Who Am I Wearing?: Clothes By Comfortable, Lack of Selfie Skills By Me

I’d like to thank the little people… the little person that made me the crown, that is…

Yay!  It’s awards season!  I’m so excited because I can finally share my sexy wardrobe off to the whole world!  Let me tell you, my everyday fashion is about as hot as you can get.  Tie-dyed or purple, yoga pants or sweatpants, I’m pulled together like nobody’s business!

Now I must point out that while my fashion skills are impeccable, my selfie skills are only subpar.  I rarely take pictures of myself because I have this great talent of blinding myself with the flash.

I can assure you this whole outfit cost me less than $2. It’s a pity you can’t see my really cool brown sweatpants.

Sooner or later, as in the image below, I just give up and have my kids take my picture… technically not a “selfie” per se, but my “self” IS in the photo.

I affectionately refer to this photo as “Don’t laugh at me or I will slap you with my freakishly big hand!”

Did I mention that I’m as graceful as an elephant?  Here I’m wearing an icepack by 3M.  (I’d suffered an unfortunate run-in with a paper cutter at work that very day….)

See?  Even at work I’m a fashion plate. I’m thinking that the no lipgloss of any kind look is going to be the in thing any day now.

So to heck with glamour.  As you can see, I have none.  What are YOU wearing?  (And I don’t mean in a creepy and/or Jake from State Farm kind of way.)

More like this…

Ahem, as I was saying-tell us who and/or what you’re wearing this awards season.  “We really want to know, #WhoAreYOUWearingMom ? Tweet it, share it on Instagram, or, if you’re a blogger, link up your own post by following the linky below – feel free to copy the graphic above. The linkup will be open until Sunday night. This Award Season, let’s celebrate real mom fashion!”  And don’t forget to see who everyone else is wearing by visiting them too!

Cohosted by the following extra stylish ladies:

Katia of I Am The Milk

Jen of My Skewed View

Jean at Mama, Schmama

Sarah at Left Brain Buddha

Stephanie at Mommy, For Real

Deb at Urban Moo Cow

Rachel at Tao of Poop

Jane at Nothing by the Book

Kristi at Finding Ninee

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Twisted Mixtape Tuesday: The Ultimate Cheer Up Kit

Welcome to this week’s Twisted Mixtape Tuesday.  The theme for this post?  We are supposed to make a mix that would cheer someone up!

The following are songs that I simply cannot be in a bad mood when I hear.  I get bummed, I turn one of these songs on.  It works every time! 

Fortunately I have this cutie that always wants to cuddle-a great cure for a bad mood! And the blanket?  I MADE THAT!

This is not only a fun song the video to this one is quite entertaining as well.

Hey Ya-The Outkast

Then for fun, watch this video.  It has nothing to do with music, it’s just funny.

Whose Line Is It Anyway:  World’s Worst Dating Service

It’s amazing that I didn’t name my daughter Cecilia…

Cecilia-Simon and Garfunkel

Now watch this, because I said so…

Cat-Friend vs Dog-Friend

Now, back to music.This one would have been appropriate last week for the dance songs.  Sort of.  Who else thinks Josh Turner has a sexy voice???

Why Don’t We Just Dance-Josh Turner

I would also tell my friend to google “funny wedding announcements”.  Seriously!  I am not kidding how funny I think some of these names are.  I laugh until I am in tears…  You can’t make this stuff up. Do it!  NOW!

But I digress…

I love love love this song.  It is interesting to note that I didn’t even know of it when it would have been popular.  I heard it on Scrubs, so therefore it must be a masterpiece, right?

A Little Respect-Erasure

This is really short… And hilarious… 🙂

Stewie’s Soda

Speaking of the 80s… Daryll Hall with his mullet of awesomeness.  And John Oates-that stache puts most staches to shame…

You Make My Dreams Come True-Hall & Oates

My other go-to cures for glumness include:  Episodes of Friends, Scrubs, movies such as Despicable Me, Better Off Dead, Elf, and The Wedding Singer, to name a few.  Let’s just say I’ve had a few bummed out days in my lifetime.

