Ooooooh Those Christmas Eyes!

We had our family Christmas on my side early this year due to my aunt and uncle’s 50th wedding anniversary party.  Since we live a couple of hours away, it just made sense to get together while we were there and do our gift exchange at my Mom and Dad’s house.  Christmas is pretty big in my family.  Though we pretty much like all of the holidays, Christmas is especially fun to get ready for.  With all of the decorating and other stuff that takes place this time of year, it means a bit of a buildup to the big day.

scan0015

The little one on the left end is my little sister (my cousin is the one in the pink, and I am the one with the messy hair, go figure).  As you can see she is a bit excited.  She has what we refer to in our family as “The Christmas eyes”.  All of the excitement about the holiday builds up until the big day, and by then she was almost literally about to explode.  I regret that I don’t have the best picture of all-we seriously have one of her looking like she is going to pop.

I’m not saying that I wasn’t excited too!  But for some reason she just had a harder time containing it.  My dad would, and still does take advantage of this.  It was quite funny to make her squirm.  “We can open presents after we wash all the dishes, dry them, and put them away.”  “We all need to sit around and think about the Christmas spirit.  For a few hours.”  My sister is now a grown-up.  She still loves Christmas, but now she has a toddler to chase around and has less time to worry about when we’re going to open presents.  But never fear, because we now have a brand new set of Christmas eyes in our family:

Princess Christmas this weekend at the family Christmas.

Princess Christmas this weekend at the family Christmas.

I do believe she is being told we have to sit around and think about the Christmas spirit.  She really did just about explode.  Meanwhile…

One present.  He's happy.

One present. He’s happy.

Yeah, he could care less.  Yet don’t think for a minute that he doesn’t notice stuff.  Last year somehow he figured out that his sister got more than him.  The dollar amount was the same, but the physical amount was tipped a little in her favor.  This year it went more his way with many cool science and building things.

They held these almost all the way home.  It's almost a two and a half hour drive.

They held these almost all the way home. It’s almost a two and a half hour drive.

Do you have someone in your family that can barely contain his or her excitement?  Do you have another family member that likes to take advantage of that fact?  I’d love to hear your stories!

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Excellently Weird Gifts Just In Time For the Giving

You’re running out of time.  You actually HAVE money and want to buy Christmas gifts (or you think the gifts on my last post suck).  What the heck are you going to give that special someone in your life? You don’t want to wait until the last minute just to run to the gas station and steal toilet seat covers or pick up a couple of cans of soda!  Never fear, because I have spent countless hours scouring the internet, trying to find you the very best Christmas ideas.  These are actual things, because you can’t make this stuff up!  I even included links to make it THAT MUCH EASIER TO BUY THIS STUFF!!!!  Check it out:

pickleYodeling Pickle-I feel that my house is just not complete without one of these, don’t you?

hand soap

Hand Soap-Well it is for your hands.  And you could hand it to whomever you are told to give a hand to.  The possibilities here are endless…

inflatable-twisterInflatable Twister-An inflatable version?  Hmmmm… could be fun.

Moose-Poop-EarringsMoose Poop Earrings-Believe it or not, you can also get them with rhinestones in them.

fundies

Fundies-Because underwear for one isn’t enough?

unicorn horn for catsCat unicorn horn-Yeah, that’s the one thing that cats want is to be a unicorn. The cat looks so amused…

picklesoapPickle Soap-I guess if you like yodeling pickles…

beer apronBeer Belt-I don’t drink beer, but I know people who would appreciate this.  A lot.

pee and poo

Pee and Poo-Yeah you saw that right.  They can have many adventures together.

Toast-Bandages

Toast bandages-For that special person who tends to get injured, and who likes to wear toast.

Don’t worry, if you didn’t find the perfect gift there are many more resources out there to help you.  These bloggers have made their own lists.

