Help, HELP! I’m Trapped at Target!

I am passionate about… shopping at Target.

A bad day shopping at Target is better than the best day NOT shopping at Target. Am I right?

In case you haven’t noticed, Target features quite predominantly in many of my posts. There was the dream where I lost my daughter when she ran into a Target.
Target figured predominantly in the post about my daughter’s petrified poop.
And who can’t write a post about misbehaving kids without sticking a Target reference in there…

Maybe this on our Target's door would make me NOT go in?  If only.

Maybe this on our Target’s door would make me NOT go in? If only.

I tell ya, it’s that famous hypnotic eye.  It does stuff to you.  Hypnotic eye?  If you read Parenting, Illustrated With Crappy Pictures, Amber Dusick penned (er, drew) it perfectly.  She surmises that bullseye is actually a big eye that hypnotizes you into buying all kinds of crap you really don’t need.  She is a genius-she is so right.  It’s either some sort of hypnotic eye or something they pipe into the store, like a nerve gas…

So my story today begins with a shopping trip.  This particular day I had come to town to get ingredients for a pudding cake.  If you’ve never had pudding cake, it may sound kind of weird.  Basically it’s a yellow cake with holes poked in it and then chocolate pudding poured over it.  Me not being a pudding person or a cake person, I wasn’t all that excited about it, though I was intrigued since I had never seen such a thing.  But The Princess was totally enthralled by the idea of making such a magical treat and off I went to get the ingredients.

As I stood in Fareway amongst the cake mixes, that’s when Target started calling to me.  I quickly moved to the pop aisle to check some prices.  I was trying to do the math on my pop because I’m addicted to Diet Sunkist Lemonade and must get it as cheap as possible.  I concluded that I could save a whole 50 cents if I drove over to Target-don’t mock me, it was the damn store calling me from clear across town.

targetI arrived at Target and was instantly lured in by it all.  I am incapable of just walking into Target, getting something, and getting out.  I have to see it all, lest I miss a great deal on something I can’t live without. It doesn’t help that the soda aisle is clear almost in the back of the store.  You have to go past everything just to get there.  There is something in that store that causes your mind to go blank.  You have to go perusing the end of every aisle trying to remember just what you went in there for.  15% off!  30% off!  And occasionally 50% and 70% off!  When Easter stuff was 90% off, I almost bought some of it just to say I got something for 90% off.

Apparently whatever it is that clouds your brain works a little too well.  What should have taken five minutes took 30 minutes.  I walked up to the front with my twelve pack of pop and paid the cashier, parked the cart and left to go out to the car.  This particular day I had brought my husband’s car.  His fancy schmancy Nissan doesn’t actually use keys.  It has buttons.  This is both good and bad.  Good because you never have to actually take the keys out of your pocket, and bad because you never have to actually take the keys out of your pocket.

I got in and realized that there were no keys in my pocket.  Which meant I had taken the keys OUT of my pocket at some point, even though I didn’t NEED the keys for anything because THE CAR STARTS WITH A BUTTON.  Step on the brake, push the button. As long as the keys are in the car it is supposed to start.

According to the car, there were no keys in it.  It did not start.  C-r-a-p.

Reality was starting to sink in.  I returned to the store and asked at the service desk. No keys.  I asked at the checkout.  They had not seen them either.  This meant that I had left my keys in the cart. I must be very weak, because I needed a cart for one item.

So I started looking through all of the carts.  I went around the outside and peeked into each cart.  Then I frantically starting pulling carts out.  No keys. Pretty soon this behavior attracted some attention-the guys in the red polos came over to help the crazy lady throwing around the carts.

After a few minutes of this with no avail I walked away and decided to call my husband.  He didn’t answer.  I texted him too.  No response.  Fabulous.

This was when I realized that I was TRAPPED IN TARGET.  This is like having PMS and being locked inside a Chocolaterie Stam.  It can only end very badly, with the Starbucks smells and the bargains, I could very well be in big trouble.

I had one thing working for me-sooner or later Evil Genius was going to realize that his wife had not returned with those ingredients.  Just to be sure, I messaged him on Facebook.  “Hey, check your phone!”  Then I tweeted…

keys target(For the record, Evil Genius doesn’t Twitter for religious reasons.  He thinks it’s stupid.)

The minutes dragged on.  The awesome employees at Target were busting their humps trying to help little old me.  One girl walked all through the store on the off chance that maybe I had laid my keys down to look at something.  Another girl called around to the other employees to keep their eyes open for them.  They finally gave me a choice-I could give them my number when the keys turned up, or they could try to make an announcement over the loudspeaker.  I chose to wait it out and give them my number since I was already dying of embarrassment (have YOU ever heard them use the intercom at Target?  Me neither).

