Analog Girl Stuck in a Digital World

The last in my series of guest bloggers who rock, Tamara is the woman behind PenPaperPad.  She and I both belong to the blogging group Bloppy Bloggers.  I love her writing!  I thought that she would be an awesome choice to round out my week of guest bloggers.  I was right-she submitted a most excellent post for me!

The biography of Miss Tamara Woods:


Tamara Woods is a poet, blogger and generally pusher of words from Honolulu by way of West Virginia. Her current big project is getting her first collection of poetry, The Shaping of an “Angry Black Woman to an e-store near you. You can cyber stalk her via Twitter, Facebook and check out her mumbling on her blog, PenPaperPad.

Here is her post:

I’m getting a new phone. You my dear readers, don’t even know how truly steeped in awesome this is.

It involved a summit in the house between my boyfriend (The Mathemagician) and me. I told him that I needed all 4 Gs. All of them.

He asked, “What are the Gs for?” Quizzing me like I need logic.

I said, “I don’t know, but I’m CONVINCED I need all of them.”  Ha! This is my understanding of technology.

Before these fancy-pants new phones with their swipey technology and apps, I would keep a cell for like five years! My current phone has been in my hot little hands for a little over a year. Already it lags, failing when I try to upload things to any social media site, pretending like it’s all full of data like my texts are its Thanksgiving dinner—memory too full to text my left fanny. Then the crashing, oh for the crashing. I had to develop a trick for texting on this phone:

  1.           Write and send text,
  2.           When it inevitably gets stuck on a send screen, hit the back arrow.
  3.           After receiving the message letting me know it’s sorry but it needs to close (again) then I click on wait.
  4.           Seven times out of 10 this will cause the text to send. Otherwise, I have to take the battery out, because it’s 100 percent frozen.

WHAT?! When did phones need a secret decoder ring to use it?!

I feel like an analog girl stuck in a digital world.

I want to use one of the fanciers cassette tapes (remember the ones that were see-through and you could SEE THE TAPE? (Oooh…classy.) I can sit in front of my stereo, listening to FM or college radio (satellite radio, what? Nope, I don’t know about you yet. I have to press record at just the right time, so I can make a radio deejay mixed tape masterpiece. This one will be for long drives.

I’d really like to have a phone that I used as a phone instead of a multi-tasking time waster. The only time I actually talk on the thing is either to schedule an appointment or talk to my Mom. (Which sometimes feels like a doctor’s appointment forever asking me how the plumbing is going down there and if she’ll be holding a grandbaby any time before she dies. Don’t worry, my Mom has been talking about things happening before she dies since the 80s. She doesn’t even ask me about getting married first anymore this one. She’s traded wedding bells for booties.)

What was I talking about again?

Oh yeah, technohell.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m really glad for technology. Without it, I wouldn’t be able to share ideas with you guys and I’d have to leave my house and meet people IRL. *gulp*

Sometimes I just with the future was a little further away. I feel like I’ve stepped into a sci-fi film, but without all the special effects. The year 2020 used to sound so distant and foreign like flying cars and a hallowdeck where I could pretend to be in France in the early 1900s sipping tea and eating something chocolate. Now it’s only 7 years away!

So, I’m getting a new phone. Hopefully, this one will last for at least two years before advances in phone technology makes me have to develop a decoder ring to upload a photo to Instagram.

29 thoughts on “Analog Girl Stuck in a Digital World

  1. I am so with you on using my phone more for the apps than for the actual phone. This is why they charge for storage versus actual minutes now I believe. Never thought I’d see this day, but here we are and am more addicted to my iPhone than I ever could have imagined and when I get a new phone it will be another iPhone, because I am not sure I could live without, lol! 🙂

  2. Um, I love you and I love this post!

    I don’t know what all 4 Gs are either, but I tell myself the G in the phone has a stuttering problem because I’m not sure those extra Gs really do anything.

    As for using your phone for other things and only talking to your mother on it…you must change that. These fancy phones were created so you DON’T have to talk to your mother! Texting was created so people didn’t have to talk to their mothers.

    I enjoyed this post. Great work. I hope you’re reading this comment from your new phone. 🙂

    • I got the new phone yesterday! Now I can answer stuff on the phone while I’m answering other stuff on my laptop. My mom has a cell phone that she never uses. And she’s most excellent with the guilt. It’s her new job now that she’s retired. I have to call her every couple of days or she piles it on. I ❤ you too! Thanks for reading.

  3. Love! Props to my fellow West by God Virginia girl! I remember when my mother was all about the booties too! Cherish those annoying momma phone convo’s! You will miss them when they, and she, are gone! Great post!

    • You’re from West Virginia!? What?! I always feel like I’ve won the location lottery when I find someone from home on the internet. My Mom’s my best friend. We talk all the time, hang up on each other and laugh a lot. She’s not grandbaby deprived by the way. She has 5! She’s just greedy.

  4. Great Post! I thought about the whole 2020 flying car thing the other day and thought boy were we WRONG! lol technology is amazing though, for instance, My cell phone, is now a removable extension of my body and it actually HURTS when it is removed! my heart starts to pace and I get this panicky feeling and nausea oh the nausea! lol Great job!

    -Queen Mommy

    • I get panicked but for different reasons. I have dropped more phones in the toilet than any person on this earth (and keys for that matter…). Whenever I go to the bathroom I panic-and make sure my phone is NOT in my pocket!

    • Thanks! I’m very scared of this new phone. It is lighter and seems more fragile than the other one. And I am terribly clumsy. It hasn’t fallen into any toilets for onto the floor (yet).

  5. Yes, the more G’s the better. And I so totally remember those supercool see-thru tapes. And having to manually rewind them when the tape players ate them!

  6. I’m with you. I have a smart phone, but the smartest thing I know how to do with it is to phone or text someone. I did manage to post a photo to Facebook once, but it was such a challenge that I decided to not try that again.

    • It takes so much effort just to get it to do what you want. One of my closest friends sent me a pic of her wedding dress…my new “smart” phone is a dumb jerk and won’t let me see it!! It’s been downloading for 10 HOURS. I’ve tried turning it off, settings, pushing on every single thing on the screen. Nothing works. Yet, I’ve gotten other photos since. *shakes fist at phone* It’s holding the photo hostage, but it hasn’t told me its demands yet.

  7. Awesome! When I recently upgraded to the Galaxy 3, the salesperson was like, “your first smart phone! how exciting!” When I was appropriately excited in response, she seemed rather affronted. Or dismayed. Hard to say. I find myself overwhelmed by technology nowadays, when I lived so well without it for so long. Thanks for sharing!

  8. Pingback: Week in Writing Wrap-up |

  9. I thought I was the only one stuck in the analog world!! My phone is a Nokia phone from Walmart!! I’ve had it for 3 years and I can only use it for phone calls or texts. We don’t have a house phone anymore but thankfully, it doesn’t ring often because I hate talking on the phone. Texting – so far, so good. But that’s it. If I want to get “online” I have to be on the laptop. My teen makes fun of me because he can do everything with his fancy phone. Although when he first got it, he forgot to set it up so that it automatically switched to Wi Fi when he came home. He fell asleep 2 nights in a row listening to Pandora and we got a $450 phone bill. What???? Luckily, they took the charges back and we learned a lesson. Sheesh!!

    Good luck with the new phone!! It was great to meet you!

    Penny at Green Moms and Kids

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