Brains on the Floor (Not Pants on the Floor)

Cleaning up brains… whoops! Sorry Lord Vader.

I’ve told my husband on several occasions that if he finds that my head has exploded, to please just clean up the brains on the floor.  I know it sounds gross, but if you get bad headaches then you know that it might just make you feel better if it happens.

I have allergies.  Runny OR stuffy nose (yeah, I get both, obviously not at the same time), eczema, watery eyes, all that stuff that makes for a rockin good time.  I’m allergic to dust, mold, animal dander, pollen, grass, outdoors, indoors, etc.  I not only have the allergies, I really look the part.  I have what is called “allergic shiners”-super duper dark circles under my eyes that combines with my ghostly pale skin makes me look like I have never had a good nights’ sleep.  I figure I could make a really good zombie with minimal makeup required, although I don’t have a taste for human flesh and brains. Maybe I should add that to my repertoire of potential jobs.

Zombie kitty seeks brains… or tuna…

I take allergy meds, but they don’t help a whole lot.  Which is sad, and very frustrating.  Along with the allergies comes all kinds of fun stuff, including sinus headaches and the occasional MIGRAINE.  I spelled MIGRAINE in all caps because it’s that intense.  Want to know what a migraine feels like?  Go to your local bowling alley and ask someone to throw a bowling ball at your head.  If you don’t get knocked unconscious, you’ll wish you would be.  It sucks.  It’s not your everyday headache.  When I get one, I can’t do anything.  I can’t eat, read, watch TV, comprehend stuff.  I lie in a dark room and wish for sleep.  I used to take something for it, but that made me throw up.  I’m already nauseous, let’s not add to the fun.  Even once they subside, I have this lingering ache.  I can function, but I still feel like poop.  At least then I can eat.  I have to eat what I call the migraine meal.  The blandest food possible, usually some sort of noodle with butter.   Food with taste, go away.  I don’t like you today.

At least I often get a warning when they’re coming.  I see stuff.  No not fun stuff like dead people.  I see what I call the twisty DNA lights.  Sparkly lights that dance almost in a helix shape.  I also tend to lose part of my vision.  I literally can’t see.  I’m sure I was real popular at my last job the one time it happened there-I was supposed to be conducting a reading session with kids.  I couldn’t see the page.  I had to cancel it for the day and go put my head down on my desk.  That was fun!  Not.  When I taught preschool, my coteacher was the most awesome understanding person there was.  There were several days when I would be reading to the kids and all of a sudden I couldn’t see the words.  She would just jump right in and take over while I ran to take something to try to head it off at the pass.  When I was pregnant, in addition to all of that, really weird stuff would happen.  I couldn’t think straight and I almost couldn’t talk.

I guess I can’t just blame allergies, some of it is hormonal.  I can always predict when its almost that time of the month by the severity of the headache.  I also have a barometer head.  You know the old guy who says when his knee hurts he knows its going to rain?  My head is like that-I can often tell you when bad weather is headed this way.  Tension headaches?  Stress headaches?  Yup, I get those too.  And there is just good old fashioned caffeine withdrawal.  I don’t have a problem with caffeine, I have a problem without it.  But we won’t go there right now.

If you asked my husband he will tell you that I always have a headache.  He thinks he’s being funny by saying that.  I do get periods when I get them over several days.  This would be when the pollen count is very high, it’s really hot and humid, etc.   I remember a drawing of our family the Professor did in preschool, over stick figure that was supposed to be me the teacher had written “This is my Mom.  She has a headache.”  Ouch!  I really don’t have them all the time, but I’ve never been one to get just a little headache.  When I get them, they are whoppers.  I wish I could just take my head off and put it away sometimes.

If I could only take my head off. Beta had it easy. Another opportunity to earn bonus points by naming that movie…

I really hope my kids don’t inherit my headachy tendencies.  If they do, maybe they won’t be as much of a wuss as I am.

2 thoughts on “Brains on the Floor (Not Pants on the Floor)

  1. Ugh…what a terrible thing to deal with. I never used to get headaches but am starting to get them somewhat frequently now. I don’t think they are to migraine status but get to the point where I’m sick to my stomach and can’t stand to see light. Mine are cured with Aleve so they can’t be too bad but just those mediocre ones take me out so I can’t imagine what a migraine would do…

    • I used to get them so badly that I would miss work. That has gotten a lot better- now I get one or two a month. All the other headaches that I get in between just drive me bonkers!
      Aleve has never done much for me. Sometimes I take ibuprofen and sudafed. Sometimes I try Excedrin. Either way it just stinks! One thing I don’t recommend is Imitrex-that’s what made me so sick!

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