The Ultimate Cheer Up Kit-kitty not included (though if you catch me on the right day I’d probably send him to you cheap).

So there you have it, my complete kit for banishing bad moods!  Well not COMPLETE… there are a million other things I could have included, but I didn’t.  You’re welcome, I think.  What do you like to listen to (or watch) when you’re a little (or a lot) down?  Maybe you want to write about it?  Hop over to My Skewed View and share, and check out some other fun mixes while you’re visiting!

Fly on the Wall January 2014: The Multimedia Edition

Welcome to this month’s edition of The Fly on the Wall, created by and hosted by the lovely Karen of Baking in a Tornado.  Fourteen bloggers are simultaneously publishing glimpses into their homes just for your entertainment.  The links to the other participating blogs can be found at the bottom of this post. 

Now, prepare to be amused!

Apparently we own Yoda’s VCR.
Evil Genius: “Which one of us is going to pause the movie?”
Me: “There is no pause, there is only stop.”
Because there is… and no remote either.

So the dog has now picked up on the kids’ little game-so now not only do the children magically appear and need things whenever I get on the phone, he runs up to me and won’t stop barking at the phone. Maybe he wants to call somebody who cares?

Not staged. It’s been cold, can you tell?

I never thought that bringing home calendars from the dollar store for the kids would provide them with so much entertainment! They have busily been trying to find all the important dates.

The Professor’s important dates=sporting events and Nerdsdays (translation=Big Bang Theory nights)
The Princess’s important dates=birthdays of friends and family

Me:  “Can you hand me the remote?”
The Princess:  “Which one, the big one or the lumpy one?”

Tiberius’s second collar of his life so far. The first one lasted a few hours. This one lasted about 24 hours, but as you can see he broke it completely!

I can add another talent to the growing list-this evening my husband got up to get something and set his book on my arm.  That’s right, I make a fabulous bookmark!

There was dancing, yelling, then crying downstairs while watching New Year’s Rockin Eve.  The Professor comes running upstairs chattering “She was pretending she was a giant chili dog on the big chair that kept collapsing…”
Evil Genius “Is your sister ok?”
The Professor “I don’t know, but I just can’t stop thinking about chili dogs.”
She was fine.

Yes this happened.  I call it “Man with stache seeks boy band to join…”

Trying to find a sound app to fall asleep to on my IPhone. Among the choices on the one I’m trying out: Sizzling bacon!

The Princess is hoping to repaint her room very soon.  Naturally she was thrilled when Evil Genius started talking about rebuilding her bed this spring.
Evil Genius:  “And your mom can help you choose the color.”
The Princess:  “OK!  I want my room painted in rainbow colors!”

While not a great quality screenshot, you can see the pretty dress that The Princess received from Evil Genius’s coworker. Quite snazzy!

I asked The Princess to bring me the remote so I could change the channel.
The Princess asked as she handed me the remote “Why can’t we watch this show?”
Me:  “Because Bones isn’t really appropriate for little kids.”
The Princess:  “Why?”
Me:  “Because there’s really icky stuff on there.”
The Princess:  “Like bones?”
Me:  “Yeah, and dead people and blood and guts.”
The Princess:  “Dead animals?”
Me:  “Nope, just people.”
The Princess:  “Oh, that’s okay then.”

This is what happens when paper cutters roam freely around the library…

When told that there would be a two hour delay the next morning, the princess smiled and started cheering “Yay!  More time with mommy!”

Did I mention that she was my favorite that day?

Yes The Professor needs to be a part of this post too. Here he is flexing his nerd muscles!

Thank you for reading today!  Now buzz around to the blogs listed below and see all the goings on at their houses!

Baking In A Tornado

The Rowdy Baker

Just A Little Nutty

The Momisodes

Spatulas on Parade

Follow me home . . .

