Ready or Not Kindergarten, Here She Comes (And Mommy Tries Not To Cry)

Five years ago... and now she's ready for kindergarten.

Five years ago… and now she’s ready for kindergarten.

I swore up and down that I wasn’t going to be one of those parents who lost it when their youngest went off into the great world of public education.  And yet here I am, bawling my eyes out at all hours of the night. And she hasn’t even started yet.

When my son started kindergarten it was a joyous occasion as well as a bit of a relief for us.  FINALLY he was going to be in an environment when he had to listen to someone else.  Maybe then he would finally have the challenge and the help that he needed.  And the best thing was that I was going to be right across the hall.  That backfired on me later, but at the beginning that was very nice to be near enough that he could see me.

He never worried, he did ask a lot of questions, but there was never any doubt that he was going and he barely looked back.  And the nightmare began shortly after that.

I have mixed emotions on The Princess starting kindergarten.  On one hand I know that she is more than ready.  But I’m also hearing things that I never heard from The Professor that are breaking my heart.

IMG_2175“You’ll be right there with me, right?  Right there in the room?”

“Mommy will you still remember me when I go to kindergarten?”

“Mommy I will miss you when I’m at school.”

We’ve had our moments, but she and I have always had a special bond.  When I went back to work after having her, it was short-lived.  I ended up taking a part-time job so we could share daycare between the two of us while Evil Genius was in school.  Even the year I worked full-time we never were very far apart.  So the idea of me not being right there is somewhat new to her.

As the time for school drew closer she asked for something simple.  She asked me for a picture of the two of us.  Two copies-one for her and one for me.  That way I will remember her while she’s at school and she can have my picture there in her backpack for reassurance.  While very sweet, she can’t take all the credit for that because she saw it on a tv show.

IMG_2308

The picture I had Evil Genius take of us at the fair for The Princess.

What’s breaking my heart right now is that I don’t know if I can deliver.  My printer is down, and I have spent quite a bit of time trying to get my computer to behave to get everything put back on it.  My printer, as you might recall, forgets who it is.  It also has been jamming up and eating paper and ink.  Unless I find a place here in town to print it out, she may not get to have her picture after all.

She’s always making up songs about how much she loves her mommy. How sweet is that?  I also have a pile of artwork that would put any artist to shame.  Every day she draws me pictures.  They are always the same scene, of the two of us standing together, holding a heart.  I have so many of these sweet pictures that I don’t know what to do with all of them.

Now this one is a little different.  We are wearing crowns.

Now this one is a little different, we’re not holding a heart but we are wearing crowns.  I guess I’m “fixing” her crown in this picture.

I just don’t get why she loves me so much.  She loves me, she really does.  Sometimes I wonder why.  I’m not a particularly good mom.  I try.  I always have good intentions.  I give an ample supply of hugs and kisses and let her sing her songs for me.  I just hope to continues to love me this much, even after she discovers all of the cookie-baking Pinterest moms who can take their kids to Disneyworld.

Tomorrow is not the actual start of Kindergarten.  Just a short amount of time where she can go in, meet her teacher, and see where everything is.  Then the real fun begins on Thursday.  Remember that this is the child that the pediatrician said that kindergarten would have a problem with her.  We’ll just have to see what comes of it.

Will I cry then?  Maybe not because I’m crying now.  I guess we’ll find out soon enough…

She calls it our house of love.

She calls it our house of love.  Indeed.

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47 thoughts on “Ready or Not Kindergarten, Here She Comes (And Mommy Tries Not To Cry)

  1. I have a feeling that if you’re fine, she’ll be fine. She’s obviously very precious in every way. Give her your strength and support. Btw, usually, any printing store (Kinkos, etc.) can print the picture. Chin Up and Good Luck! 🙂

  2. She’s precious and even if you’re not the perfect Mom, who is? You must be doing something right. You may be able to get the photo printed at Walmart-since they’re generally everywhere. *sigh*

  3. Oh the professor is adorable and I was crying just reading this. Seriously, I have both my girls going to pre-school (just for a few hours a day this year) and I too am a bit lost with the thought. Can’t even imagine next year when Emma goes to Kindergarten. You may have to give me some pointers at that point!

  4. I’m a total sap and cry every year when they start school, even if it’s not kindergarten. Ha Ha! At least I wait until I’m in the van and they are in the school.

  5. Awwww…Sarah you made me teary-eyed just reading this! Yes, your adorable little princess loves you to bits because you ARE a fabulous mother, giving so much of yourself to her and making sure she knows she is loved. Thinks will work out fine–you’ll see. She will make new friends and get to a point where she cant wait to go to school to socialize! I know how hard it is to watch the last one go…but there are so many awesome milestones you will cross together…and I’ll bet you will still be holding hands with a heart between you! XO

  6. I cry each year and I don’t care what the other mothers at school think. But I’m sure she will be fine, and you will be fine and I hope you will be able to have the photo printed out, if not let her bring your hanky. Something that she can hold whenever she misses you.

