Where’s Waldo? Answer: Creepytown

Awhile back I joined an elite group of bloggers known as the Bloppy Bloggers.  I was introduced to a wide range of different bloggers, and one of them happened to be Lisa from Ranting Seriously.  She, like Menopausal Mother and myself, is a nut.  I like nuts.  She also happens to be hilarious.  Please go check out her blog-funny stuff!

chipotle wedding day

Here’s a little about Lisa:

I’m a lovable disaster who always manages to spill something and make a complete ass of myself.  I prefer dogs to most people, and prefer food over most everything.  I’m a lawyer and a dog lover in real life, but I don’t get paid for the dog lover thing.  I write a (hopefully) humorous blog about my daily musings and disasters, of which there are plenty.  My blog is one that will make you feel better about your own life. It will also remind you that vodka is the answer to everything.  (Except if the question is “What should I throw on this fire?”  Then the answer is definitely NOT vodka.)

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Where's Waldo

I don’t have kids (which is probably for the best).  However, that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy my monthly subscription to Highlights Magazine, or an episode of SpongeBob SquarePants.  (He lives in a Pineapple, people!  Under the sea!)  If only those things would get me into the pre-boarding spot at the airport.  Apparently you actually have to have kids with you for that.  Pfft!

Despite my lack of little ones, I still enjoy looking at the beloved “Where’s Waldo?” books.  Why wouldn’t I?  Each edition is visually stimulating, and even more maddening than the next.  But with my love of tracking down the elusive Waldo comes a series of questions I haven’t been able to shake.  I’m demanding answers and I’m hoping someone can provide something other than “Because Waldo is awesome.”  I deserve better than that, and so do the fine kids who are looking for him.

***NOTE:  If any of you would like to peruse one of these fine pieces of literature, I would recommend purchasing one for yourself.  In my experience, people tend to frown upon you looking over their child’s shoulder and telling them where Waldo is located.  I think it also might get you on some sort of watch list.  Hypothetically, of course.***

For those of you not on the same heightened literary plane as me, “Where’s Waldo?” is a series of picture books where the reader is summoned to find Waldo in a sea of people, places and things.  It’s harder than it sounds, as Waldo is a master of disguise, which is probably why his books have been so successful; his mortgage payment depends on you not being able to locate him easily.

searchSo the first obvious question I have is “Where’s Waldo?”  Although you may be able to locate him on paper, as far as I know, no one has ever met this mysterious fellow.  Rather, we only see his meme.  He doesn’t do book signings or publicity junkets (which truly speaks volumes as to the success of his books, as most publicists demand such things to drive sales.)  So really though, where is he?

Honestly, I hope he’s in prison, because that guy is probably a pedophile and shouldn’t be featured in children’s books anyway.  Something about him wanting to hide in plain sight just creeps me out and makes me wonder if he’s housing a stash of fingers in a hope chest in his basement.  And if no one has ever met him, do we know if he’s a real person? Maybe he’s the Keyser Soze of children’s books, and is nothing but a myth?  (NOTE:  These are not only considered children’s books.  They’re also books for highly sophisticated writers who write fascinating and hilarious blog posts at http://www.rantingseriously.com.  I’m just saying.)

Since we don’t even know who he is, the next logical question is “Why, Waldo?  Why are you hiding?”  The first reason that comes to mind is that he’s on the lamb.  For what?  I’m not sure, but I have a feeling it has to do with loan sharking.  I just have a hunch.  Trust me on this.

And why is he so intent on hiding?  I suspect it’s because he’s wanted by Interpol, which would make sense, as his travels span many continents.  Has anyone ever considered looking at his passport?  Is his name listed as “Waldo” and nothing more?

How did he get to be so good at hiding?  What do we know about this Waldo guy, anyway?  We allow his likeness to come into our homes and sit on our coffee tables (or on the back of the toilet), and yet we know so little about him and his profession.  Is he a spy?  Where did he obtain his mad hiding skills?  Was it from years of playing hide and seek with his siblings?  Does he have siblings?  Did he assassinate them at a young age?  Is that why he’s on the lamb?

Now I realize this next question may seem to be off topic, but follow it through.  “Why is he always wearing the same sweater?”  It seems to me that if you want to blend in and not be found, wearing the same red and white striped sweater isn’t the best way to become a wallflower (unless you’re in a candy cane-themed room.  Then it’s truly the only way to become a wallflower).

Either way, I would think frequent costume changes would assist in avoiding detection.  And does he have several of those same sweaters, or is he just wearingBusinessman with Binoculars the exact same outfit everyday?  I hope, for everyone’s sake, that he has several of the same sweaters and is swapping them out every few days.  Otherwise, I would think he’d be easy to locate based upon pure body odor alone.  I suspect all that evading authorities would cause one to perspire, and if that sweater is a polyester blend, it will hold onto a stench until the end of time.

And what about those glasses?  Why not switch those up every now and again too?  I know that hipster look is in style at the moment (arguably), but shouldn’t he consider rocking some different frames to avoid detection?  Maybe he should get some contacts too.  Does he have a condition preventing a change in eyewear?  Those astigmatisms can be a real bitch.

And yet, despite all of my questions, he continues to evade all of us, and in a strange way, I say “Bravo to you, Waldo, if that is your real name.”   On second thought, maybe he doesn’t skirt all of us.  Maybe it’s just my prying eyes he manages to avoid.  But then again, my eyes are usually filtered through a hazy film of vodka, so perhaps he isn’t as elusive as he thinks he is.

