It’s Spandex Time!

Those of you who know me well know that Menopausal Mother and I are blogging buddies.  A couple of weeks ago I took over her blog in quite villainous fashion.  In the past she and I have done guest posts for each other.  And quite often we stay up later than we should chatting on Facebook into the wee hours of the morning.

And now she’s going to rock the publishing world!

That’s right, my friend Marcia is going to have her very own book!  I am all verklempt, I feel like a proud auntie or something.  And I know that you will want to get your hot little hands on a copy all your own!  For more details about the book “Who Stole My Spandex? Midlife Musings From A Middle-Aged MILF” you can visit her author site http://www.marciakesterdoyle.com and sign up for news of the official release here: http://bit.ly/1hPWQsO

And of course you can always visit her blog at http://www.menopausalmom.com

Flyer4Who Stole My Spandex? Midlife Musings from a Middle-Aged MILF…is a humorous collection of stories based on Marcia Kester Doyle’s hilariously popular blog, Menopausal Mother. Take a ride on the midlife wild side with a wacky journey through menopausal pitfalls, raising a family in a madhouse, maintaining a spandex-worthy booty, and all points in between! Nothing is off limits!

The collection includes laugh-out-loud brain candy, such as “9 Signs You Might Be a MILF,” “How to Annoy Your Children,” “You Might Be Menopausal If…,” and “Menopausal Cuckoo,” along with some of her newer tales of midlife mayhem. With a dash of wit and a heavy dose of humor, this is the greatest therapy ever offered in book form…and cheaper than any therapist’s bill!
So hie thee over to Marcia’s page and say hello and congratulations!  😀
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Fly on the Wall April 2014: The Lame Edition

Fly on the WallBuzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….

What’s that infernal racket?  Oh, that is the sound you’d be making if you were a fly on a wall in my house.  At least that’s what the flies sound like that are currently here.  Maybe YOU would be extra quiet.

Why am I talking about flies? Don’t they just fly around and buzz in your ear and get in your garbage?  Au contraire-flies could very well be little spies, hanging around on your wall and getting an earful of your biznizz.

Fly on the Wall is a monthly good time, the brainchild of the lovely and very wise guardian of the baked goods Karen from Baking in a Tornado.  We participants are all posting at the same time, ensuring that you will get the pleasure of seeing what goes on at not just one, but MANY houses each time.  After you’re done reading my post, please click on some of the links to see what is going on in other houses around the blogosphere.

I have entitled this one “The Lame Edition”, because this last month stands to be the lamest one yet as far as fly content!  Where is the funny?  Where is the cuteness?  What is wrong with us?

But hey flies-you’ll be loving my house this month.  Thanks to an extended winter season and the destruction of our garbage receptacle by the D-O-G we have plenty of delightful things to offer our larval and adult fly population alike in our yard this month.  Get your kicks in now, because by next week we should have all the trash outta here and taken to the curb.  Sorry doggie, NO TRASH FOR YOU!

He's in my spot.

He’s in my spot.

I’ve been spending an inordinate amount of time taking those silly quizzes on Facebook.  Let me give you a quick rundown of what I have learned about myself:  I’m Katherine Janeway, Captain of Voyager.  I’m Bill Hader.  I should join the X-Men.  I’m Captain America.  I’m Rainbow Brite.  I’m Bambi.  I’m a Lawful Neutral type person.  And I should be a lifeguard at a nude beach.

Did we mention the part where I really just need to get a life?  Where’s that quiz?

Oh myyyy... so young to be so grumpy so often...

Oh myyyy… so young to be so grumpy so often…

I’m a terrible, horrible parent.The Professor was conflict manager at recess recently and apparently was royally p.o.’d that there was no conflict. He announced that recess “sucked” because of that fact. I get why he was in trouble for it, and we talked about it, but I still found it funny. I at least waited until he was out of earshot to snicker.

Isn’t that kind of like the morale officer being mad because everyone is already happy?

Look out world, the real Sheldon Cooper is coming.

 ****

It’s a good weekend to be the Evil Genius.  His birthday is Saturday.  He has Good Friday off.  And had part of the day before as well.  And what did we spend the evening doing?  Watching beer commercials on the internet.  Be jealous, be very jealous of my exciting life.

She had her first official music concert this month.  It was a farm theme.  I think we pulled it off rather nicely!

She had her first official music concert this month. It was a farm theme. I think we pulled it off rather nicely!

I bought my first superhero shirt this week, the first one I’ve owned as an adult.  I think the last one I owned was a pair of Underoos back in the 1980s.  I’m finally publicly embracing my inner geek.  It has the Captain America shield on it and it is AWESOME!  (And if you want to embrace YOUR inner geek, I highly recommend going to see The Winter Soldier.)

*****

The Professor:  “It almost blew up my whole house! But it created some beautiful scenery!”  