Someone have a little one or needs ideas for baby or Mommy to be Christmas gifts?  Here is a comprehensive list from Scary Mommy.  I regret that I cannot give anyone a placenta bag this year.  Unforgettable Baby Gifts From Etsy

Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva does not disappoint.  Her third annual list includes among other things, bacon soda and beard hats.  Because what else would you wear while drinking a bacon soda?  3rd Annual Horrible Gifts for the Holidays

Luci at My Life As Lucille knows what you don’t need.  But I think the wine bra could come in useful. It could go with the beer apron.  Useless Crap No One Will Know You Want or Need

Keep this in mind, if nothing works out, I’m sure you can give out LINTIES!

Linties!  Get them while the dryer's warm!

Linties! Get them while the dryer’s warm!

Delicious Evil Lurks In the Downstairs Freezer

cat baker

It’s probably a good thing that I don’t have a cat that’s interested in my baking. Oh there is just so much to do yet!

Today I have got to get things done.  Baking.  Making.  Wrapping.  As it is I am terribly guilty of crimes against house maintenance.  On top of that we are currently in the the throes of post holiday mess.  Only it’s not the holiday yet.  So not only do we have that, we have the pre holiday mess AND the post holiday mess.

Confused?

We did my side of the family’s Christmas early this past weekend due to another family gathering the same weekend.  It just made sense.  So now the kids have all of their presents from one end of the house to other, I have bags yet to unpack, laundry trying to overtake us, and my own holiday-type  things that I still need to get done before this next weekend.

AND there’s the threat that we’ve been hearing all month, that my in laws may come.  We’ve heard this before.  Somehow it never happens.  We came to the conclusion that they only come for two things:  when we have a baby and when someone graduates.  I’m no planning on having any more kids, and unless I get very lucky by finding an anonymous donor to send me back to school, no one is graduating in this house for many years.  So maybe I’m safe.  Though this year is a little unique due to the fact that we didn’t go to their house for any sort of Christmas thing.  We were planning on it, then us terrible people had to go and get sick.  Germs are not allowed in their house, so the kids and I went to my parents and Evil Genius stayed home and prayed to either get better or die.  He got better, thank goodness.

I ended up with nothing but holiday chocolate chip cookies from all of that baking that I had planned to do last week.  Princess Christmas helped, and the cookies looked and tasted pretty good.  The red and green chocolate chips were a nice touch.  I used the Nestle Tollhouse recipe on the back of the bag.

Princess Christmas takes great care to add chocolate chips to the cookies.

Princess Christmas takes great care to add chocolate chips to the cookies.

What was taking her so long?  She was trying to make a face on every single cookie.

What was taking her so long? She was trying to make a face on every single cookie.

There are other things I wanted to make, but as of yet I haven’t gotten back to them.  The pretzels still don’t have any chocolate on them, though last night Evil Genius showed me how to make a double boiler.  I had read about it, but just couldn’t picture it in my head.  I’m going to have to get on it, because all of the cookies in the pictures were eaten while we were gone.  Yes, he ate two dozen cookies.  I hid the last four that were left.

The PMS that plagued me during Thanksgiving is back for this holiday as well, so naturally I’m eating everything in sight and feeling very badly about it.  Not getting much opportunity to exercise the last few days has me saying in my best King Julian voice “I have the flabby flab.”  The night we returned from my parents I ate an entire baggie of my cousin’s homemade peppermint bark.  This morning I had the breakfast of champions-turtles.  I had no little eyes to witness it, therefore I could get away with it.  Now the bark and the turtles are gone, I’m safe, right?

Nooooo.  He had to do it.  He just had to.  He has been threatening me with an evil and heinous act for a couple of weeks now, and finally followed through.  He even had two little minions to help him carry his plan out.  Yes, there is delicious and festive looking evil in my basement freezer.  A double batch.

Evil Peanut Butter Bars!

Evil Peanut Butter Bars!  At least they look festive.

If it weren’t for these, I sometimes wonder if he would ever speak to his family.  I swear he only speaks to his Mom sometimes to get this recipe.  And her noodle recipe.  And her striped delight recipe.  While he was making these, I typed up the recipe so he wouldn’t have to call next time.

evil peanut butter bars

As you can see, my scanning skills are only subpar.

