I Got The (Insert Really Long Phrase Here) Blues

Oh yeahhhh... play those blues...

Oh yeahhhh… play those blues…

I got me a blog
Ain’t wrote in awhile
This thing called life
It cramps my style

Should I just give it up?
Should I stop for awhile?
Should I eat that bowl of frosting
And then go walk seventeen miles?

Don’t mind me I got the I’m-a-mom-who-works-outside-of-the-home-and-has-a-house-to-clean-and-is-trying-to exercise-and-sleep-occasionally-and-maintain-a-blog-that-I-don’t-get-paid-anything-for blues

I’ve been writing a teensy bit, but sure not much.  I don’t just have the blahs, I have the blogging blues.  And maybe a bit of it’s just too damn cold blues.  I’ve been doing something besides just sitting on my couch.  Just what exactly have I been doing?  Pardon me while I do a sort of rant…

facebook post

Damn you FACEBUTT!!!!

I’ve spent plenty of time being frustrated.  Like with Facebook, they keep changing the rules.  Yet that’s the only place I really see any interaction with the exception of a couple of private groups I’m in.  I love posting something and only getting 11 views out of 777 people that like my status.  I can share something that someone else posted and sometimes get lots of views, but it’s so inconsistent.  What a bummer!

Speaking of frustrated, I seem to get pretty much the same number of pageviews regardless of what I’m doing.  I’d like to thank the pervs looking for pictures of women peeing their pants.

The workplace: Where paper cutters roam and attack without warning.

The workplace: Where paper cutters roam and attack without warning.

There is work.  The PAID JOB.  While my job is interesting and flexible and all of that jazz, it does take a lot of my time.  AND some weeks I like it better than others.  This week, not so much (mostly due to the fact that it has been too cold for kids to go outside=loud noisy kids!)  I spend way too much time analyzing what I could have done differently or better after each session, while I should just jot down a little note and move the heck on!  So the brains?  Nowhere to be found!

workoutTo some of you this may not be that impressive.  But to me this is a new start.  I have a condition where my muscles get knots in them as well as having chronic back pain.  Exercising this past year has been very difficult.  Add to that the fact that I literally try to hibernate in the winter.  This getting out and to the gym when the weather is so darn cold is really a challenge.  So far, so good!  I’m sure it will get easier come spring because I really hate walking indoors.  Having a motivating playlist on my Iphone has helped make it easier, but I still want to be outside!

Magnum ran a 5K.  I looked at pictures of him running a 5K...

Magnum ran a 5K. I looked at pictures of him running a 5K…

Also, as you can see Evil Genius has been running.  He’s actually been training for a marathon.  His first 5K was the last day of January.  While I’m not moved to run any sort of marathon, I would like to at least compete in a 5K!  He has been doing really well with his training, and that is motivating me too!  While I’m still just walking, I’m walking further than I have in a long time and that is what counts.

IMG_0180 (2)And of course, kids.

IMG_2732And I’ve been trying to find the stuff in my kitchen.  I’ve been both blessed and cursed by this pantry.  The pantry is wonderful because not only does it give us space that we otherwise didn’t have to store our food, it also is the entrance to our “secret passage”.  However, the shelves are pretty deep and not very much space between them.  The containers I had would fall off the shelves and we’d be ankle deep in the mess!  So new containers that are long and skinny, new labels, and it’s looking pretty snazzy! It is close to completion now, at least that phase.  There are other things going on with the organizing too…

IMG_2730

Behold the nicely organized spices!

So if you wonder why a) I haven’t been blogging my little heart out b) I haven’t been reading your blog b) I haven’t been sharing your blog c) on Facebook but don’t seem to do anything but post a bunch of silly Valentines that I have spent way too much time trying to find (like you see it, HA!), then hopefully this will give you an idea of why I’ve been so… bleh.

(I’m sure you probably haven’t even noticed… but I’ve got this thing called anxiety so I do…)

Have you had the blogging blues?  Have you had things that have been taking precedence over writing?  What is your kryptonite when it comes to blogging?

Owl Be Damned: Hootness and Cuteness

It's all about the CANDY!
Don’t listen to what they say about Valentines, we know it’s ALL ABOUT THE CANDY anyway!

The Princess recently announced that we should hand make all twenty three of her Valentines this year.  Aw, doesn’t that sound nice?

What do you mean “WE”, little girl?

Seriously, I was really on board.  Making your own Valentines saves money, right?  Therefore it’s totally worth it.  Yes, we were going to totally rock the homemade Valentine world this year!

