When I Was Crowned Queen

My crown, custom made just for me.

This week I became queen.

I’m not really sure what I’m queen of.  I am unsure of what I am actually ruling over.  One fact that I do know is that I have a crown.  It’s very sparkly (made of sparkly bulletin board borders from Dollar Tree) and is covered with beautiful jewels (the sticky ones).

I’m sure you can guess who made it for me.  There were ulterior motives involved.  She knows that if I am queen, then she is a princess.  I know this because she told me so.  You’ve got to love that blunt honesty.

I wonder if anyone has bothered to inform the cat that she has been dethroned?

That being said, I started thinking what I would do if I were queen?  And what would I like to be the queen OF?  I mean besides my house.  That obviously isn’t working, even with the crown.

When we were kids there was always the “Land of Dairy Queen” commercial on.  We would all stop whatever we were doing and oooo and ahhhh over the wonderful treats.  If I were to be a queen, I would think that would be my kind of place to rule.  People would be free to eat whatever they wanted and none of it would make them gain any weight.  No tricks, and no Oompa Loompas, because they really creep me out.

Sadly I could not find an image from that wonderful commercial. However, I will post this delicious image that has me drooling all over my laptop instead. Did I eat lunch today?

Or maybe I’d be more at home ruling a place like Naboo.  Not sure I’d like the headwear-some of it looks pretty heavy.  But she had a REALLY cool ship.

Hey, I didn’t know Queen Amidala had a cat! Cat Amidala…

Most of the Disney queens were evil, the famous ones anyway.  Ever notice that?  Noone cares about the non evil ones.

Oh come on, even the queen has to go sometime… What a very functional throne! I think I may request one.

What would I do as queen?  I’m glad you asked! Even if you didn’t, I’m going to tell you anyway.  Naptime in my kingdom would be mandatory.  EVERYONE must nap!  I would require a constant supply of Diet Sunkist Lemonade, because if the queen ain’t happy…  Walks would also be mandatory. My royal subjects must walk with me and keep a consistent pace, or risk banishment from the kingdom.  Football would only be viewed in the dungeon (our basement kind of resembles a dungeon, I could sooooo put a TV down there).  My castle would be automated, it would be like Fantasia except with better results.  I’d have a washer that retrieves the dirty laundry, loads itself, washes it, and then would load the dryer.  The dryer would dry the laundry AND fold it.  It would be really, really cool.  And the rest of the house would follow suit.  My favorite part of course would be the self cleaning toilet.  A self-cleaning castle.  How nice!  I really COULD lay around and eat bon bons all day.  I’ve never had a bon bon.  I’m thinking it would be something like a dark chocolate kiss on crack.

Sorry… I really must be hungry.  There goes my mind wandering again.  What was I talking about?  Ah yes…

The dress in my kingdom would be casual.  None of that fancy frou frou princessy stuff, except the crown.  This Queen shops at Eddie Bauer (the clearance rack) and Bass Pro.  No really, I do!  And we’d eat pasta.  LOTS of pasta. Because I really, really like pasta.  And veggie pizza with whole wheat crust.  Of course I wouldn’t have to make any of it.  The oven would do that, because remember it’s an automated castle.  And everyone will eat it and LIKE IT!  Or else they can take another mandatory nap.  There will be dessert every night, some sort of chocolate or ice cream related dessert, and it will have no calories because I said so.  That won’t matter anyway.  Since I will be Queen I will get to have a gym membership again, except that it will be MY gym.  Complete with a personal trainer who looks like Thor.  Oh heck, why not two personal trainers, the other one can look like Tony Stark.  Oh yes, and my carriage shall be a purple prius with a trunk that goes on forever.  That way I can go to Pier 1 and be able to put furniture in it.  And I won’t flush my keys down the toilet while I’m there.

No I meant without the suits. No they’d still be wearing clothes. I mean, oh never mind…

One final thing, no one shall interrupt the Queen on her phone…  that could quite possibly result in me yelling “OFF WITH HER HEAD!”

What would you do if you were Queen or King?  Come on over, I’m sure my daughter would gladly make you a crown.  Except you may have to supply your own jewels, I’m all out!

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