Facebook Envy (Like Penis Envy, Except Different)

Due to my indecisiveness, I missed entering the Crappy Pictures Contest!  All I had to do was leave a short story about my kids as a comment on her blog, but I couldn’t decide which one was best.  My kids are funny, they say and do funny things, right?  I wanted to have my story CRAPPIFIED!   I am very sad.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

For those of you who don’t know, Parenting, Illustrated With Crappy Pictures is a blog by a very funny lady.  She draws pictures using some sort of fancy schmancy computer thingie that I don’t actually know anything about.  She has two children, and they say and do some pretty funny things, as most children do because they are children.  I have a link on here if you want to view it-it makes me LOL quite frequently.  I’d add a link on this post, but I can’t quite figure out how to do that.

I was introduced to this blog through Facebook, of course.  It started with the hypnotic eye of Target. Why yes, that is a perfectly plausible explanation as to why you buy so much crap there.  I liked it.  And then it started showing up on my Facebook feed, like magic.  I love the fact that you can like something on there and it will keep coming back for you.  I wish chocolate would do that…

Facebook has changed the way I do a lot of things.  My mom convinced me to sign up for it when my daughter was a wee baby.  I was skeptical.  Then I realized it was like the bulletin boards we used to use in college to communicate with other college students, only much much better.  You know, on one of those huge computers we had back in the early 90s.  Part of the lure of Lord Valdemort College was the fact that we all got a brand new computer in our rooms that we could take with us when we graduated.  You couldn’t actually see pictures on it or anything, but you could get on Telnet and talk to people.  I thought I was the coolest…

I was cool. I had one of these in college.

I have friends all over the place due to moving frequently.  As time went on Facebook, I was able to connect with most of my friends from Florida.  That was very neat.  I’ve also been able to catch up with friends from high school and college.  And of course my family is quite spread out, so I talk to them too.  As a matter of fact, I get in trouble if I don’t post many pictures of my kids-they yell at me.

Ah Facebook, and the internet.  Now that I have a lot of time on my hands, I spend waaaaaaaaay too much time on there.

Things have changed a lot in the last few years.  I remember when we actually had to pick up a phone and call each individual person when we got some good news.  Now you can just post it on Facebook.  Or if you’re one of those people who “Tweet” you can do that to all of your friends.  Or send a mass text message.  Everything is instantaneous.  There have been several times recently when my husband and I have had something happen that was funny, and we have said, “There’s my next Facebook status!”  And then opened up the laptop and shared it.

If you wanted to share something in the “olden days”, you had to actually “dial” the phone numbers on a DIAL! Talk about time consuming! Sharing news with multiple people would take forever!

(Speaking of a phone with a cord, I got out my old red pushbutton phone that I bought at Kmart years ago.  It matched my bedspread.  The kids thought it was one of the coolest things in the house to play with.)

Facebook can be good, and it can be bad.  I must admit that I have succumbed to a case of “Facebook Envy” many times in the last couple of years.  What is Facebook Envy, you ask?  It’s when you beat yourself up about how other people’s lives seem way cooler than yours.  Although I thought I coined the term, I looked it up and found it on Google, so I guess it’s a real thing.  Darn it.

That’s the thing about Facebook.  Unlike reality tv, you choose what people see.  There’s no camera following you into the bathroom or bedroom or anyplace else unless YOU choose it to.  So you can make your life look as awesome as possible and people like me  go, “Wow, I must REALLY suck!”

So I have seen people move to beautiful houses, go on lovely vacations to exotic destinations, successfully lose weight, run marathons, go back to school, get great jobs, get promotions, have babies, yada, yada, yada.  I have lost two jobs, gained weight, can’t afford a vacation, and would like to move so my husband doesn’t have to drive so much.  I saw people at my 20th class reunion, only I wasn’t there.  I saw the pictures later.  I stayed home and watched Ghost Rider.  I guess I just didn’t want to spend a night comparing myself to everyone else and what they have accomplished.

What I have to tell myself is that what I am not seeing on there is all of the other stuff that people are probably smart enough not to share.  Stuff like the case of herpes contracted while on that wonderful vacation, that it takes major diet pills to lose all that weight, or the fact that the job looks great but it’s one of three jobs just to afford that luxurious car.  I myself didn’t always have that sense, and still don’t sometimes.  I have gotten myself in trouble a few times with Evil Genius for sharing too much.  Sometimes you just gotta vent.  Other times you just want people to know how stupid you are, like when I was viciously attacked by my basement steps.  Sometimes you just need an opinion-and I’m figuring out that when you ask for other people’s opinions you’re often going to get stuff offered that you don’t want to hear.  Like how many times now have I been told I need to do childcare in my home, and how many times I have politely reminded people that I DON’T HAVE ROOM IN MY LITTLE HOUSE (adding on is not an option, nor is using the death trap we call the garage).  I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut when I have to, and then there have been a few times when I’ve posted something and then gone back and deleted it.  I can’t even say it was anything too exciting.  No wild naked parties in my life, not that I’m wanting that…

Well said…

Have I stopped getting on Facebook?  No.  But I do have to stop and think a lot.  Remind myself that there is always going to be someone luckier, cooler, taller, thinner, funnier, and more messed up than I ever will be.

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4 thoughts on “Facebook Envy (Like Penis Envy, Except Different)

  1. Pingback: Theme Thursday: What I Did Not Do On My Summer Vacation | The Sadder But Wiser Girl

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