Expectation Versus Reality: A Morning in the ADD Household

june-cleaver

Not me.

So you’d think everything would just fall into place.  Both kids are in school, I’m working part-time so I send them off, have plenty of time to exercise, plan meals, clean the house, AND work.  Right?

Riiiiiiiight.  If you believe that, I have a bridge in New York that I can sell you really cheap.

A Typical Morning:  The Expectation

The alarm goes off at 6 am.  I get up to do yoga with the sun in my shimmery, flattering yoga outfit.  At 7 am, I gently my rouse my children out of bed with snuggles and kisses.  They dress themselves in their out of this world adorable outfits that totally match.  We have a lovely breakfast of homemade sprouted 7 grain waffles with organic maple syrup and freshly squeezed orange juice.  Afterwards, I carefully make them lunches that are not only healthy but visually appealing.  I take photos with Instagram and upload them to Pinterest.

I brush my daughter’s hair 1,000 strokes and make it look like perfection with the addition of a homemade hair clip that matches her outfit exactly.  Both children put their shoes on and are ready to bound out the door, eagerly anticipating the glorious day ahead…

We walk from the house, hand in hand, smiling all the way to the bus stop.  I drop them off and they skip hand in hand into the school building.

I now can enjoy my alone time to go to the gym for a long workout session and take a nice walk before donning my wrinkle free work attire and heading in for a day of librarianism.

Okay wait a minute.  Who are THESE people?  And why are they on a beach?  Uh-oh, it looks like fantasy has got in the way of reality again!

Okay wait a minute. Who are THESE people? They’re not going to a bus stop. And why are they on a beach? Uh-oh, it looks like fantasy has got in the way of reality again!

A Typical Morning:  Reality

I forget to set the alarm and stagger out of bed at 7:05 am. The Princess has been up for an hour, waiting for me to get my lazy butt up. (Insomnia the night before?  Say it ain’t so!). I rouse my son out of bed with pleas to shower as quickly as possible because I also have to take one before work.

The Professor dresses himself in a t-shirt that is three sizes two big and athletic shorts with black socks pulled up to the knees.  The Princess is dressed in a bright yellow and white flowered top and red plaid leggings with rainbow striped socks pulled up over the plaid leggings.

My son fights with me again about his cereal-he must have plain Fareway brand Tasteeos without milk and orange juice.  My daughter takes ten minutes to make up her mind about what she wants and then changes her mind after I’ve got it onto the plate.  Meanwhile she has already upset her brother ten times because she won’t quit touching him or quit “almost” touching him with her feet under the table.  He has been spending an inordinate amount of time trying to get his sister to understand the fact that the song “BINGO” is factually inaccurate.

Meanwhile, I hastily make lunches while they eat.  The Princess requests salad with ranch dressing and red grapes on the side.  It may be in a bento box, but it’s not exactly visually appealing.  Probably closer to CraftFail than Pinterest.  The Professor does not like any of the choices I have, because he prefers hot lunch 9 out of 10 times.

After breakfast The Princess wants to wear the sparkly purple flower with the “jewel” in the middle in her hair, because it goes so well with the rest of her outfit.  The Professor doesn’t feel that he needs to wash his glasses because he says he can see just fine.

It’s time to get ready for the bus.  It’s raining for the first time in what, six months?  The kids scramble to get their umbrellas.  The Princess can’t find her jacket, because she has left it at school.  And don’t short black boots go awesome with knee length cropped leggings?  The Professor dons a jacket that is very small instead of the one that fits him.  I find it and make him change, he is unhappy about this.

It’s time to go!  The Professor opens the door and the dog runs away.  After watching the kids walk up to the bus stop, I spend the next little while sitting in the car, waiting for the dog to come into sight so I can open the door and yell “Here boy, want a ride?”

By the time I get back inside, there really isn’t enough time to go to the gym.  And I never did get my shower.  I go to work with my hair in a ponytail and a semi wrinkle free outfit that almost hides my muffin coffee cake top.

This is an outfit we were forced to wear because the other one was too small.  This was not without a fight... It's a good thing she's cute.

This is an outfit we were forced to wear because the other one looked ridiculous. This was not without a fight… It’s a good thing she’s cute.

PS-I’m writing this surrounded by mountains of laundry on all sides, because my housekeeping skills are that good.  It’s like a little fort…

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32 thoughts on “Expectation Versus Reality: A Morning in the ADD Household

  1. Bwahahaha! Reality. Bah! I love imaginary worlds! Here. You can come and sit by me at the pool, where we sip cool drinks and watch the hunky (is that a word?) pool boy.

  2. LOLOLOLOL…isn’t it amazing how we really want the mornings to go and then it all turns to poop. if only you could drink in the morning, right?

    She really is adorable…

  3. I forsake the world of the bloggers for a little whilr, and you get a library job?!? Yay!! How do you like it?

    P.s. I’m as bad as you, but I have no children to shove even part of the blame to. Fail sauce.

  4. I actually thought, “I should stop reading after this post after the Expectation section, so that I can think about her enjoying an idyllic morning with sunshine and happiness and glittery unicorns.” But alas, your words drew me in and I read the Reality section — and yep, that about sums it up! Kooky, funny, frustrating — life!

  5. I am already anticipating our problems for tomorrow as the boy is sitting next to me watching Andy Griffith and not sleeping. Love he clothing issues. I have to pay the boy a nickel to brush his teeth. As soon as he realized he could buy a lottery scratch em in 10 days he was all over it!

  6. Sounds like you need a personal assistant over there! I think we should start working on that!

    Yes, your kid is cute. I bet she gets away with a lot!

  7. Pingback: Expectation Versus Reality: A Morning in the A...

  8. I’m going to put a video camera on my morning so you can see that it looks JUST LIKE YOURS. Except I think your daughter’s outfit is adorable. Love it and thanks for the laugh (still chuckling over the coffee cake top).

  9. My God, when I first started reading about your morning I almost got sick. No normal person does yoga at 6 a.m.!!!! Ever!!!! Thank goodness you brought the reality back into perspective and settled my nausea before the pepto bizmo kicked in! Your daughter is a doll! You’re gonna have problems in about 10-11 years, for sure! Great job!

  10. Pingback: Weekly Wrap-Up: The I Can Barely Contain My Excitement Edition | The Sadder But Wiser Girl

  11. ha, ha! I brush her hair a thousand strokes! But, seriously, your reality IS normal. And with a cute, cute girl to boot! The other way just doesn’t exist! Thanks for linking up with The Sunday Parenting Party. I appreciate the support. And why did I miss this post before?

  12. Rainbow dressing – apparently that’s what I named your daughter’s style of dressing when I was a kid. It was how I always wanted to dress. Now my youngest daughter does the same thing. I’d like to say I outgrew, but really I just lucked into an older daughter that (too happily) tells me if something clashes.
    Also I’m renaming my piles of laundry waiting to be folded laundry forts. Laundry fort just sounds so much better!

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