“I’ll take Dennis Rodman for $800.  How about Coco Crisp?  John McEnroe?”  WHAT?  It’s not like a game show?

This is what you get when google “Fantasy Football”.

No I know a LITTLE more about it than that.  He also does some fantasy teams online too, as does my son.  He actually was trying to get me to have my own fantasy team there for a while.  Actually if I turned him right now and told him I wanted to sign up he’d probably pull the website up in a jiffy.  That is if he was here (he is actually AT a college football game right now). When he brought this up, I thought he was mental.  My reaction:  “I know sooooo much about football, what criteria would I use for a team?  There would have to be a theme.  Best uniforms?  Players from teams that wear purple?  Longest names?  Same initials?”  His reply:  “I just wanted to see what you’d come up with.”  I added “You realize my knowledge of players is about three,they are all quarterbacks, and two of them have the last name Manning.”

That very next day that I posted about it on Facebook.  A friend of mine posted the same day that he needed people for an amateur league.  I posted on his wall to refer to my status update.  He offered to hook me up, even tweaking it so I could have both Mannings. I asked him there was a fantasy pep band that went along with it.  I would so be in, THAT would be cool.

If my daughter had a fantasy team…

My fantasy is really that football would just go away.  Nah not really, maybe that there wasn’t so much of it.  The guys need something to do.

Evil Genius’s passion isn’t just watching the game.  He coached high school football for several years.  He was very good at it, though I’m not sure he was as appreciated as he should have been.   I really do hope that eventually he’ll be able to do it again, if we ever move closer to his work or if he can tweak his schedule to be able to do it someday.  I may not be a huge fan of the game, but I tried to go support him, as much one can who doesn’t know anything about the game and has two little kids to try to keep in line.

Football is pretty big where we live, because we live in the Midwest where high school football is a big deal.  We also live very close to a university town.  I don’t dare venture into town on game days unless I have to, because I may not be able to leave because of the traffic.  I understand though that football is small potatoes here compared to Texas.  I just saw something on the news last night about the world’s most expensive high school stadium being built there.  Everything is bigger in Texas.  Don’t mess with Texas.

Being the wife of a football worshipper, I have seen pretty much every football movie ever made.  There are some really good ones.  I’ve seen “The Replacements” about 57 times, and “The Blind Side” quite a few times too.  Both good movies.  I bet if you asked me about every football movie ever made, chances are most of them are in our video library.

There is an upside to football appreciation.  I do like the commercials they come out with this time of year.  Next February I’ll watch the Superbowl, but only for the commercials.  The fashion aspect is also quite fun.  With today’s college football game we are all decked out in our university apparel.  As a matter of fact, earlier I was lamenting the fact that we didn’t have anything for the dog to wear.  We’ve seen bandanas with our team logo on it.  He must have one!  Next week my daughter wants me to paint her toenails in team colors.  I guess we’ll have to go get some nail polish.  She gets it.  She’s wearing her little pink jersey, with toenails and fingernails to match.  Today’s entertainment for the girls while the boys are at the game?  We’re making bracelets and necklaces with the team name and colors.  Her idea, of course.

So if you are like me, you know what I go through.  If you are one of those women who does love football, more power to you.  I’ll be hiding in my room, wearing my really cute team shirt.

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