Stacy Sews and Schools

Searching for Sanity

The Lazy Mom’s Cooking Blog

Menopausal Mother

Victory Rose

Pink Heart String

Spinster Snacks

Twisted Mixtape Tuesday: You Can Dance If You Want To…

The theme for Twisted Mixtape Tuesday this week is favorite dance or club songs. 

Do you know why I’m guffawing right now?  I’m laughing because I haven’t set foot in a club or a bar where there is actual dancing in… let’s just say it’s been a long time.  A very long time.  Do you want to know what was playing when I still went to clubs?

I know what you’re thinking… No it wasn’t in the stone ages…

To be fair, I only frequented one place, and it was the place that I eventually met my husband.  There were two levels, the one downstairs played more of the current music and the upstairs played more classic stuff.  I probably spent more time upstairs because it was quieter and a little more laid back, sometimes… here was what I would have heard on a typical night:

Who doesn’t want to dance when they hear this song?

Ballroom Blitz-Sweet

And you thought that Tori Amos video I shared awhile back was weird?  This one is too, but dude that song is catchy…  I do wish I had been in the conceptual meeting for this video where someone said “Hey, let’s put arms and legs with no bodies in it!”

Wild Wild West-Escape Club

Remember when Mark Wahlberg rapped?  He probably wishes that people would just forget.  But come on, who can forget this song?  I dare you not to start bopping along to this, or putting your best rapper moves on.

Good Vibrations-Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch

Are you pissing the night away?  Some people there probably were…

Tubthumper-Chumbawamba

Because I haven’t quite shared it enough on here… I shared the REAL video this time, not anything from Night at the Roxbury!

What Is Love?-Haddaway

I know what you’re thinking-where the hell did you hang out?  But it’s true, they played this and it NEVER freaking gets old!

The Time Warp-Rocky Horror Picture Show

Now get in your time machine and come back to the present, almost 15 years and two kids later.  I’m not a big fan of popular dance music, but there are some I listen to occasionally.  You’ll have to come back another time to hear just what those songs are….

Be sure to dance over to My Skewed View to see what other people are dancing to.  I bet they don’t have The Time Warp on their lists!  😀

PS:  Your bonus track, because it’s in the title…

The Safety Dance-Men Without Hats

 

It’s The Best Day of My Life… So Far!

The first ever picture of The Professor, and one of the only ones during the first few months of his life where he was awake-man that kid could SLEEP!

I’ve been a bit slow to write about it, but believe it or not we have a situation on our hands:

We have a nine year old.

Believe it or not the little baby who always wanted to sleep is now a big nine year old in third grade!

His half birthday is July 4th…

The big day started off, well, not so great.

I awoke to a terrible smell.  Something.was.burning.

I raced downstairs to find a black burnt bagel sitting on the table in the living room.  The Professor was standing in the kitchen looking extremely guilty.

He did the thing where he looks at me but not really at me as he stammered “I… I… really wanted a bagel so I cooked one in the microwave.”

“Really… for how long?”

“Only three minutes.”

Oh is that all?  I may never, ever get that smell out of the microwave.  Now for some useful information for everyone: Yes there IS a smell worse than burnt popcorn!

Never fear, the day could only go up from there…

Since it was a Saturday, he got to do what he likes best. On Saturday mornings one of our local channels has the equivalent of the Saturday morning cartoons that we enjoyed as children.  If he gets to watch “Vortex” as it’s called, it’s a great day!

We hit Pizza Ranch for lunch, and then he got to go to a high school football game with his dad that afternoon.  He was in hog heaven.

You know WHY he loves Pizza Ranch so much? His words: “You can get pizza AND fried chicken AND mashed potatoes all in the SAME MEAL!”

Part of this particular week had been spent agonizing over his cake.  He knew he wanted a superhero cake for quite some time.  Last year he had his heart set on a Batman cake but this year he was having a hard time making a decision about which superhero he wanted.  (No, mom is NOT going to put every superhero on one cake-he knows this because he asked.)  One thing I would suggest to any parent in their right mind is to NOT invite your child to look at cake ideas online with you.  Naturally he wanted every fancy cake he saw.  Anyone who knows me knows that my cakes are less than fancy, at least in the Pinterest sense.