  7. Kindergarten is such a fun year! I’m lucky and was able to have my son right down the hall from me too. I’m not sure how I would feel about sending my baby off to a school that I wasn’t at for the first time! Just remember, she is going to have a blast, make new friends, and will be back home before you know it!

  8. Although this tears at my heart, I have to admit that it was the opposite for me. The day my youngest started Kindergarten I gathered all my friends whose youngest were going too and had a Champagne brunch at my house. Best first day of school ever.

    I know why she loves you so much, I read your blog.

  9. Upload your picture to Walmart.com and then go to the store to pick up. Or take your camera or phone there to print out the picture. Such a sweet thing that she wants to take a picture of you to school. Enjoy it now because by the time she is in middle school, she will want you to drop her off a block from the school and to sit far behind her at all school functions. Ha Ha… good times!

  10. Awwwww. So sweet. I swore I wasn’t going to cry with my youngest son. I didn’t when he went to Kindergarten, but I did at his 5th grade “graduation” last spring. Totally freaking lost it. Sobbing. I’m not sure where you live or how large your city/town is, but Fedex Office, Staple’s, Costco, Walgreen’s and CVS in my area will print out a photo if you save it to a USB drive stick and take it in. Good luck. I know it’s hard!

  11. Oh, honey! I’m crying with you!
    And this: “I just don’t get why she loves me so much. She loves me, she really does.” I’d slap you if I didn’t feel the same way. (About my son, not your daughter… heh heh)

  12. I’m sure you will be fine. Sure, it is a weepy time and you’ll miss her but it’s part of growing up. Plus, she’ll only be gone for part of the day and then back home. My mom bawled when I got on the bus the first time too.

  13. OMG.. I just wrote something and it didn’t publish it…grrrrrrr…it was good too, LOL

    I had to wipe my tears away and stop sobbing so I could type. What a smart, precious, and blessed child she is. I know I will feel this way when Dino attends kindergarten next year. Daycare and Kindergarten in a real school are very different. It’s wonderful, scary, exciting, and amazing to watch them grow.

  14. OMG Sarah. I’m going to totally lose it when Tucker starts kindergarden. I bawled like a baby in the parking lot of preschool on his first day for like 20 minutes. I love the pictures she draws you and think it’s brilliant to have you both carry the photo of the two of you (even if it was learned from TV). I hope your printer works!

  15. “I just don’t get why she loves me so much. She loves me, she really does. Sometimes I wonder why. I’m not a particularly good mom. I try. I always have good intentions. I give an ample supply of hugs and kisses and let her sing her songs for me. I just hope to continues to love me this much, even after she discovers all of the cookie-baking Pinterest moms who can take their kids to Disneyworld.” <—- I LOVED THIS WHOLE PARAGRAPH!!! I feel like that most days too!

    …and I don't care what anyone says, Daughters Are Awesome! (I always hear how "difficult" daughters are and hear the 'butting of head' that daughters & moms have) I just feel blessed to have her in my life! I get it, Sarah, I get what you're saying. 🙂

    • It’s nice to know that someone “gets”me. She is truly the best thing and at times the most difficult thing in my life! She keeps me on my toes, that’s for sure!

      Thanks for commenting!

  16. Huh…I must have a heart made of granite cuz I haven’t cried when either of my boys started school. But I have cried when I put #1 son on the plane to go visit or live with his dad. I’m really glad I didn’t know about his deployment ceremony cuz THAT would have caused a shower.

    And I’ve cried when I’ve seen my youngest totally miserable at school and falling further and further behind, but that didn’t last long, because it fired me up and we made changes. 😉

    You and the Princess will be fine. Well, until she starts high school. And then leaves for college. 😀

  17. Aw, Sarah! My heart broke too at the “is mommy going to remember me”. So sweet! What a love! I think it’s a great sign that she wants a picture of the two of you. It shows that she knows what she needs and that she’s working her way through it. What a smart girl. And that picture of the two of you is SO sweet!

    • Thank you! I was able to get it printed out from my husband’s computer but it was HUGE! She finally said to me in her best big girl voice: “It’s okay mommy, I really don’t need it.”

  18. Since I homeschool, I’ve never had to go through that, duh. But my niece Josie who is like Isaiah’s sister, and like my daughter when my sister isn’t around, starts kindergarten on Thursday, and I’m feeling lots of those feelings. My sister teaches, so during the year Josie would come with us when we did anything fun. Now she’ll be in school 😦 I will miss her, and I’m sad, and I hope they take good care of her.

  19. Pingback: Weekly Wrap-Up: The Extremely Late (For Me)Edition | The Sadder But Wiser Girl

  20. OK, not I’M crying about your kid starting kindergarten! Gah! How much of parenting is bittersweet? Mine started second grade yesterday. 😦

  21. Oh my, how sweet is this? I totally cried, because my son and I have that kind of special bond, too. It was hard to send him for his first day of preschool last year, but he did so well there — it was so good for him to have that experience. (And even though he tells me he misses me during the day, he’s totally fine when I leave… phew!) Good luck to you both, and I hope you were able to get the photo printed!

  22. Pingback: The Truth About Kindergarten: Mommy Won’t Be Driving The School Bus | The Sadder But Wiser Girl

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