Thankfully, by this time Evil Genius had finally answered my repeated phone calls, and was ready to drive the half hour to get me if need be.  We decided to wait twenty more minutes. Two minutes after I hung up with him one of the service desk girls came bringing them to me.  They were in a cart, taking another ride all around the store.  I snatched them and got the heck out of there.

lost keysI arrived home over an hour later than I had intended.  I had to share my experience on Facebook when I got home.  Man I was proud of myself! An extra hour in Target with nothing to do but wait and I survived without buying anything extra!

For the record, it was all worth the trip to town.  As you can see, the story had a happy ending.  She got to make her pudding cake…

Pudding cake diva

Pudding cake diva

This post was written as part of Finish The Sentence Friday.  Click the link and check out what other people are passionate about.  By the way I AM passionate about other things…


77 thoughts on “Help, HELP! I’m Trapped at Target!

  1. I couldn’t figure out why this would be a bad thing when I started reading your post but then I got it. Oh how horrible! I go to target with my son. We would have purchased 200 hot wheels by the time we left.

  2. You are my hero Sarah!! Seriously, I just went to Target today to return a pair of sneakers I bought for Emma that she ended up not liking. I walked out of there with a new pair of shoes for Lily and 2 packages of Princess socks for my girls, too. Yeah, I have no willpower in that store and can so relate. Target is truly that store that you can’t leave without getting more then you went there for. So I am so not sure how you did it, but you need to pass along a bit of your restraint this way. Thanks for linking this one up and truly just awesome!! 🙂

  3. OMG if I was by myself I would have survived, but if I was with my son…the cart would have been filled with dinosaurs, cars, and robots…just for the sanity of other shoppers.

  4. OMG! I dont know how you stayed there an extra hour without buying anything else. I always tell my husband that if I go to target that he has to expect that I will spend no less than $200.00. I am glad that all of the employees were so helpful – I am not sure that they would have jumped into action like that at my target!

  5. Wait a minute – you said your husband was going to drive 30 minutes to pick you up. Are you a half hour away from Target?? I don’t think I’d survive. I can make it to Target in 7 minutes flat. And my credit card bill reflects that, sadly.

    • We live in rural Iowa. Target, and the majority of the rest of the shopping is located in the university town nearby. I’m used to it-I’m from Maine which is the same way. You have to drive 30 minutes to get anywhere there. We’re going to be moving FURTHER away from here eventually, which will make the nearest Target an hour away.

  6. First of all- gorgeous new look! Love it! Second of all, I want to MOVE IN to Target. I was just there yesterday- all by myself!!! I think I may have panicked slightly upon being “trapped” there as you were- funny story! And adorable picture of the pudding cake baker- so cute! This post cracked me up- thanks!

  7. It’s a good thing I live so far away from Target as well. Believe it or not, when I was in my late teens/early 20’s, the nearest Target was an hour and a half away – very close to the campus of Illinois State University. The first time I headed down there I was like “Target? What’s that?” Can you imagine? Now, they have them up here but living in a somewhat rural area, I have to drive 30 minutes to the nearest one as well. But when I DO go, look out!! I really admire your will power!! Some people would have been like, “I wonder how many checks will bounce if I buy this stuff?” Shhh…..don’t tell my husband!!

  8. I love Target- my bank account does not. Last weekend I was gone for a couple hours and my boyfriend texted looking for me. I said I was at Target. He said and??? I said that’s it!! I love it there!

  9. OMG. I can’t believe you resisted that temptation. I would have succumbed to Starbucks in a nanosecond. I LOL’d at Evil Genius not tweeting for “religious reasons”. Ahahahaha!

  10. First of all, I refuse to shop I target. I tried. Oh I tried. and I’ve never gotten it. Not once. I don’t get the people who love it. Maybe I should go on a field trip with you.

  11. My kids call the “eyeball” big balls. And you know what? They’re right! Target really does have BALLS putting those dollar bins at the front of the store and then luring us in with the latest cereal AND styles, and then–oh, the nerve–offering milk, Playdoh, and pillowcases all in one store! Jerks. And I can’t get enough.

  12. I worked at Target for over a year. I bet you can guess who got most of my money back! It’s hard seeing stuff go on sale, and not snatching it up, and I had a front row seat! I still love Target though, working there didn’t make me sick of it. Great post.

  13. I would NEVER be able to not buy anything extra if I was trapped at a store like that, LOL. That pudding cake sounds delicious. I’m going to have to give it a try with gluten-free flour soon.