After perusing online for awhile and finding out that my child pretty much wants everything on the internet, she settled upon making 23 of the paper owls in the picture below for her classmates.  Because they were “soooooo cuuuuuuuute”! (her words)

KidsActivitiesBlog has great step by step instructions o how to make these cute little owls.  So simple, right????

http://KidsActivitiesBlog has great step by step instructions on how to make these cute little owls. So simple and cute, right????

Before we proceed, keep in mind that this little girl always has her very own ideas of how she wants things…

After said conversation I visited the dollar spot  at Target and purchased a $1 package of scrapbook paper and some glue sticks.  Her plan also included not putting holes in the bottom for straws or suckers. We planned to make feet for our little owls.  Because we can’t give candy, we must give FRUIT SNACKS!  FRUIT SNACKS that are shaped like hearts!

(We totally CAN give candy, she just doesn’t want to).

The instructions said to make circles on the paper, and the blogger had simply used a cup to trace the circles.  So I grabbed the first cup I saw, which was The Princess’s heart cup, and hurriedly made circles, and then cut them out. Doing this used up about half of the scrapbook paper.

This was when I realized that these were going to be teeny tiny little owls.  Normal people would trace around an adult cup.  ADD people trace around the first cup they find that isn’t dirty.  The cup I grabbed happened to be her favorite.  And small, very small.

She also set her heart on using google eyes instead of making the eyes out of paper.  I guess maybe I should have bought some more eyes!  It became apparently quite quickly that the eyes we had were either gigantic or teeny.  Nothing in between that wasn’t completely goofy.  The Princess was very disappointed in this. Instead I showed her how to make the eyes out of paper circles like in the picture.  She was not very impressed.

And why write your own cute little sayings when you managed to pick up a bunch of conversation heart stickers last year in the Valentine Clearance?  So now instead of an owl with a note that says “I think you’re a HOOT!” or -insert owl reference here-, we have an owl with a heart emblazoned with the word “Kisses” on its tummy, holding on to a bag of heart shaped fruit snacks for dear life.

So after an extended period of cutting and folding, and making eyes, the Princess decided she was done. Or rather, I was done.  How many had we made?  One.  I had made just one little owl for her as an example.  She snatched it and fled to her room to make it a place to sleep.  She is going to keep it and name it “Kisses”.

Here is our poor "Kisses" the owl, rescued from the Princesses's bedroom while she sleeps.

Here is our poor “Kisses” the owl, rescued from the Princess’s bedroom while she slept.  I’m not sure how Kisses got so darn dirty.

So, will the Princess actually start making her owls for her friends?  Will we have future episodes where The Princess decides to keep going forward with Operation Valentine’s Owls?  Or perhaps a post about me running frantically to the store to grab one of the two boxes of Valentines that are left on the 11th hour of Vday?

It would have been so much simpler if I had just showed her all of the character Valentines there were while we were at Target.  But no, I had to encourage her creativity!  What is WRONG with me?

IMG_2749The Professor, on the other hand, was perfectly happy with whatever.  I brought him home a box of Skylanders Valentines and he was set.

So, several days after the fact,  just how IS our little owl project going?

Guess what?  She told me to go to Wal-Mart and pick her up a box of My Little Pony Equestria Girl Valentines… Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Some of our perusing for ideas resulted in seeing some ridiculously cute stuff.  Just hook me up with this site, I’ll order all of my Valentines’ gifts and be on my merry little way…

http://www.personalcreations.com/

Hedgehog in a Bucket

Aren’t these just the cutest things ever?  And I’m the mean mom who gave my kids weird names.  What’s wrong with that? You can’t just walk into a store and find personalized stuff for them.  Damn me.  http://www.personalcreations.com/valentines-gifts-kids-PVALKID

I thought it wise to mention that I did not receive any sort of compensation for plugging Personal Creations and Kids Activities Blog, other than a nice virtual high five.  That and the reaffirmation that my daughter wants everything cute that was ever made.

Who Am I Wearing?: Clothes By Comfortable, Lack of Selfie Skills By Me

I'd like to thank the little people... the little person that made me the crown, that is...

I’d like to thank the little people… the little person that made me the crown, that is…

Yay!  It’s awards season!  I’m so excited because I can finally share my sexy wardrobe off to the whole world!  Let me tell you, my everyday fashion is about as hot as you can get.  Tie-dyed or purple, yoga pants or sweatpants, I’m pulled together like nobody’s business!

Now I must point out that while my fashion skills are impeccable, my selfie skills are only subpar.  I rarely take pictures of myself because I have this great talent of blinding myself with the flash.