RECIPE UPDATE:  I was asked to add the steps on how actually to bake these.  Mix all ingredients together except chocolate.  Press into 13 x 9 baking dish.  Melt chocolate in double boiler.  Put chocolate on top of ingredients in pan.  Add sprinkles to make festive if desired.  Refrigerate or freeze.  Now you try resisting them!

So today I have cleaning to do, laundry to do, baking to do, and on top of all that I must resist the call from the basement.  At least I would have to walk down stairs to get to them.  Thank goodness the upstairs freezer was full!

Gift Ideas for Broke Folks, Part I (Maybe)

We know what the Christmas season is all about.  I fully embrace the idea that Christmas is NOT about the gifts.  I like to give, however, and some years it is much easier than others to be able to afford to spoil everyone on your list.  Ok, for the record I have never “spoiled” anyone, but I try to find fun stuff for my kids and the folks in my life.  If your year has been anything like mine, you’ve considered relegating to giving gifts made of twist ties, toilet paper rolls, and/or dryer lint in order to have something to give.  Several times this year I have exclaimed “SHINY PENNIES for EVERYONE!” because the Christmas budget is bare.

Linties!  Get them while the dryer's warm!

Linties! Get them while the dryer’s warm!

I had delusions of successful baking for some people, as well as made some gifts that were not edible things that turned out much better.  There are real things that you can make that don’t cost very much, and are NOT made of lint (thank goodness).  Some are even fun for you, because not only do you get the pleasure of making things for others, sometimes you get the fun of emptying the contents of the containers you need to use.  I thought I’d share a few.  Keep in mind that I in no way consider myself an expert in this kind of thing!

For Grown-ups (or People Who Are Over the Age of 21 Whether or Not They Actually Acknowledge They Are Said “Grown-Up” or “Adult”)

Homemade wine bottle lamp.

Homemade wine bottle lamp.

Wine bottle lights-I saw one of these at a friend’s house years ago.  I loved it. Apparently there is a place near here that you can pay to have one made.  I’ve been hinting like crazy for one and have yet to get one.  So I started making my own.  Since I like to drink wine it was SUCH a hardship to drink wine to make one!  This year I made two of them for gifts and am working on a larger one, but I need the right size string of lights.  The ones I made I used the 20 count string of lights.  And I cheated a bit-you’re really supposed to drill a hole in the back to string the lights in.  However, while I found the right stuff at a close out sale, I realize that my drill bits weren’t big enough anyway.  I went back to the drawing board and came up with this idea.  I save the corks to make artwork out of, so I took the cork, cut a little out of the back, and then ran the cord through the groove I made and pounded the cork in.  They turned out really cool!  One more hint if you decide to attempt this-make sure the lights you purchase aren’t the kind with a plug on each end!

Dry Erase Board and Calendar from my house

Dry Erase Board and Calendar from my house

Dry Erase Boards and Calendars-I’ve made some of these for my house and I love them.  You can use an old picture frame or buy an inexpensive one.  All you need for the background is scrapbook paper, and if you want to put a calendar in it there are many free ones you can download from the internet.  They look so cool and cost a fraction of the price of the ones you see in the stores!

Stuff for the Kiddos

IMG_1525

Sparkle bottles-A friend had some of these in her classroom.  I thought they were store bought.  I’ve always made these for my preschool classrooms, but they were very obviously homemade.  The trick is finding a really neat looking bottle.  She made hers out of Fuze brand bottles.  Since then I have been ingesting my share of Fuze whenever someone is having a baby or we have a little one needing a fun gift at Christmastime.  There’s nothing complicated about it and my daughter still plays with hers to this day.  You can use just water and food coloring as my friend did, or you can add glitter, confetti, beads, toys, the list is endless.  I’ve customized them to match room themes and one baby that was due around the 4th of July got one with red, white, and blue stars in it.  The big thing is making sure that you 1) wash them out beforehand and 2) superglue the lid shut.

