Welcome to the December Secret Subject Swap! 15 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.
My subject is “The title of my autobiography so far and why.” It was submitted by http://www.mommyunmuted.com/ Here goes:
So I decided to do this secret subject swap. I have time, I have all kinds of time, right? I want to be a writer and paid blogger someday, so this is great practice. I figured I’d sit right down and just type it all right out in a half an hour because after all, the ideas usually come out like crazy. And the topic was perfect: What would the title of my autobiography so far be and why?
This was not the case because life intervened. Due to extreme conditions of many kinds including illness, getting ready for Christmas on a cabbage patch kid’s shoestring budget, and my own extreme procrastination, my normally free flowing idea diarrhea was stopped up into a full blown case of brain constipation (I need to copyright those words). Don’t get me wrong, this was a fabulous topic-I just read too much into everything as usual. Because that’s what I do. ADD and Anxiety strike again. I should really look into getting those classified as some sort of superpowers.
So I did the following to try to deal with it:
I stared at my computer
I made the men write out equations.
I drank coffee.
I hid.
I even stood on my head, my daughter joined me.
I finally decided that my real autobiography would be pretty boring. No wonder I was having trouble trying to figure out the title! If I had perhaps developed some lifesaving vaccine, invented the post-it note, swam the English Channel, and gained superpowers, maybe it would be worth a read. Maybe if Ellen really WOULD call me and invite me on her show, if I wrote a best selling fantasy novel (damn you J.K. Rowling!), if I got to travel the world, even if I just got to go back to school, that would be interesting.
Would anyone really want to read my life story of dealing with ADD, Anxiety, rejection, job loss, my marriage to an evil genius, raising two quirky yet adorable children, all written with a weird twisted sense of humor? That I spent more than ten years of my life changing diapers? That I am not allowed to have any portion of my body naked for more than five seconds without the little people needing me? That in another few weeks no one will be able to find my house at all with all of the artwork everywhere?
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyy, wait a minute, that’s what I write about on my blog EVERY DAY! And over four people read every post too. Maybe this is possible to come up with after all. So exactly 12 hours before I had to post it came to me, the title I had been seeking for weeks finally came to me:
“The Poop of My Life: How It Really Stunk But Everything Came Out Ok”.
Of course it had to have the word poop in it somewhere! I just wouldn’t think it would be something about me without some reference to feces. This is assuming that every is going to come out ok at the beginning of this next year (I have hope), that the world really isn’t going to end (I have my doubts), that I will finally find gainful employment (I have doubtful hope), perhaps even doing something I love like writing (hint hint, prospective blogger hirers). Now if I could only figure out what the cover would look like!
So if you were writing your own autobiography, what would YOU call it? Trust me, it’s not as easy to come up with as you might think!
I never claimed to be a lady.
Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts. Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there!
http://www.BakingInATornado.com
http://www.cassandrazcorner.blogspot.com
http://mooreorganizedmayhem.blogspot.com/
http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com
http://macdonaldsplayland.blogspot.com/
http://menopausalmother.blogspot.com/
http://www.hungrylittlegirl.com
http://rushingforbagels.blogspot.com/
http://www.3monkeysandamartini.com
The Sadder But Wiser Girl 
That’s nice but I’ll skip the cat butt coffee!!!
AWESOME job with your subject!!!!
I find it more than a little funny that we both have poop in our posts… LOL
I’m hoping to have time to read all of them. I have one million things to do before our family Christmas tomorrow! I’m looking forward to reading “your” poop! 😀
OMG…that is an awesome post babe…I would totally buy your autobiography.
Oh there’s two copies sold! One to you and one to Menopausal Mother. Plus my mom that makes three! 😀 Glad you enjoyed it!
You did such a great job with this prompt. I love how much your pictures add to the funny!
I tried to reply once before and the computer locked up on me. Let’s try again. I left the house after posting and started to worry about the post. What if people took it the wrong way? I need to stop doing that. I wanted to be honest about my brain constipation. I’m just so glad it came to me! I was really starting to sweat about it yesterday.
LOL – Yes, I think it would be challenging to come up with a title for an autobiography. And, much like you, every time I have a brilliant writing epiphany – my children need something and *poof* muse runs away. And I’m left with…um…er….damn. It would have been FANTASTIC if I could freakin remember it!
My life is a series of unfinished thoughts and ideas. Mostly due to my children. Some are just plain my own fault.
haha!! That’s great! I’m pretty sure every mom can relate to that title!!!
🙂
What a fun idea! I love the idea of a subject swap.
Karen at Baking in a Tornado is the lady to get a hold of!
I love her. She is my friend. 😀
I love her too. She IS awesome!
🙂
OMG this is freakin’ HULarious! I love the pics—“hiding” had me laughing so hard–that’s what I do whenever someone rings the doorbell and I’m just not in the mood to talk. Another funny thing—I talk a lot about poop in my blog too, and I’m not even changing diapers anymore–well, only when my granddaughter visits. You crack me up–I’d buy the story of your life if you wrote it!!
Everybody poops, ya know. I wonder why I never bought that book? I’ll put you down for one copy. That means I’ll sell two, one to you and one to my mom.
This was an excellent post. I started following because I think there’s a good chance we could be long lost sisters. (ADD, anxiety, writing at the last minute..)
My kids are older so I don’t talk about poop a lot, but I DO have three boys (counting the husband.) I’m ALWAYS talking about pee and how it never quite makes it into the toilet. TMI for my first comment? I hope not!
There are very few subjects that are TMI in my world! Thanks for following (and appreciating my infinite weirdness.)
Hahaha, your brain was just saving a really good title for the last minute is all! 😉 Too funny. I especially like the bit about having “doubtful hope” for employment in the coming year. Don’t worry, you are a great writer – you’ll get work. 😀
Thank you for saying that, I really needed to hear that today! 🙂
you are so funny! brain constipation! too funny! pictures ; hilarious 🙂 btw, I haven’t read ur posts lately, not because I forgot about it but because in this house it’s been a mess (very long week) & I start writing a post, I stop, write again, stop … never get to finish them because there’s always something here! 🙂
We have had a fairly crazy week here too. I’m way behind on my reading on other blogs as well. After today I should have some time to get caught up!