IMG_0138-MIX (2)

I can assure you this whole outfit cost me less than $2. It’s a pity you can’t see my really cool brown sweatpants.

Sooner or later, as in the image below, I just give up and have my kids take my picture… technically not a “selfie” per se, but my “self” IS in the photo.

I like to call this one "Don't laugh at me or I will slap you with my freakishly big hand!"

I affectionately refer to this photo as “Don’t laugh at me or I will slap you with my freakishly big hand!”

Did I mention that I’m as graceful as an elephant?  Here I’m wearing an icepack by 3M.  (I’d suffered an unfortunate run-in with a paper cutter at work that very day….)

Even at work I'm a fashion plate.  I'm thinking that the no lipgloss of any kind look is going to be the in thing any day now.

See?  Even at work I’m a fashion plate. I’m thinking that the no lipgloss of any kind look is going to be the in thing any day now.

So to heck with glamour.  As you can see, I have none.  What are YOU wearing?  (And I don’t mean in a creepy and/or Jake from State Farm kind of way.)

More like this…

who-are-you-wearing-2Ahem, as I was saying-tell us who and/or what you’re wearing this awards season.  “We really want to know, #WhoAreYOUWearingMom ? Tweet it, share it on Instagram, or, if you’re a blogger, link up your own post by following the linky below – feel free to copy the graphic above. The linkup will be open until Sunday night. This Award Season, let’s celebrate real mom fashion!”  And don’t forget to see who everyone else is wearing by visiting them too!

Cohosted by the following extra stylish ladies:

Katia of I Am The Milk

Jen of My Skewed View

Jean at Mama, Schmama

Sarah at Left Brain Buddha

Stephanie at Mommy, For Real

Deb at Urban Moo Cow

Rachel at Tao of Poop

Jane at Nothing by the Book

Kristi at Finding Ninee

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Click here to enter your link and view this Linky Tools list…

Fly on the Wall January 2014: The Multimedia Edition

Fly on the WallWelcome to this month’s edition of The Fly on the Wall, created by and hosted by the lovely Karen of Baking in a Tornado.  Fourteen bloggers are simultaneously publishing glimpses into their homes just for your entertainment.  The links to the other participating blogs can be found at the bottom of this post. 

Now, prepare to be amused!

Apparently we own Yoda’s VCR.
Evil Genius: “Which one of us is going to pause the movie?”
Me: “There is no pause, there is only stop.”
Because there is… and no remote either.

So the dog has now picked up on the kids’ little game-so now not only do the children magically appear and need things whenever I get on the phone, he runs up to me and won’t stop barking at the phone. Maybe he wants to call somebody who cares?

Not staged.  It's been cold, can you tell?

Not staged. It’s been cold, can you tell?

I never thought that bringing home calendars from the dollar store for the kids would provide them with so much entertainment! They have busily been trying to find all the important dates.

The Professor’s important dates=sporting events and Nerdsdays (translation=Big Bang Theory nights)
The Princess’s important dates=birthdays of friends and family

Me:  “Can you hand me the remote?”
The Princess:  “Which one, the big one or the lumpy one?”

Tiberius's second collar of his life so far.  The first one lasted a few hours.  This one lasted about 24 hours, but as you can see he broke it completely!

Tiberius’s second collar of his life so far. The first one lasted a few hours. This one lasted about 24 hours, but as you can see he broke it completely!

I can add another talent to the growing list-this evening my husband got up to get something and set his book on my arm.  That’s right, I make a fabulous bookmark!

There was dancing, yelling, then crying downstairs while watching New Year’s Rockin Eve.  The Professor comes running upstairs chattering “She was pretending she was a giant chili dog on the big chair that kept collapsing…”
Evil Genius “Is your sister ok?”
The Professor “I don’t know, but I just can’t stop thinking about chili dogs.”
She was fine.

Man with stache seeks boy band to join...

Yes this happened.  I call it “Man with stache seeks boy band to join…”

Trying to find a sound app to fall asleep to on my IPhone. Among the choices on the one I’m trying out: Sizzling bacon!

The Princess is hoping to repaint her room very soon.  Naturally she was thrilled when Evil Genius started talking about rebuilding her bed this spring.
Evil Genius:  “And your mom can help you choose the color.”
The Princess:  “OK!  I want my room painted in rainbow colors!”

While not a great quality screenshot, you can see the pretty dress that The Princess received from Evil Genius's coworker.  Quite snazzy!

While not a great quality screenshot, you can see the pretty dress that The Princess received from Evil Genius’s coworker. Quite snazzy!