Ah yes, Minecraft.  Everyone in my house is addicted to this game but me.  Am I mental?  I just do not see what’s so great about building stuff with blocks.  Maybe we need to just GET SOME BLOCKS?

No, not really.

No, not really.  Maybe she REALLY likes cheese?  My friend Teri at Snarkfest gets the finder’s fee for this one.

Where have I been these days?  I’ve been writing fiction.  Fiction that as of yet no one else has seen.  And may never.  What is so cool about fiction? The fact that you can totally control the storyline.  People never grow old and never die.  Oh wait, that’s the tagline for the movie Cocoon.  While I love my family dearly, now that my daughter is in school all day and I am working, and they’re all playing Minecraft, the funniness does not flow like I would like it to!

The OTHER reason why I'm not blogging so much...

The OTHER reason why I’m not blogging so much… Hi.

So what are you waiting for?  You’re just getting started getting your fill of fun, right??? Don’t forget to check out at least a couple of these lovely ladies!

http://www.BakingInATornado.com                          Baking In A Tornado

http://www.therowdybaker.com                                  The Rowdy Baker

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                                Just A Little Nutty

http://themomisodes.com                                          The Momisodes

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                          Spatulas on Parade

http://followmehome.shellybean.com                          Follow me home . . .

http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/                 Stacy Sews and Schools

http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com                            Someone Else’s Genius

http://www.impoverishedvegan.com                                Impoverished Vegan

http://www.juiceboxconfession.com                             Juicebox Confession

http://www.gomamao.com                                         Go Mama O

I’m Taking Over

MWAH HA HA…

In case you didn’t know, that was my evil laugh.

I’ve been a bit obsessed over superheroes and supervillains lately due to my recent venture out of my own little world to see Captain America: The Winter Soldier.  Which was nothing less than AMAZING.

Keep in mind that I don’t get out much, so there’s that…

Also, in my spare time, I stole a plane and flew down to Florida so I could hijack my friend’s blog.  Oh yes, in true supervillain fashion I’m holding Menopausal Mother hostage and I’m not giving it back until she asks me really, really nicely.  And maybe sends me some rum cake.  I hear she makes the best rum cake in the world.

I know supervillains don’t ask politely, just consider me a very friendly one.  Please come over and say hi, and check out some of Marcia’s writing while you’re there!

To come over and read my guest post, click HERE.

Fear me, I have minions... and I command thee to visit me at MENOPAUSAL MOTHER!!!!!

Fear me, I have minions… and I command thee to visit me at MENOPAUSAL MOTHER!!!!!

 

 

Fabulous 5Ks With Kids and Other Far-Fetched Fiction

Once upon a time I had a notion that I would simply let my children come with me while I ran a 5K.

It will be fun.  We will be active AND spend time together.  After all, I’ve seen the pictures of smiling, happy families exercising together.

IMG_0284

At this point everyone was still smiling.

Guess what?  As it turns out, my family is NOT one of those families!

I should have seen the signs.  After all, getting my kids to venture outdoors is something I liken to having teeth pulled.  Getting outdoors AND doing something active is even worse.  A prime example:  I forcibly signed my children up for soccer this Spring.  I bribed the younger one with pink shin guards, the older one with shin guards that you can insert different colors into.  Hopefully the shin guards will provide wonderful attitudes too!  Right?

For the last few years our little town has held a 5K in March.  It literally starts two blocks from our house and goes past our house.  How convenient.  We only had to walk out the front door to participate.

Evil Genius is training for a marathon.  Since he is actually one who runs the whole way, he decided to run the race as training.  I also wanted to do the race, since I am doing one in July and need the experience.  Therefore this meant I got to walk with the kids.  We used up our babysitter points the weekend before (remember the wine bar?)

There were serious runners too, like Evil Genius.

There were serious runners too, like Evil Genius.

So no big deal, right?  HA!

To help you envision what exactly my race was like, I have painstakingly prepared this little visual for you so you can see just what happened where!  As you can see, I have very advanced skills when it comes to this stuff.  Go ahead, offer me a job…

5K

As you can see, once dad took the kids it was a breeze…

Afterwards we met up for pancakes.  They were delicious.

She has her pancakes.  Mission accomplished.

She has her pancakes. She is now happy.  Mission accomplished.

And there was sausage too.  Now happiness abounded.

To the victors go the spoils, and in this case, the sausage.

To the victors go the spoils, and in this case, the sausage.

Great… huh?  Below I model my cool free t-shirt.  Sexy, huh?

IMG_2778

The Princess took this picture for me. Her horrified reaction after she took it and saw it on my computer: “Mommy, where are your FEET????”

So yes, I did a 5K.  So I didn’t run it the whole time but I did make it to the the end.  I beat nine people.  I think there should be a handicap for bringing two children with you during a race!

Have you ever run a 5K?  Walked a 5K?  Dragged one or two or more children along with you?

Guess Who’s Coming For Dinner: Conversations With Geeklings

shieldI never understood what the big deal was about… being normal.