After vetoing about 50 other cakes that he liked, I convinced him that a Flash cake would be quite nice (as in the superhero, not other things that might come to mind).  It wasn’t perfect-and I think last year’s Batman cake far surpassed this one, but it turned out ok.  The Flash symbol was off center, so I tried writing on it with frosting.  Yes it made it look more centered, but probably because my awful “frost writing” was very distracting!

In the end tt didn’t matter-he loved it.

After chocolate cake and mint ice cream we opened presents-he received five LEGO sets for Christmas, four of which were superhero themed, so it was only natural that he also got a LEGO book for his birthday.

He got some wonderful gifts this year.  Oddly enough, one of his favorite gifts happened to be a Slinky.  He wanted a Slinky in the worst way.  I thought that was neat that in the age of video games that he wanted such a classic toy. That was the best 90 cents I’ve spent in a long time.  He and his sister spent a lot of time playing with it that evening and loved making the Slinky do stuff!

Yes that’s right, it’s fun for a girl and a boy…

I’m glad they got a lot of use out of it, because in less than 24 hours it was tangled up in itself and totally unusable!

Before bed we gave grandma a quick call.  He told her all about his day and announced “This is the best day of my life… so far.”

That’s good-I like it that he’s expecting bigger and better things as life goes on.  Maybe his momma needs to take a cue from that!

And now that The Professor’s birthday is over and done for this year, we now get to hear every day from now until May just what The Princess expects for her birthday…

Big Stuff

This is a post participating in Finish The Sentence Friday.  This week we had to finish the following sentence:  I once saw the biggest…

It was summer.  I had spent a hot day walking around with no real destination.  My stomach was rumbling, my mouth was dry, and I was exhausted.

Just when I was losing faith that was when I saw it.  I could see it through the windows of a nearby building.  It was big, it was brown, it was beautiful.  It was beckoning to me, calling me to come closer.  As I entered the room, it smelled wonderful.  Masses of people converged just to have a look at this magnificent sight!

All I wanted was a little taste. I wanted to be part of this like no other.  Just a little satisfaction and I’d be on my way, never to bother about it again… but alas I was denied.  Turned down, rejected…

That’s right, I once saw the biggest piece of chocolate I’ve ever seen in my entire life at the Iowa State Fair, and they wouldn’t let me have any.  😦

Yep, there he is, all that chocolate. Surely there’s someone would split it with me?  Maybe with a big glass of milk…  Oh that’s right, you can have the milk-I’m lactose intolerant.

This was short and sweet. HAHA see what I did there?  Chocolate?  Sweet?

Speaking of big stuff, I now invite you to transport yourself to a magical world.  I’m part of a campaign designed to try to get the dictator for life back into the driver’s seat over at The Adventures of a Misplaced Alaskan.  Terrye has been missing in action in the blogging world for quite some time and it’s time for her to start planning her triumphant return.  I offer up ten reasons why she needs to do so.  Please click HERE  to come over and snoop around.  It’s okay to check the medicine cabinet, but be careful!

Finish the Sentence Friday is hosted by the following princesses of blog land:

Kristi of Finding Ninee

Kate of Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine With My Quiet Time?

Stephanie of Mommy Is For Real

Janine of Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyholic

(A little aside before I go:  this was supposed to go live this morning. Apparently you have to actually hit  an extra button before anything happens on WordPress.  Duh.  You’d think I’d learn that after four or five times.)

If I Had A Million Dollars…

If I had a million dollars I would…

Before I begin we must have background music… (I love this song AND this group, I hope you do too!)

This is only for fun, so no I’m not going to pay for world peace or an end to hunger or a cure for cancer.  So yes, I’m going to be downright selfish.  I’m still having palpitations over buying workout clothes on clearance with a coupon at Target today-it would be nice to not have to worry so much about things like that.