I asked The Princess to bring me the remote so I could change the channel.
The Princess asked as she handed me the remote “Why can’t we watch this show?”
Me:  “Because Bones isn’t really appropriate for little kids.”
The Princess:  “Why?”
Me:  “Because there’s really icky stuff on there.”
The Princess:  “Like bones?”
Me:  “Yeah, and dead people and blood and guts.”
The Princess:  “Dead animals?”
Me:  “Nope, just people.”
The Princess:  “Oh, that’s okay then.”

This is what happens when paper cutters roam freely around the library...

This is what happens when paper cutters roam freely around the library…

When told that there would be a two hour delay the next morning, the princess smiled and started cheering “Yay!  More time with mommy!”

Did I mention that she was my favorite that day?

Yes The Professor needs to be a part of this post too.  Here he is flexing his nerd muscles!

Yes The Professor needs to be a part of this post too. Here he is flexing his nerd muscles!

Thank you for reading today!  Now buzz around to the blogs listed below and see all the goings on at their houses!

Baking In A Tornado

The Rowdy Baker

Just A Little Nutty

The Momisodes

Spatulas on Parade

Follow me home . . .

Stacy Sews and Schools

Searching for Sanity

The Lazy Mom’s Cooking Blog

Menopausal Mother

Victory Rose

Pink Heart String

Spinster Snacks

Big Stuff

Finish the Sentence Friday

This is a post participating in Finish The Sentence Friday.  This week we had to finish the following sentence:  I once saw the biggest…

It was summer.  I had spent a hot day walking around with no real destination.  My stomach was rumbling, my mouth was dry, and I was exhausted.

Just when I was losing faith that was when I saw it.  I could see it through the windows of a nearby building.  It was big, it was brown, it was beautiful.  It was beckoning to me, calling me to come closer.  As I entered the room, it smelled wonderful.  Masses of people converged just to have a look at this magnificent sight!

All I wanted was a little taste. I wanted to be part of this like no other.  Just a little satisfaction and I’d be on my way, never to bother about it again… but alas I was denied.  Turned down, rejected…

That’s right, I once saw the biggest piece of chocolate I’ve ever seen in my entire life at the Iowa State Fair, and they wouldn’t let me have any.  😦

549725_3828482667487_2115772115_n

Yep, there he is, all that chocolate. Surely there’s someone would split it with me?  Maybe with a big glass of milk…  Oh that’s right, you can have the milk-I’m lactose intolerant.

This was short and sweet. HAHA see what I did there?  Chocolate?  Sweet?

Speaking of big stuff, I now invite you to transport yourself to a magical world.  I’m part of a campaign designed to try to get the dictator for life back into the driver’s seat over at The Adventures of a Misplaced Alaskan.  Terrye has been missing in action in the blogging world for quite some time and it’s time for her to start planning her triumphant return.  I offer up ten reasons why she needs to do so.  Please click HERE  to come over and snoop around.  It’s okay to check the medicine cabinet, but be careful!

Finish the Sentence Friday is hosted by the following princesses of blog land:

Kristi of Finding Ninee

Kate of Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine With My Quiet Time?

Stephanie of Mommy Is For Real

Janine of Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyholic

(A little aside before I go:  this was supposed to go live this morning. Apparently you have to actually hit  an extra button before anything happens on WordPress.  Duh.  You’d think I’d learn that after four or five times.)

If I Had A Million Dollars…

Finish the Sentence Friday

If I had a million dollars I would…

Before I begin we must have background music… (I love this song AND this group, I hope you do too!)

one million dollarsThis is only for fun, so no I’m not going to pay for world peace or an end to hunger or a cure for cancer.  So yes, I’m going to be downright selfish.  I’m still having palpitations over buying workout clothes on clearance with a coupon at Target today-it would be nice to not have to worry so much about things like that.

So if you were expecting all of that crap… Sorry people, it’s MY fantasy.

First of all I would sell my current house for a song (literally!) and find a house closer to where my husband works.  Nothing fancy, just one that is big enough.  With a fake fireplace.  And a tub that I can actually submerge my body in. And of course a man cave in the basement where Evil Genius and The Professor can plan to take over the world. And the Princess could have the dream bedroom she’s been lobbying for with a castle in it.  With a castle and a slide and a trampoline.   I could have my secret passage to my secret room where I hide and write.  Or where I could just take a nap without small people staring at me.

I’d invest enough of that money so my children might actually be able to go to college. Because even though I’d have a million dollars college is super duper expensive, especially by the time they are old enough. Oh and for that matter, I would go back to school too.  Heck I could even start my own school, like in one of my favorite movies Accepted.

