I swore up and down that I wasn’t going to be one of those parents who lost it when their youngest went off into the great world of public education. And yet here I am, bawling my eyes out at all hours of the night. And she hasn’t even started yet.
When my son started kindergarten it was a joyous occasion as well as a bit of a relief for us. FINALLY he was going to be in an environment when he had to listen to someone else. Maybe then he would finally have the challenge and the help that he needed. And the best thing was that I was going to be right across the hall. That backfired on me later, but at the beginning that was very nice to be near enough that he could see me.
He never worried, he did ask a lot of questions, but there was never any doubt that he was going and he barely looked back. And the nightmare began shortly after that.
I have mixed emotions on The Princess starting kindergarten. On one hand I know that she is more than ready. But I’m also hearing things that I never heard from The Professor that are breaking my heart.
“Mommy will you still remember me when I go to kindergarten?”
“Mommy I will miss you when I’m at school.”
We’ve had our moments, but she and I have always had a special bond. When I went back to work after having her, it was short-lived. I ended up taking a part-time job so we could share daycare between the two of us while Evil Genius was in school. Even the year I worked full-time we never were very far apart. So the idea of me not being right there is somewhat new to her.
As the time for school drew closer she asked for something simple. She asked me for a picture of the two of us. Two copies-one for her and one for me. That way I will remember her while she’s at school and she can have my picture there in her backpack for reassurance. While very sweet, she can’t take all the credit for that because she saw it on a tv show.
What’s breaking my heart right now is that I don’t know if I can deliver. My printer is down, and I have spent quite a bit of time trying to get my computer to behave to get everything put back on it. My printer, as you might recall, forgets who it is. It also has been jamming up and eating paper and ink. Unless I find a place here in town to print it out, she may not get to have her picture after all.
She’s always making up songs about how much she loves her mommy. How sweet is that? I also have a pile of artwork that would put any artist to shame. Every day she draws me pictures. They are always the same scene, of the two of us standing together, holding a heart. I have so many of these sweet pictures that I don’t know what to do with all of them.
I just don’t get why she loves me so much. She loves me, she really does. Sometimes I wonder why. I’m not a particularly good mom. I try. I always have good intentions. I give an ample supply of hugs and kisses and let her sing her songs for me. I just hope to continues to love me this much, even after she discovers all of the cookie-baking Pinterest moms who can take their kids to Disneyworld.
Tomorrow is not the actual start of Kindergarten. Just a short amount of time where she can go in, meet her teacher, and see where everything is. Then the real fun begins on Thursday. Remember that this is the child that the pediatrician said that kindergarten would have a problem with her. We’ll just have to see what comes of it.
Will I cry then? Maybe not because I’m crying now. I guess we’ll find out soon enough…