I Spy Bottle

I Spy Bottle

I Spy bottles:  This one I attempted this year and is being put away for a future gift, mainly because I ran out of superglue.  It’s the same idea as the sparkle bottle, but I used colored sand that they sell at Hobby Lobby for very little.  The sand is mixed with glitter and then poured to fill the bottle up partway, and then it is filled the rest of the way with little toys, beads, and other found objects.  This could all change depending on your audience.  If I had more money I would have bought all different colors of sand and made a whole slew of bottles!  The picture above doesn’t do it justice.  This bottle has everything from foam snowflakes to metal peace symbols to a lego guy in it.  NEAT-OH!

It looks ok... I think it looks like dirty snow, with glitter.

Homemade play-doh.

Homemade play-doh-I’ve made this for my kids before and this year I made some to give to my nephew.  There are lots of recipes out there!  I made him three different little Christmas themed containers full:  Sparkly green play-doh, sparkly snow dough, and candy cane play-doh.  All were peppermint scented.  I also included some super duper holiday themed cookie cutters.  I was bummed that I could not find a snowflake cookie cutter to go with the snowy play-doh, but I did find a snowman one!

Other stuff I’ve done that I don’t feel like taking up any more memory on my blog account by taking pictures:  Every year I make photo calendars for my folks.  I have done them many different ways, including using programs on my printer and using TONS of ink to print out whole calendar pages, as well as ordering pictures and using scrapbook paper and a printed calendar.  I’ve made lots of pretty magnets in my day out of a variety of materials plus a strong magnet for the back.  I have made scrapbooks for people-my favorite gift that I ever made was the year I made a scrapbook for my husband of the team he coached.  I have written out recipes on pretty recipe cards.  I’ve made little kits of stuff too.  It just depends on who you have to gift too and what they like.  Some people are harder than others to make things for!

If you’re struggling with gift ideas and/or funds for Christmas, I hope this helps at least a little.  If not, you know where to find me to complain!  ;-D

DISCLAIMER:  If you have a husband like I do be prepared to be made fun of.  My husband teases me because he doesn’t get that you can make gifts for people and they often will like them better than any store bought gift.  I think it’s a guy thing (I mean, guys making things?  Come on!).  But honey, if you tried to make me something, the thought of you taking the time to make me something and presenting it to me for Christmas would be just the best darn tootin’ thing ever.  Except Peanut Butter Bars.  They are made of crack.

End of the Week Hoedown

Why did I call it a Hoedown?  My husband sent me a link to a whole half hour of Whose Line Is It Anyway “Scenes From A Hat”!  Love that show.  For some reason I now have the hoedown music in my head. So here is how the week unfolded.

funny-cat-attacking-Santa-ClausMONDAYFive Christmas Wishes.  I got tagged and had to tag people to do this awesome little ditty.  Just five little wishes for Christmas.  I thought it was fun! I also submitted my info in for Atlantamotherofthree’s Fitness Challenge.

IMG_1245TUESDAYWho Gives A Hoot About The Inn, Our Manger Has a Hot Tub!  My daughter once again displays her artistic talent and odd way of looking at the Christmas story

couchWEDNESDAYPrevious Terrible Attempts at Humorous Poetry (And it Does Have A Christmas Reference in it)  I was so sick that I figured I had better take the day off, yet ended up putting just as much work into a reblog post then a new one.  OH WELL!

IMG_1475THURSDAYOne Starship Captain, A Cat, And Some Fish Get Hung On A Tree (Among Other Things)

audreyFRIDAY-Secret Subject Swap!  An Autobiography According To Ms Sadder But Wiser

SATURDAY-We’re doing our family Christmas, so that’s it for this week.  🙂  Stay tuned for new stuff early next week!

The best of this week:

My Life And Kids-The My Life and Kids Christmas Letter (No One Will Be Receiving).  ROFLMAO!  There’s a reason why I don’t do a whole letter.  People are going to be lucky to receive a card at all from us this year!

Miss Banana Pants-Jesus vs Santa…We Choose Both  She gets bonus points for having the best holiday picture ever!

It’s A Dome Life-I ReWrite An REO Speedwagon Song  So great to know that other people in the world also possess the recessive gene!  80s veterans must read this!

And just the Secret Subject Swap in general.  I admit between everything that happened at the end of the week and feverishly trying to get ready for the family Christmas, I only got to read a couple.  I’m hoping to sit down and enjoy all of them later this weekend.  For now, I’m off to do other things.  Happy reading!