I’d buy a car that isn’t starting to fall apart. Purple Prius here I come!  Maybe I’d even have a lava lamp installed in it.  You can run one of those from the cigarette lighter, right?

purple prius

I would name her Violet…

Invest in an indestructable yoga mat, that way my dog won’t be able to eat it.  A purple one.  Oh and perhaps a personal trainer.  A nice personal trainer that would not yell at me, but secretly coerce me into working out without me even realizing it.  And I’d get those meals that are delivered to your door so I’d quit eating so much crap.  Or better yet have my own greenhouse, and chickens, and a cow.  Or maybe not a cow, because I’m lactose intolerant.  How about a Sodastream instead?  Yeah, now we’re talking!

What I just did a million sit-ups?  How did you make me do that...

What I just did a million sit-ups? How did you make me do that???  Oh.

Evil Genius and I would finally get to take our honeymoon.  It’s only 14 years overdue.  We’d go somewhere.  Anywhere.  Heck right now I’d take just getting out of IOWA!

Last but not least I would finally purchase that elusive self hosted blog and all of the perks and write for a living.  And I would host my own blogging party conference.  It would be The Sadder But Wiser conference.  And like in my recent Secret Swap post it would only cost $1.99 to attend!  There would be chocolate fountains and wine fountains and nothing would actually have calories.  It would be held at a water park next to the hotel, because that would be really, really fun.  Lazy river here I come!

Oh yes, a million dollars could be so much fun-I couldn’t resist fantasizing about that!  But now back to reality.  Sigh…

Yep back to reality.  Hey I found a QUARTER!  Woo-hoo!

Yep back to reality. Hey I found a QUARTER! Woo-hoo!

This post has been a part of Finish The Sentence Friday, hosted by these witty and wonderful ladies:

Kristi of Finding Ninee

Kate of Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine With My Morning Quiet Time?

Stephanie of Mommy, For Real

Janine of Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyholic

Check out their blogs to see what other people would do with a million dollars!

Hello 2014: Faking It In The New Year

philosophy

Aw, that’s right Phil…

2013 has come and gone, and here it is a new year.

I don’t make resolutions.  I feel like I let myself down enough-let’s not set myself up for failure right off the bat!  I do however have the utmost respect for people that do make resolutions AND keep them!

However as 2013 left us I saw some things I that made me smile…  This one made me LOL.

common new years resolutionsLOL!  And of course any meme that includes Star Trek in it is great.

make it soAnd this, good for a writer…

write good bookAnd this just plain made me smile.

be awesomeIf I DID make resolutions I would have to make ones that I could actually meet. No failing in 2014.  So I made some fake resolutions.  If I don’t meet them, well there’s nothing to really feel bad about, right?

1.  Eat as much chocolate as possible.  (This one is very important.)
2.  Waste at least two hours a day on Facebook.
3.  Be sure that my husband plays lots of video games.
4.  Let the dishes pile up.
5.  Not get published in a book.
6. Gain three new followers.
7.  Pee at least three times a day.  Intentionally.
8. Shower occasionally.
9.  Change clothes daily.
10.  Drink plenty of caffeine.
11.  Be ADD.  Be very ADD.

Take pictures of adorable children.  This is The Princess and her new toy, she named it Bob.

12.  Take pictures of quirky yet adorable children. For example, this is The Princess and her new toy, she named it Bob.

Set the bar low, that’s the key!  😉

Do you make New Year’s resolutions?  I’d love to hear if you did, or if you don’t!  Here’s to 2014!

Oh that's true...

Oh that’s true…

2013: A Year in Posts

Get it?  Posts?  I slay me...

Get it? Posts? I slay me…

Hey look, it’s December 31st!

Now that I’m finally fully recovered from intestinal fortitude I’m facing the reality of having two kids here for another week all day long… Oh Calgon, take me away, PLEASE!

Thank goodness it’s almost a new year.  2013 was an interesting year for me.  It wasn’t the best year but not the worst either.  Here’s my year by looking back at a sampling of the stuff I wrote.  I also added pictures that may or may not have something to do with the posts themselves.

But first, get yourself some tuneage to listen to as you read.  Head to My Skewed View and check out what people have shared as their very favorite Twisted Mixtape Tuesday of 2013!

January

Not too bad.  I was even complimented on my use of sprinkles by said local celebrity.

Not too bad. I was even complimented on my use of sprinkles by said local celebrity.