So if you were expecting all of that crap… Sorry people, it’s MY fantasy.

First of all I would sell my current house for a song (literally!) and find a house closer to where my husband works.  Nothing fancy, just one that is big enough.  With a fake fireplace.  And a tub that I can actually submerge my body in. And of course a man cave in the basement where Evil Genius and The Professor can plan to take over the world. And the Princess could have the dream bedroom she’s been lobbying for with a castle in it.  With a castle and a slide and a trampoline.   I could have my secret passage to my secret room where I hide and write.  Or where I could just take a nap without small people staring at me.

I’d invest enough of that money so my children might actually be able to go to college. Because even though I’d have a million dollars college is super duper expensive, especially by the time they are old enough. Oh and for that matter, I would go back to school too.  Heck I could even start my own school, like in one of my favorite movies Accepted.

I’d buy a car that isn’t starting to fall apart. Purple Prius here I come!  Maybe I’d even have a lava lamp installed in it.  You can run one of those from the cigarette lighter, right?

I would name her Violet…

Invest in an indestructable yoga mat, that way my dog won’t be able to eat it.  A purple one.  Oh and perhaps a personal trainer.  A nice personal trainer that would not yell at me, but secretly coerce me into working out without me even realizing it.  And I’d get those meals that are delivered to your door so I’d quit eating so much crap.  Or better yet have my own greenhouse, and chickens, and a cow.  Or maybe not a cow, because I’m lactose intolerant.  How about a Sodastream instead?  Yeah, now we’re talking!

What I just did a million sit-ups? How did you make me do that???  Oh.

Evil Genius and I would finally get to take our honeymoon.  It’s only 14 years overdue.  We’d go somewhere.  Anywhere.  Heck right now I’d take just getting out of IOWA!

Last but not least I would finally purchase that elusive self hosted blog and all of the perks and write for a living.  And I would host my own blogging party conference.  It would be The Sadder But Wiser conference.  And like in my recent Secret Swap post it would only cost $1.99 to attend!  There would be chocolate fountains and wine fountains and nothing would actually have calories.  It would be held at a water park next to the hotel, because that would be really, really fun.  Lazy river here I come!

Oh yes, a million dollars could be so much fun-I couldn’t resist fantasizing about that!  But now back to reality.  Sigh…

Yep back to reality. Hey I found a QUARTER! Woo-hoo!

This post has been a part of Finish The Sentence Friday, hosted by these witty and wonderful ladies:

Kristi of Finding Ninee

Kate of Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine With My Morning Quiet Time?

Stephanie of Mommy, For Real

Janine of Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyholic

Check out their blogs to see what other people would do with a million dollars!

Up All Night at The Insomniac’s Dream

I wrote something for someone else.  I even used a bad word in it.  It’s not THAT bad.  Let’s just say that if you suffer from bouts of writer’s block peppered with periods of idea diarrhea, I may have a name for your affliction, and it rhymes with pit.

Really it’s just a bunch of random nonsense like most of the drivel I write.  But it’s on Starr’s blog so you should at least stop by and say hey.  Please?  Click on the link below to take you there.

Writer’s Envy: When The Sh*t Hits The Fan at The Insomniac’s Dream

Twisted Mixtape Tuesday: Mistaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!

The theme for Twisted Mixtape Tuesday is past mistakes.

I will not make the mistake of rambling on and on as I tend to do, or have done in the past.

Or use funny kitty memes. Oh wait I just did…

Seriously though, I couldn’t wait for this week’s Twisted Mixtape Tuesday because I had to share this clip:

Ah, mistakes.  We’ve all made a few. Even the most perfect person in the world has made a few in life.  I’ve made a lot and I’m certainly not perfect!

Is there a song called “I Chose the Wrong College and Wrong Career and Now I Have No Future”?  How about “I Can’t Believe I Ate All of That Cake Batter and Frosting”?

No?  Dangit!