December Secret Subject Swap: An Autobiography According To Ms Sadder But Wiser

Welcome to the December Secret Subject Swap! 15 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.

My subject is “The title of my autobiography so far and why.”  It was submitted by http://www.mommyunmuted.com/   Here goes:

So I decided to do this secret subject swap.  I have time, I have all kinds of time, right?  I want to be a writer and paid blogger someday, so this is great practice.  I figured I’d sit right down and just type it all right out in a half an hour because after all, the ideas usually come out like crazy.  And the topic was perfect:  What would the title of my autobiography so far be and why?

This was not the case because life intervened.  Due to extreme conditions of many kinds including illness, getting ready for Christmas on a cabbage patch kid’s shoestring budget, and my own extreme procrastination, my normally free flowing idea diarrhea was stopped up into a full blown case of brain constipation (I need to copyright those words).  Don’t get me wrong, this was a fabulous topic-I just read too much into everything as usual.  Because that’s what I do.  ADD and Anxiety strike again.  I should really look into getting those classified as some sort of superpowers.

So I did the following to try to deal with it:

Welcome to my blog

I stared at my computer

There's two of them in my house.  It makes life interesting.

I made the men write out equations.

I drank coffee.

I drank coffee.

I hid.

I hid.

I even stood on my head, my daughter joined me.

I even stood on my head, my daughter joined me.

I finally decided that my real autobiography would be pretty boring.  No wonder I was having trouble trying to figure out the title!  If I had perhaps developed some lifesaving vaccine, invented the post-it note, swam the English Channel, and gained superpowers, maybe it would be worth a read. Maybe if Ellen really WOULD call me and invite me on her show, if I wrote a best selling fantasy novel (damn you J.K. Rowling!), if I got to travel the world, even if I just got to go back to school, that would be interesting.

Would anyone really want to read my life story of dealing with ADD, Anxiety, rejection, job loss, my marriage to an evil genius, raising two quirky yet adorable children, all written with a weird twisted sense of humor?   That I spent more than ten years of my life changing diapers?  That I am not allowed to have any portion of my body naked for more than five seconds without the little people needing me?  That in another few weeks no one will be able to find my house at all with all of the artwork everywhere?

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyy, wait a minute, that’s what I write about on my blog EVERY DAY!  And over four people read every post too.  Maybe this is possible to come up with after all.  So exactly 12 hours before I had to post it came to me, the title I had been seeking for weeks finally came to me:

“The Poop of My Life:  How It Really Stunk But Everything Came Out Ok”.

Of course it had to have the word poop in it somewhere!  I just wouldn’t think it would be something about me without some reference to feces.  This is assuming that every is going to come out ok at the beginning of this next year (I have hope), that the world really isn’t going to end (I have my doubts), that I will finally find gainful employment (I have doubtful hope), perhaps even doing something I love like writing (hint hint, prospective blogger hirers).  Now if I could only figure out what the cover would look like!

So if you were writing your own autobiography, what would YOU call it?  Trust me, it’s not as easy to come up with as you might think!

audrey

I never claimed to be a lady.

Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts.  Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there!

http://www.BakingInATornado.com

http://www.cassandrazcorner.blogspot.com

http://mooreorganizedmayhem.blogspot.com/

http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com

http://www.momaical.com

http://macdonaldsplayland.blogspot.com/

http://menopausalmother.blogspot.com/

http://dinoheromommy.com/

http://www.hungrylittlegirl.com

http://rushingforbagels.blogspot.com/

http://www.mommyunmuted.com

http://www.3monkeysandamartini.com

http://www.theadventuresofthefamilypants.com

http://www.loveartbaby.com/

One Starship Captain, A Cat, And Some Fish Get Hung On A Tree (Among Other Things)

The Mediocre Christmas Tree

The Mediocre Christmas Tree

We were a day late getting the tree up and decorated this year, mainly because we hosted Thanksgiving.  Now that’s not as glamorous as it sounds.  Really as soon as I typed that I pictured Pat Sajak and Vanna White standing in my living room.  Since I don’t have letters on my tree, they aren’t necessary.