I made a cake that actually turned out ok for my son’s birthday. My husband told me as I began to plan for this year’s cake that the reason we don’t buy cakes is because it’s much less interesting to blog about.  True…
The ADD Kitchen Chapter 3: Why Duff Goldman Will Never Hire Me

February
I went back to work subbing at the place I used to work before I had two kids.  How cool is that?  Things didn’t start out so smoothly, but it got better.
My Life of Crime:  Subliminal Criminal

Sorry ladies, he is all mine...

Sorry ladies, he is all mine…

Oh yes, my husband also grew a pornstache.
A Man, A Plan, and a Stache

March

Oh she's cute, but it was a challenge having her in the same classroom sometimes!March was the beginning of my grand experiment.  I put out a call for help and people responded enthusiastically.  What resulted was my first week of guest bloggers as I attempted to survive spring break in a college town.
I Want You (But Not In A Weird, Gross Way)
Weekly Wrap-Up: All Good Things Must Come To An End

April

IMG_1759

Easter cuteness 2013.

I was the victim of entrapment.
Help, HELP!  I’m Trapped at Target!

May
The Princess turned five.

IMG_1839

WOW! Two cakes that turned out in one year…

I wrote a review of the book I Just Want To Pee Alone, and one of the times that maybe I should have been thinking a little more clearly before I allowed my daughter to photograph me became the picture seen round the world.  It’s also probably as close to famous as I’m ever going to get so I guess I’ll take it.
I Review Famous Toilets, Or At Least A Book With A Toilet On It

June

IMG_0460I celebrated a milestone.  My little blog was one, and of course I wrote about it.
What To Expect When You’re Blogging, The Toddler Years

July

IMG_2009

I couldn’t go to BlogHer, but I could go for some ice cream. Yes I look twelve here.

I couldn’t go to BlogHer, and I was ok.  At least I think I was…  This was followed up with how I was ok after not going to BlogHer.
I’m Not Going to BlogHer (And I Feel Fine)
I Didn’t Go To BlogHer and Get Free Lubricant, But I Did Go To Jail

IMG_2113

Oh yes, we got a kitten.

August
I went from full time blogger to part time when I could blogger as I once again joined the world of the employed.

IMG_2339

First day of school.

My kids went to school.  I now have a third grader AND a kindergartener.
The Truth About Kindergarten: Mommy Won’t Be Driving the School Bus
Also, this piece of work about what a piece of work I am originally appeared on my friend MJ’s blog.  I shared it again in August and gosh darn it, people like me.
Confessions of a Geek

September 

Dark Lord of the Grill.

Dark Lord of the Grill.

I took some real time off from everything because I was celebrating being married and stuff and had other people once again do the work for me.  Talk about some great posts!  I was blown away from the response I got from the week of guest bloggers.
Weekly Wrap-Up: The Double Extra Special Edition

October 
Somehow I was permitted to review another book!  I still think it needs action figures…
Meltdowns…Reviewed

IMG_2490

The kids on Halloween in front of the tree that would eventually flood our basement. Damn tree.

I also looked at Halloween this year and wrote down some things my kids have taught me.
Seven Things My Kids Have Taught Me About Halloween

November
Was the beginning of my plunge into the pit of despair, with very little written and published.  Silly me.

December

Oh look, the card that only two people actually received...

Oh look, the card that only two people actually received…

The paying job kept me plenty busy, but I did manage to turn out a few posts…

Let it Snow, The Blogging Conference that Really Should Have Happened in a Snowstorm
Flaming Pillow Pets and Other Christmas List Nos

Hopefully 2014 will be the year for us… and hopefully I’ll have plenty of brainpower to tell you all about it.  Happy New Year!

This is really what I should use when I am cooking anything,

Deck the Halls With Lots of Vomit, Fa La La La La…

Did you miss me the last few days?  Do you feel like I kind of left you hanging there?

Let’s review…

Previously on The Sadder But Wiser Girl

Protecting the earth from evil by dying them hideous shades of tie-dye!  Look up in the sky, it's a peacock, it's a rainbow, it's TIE-DYE GIRL!

Sewer grossness be gone!  (Because I have to put this picture in whenever I can…)

We last left our sort of heroine counting her blessings after the sewer backed up into her basement and left behind an odor similar to what one can only imagine the bog of eternal stench would smell like.

I was a little busy, but I managed to keep writing some stuff.

Enter the family Christmas this past weekend:  A little more than twenty four hours spent doing Christmas with two different families two and a half hours away from home.  Plus a visit to a third on the way home. Busy, busy, busy.

My stomach was rumbly.  I figured it was just all of the fish chowder I ate.  Or stress.  Or lack of sleep.  Or kids.  Or that I’m crazy.  I downed a Coke or two or seven and ignored it.

