December Secret Subject Swap: An Autobiography According To Ms Sadder But Wiser

Welcome to the December Secret Subject Swap! 15 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.

My subject is “The title of my autobiography so far and why.” It was submitted by http://www.mommyunmuted.com/ Here goes:

So I decided to do this secret subject swap. I have time, I have all kinds of time, right? I want to be a writer and paid blogger someday, so this is great practice. I figured I’d sit right down and just type it all right out in a half an hour because after all, the ideas usually come out like crazy. And the topic was perfect: What would the title of my autobiography so far be and why?

This was not the case because life intervened. Due to extreme conditions of many kinds including illness, getting ready for Christmas on a cabbage patch kid’s shoestring budget, and my own extreme procrastination, my normally free flowing idea diarrhea was stopped up into a full blown case of brain constipation (I need to copyright those words). Don’t get me wrong, this was a fabulous topic-I just read too much into everything as usual. Because that’s what I do. ADD and Anxiety strike again. I should really look into getting those classified as some sort of superpowers.

So I did the following to try to deal with it:

I stared at my computer

There's two of them in my house. It makes life interesting.

I made the men write out equations.

I drank coffee.

I hid.

I even stood on my head, my daughter joined me.

I finally decided that my real autobiography would be pretty boring. No wonder I was having trouble trying to figure out the title! If I had perhaps developed some lifesaving vaccine, invented the post-it note, swam the English Channel, and gained superpowers, maybe it would be worth a read. Maybe if Ellen really WOULD call me and invite me on her show, if I wrote a best selling fantasy novel (damn you J.K. Rowling!), if I got to travel the world, even if I just got to go back to school, that would be interesting.

Would anyone really want to read my life story of dealing with ADD, Anxiety, rejection, job loss, my marriage to an evil genius, raising two quirky yet adorable children, all written with a weird twisted sense of humor? That I spent more than ten years of my life changing diapers? That I am not allowed to have any portion of my body naked for more than five seconds without the little people needing me? That in another few weeks no one will be able to find my house at all with all of the artwork everywhere?

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyy, wait a minute, that’s what I write about on my blog EVERY DAY! And over four people read every post too. Maybe this is possible to come up with after all. So exactly 12 hours before I had to post it came to me, the title I had been seeking for weeks finally came to me:

“The Poop of My Life: How It Really Stunk But Everything Came Out Ok”.

Of course it had to have the word poop in it somewhere! I just wouldn’t think it would be something about me without some reference to feces. This is assuming that every is going to come out ok at the beginning of this next year (I have hope), that the world really isn’t going to end (I have my doubts), that I will finally find gainful employment (I have doubtful hope), perhaps even doing something I love like writing (hint hint, prospective blogger hirers). Now if I could only figure out what the cover would look like!

So if you were writing your own autobiography, what would YOU call it? Trust me, it’s not as easy to come up with as you might think!