Naturally if we are referring to any sort of mistake this song must be mentioned.  It’s the law.

It’s A Mistake-Men At Work

This really has nothing to do with mistakes, but sharing that Men at Work song reminded me of this – one of the greatest videos ever made.  I really think this is what started Robot Chicken.  Really… I could have totally made this video as a kid, it just wouldn’t have featured all the sex and drug references.

The Hell Song-Sum 41

So naturally, that thought led me to this one.  Blink 182, Sum 41.  I used to get them confused.  But Blink 182 like to make videos where they’re running around wearing nothing but black socks and shoes.  The usage of this video is two-fold:  1)  I got the bands confused, therefore that was a past mistake 2)  One mistake I’ve made often in the past is to act my age.  Or not act my age.  Wait, what was that again?  Oh, and Mark Hoppus and his… eyes… yeah, that’s it.  Well worth sharing this video…

What’s My Age Again-Blink 182

Funny thing, I am a huge Coldplay fan and I don’t think I’ve ever shared a song of theirs on Twisted Mixtape Tuesday.  This one counts because it’s about a mistake.  And the video is really freaky.  Kind of like the fact that Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow are together.  Freaky.  Weird.

The Scientist-Coldplay

Another mistake I’ve made is not appreciating Muse sooner.  I thought this group was just weird.  Then they grew, and grew, and grew on me.  Here’s the song that changed my mind.  And yes, they’re still weird.

Supermassive Black Hole-Muse

Stringing random stuff together to make a post.  It’s what I do.  Is that enough tuneage that really has  nothing to do with the theme? Be sure to check out my friends Jen at My Skewed View and Kristi at Finding Ninee for all kinds of mistakes, but not the writing kind.

So click the links already so you can…

LEAF! It’s LEAF! BA HA HA! BTTF reference #2 this year. 😉  You’re welcome.

What I’m Really Still Doing Here Besides Staring At My Laptop

This week’s sentence for Finish the Sentence Friday is “My blogging goals for this year are…”

Goals? Where we’re going we don’t need goals…

Goals?  Perhaps one of them should be to include a Back To The Future reference in EVERY SINGLE POST THIS YEAR!

(Or to not use so many capitals.  And parentheses).

I could aim to use not so many references to bodily functions, but what fun would that be?

Last year I thought I might be on my way to making a living writing.  How’s that working out for me these days?  Not like I had expected.  While it has provided some very unique opportunities for me, now it’s something I do when I can do it.  Which sometimes is nearly impossible with two young kids, a husband, a house to maintain, and oh yes the paying job.  The job which just increased my hours and is about to give me a raise, because I’m almost off of probation, yo!

(That is the probationary period when you start a job, not as in ankle bracelet check in with your parole officer type of probation.  Hey look, more parentheses!)

And to be a “blogger” these days one is expected to maintain all sorts of crazy online presence giving and sharing on various forms of social media.  Some of that like Facebook that would rather show my stuff to one person than the almost 800 people who have signed up to follow it.  Frustrating…

So what the hell am I still doing here?

1)  Connecting  Because the online community is fabulous with a capital “F”.  This past month was definitely evidence that you don’t necessarily need to hang out with someone face to face every day to have a great support network.

2)  Venting  Because I certainly need that.  Even if I have to speak in clever code that no one but me understands.

3)  Creativity However weird it may turn out, I need a way to get that creativity out of me and into something tangible.

4)  Sharing  Because if I can share the weirdness that makes my family unique and make someone laugh in the process, it’s worth it.

So while I don’t have any goals, I think it’s good to have some concrete reasons as to why I keep hanging round these parts when I can.  As long as you are willing to read my crazy randomness occasionally and maybe get a laugh or two out of it, then I guess my job here is done.

This has been a Finish The Sentence Friday post, hosted by the delightful ladies of the FTSF universe-

Kristi of Finding Ninee

Kate of Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine With My Quiet Time?

Stephanie of Mommy, For Real

Janine from Janine’s of Confessions of a Mommyholic