And while we were doing Christmas we received quite a few gifts.  However we got one additional one that we were not expecting.  A wonderful group of people in the blogging world got together to help us out in our time of stinkiness by making sure that we didn’t have to wait until after the fact to celebrate our Christmas day at home.  It’s something that I’ll never forget.

Again, for the zillionth time, thank you my friends.

Thanks to this thoughtful gift, the Monday after our weekend jaunt was spent at Target getting the presents that we had been putting off.  Even though I’d been up all night the night before with a stomachache, I was dead tired, and I felt like my food had been sitting at the bottom of my throat for two days, I was going to get my shopping finished!

As it turns out, I was pretty much spot on.  After I finished all of my shopping, I topped it off by puking for five minutes in the store bathroom.  Pretty much everything I had eaten the past day or two.  Isn’t that magical?  I’m sure that the people in the bathroom who heard me making sounds like I was dying thought so.

Then I came home and slept and puked and slept and puked in a vicious cycle that lasted through Christmas Eve.  I know there were things going on around me.  My kids played, they checked on me, they asked me for stuff.  At times I even responded with a half conscious “Honey I love you, I’m not being lazy I’m just really sick.”

I vaguely remember Evil Genius wrapping all the presents, doing the last minute grocery shopping, cooking all the meals, renting some movies, and even washing some dishes.  If there was a medal for that, I’m sure I’d dip it in chocolate and give it to him.

I said I wanted to rest and not gain any weight this Christmas, I didn’t mean it quite like that!

Luckily, I recovered enough to enjoy my kids opening their presents, and a wonderful dinner and dessert cooked by Evil Genius.  I was even conscious for most of it.

December 2013

See the tie-dyed shirt that Evil Genius is wearing? Is that not the coolest shirt ever in the history of geekdom. And sadly not in my size.

Now that Christmas is over, it’s back to the real world.  I’m still not feeling well *urp* but there are no more excuses and I have to work as well as attempt to do those things known as chores.  The kids are for the most part well entertained by their gifts, except when they’re not.  Yesterday as I attempted to do the working from home part of my job I heard my daughter yell at least once “Mommy I’m LONELY!”

Translation-she’s ready to go back to school already.  We’re only a little ways into the SIXTEEN day break that the kids have this year.  Wow.  They have it rough.  We may not survive this…

The Professor is good, because he has a lot of screens to look at and that makes him happy.  Except when he’s not.

Oh… and the Christmas card?  Remember that from last week’s Fly on the Wall post?  After all that had happened, I thought I had better be a good girl and take them with me while I was visiting family and work on them in the spare time I foolishly thought I would have.

Then I left them at my mom’s house, because apparently the flu which infected my gut had already seeped into my brain, I just didn’t know it.

Once my brain began comprehending things, I mentioned something to my mom and she immediately sent them to me, only they no longer can be considered Christmas cards.  We’re now in the beginning stages of turning them into New Year’s cards, with only a few days before I have to send them.  The beginning stages as in I bought stuff to make them with and have felt too lousy and had too little time to do anything with them.

We’ll see how long before I just give up and figure that this year Christmas has just officially kicked my butt.

I hope you are all having a joyous holiday thus far!  I hope you actually got your Christmas cards sent out, enjoyed a lovely time with your family, and are enjoying the stretch of time between the two holidays without any sort of poop or puke in your midst.  Let me know how your holiday went by telling me in the comments!

And I leave you with my absolute favorite picture from the holiday…

Where else do you play with catnip mice but in a Christmas kitty bag?

Where else do you play with catnip mice but in a Christmas kitty bag?

December 2013 Fly on the Wall: The Holiday Edition

Fly on the WallGuess what time it is, it’s time to get buzzed!

It’s not what you’re thinking, no eggnog or spiked holiday punch here, just some things you might overhear if you were a little fly on the wall of someone’s home.  Today fifteen bloggers are sharing little snippets of their lives simultaneously.  Sit down with a hot mug of coffee or hot chocolate and take a peek into my life. 

(Peppermint schnapps in your drink is totally optional.)

When you’ve finished with my post and have changed your pants and am not totally scared away, then please check out some of the other bloggers links at the bottom of the post!

