This actually happened last week while I was dying. As a matter of fact, SO much stuff has happened lately that I could probably write a pretty thick novel…
It was inevitable. Sooner or later, she was gonna crack.
I’ve been sick. Not just the sniffles but some sort of stomach thing that I can’t even eat saltines without feeling lousy. Which is too bad, because I LOVE saltines. My kids have been as good as gold for the first two days of this thing, but as it drags on longer and longer there was no doubt in my mind that my daughter was going to revert to her normal devious ways.
Now remember, we have the potty issues. Not today, she actually pooped on the potty like a good girl without a fight. This was AFTER we spent time in the bathroom removing the remaining streaks of poop from all bathroom surfaces from the first day I was sick (when I was truly not even able to get off the couch). She cleaned it all up like a trooper. This was when I started feeling woozy and had to head for the couch and my big glass of water. Not too long afterwards she went #2, and invited me up to see. I went up, investigated, and started back downstairs, saying, “I suppose you can have a Hershey’s kiss for that.”
“How about a Hershey’s nugget?” She hollered. I had bought nuggets instead of almond kisses for myself. I convinced myself that I got an extra ounce for the price-12 oz for $2.50 instead of 11 oz. They are ok, but sickeningly sweet. I opened the big glass pumpkin and grabbed a nugget, which was probably a good choice since we were almost out of the kisses. As in my husband’s caramel kisses, which lasted about two days. Don’t mess with his caramel kisses! I put it on the table for her and went back to the couch.
She came down, saw the nugget, and turned to me, “I want a Hershey’s kiss.” Seriously kid?
“No, eat the nugget.” Did you know those are the very words that cause a child to morph into a demon?
She does this to us CONSTANTLY. She will change her mind seventy three times a day. I just get tired of it. We started putting our foot down a while ago, because we’re trying to get her to stop doing this. If you think I’m being petty, that’s your opinion. You don’t have to live with her. I’m not sure which age has been the most interesting to deal with-the terrible twos, the trying threes, or the frustrating fours.
“I want a kiss.” she said snottily. “NO.” I said firmly. She continued to yell at me. This stretched into several minutes of her screaming and crying. At one point she threw the nugget. I grabbed it and took it away, partly because she had thrown it, partly because I didn’t want the dog eating it. I told her not once, but several times that she could either live with it or go to her room until she calmed down.
The screaming and crying dissipated, but after a time she walked up to me and said her meanest voice: “If you EVER give me a Hershey’s nugget again, I will get rid of you FOREVER!”
My literary contribution to this story is that right then I flashed to the scene from “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory” (that’s also a book by Roald Dahl, by the way, which is why I mentioned “literary”). I pictured Veruca Salt, right before she falls into the chocolate river. I don’t have any rivers of chocolate in my house as punishment, so I did the next best thing. I carried her back up to her room and closed the door. After a time, the screaming stopped, the door was opened and she decided to be civil even without chocolate.
I have to say that although I am a girl and I lived with one as a sister, I’m rather unprepared for the drama that comes with this one. I hear it’s only going to get worse…
PS-I don’t think a chocolate river would be punishment to me. I’d give almost anything to be immersed in chocolate, except on that particular day when the very thought of chocolate made me want to hurl. I must have really been sick!