BUT I DIGRESS.  Focus lady, focus.  I’m fighting some sort of mutated alien respiratory virus that’s sure to keep me sick for awhile.  It’s hard to concentrate under these conditions.

As the kids decorated the tree and then for the next two weeks continued to undecorate and redecorate it, I found it very interesting what ornaments they thought were neat and which ones they barely paid attention to.  I thought it would be cool to take a closer look at some of these ornaments and their story.  This past week I read that Three Monkeys and a Martini is having a contest.  A favorite Christmas tree contest.  At first I wasn’t really interested because I don’t consider my tree to be very awesome.  It’s not very big.  It’s fake-because I am ALLERGIC.  I really am!  Evil Genius doesn’t believe me.  I figured the trip to the ER here a few years back would have been the kicker.

It’s just a Mediocre tree, but it’s full of memories and stories and that’s what really counts.  The more I thought about it, I decided it would be good to do the contest after all as well as do this post.  So here are some of the things you’ll find on our tree:

Plastic icicles and snowflakes-Totally cheesy.  But we had the icicles as a kid and I always thought they were cool.  Mom and I were at a thrift store and they had some.  They do look very sparkly on the tree.  And they must look good under the easy chair because that is where I keep finding them, every stinking night.

Bride and Groom Snowpeople– My Mom made these for me for our first Christmas as a married couple.  Another one that my daughter will  not leave alone.  She thinks they are so cute!  As I took the picture, I see the groom is MIA.  Typical.

One Fish, Two Fish-I love Dr Seuss.  I think I need a Green Eggs and Ham to go with it, don’t you?

Captain Picard-I actually had more than one Star Trek guy once upon a time.  We also had the doctor from Voyager.  First he lost his arm and then was seriously maimed beyond recognition.  This was a joint effort between a toddler boy and a very evil kitty cat.  Now I think the Borg are after Picard-he keeps trying to get out of his little doorway.

Celestial-I have a thing for the heavens, and celestial stuff.  Not as much as I used to, I mean I used to have a whole celestial bathroom for pete’s sake.  it was kind of scary.  I’ve toned it down, saving my celestial stuff for a few places here and there.  I’m more into mandalas and stuff like that now.  I guess it’s part of my lifelong search for peace and zen.

Starbucks-Oh yeah, I have two.  Probably the cheapest thing I’ve ever bought there!

Ms Thing keeps a close eye on things.

Ms Thing keeps a close eye on things.

Dough Ornaments-We used to make a lot of ornaments out of dough that my mom would mix up for us when we were kids.  After they were baked, we would paint them.  Unfortunately, between humidity and kids they don’t last as long as I would like them to.  The one in the picture is one my mom made of our family recently.

Cat Ornaments-I used to have a lot of cat ornaments.  Now I don’t.  Most have disappeared or have been physically destroyed.  This time I’m looking at the black kitty, who is trying to be the alpha kitty in the household…

Recycled-My very favorites.  I am into that kind of stuff.  I used to work at Eddie Bauer, and they would always have these neat recycled ornaments.  A couple of years I bought some to give and some to keep.  One is recycled glass and the other is some sort of recycled metal (probably made from cans and then painted to look like its copper).

The tree in a raindrop (or is it a teardrop)??-My daughter thinks this is the most beautiful thing on the face of the planet.  It’s a plastic teardrop with a little silver christmas tree inside of it.  She has taken the tree out of the teardrop about 3,000 times since we put the tree up.  I had to hide it to keep it from her.  That’s because it’s very old.  I had to call my Mom to ask about that one because I wasn’t sure of the story.  It was my grandmothers and her mothers before that.  Now of course this is the one I really wanted to take a picture of it, and it is missing.  Again.

There are many other notable ornaments on my tree. Like the ornament I got my first year of teaching from one student who made me tear my hair out.  As crazy as he drove me, that kid could sing, and I convinced him to try out for a local music group.  He made it, and has been singing ever since.  There are ornaments from my childhood.  And many others that tell a story.  I really don’t want this post to take ten hours to read, do you?