    • Oh I also have more stories if you would like them! Feel free to share the link however you want! 😀 I’ll come by-I have a hard time keeping up with all of you awesome people and sometimes need a kick in the butt to come over! 😉

  14. LOL! I have to drive all the way to Tucson or Phoenix to get my Target fix. And they are the only ones that carry the training pants that work the best for my little guy. I can usually do pretty good with getting out of there only getting what’s on my list, but hubby knows that I *have* to stop at the dollar section and I’ll catch up to him in the diaper aisle. 🙂 I’m easily rewarded – a $1.00 “To Do” pad or coloring book for the kid makes me happy. And a small mocha. 😉

  15. I knew this story in its entirety and I still loved every minute of this post. Every. Flipping. Minute.

    I also didn’t realize you called your hubby! If only you’d waited a few more minutes.

    Fricking pudding cake…

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  17. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a happier kid making cake. So cute. Also, NOBOBY is capable of “just walking into Target, getting something, and getting out.” I try to limit my excursions to Target for just that reason. If I don’t go, there is no way I can buy stuff I don’t need. But I am very impressed that all you got was the Sunkist. I also buy stuff just b/c it’s like 90% off. I bought my son a t-shirt that is 10 sizes too big b/c it was $2.99! $2.99! I could NOT pass that up. What a baaargain. I hope he’s still into pirates when he’s 20.

  18. I really enjoyed the tale of your misfortune – a modern twist on getting locked out of the car. I am impressed by the help you received by the team of Red Shirts – the only place I recreationally shop is Target. Thans for the great story!

    • They did go the extra mile! I don’t believe I would have received such service at, say, Wal-Mart. I personally think it has something to do with Starbucks. I think they all have to do espresso shots before each shift! Therefore lots of energy to help others out!

    • I KNOW! That what I keep saying-that’s not keyless if there is a key involved! There is actually a key inside the thingie with all the buttons on it. I guess until they invent cars that start with 1) a handprint recognition pad 2) retinal scanning or 3) the power of your mind then keyless ignition will not truly exist!

  19. That’s awesome … If I was given a multiple choice question about which of my blog friends would fined themselves trapped in a Target … I would have TOTALLY picked you! LOL ~ and we make pudding cake too, except with lemon instead of chocolate!!

    Thank you for linking to Raising Imperfection.
    Please come back Friday to see if you were featured. 🙂

    (¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo

  20. hilarious that you wrote a similar article!!! That is such a scary feling losing your keys 😦 so happy you found them!!!dangerous being stuck in Target whie waiting. I agree, you have to love that what you NEED is at the back of the store ah! Thanks for continuously following me and posting. Love your blog ❤

  21. So was the pudding cake good? lol I spend way too much time and money in target, it’s a drug.

    Thank you for linking up to Raising Imperfection!
    Make sure to check back on Friday to see if you were featured.

  22. I can’t believe I didn’t read this until right now! You need to shop with my sister! We go to Target together once a week. It is my job to push the cart because she has cartstrophobia, and she walks down the endcap aisles at the back of the store looking for clearance deals, because I have closestorephobia. The thing is she’s always getting stuck in those clearance rugs. I have gotten to the point where I forbid her to go to that specific area, but if the kids are in tow, I am keeping them from causing major collisions with other cart drivers and I CANT STOP HER! Like today. arrgghh.
    I am glad you were OK, I am also SUPER proud of you for not going in and buying things you didn’t know you needed. You are a stronger woman than I. Do you know Target doesn’t carry Star Wars?

  23. And what lesson have we learned here? Do not go to target in your husband’s car, it’s bigger and holds more stuff and conspires with the evil eye to hold you captive.

    Thanks for Hooking up at the Hump Day Hook Up and Happy birthday 🙂

  24. It’s the clearance racks at Target that beguile me. I have to wander the whole store to see every one of them, just in case there is something incredible at 70% off. You never know!
    (I came from the Hump Day Hook Up.)

    • Oh too funny, another Ginger! I know so many people named Ginger in the blogging world!

      Yup-those clearance racks can kill the budget in a hurry. On the other hand, I have scored some excellent deals on clothes for my daughter that way. $1 for a dress, YES MA’AM!

  25. Hahaha! The picture at the end is super cute. Congratulations on surviving being trapped at Target! I don’t know how you did it… I know I wouldn’t be able to.

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  28. I love this… your writing is engaging and the subject matter is dear to my heart. I would have probably gotten in some serious trouble trapped in Target! 🙂

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