Christmas 2013

Evolution of a holiday card…

Ok so let’s start with the evolution of a Christmas card.  I had this bright idea to have the animals pose with the kids.  At least the two semi cooperative ones, because we don’t want to have any trips to the emergency room by trying to get the female cat in on it.
Picture 1:  Dog is licking his butt.  If you look really hard you can see where the cat escaped to back on the piano.
Picture 2:  Weird positioning of participants.  You can see all my crap in the spare room.
Picture 3:  The Professor is looking at his sister.  As you can see she wants peace on Earth.
Picture 4:  Cute but blurry.  What?  The camera cooperate?  NEVER!
Picture 5:  The dog is obviously savoring one of the treats I’ve been bribing him with.
At this point I had my picture. But as I was editing it Evil Genius leaned in, looked, and said “Our daughter’s underwear is showing.”  I missed that.  Since a lady reveals nothing, I made the kids put their Christmas stuff back on and made them go back into the room with the tree.
Picture 6:  The Princess is covering her unmentionables, but The Professor’s eyes are closed.
Picture 7:  Bad lighting, Professor eyes are closed AND he’s not looking at the camera.
Picture 8:  The Princess looks like she’s wearing a fur hat.

I finally got a good picture. I uploaded it to Snapfish, added a cute border, and ordered copies for pickup at Walgreens.  As it turned out, it cropped it closer than it looked on the website, so while still cute it wasn’t exactly what I was hoping for.  Sigh…

card

It looked like this only the Professor was much more cut off than this.  My kids are cute, so hopefully people will like it just fine!

Evil Genius:  “What else do we need for Thanksgiving?”
Me:  “We need to get a gravy boat.  Mom said she found us one.”
Evil Genius:  “Yeah, but I was thinking of something more along the lines of a gravy barge.”

The Princess, aghast upon hearing that chicken nuggets come from chickens.
“No, chicken nuggets grow in the GROUND!”  Duh…

Since we had company coming for Thanksgiving, as in my husband’s boss and his wife, I actually made a decent attempt at cleaning the house despite having a stomach bug.  Obviously my kids became suspicious.  The Professor came flying down the stairs hollering “Mom, why is the bathroom clean?”

Evil Genius outdid himself this year on Thanksgiving dinner.  As you can see, it's very hard work.

Evil Genius outdid himself this year on Thanksgiving dinner. As you can see, it’s very hard work.

Me: “We need to make some homemade dog biscuits this Christmas so we can give some to Neo and Jackson.”
The Princess: “GREAT! We need to get a dog treat maker!”
Um, I was thinking more along the lines of a buying a bone shaped cookie cutter to cut out the biscuits. Kids these days!

The kids have been wanting to watch some Christmas movies.  This particular night they had chosen A Walt Disney Christmas.  In one part, someone was painting a checkerboard onto a canvas.
The Professor remarked. “Oh look, they’re painting like French people.”
Me: “How do French people paint?”
The Professor: “Very neatly.”

Yup, this is pretty clever.  And probably the closet I'll ever get to making one!  HA HA!

Yup, this is pretty clever. And probably the closet I’ll ever get to making one! HA HA!

Evil Genius arrived home from work a few weeks ago and announced the following:
“We are not allowed to discuss three subjects in our office now.  No religion, politics, or superheroes.”

The kids were trying to name Santa’s reindeer.
The Professor:  “Well there’s Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Nixon…”
Just so you know, he’s not a crook!

The cat would like to point out that he photographed just fine, thank you very much.

The cat would like to point out that he photographed just fine, but is very put out that he was not included on the holiday card.

The dog WILL NOT leave the Santa hats alone.  At one point, when I caught him carrying one around in his mouth, I yelled in frustration “DON’T EAT SANTA!”

The Professor has been studying the plausibility of how Santa can enter people’s houses.  We were watching a movie when he suddenly had an AHA moment.
“That’s IT!  Santa turns to liquid!”

The Princess: “Mommy, my friend said that when you’re a mommy they check your boobs at the doctor.”
Me (a bit taken aback): “They give you a mammogram when you turn 40.”
The Princess: “Ohhhhhh… So you have to get one at your next birthday.”
Me: “I’m afraid so.”
The Princess: “And Daddy?”
Me: “No he’s a man.”
A pause…then…
The Princess: “Oh, I get it now! You’re a ma’am, so you have to get a “ma’am oh gram”!”
Makes sense to me…

christmas fly

Buzz buzz buzz, Happy Holidays!

Now go visit these other fine blogs to see what stories they have to tell from their respective abodes!

Baking In A Tornado

Just a Little Nutty

Follow me home . . .

Menopausal Mother

The Momisodes

Spatulas on Parade

The Rowdy Baker

Sorry kid, Your Mom Doesn’t Play Well With Others

Juicebox Confession

Writer B is Me

Dates 2 Diapers

Kiss My List

Moms Don’t Say That

Adventure into Domesticland