There are a few things that you WILL NOT see on my tree.  Like anything breakable. If I had anything breakable it’s long gone.  Again due to Evil Kitty, my kids, and this year a dog with a big lethal tail.  Also I have yet to really have any ornaments made for me by my kids.  One is not inclined to do it, the other whisks her creations away to be found later.  And really only ONE Star Wars ornament, and it’s not a Death Star that lights up.  Some day I WILL HAVE ONE!

My tree may not be the grandest, but it is definitely our tree because we have made it our own.  Do you have any ornaments on your tree that are special?

Previous Terrible Attempts at Humorous Poetry (And it Does Have A Christmas Reference in it)

I used to do poetry on my blog, and the results were somewhat terrible but also a little humorous.  I’ve had this fresh in my mind because I have been trying to enter the Twelve Days of Haiku contest over on Ninja Mom.  You basically try to modernize “The Twelve Days of Christmas” in Haiku form.  Here I thought if I could write a haiku about Taco Time (yes I really did) that I could whip one up in no time flat.  Not so much-the results have been no less than terrible.  However, there have been some really great ones (in other words not mine) submitted, stop by her blog and check them out (in her comments).  And check out her blog too if you haven’t already-she rocks!

If you’ve been following my blog for a long time, you’ve already read this.  In other words it’s sort of a reblog but one that’s much improved.  This is one of my early posts when I barely knew how to use WordPress.  This is one of those posts that drives me CRAZY because the formatting is completely messed up in the original post. I actually sort of figured out how to fix this, which is very exciting!  If this is your first time reading this, I hope you like it-most Moms can relate!

Indiana Jones and The Evil Couch of Doom (AKA Crap I Found In My Couch)

Is it an eeeeevil couch?

Is it an eeeeevil couch?

Instead of going outside to play,
I decided to clean up my house today.
I took the vacuum and to my couch I went,
What a lot of time there I spent!

What to my wondering eyes should appear
Was no miniature sleigh, but three bottlecaps from beer
A treasure trove of things that belong to my kids
Such as seven different markers without any lids.

A miniature conditioner and shampoo,
A DS Game, A Leapster game, a rawhide chew
Black and white polka dotted underwear
Three socks, none of them a matching pair.

Barrettes and rubber bands, a brush for the cat
A blue colored pencil a red lego guy hat
Seven lite Brite pegs, a crayon, some sand
A Lego Luigi who just had one hand

A spoon, a coupon, five pens, some rocks
Cheerios, a lip balm, green bristle blocks
A washrag, granola, Kleenex times four,
Puzzle pieces, stickers, beads, beads galore!

Magnets, a penny, a notebook, a racecar
My what a lot of things there are!
This is the crap I found in my couch
No wonder I always seem like such a grouch!

Dog eating couch!Disclaimer:  No animals have actually been harmed by our couch.

Dog eating couch!
Disclaimer: No animals have actually been harmed by our couch.

Auntie Shrew, Auntie Shrew, Mommy’s Sick!

I wish there was someone to fill in for me today!

I wish there was someone to fill in for me today!

I’m pretty sure that Santa is sitting on my chest and there’s a reindeer up my nose.  Yup, I’ve been sick, and apparently it has to get worse before it gets better.  My brain is full of something that is not brains.  Due to this, I can’t even think straight and therefore am forced to take a day off.  Sort of, because Moms really don’t get a day off.

The princess has made sure I have good company for the five minutes that she allows me to lay down.

The princess has made sure I have good company for the five minutes that she allows me to lay down.

I know that I’d like to invest in one of these babies, but considering I can’t even use the bathroom alone I doubt I’d be allowed to use it properly.

Borg regenerator.  I'd like the Mommy model, please.

Borg regenerator. I’d like the Mommy model, please.

I have a million and one unfinished craft and baking projects to do, because remember, I’m making all of my own stuff this year.  Our family Christmas is this coming weekend and I have sooooo much to do.  I’d take some elves to help out about now, not including the one walking around my house with my camera, taking pictures of her feet, the walls, and other random stuff.  She keeps trying to take my picture, and I’m about ready go all Hollywood on her.