Oh Nooooo.... (This picture added by Sarah just for Lisa).

Oh Nooooo…. (This picture added by Sarah just for Lisa).

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37 thoughts on “Where’s Waldo? Answer: Creepytown

  1. haha!! Funny stuff! Waldo really sends a bad message to kids too. Even when he is in the Arctic he is still ONLY wearing that sweater….no coat! Seriously Waldo, do you know how hard it is to get kids to wear coats? Now all I hear is, “Well, if Waldo doesn’t have to wear a coat, why do I?”

    • I never thought about Waldo being a roll model, but I bet coat manufacturers everywhere hate him! Burlington Coat Factory should approach him with an endorsement deal. I mean, “Where’s Waldo in his fashionable Spring 2013 Michael Kohes peacoat” has the same ring to it as “Where’s Waldo?”.

      I’m totally taking this idea and running with it. I mean I will walk to my car and tell Burlington about it and then demand an obscene amount of money. Fingers crossed!

  2. Sarah, thanks for introducing us to Lisa! I loved her kidless, kid perspective and I will definitely have to check her out. As for Waldo, I would have to agree that he might be more for adults than kids. I had several Waldo books when I was teaching before kids. Now they are mysteriously missing and have not been replaced.

    • I have never owned a Waldo book. I guess I don’t really have an opinion either way. If nothing else, they have opened the door for a lot of other look and find books. My kids have all kinds with their favorite characters.

    • Omg! Are you saying your copies of “Where’s Waldo?” are missing? Hilarious and ironic! So do you ever say “Wheres my ‘Wheres Waldo?'”

      That SOB is elusive.

      I’m so glad you enjoyed this post! Thanks for reading and for commenting!

  3. Hmm, maybe Waldo is part of the witness protection program, though you’re right — by wearing the same sweater, he’s just too noticeable! BTW, I am a HUGE dog lover too…currently have an Australian Labradoodle, who is also a therapy dog.

    • Don’t you think the publishers would wise up and throw some advertising in there? Like “Where’s Waldo in his JCPenny new line of hats?”. Missed. Opportunity.

      Aren’t dogs the best? Do you find yourself constantly telling yourself when you’re around others “don’t talk about dogs.”? Me too.

  4. Thank you for introducing us to Lisa. Seriously funny. The only time I ever looked at a Waldo book was at my kids’ dentist office. Come to think of it, we would make a bee line as soon as we hit the door. Guess who won?

    Penny at Green Moms and Kids

    • Lisa made Janine laugh! Lisa made Janine laugh! ;-D

      Thanks for coming over to visit, Janine. I need to get back and get caught up on your blog later today. For now it’s decisions, decisions: Get food to eat or read up on blogs. So difficult…

    • I’m so glad I could give you a chuckle. Judging by Sadderbutwiser’s comment, this was quite the feat. I’m glad my mission was successful yesterday. (My mission to shower yesterday do not enjoy such success)

      Thanks for reading and commenting. Hope your week gets better and less crazy!

  5. What a stitch, loved it all and now have to go dig out my copy of Waldo to re-experiece him all over again. I am a dog lover too, so there is that. I am now a fan.

    • Great! I’m so glad you liked it. I like to think I gave you an abdominal workout for the day, so there’s no need to go to the gym. You’re welcome!

      Thanks for reading and commenting!

  6. I seriously just peed my pants laughing. I think this is my favorite post of yours yet. They’re all pretty damn great, but this one was just … I just … oh my gawd, it hurts so much!

    I’m so glad you touched n the reoccurring outfit issue. I’ve often wondered what he was thinking always wearing that same obnoxious outfit, but it obviously works for him. I have always assumed that he is like most/all other cartoon characters in that he owns a bajillion of the same thing.

    • I’m so glad you enjoyed it! I find that sometimes the funniest things are those right in front of us. Or, in this case, in front of us in book form along with other random drawings. I also think people falling down is one of the funniest things too. Not if they get hurt, but just random falls with minor injuries.

      Thanks for reading and commenting. Sadderbutwiser was nice enough to let me drag down the integrity of her blog with my post, and for that I’m grateful.

      • I feel like an arse right now. After I commented on this, and finishing off that bottle of wine, I was totally thinking “omg Jen, that was a guest post, and you just unintentionally insulted this awesome lady that makes you change your underwear on a semi-regular basis!” (because I’m a horrible stalker)

        Now I feel the need to go back-stalk you (because, again with the horrible stalker/bad at commenting because I read blogs on my cell phone in between flipping pancakes and saving the world from dog drool on baby dolls).
        I’m not going to lie though – it’s going to be tomorrow. The kids will be in school, and I’ll be sober then.

        Lisa: It would work a lot better if you said “Making people giggle-pee their pants since 2011.” Because who doesn’t love a good giggle? Not the people you want reading your blog, that’s who…

  7. Pingback: Lisa Newlin – Seriously? | Where’s Waldo? Answer: Creepytown

  8. Pingback: Doggone Weekly Wrap-Up | The Sadder But Wiser Girl

  9. Pingback: Lisa Newlin – Seriously?A different way to view the swimming suit season | Lisa Newlin - Seriously?

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