From time to time, we have conversations in our household that seem perfectly normal to me, but that’s because I live here.

Later on as I think about it, not so much.

We’re nerds.  Geeks.  We don’t tend to like things that the normal person would enjoy.  We’re not normal.  And really, that’s perfectly okay.  I wouldn’t want it any other way.

This week with the anticipated opening of the latest Marvel movie which I am attending on opening night (Squeeeeee!), the conversations have been centered around superheroes.

Remember, we don’t get out much.

It started with Evil Genius disagreeing with my choice of serving utensil.  The ladle was in the dirty dishes, so I grabbed a great big serving spoon for our soup.  He protested loudly.

“Steve Rogers wouldn’t disagree with my choice of serving utensil!” I shouted after him.

(For the layperson, Steve Rogers is the secret identity of Captain America.)

Captain_America_I_Understand_That_ReferenceThen I totally uninvited him to the movie.  Too bad I don’t really have any say in that.

It went downhill from there.  By Thursday we were knee deep in superhero references.  We were talking about the new movie, and pretty much every other superhero movie ever made.  This somehow led to this question:

If we were to have superheroes over for dinner, who should we invite?

(This is REALLY important stuff in our house, by the way.)

The Professor right away shouts:  “The Flash!  Supper would be ready really fast because he’d cook it.”

(Food that is done quickly is very important to him).

So not only are we inviting them over, they’re cooking for us too?

The Princess:  “I’d like Wonder Woman to come over.  She’s a girl.”

(Poor Black Widow, she’s obviously a threat. No soup for her.)

Me:  “Well obviously Captain America is the right choice.  He would have EXCELLENT table manners.”

The Princess:  “We’d have to invite Superman.  He could open the pickles.”

The Professor piped up “Batman would be cool because his secret identity is Bruce Wayne.”

Me:  “What does that have to do with anything?”

The Professor:  “I just like Bruce Wayne.  And Batman.”

He just really likes Batman.

He just really likes Batman.

The Princess got a very worried look on her face.  “We can’t invite ALL the Avengers, because the Hulk would smash the table.”

The Professor:  “But if we ALSO invited Green Lantern, he could make us a new table with his ring.”

The Princess:  “But all his stuff is always green.  I don’t want a new table that’s green.”

Me:  “So invite a red lantern.”

The Princess:  “How about a PINK Lantern.  I would looooooooove that!”

The Professor:  “There are no PINK Lanterns.  But there are purple ones.”

The Princess:  “*GASP*  INVITE THEM!!!!”

The Professor:  “OK, but no yellow ones, they’re evil.”

Me:  “Yes I think there probably needs to be a no supervillain rule.”

(I’m secretly sad about that one, I’d totally invite Loki to my house…)

The Professor:  “Some supervillains aren’t really that evil.  Justin Hammer can come.”

(Secretly not sad now, Sam Rockwell can come to my house any time.)

The Professor:  “I’m sure that if we invited the Green Lantern AND The Flash that they would get along very well.  And Spiderman-I would love that.”

The Princess:  “Spiderman?  Ewwwww.  He’d just walk around on the ceiling.”

The Professor:  “Thor.”

The Princess:  “No.  No one is going to smash things.  He’ll smash things with his hammer.”

(She’s really worried about this whole smashing thing, should we be concerned?)

Me:  “Don’t you remember The Dark World?  He hung his hammer up when he came in the house.”

The Princess:  “Oh yeah! I still don’t want him to come though.”

The Professor:  “Let’s invite Phil Coulson.”

Me:  “He’s not a superhero, he’s a SHIELD agent.”

The Professor:  “That’s okay.  Agents can come too.”

In the end, the Professor was realizing his worst worry might come true if we did indeed invite all of these people over to our house.  His fear:  If all of the Avengers AND the Fantastic Four came over, how would Chris Evans be both Johnny Storm AND Captain America?  Serious stuff.

And nobody suggested Iron Man or any of the X-Men, which is a shame…

IMG_1205

Nobody invited Iron Man…

So there you have it, superheroes and SHIELD agents.  Dinner party at my house.

On the menu:  Pizza (shaped like a cat AND Captain America’s shield), Craisins, and baby carrots.  And if everyone behaves, chocolate/vanilla twist ice cream from DQ for dessert.

You’re all invited, you can even bring a guest.  That is as long as it’s not a super villain (except for Justin Hammer, you’re already invited).

Looks like I’m gonna need a bigger house.

This post is part of Finish the Sentence Friday, hosted by the following superheroes of the blogging universe:

Kate of Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine With My Morning Quiet Time?

Stephanie of Mommy, For Real

Kristi of Finding Ninee

Janine of Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyholic

And very special guest host Katia of I Am The Milk
(one of my favoritest people on the internets!)

Check out how other people finished the sentence by popping over to see one of these ladies and the linky!

FTSF