Since I am almost always blogging a day ahead, this means that unless I make a rapid recovery that there may or may not be a blog post tomorrow…or the next day…  But I am also a big liar a lot of the time.  Maybe my daughter or son or husband will do a guest post.  HA HA.  I hope to be back soon-renewed, fresh, and full of something other than whatever my head is full of.

Oh-and stay tuned on Friday.  I’m participating in the Secret Subject Swap through Baking in a Tornado.  I can’t tell you any more, because if I told you I’d have to kill you.  It will be good fun!  Hopefully I’ll be able to focus enough to enjoy it.

I said I wanted elves.  Wrong elves.

I said I wanted elves. Wrong elves.

SuperintendentHalopedia: The Superintendent is a second generation “dumb” Artificial Intelligence.

Who Gives A Hoot About the Inn? This Manger Has A Hot Tub!

My daughter would think this is cute.  Awwww Mommy look at the little baby beer!

My daughter would think this is cute. Awwww Mommy look at the little baby beer!

The story of Christmas is a pretty amazing story anyway.  Put it in the hands of a preschooler and you’ve got a whole new spin on things.

It all started with a plaster nativity set.  You know the ones they sell at Wal-Mart?  Grandma had sent one up a while back for Princess Creative to do her magic.  Of course, Mommy doesn’t always look very closely at things, and I failed to realize what it actually was (I thought it was a bunch of farm animals, honestly.)  We had been trying to figure out what exactly we could make nativity people out of, and had been hoping we’d find some old fashioned clothespins or something.

Upon the realization of that hey, we had the goods, the creating commenced.  She painted the figurines.  They look like they either had a day at the mud spa or are really lacking in personal hygiene.  Once this important part was completed, I offered to help her build a manger out of cardboard.  She refused.  She told me she had something in mind, and disappeared upstairs.

Who could say no to this budding artist?  I have a hard time with it!

Who could say no to this budding artist? I have a hard time with it!

She returned with a box from her room.  She hoards this stuff upstairs, you know.  Then she began collecting recyclable items from all over the house.  What resulted was an amazing manger with all of the state of the art stuff.  Because nothing is too good for the messiah, you know.  It includes:

Skylights, lamps,  and adjustable windows-Because mangers are notorious for poor lighting.

Room Service-Because room service played a very important role in the divine moment.

Hot Tub-This must be where the animals party.

Hot tub ie taco holder.  Looks like the shepherd chose to take it easy!

Hot tub ie taco holder. Looks like the shepherd chose to take it easy!

Then she sets everything up in the living room.  She confesses that she can’t find baby Jesus.  What I SHOULD have said was that baby Jesus is born on Christmas. What I said instead:  Go find it.  When she couldn’t find it, I told her to think of something else she could use.  So she compromised.  Now we have two wise men, joseph, a lamb, a Sonshine Family baby with crib and teddy bear, three Barbie dolls… and the list goes on.  The manger is the place to be, complete with lots of Barbie baby toys.  I understand the Hello Kitties came by to hang for a spell already.

The manger... the partying is happening early...

The manger… the partying is happening early…

Its probably good that we do not own an Elf on the Shelf.  I’m sure if he came by there would be all kinds of bad things happening.

So people with the cool mangers you bought at Target, don’t judge!  It may not be pretty, but it came from a very beautiful  imagination.  I still think she believes a manger is like a motel, just with animals, but we’ll go with that.

We had a neat one as kids.  It was one mom had made from a stained glass kit.  Very pretty.  I can remember being obsessed with the whole idea of the nativity.  And angels.  I always wanted to play the angel in the pageant but never did.  I’m not sure why I wanted to do that.  I must have wanted the Jelly Toast.  You know, from Hark the Herald Angels Sing-“With the jelly toast proclaim…”

Did you have a nativity scene as a kid?  Was it homemade or store bought?

My favorite nontraditional manger.  couldn't resist this one-I saw this on Facebook.

I think this has to be my favorite nontraditional manger. I couldn’t resist sharing-I saw this on Facebook.