FTSF: The Most Unexpected Part of Being A Grown-Up

Finish the Sentence Friday

This is an updated version of a post that I shared in September of 2012. Things have changed quite a bit since then, but I thought it would be fun to rework this for Finish the Sentence Friday!

A couple of times recently the Princess has announced, “When I grow up, I will get to do whatever I want!”

I replied to this, “Ok honey, you just keep thinking that.”

And maybe she will, being the confident little thing that she is.

I can’t say that’s necessarily true for me.  In the last few years, as I have gone from preschool teacher to school associate to red cross flunkie to writer/librarian,  I have had several people ask me what I really want to do someday.  The truth is I don’t know.  I have no idea what I really want to do when I grow up!

That’s right.  I’m almost at the big 4-0, and let’s face it, I don’t feel like a grown-up.

As a child and a teen I wanted to be a teacher.  That didn’t pan out well, now did it?  I guess being a published writer is my next goal…  In time grasshopper, in good time.

The Princess has told me on several occasions that she wants to be a doctor when she grows up.  Or a cowgirl.  They’re so close, don’t you think?

The Professor thinks he wants to be a baseball player.  This is new, because up until this announcement he has wanted to be a race car driver like Jeff Gordon.  But then again, he has also informed me that he will take over for one of the school’s fourth grade teachers when she gets too old to teach.  Hmmmm… that easy, huh?

I must admit that I admire my husband for the fact that he has always known he wanted to be an engineer, even though it took him a long time to get there.  I guess that’s how you know you’re a grown up, you know what you want to do?

Therefore maybe I’m not really a true grown-up?

Hmmmm… A lot of grown-ups have bucket lists.  Someone recently asked me about my bucket list.  I guess I really don’t have one.  I have joked about taking pictures of different buckets and putting them on here.  I guess I don’t really have one because the things that I really want to do seem so out of reach.  I’m horribly, horribly practical.  Lack of money can really do that to a person.  If you can’t have dreams, then what is worth reaching for?

Isn’t the bucket list what you want to do before you kick the bucket?  Well I don’t necessarily have a bucket list.  I just have some things that I would someday would like to do.  Horribly impractical and probably will never happen.  But perhaps if I am to be “real” grown-up then I need to have this list!

  • I would like to learn to play the cello.  And the guitar.  I’ve tried to play the guitar on my own, but I really need lessons for a grown-up.
  • I would like to see another Broadway musical.  Or two.
  • There are so many places I want to go.  I want to see mountains.  I just want to drive to see mountains.  I don’t have to stay.  I just want to see them.  But then again there are so many places I want to go.  I want to see Seattle.  I just want to go there.  I think it would be cool.  For that matter, I have never been west of Nebraska, and I have been in a lot of places!  I would like to go back to Maine (where I am from) with my husband so he can see it too.  I want to go back to Chicago (where I lived nearby for a short while as a child) and see all of the museums and Shedd Aquarium.  I would love to go back to Disneyworld, but this time with the kids.  I’ve been there several time, I just want to take them once.  And the biggie-I want to go overseas.  I have never been out of the country except for Canada.  I want to go to Australia and China.  I WANT TO LEAVE IOWA.
  • I want to go back to school.  But of course, I have to figure out what I really want to do.  Therein lies my problem…

So that’s really it.  I don’t want much, do I?  🙂

Or perhaps I shall just not be a grown-up at all.

Well said, Mr Depp, well said.

Well said, Mr Depp, well said.
(This is one of many nice quotes and images from Quotes Factory, click on the image to take you to the website.)

The most unexpected part of being a grown-up is… not being able to do whatever I want when I want.

This post is part of Finish The Sentence Friday, cohosted by these very lovely ladies:

Mommy, For Real

Finding Ninee

Can I Get A Bottle of Whine With My Morning Quiet Time?

Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyholic

and special guest host Left Brain Buddha

Please visit one of the wonderful co-hosts.  Maybe you have something you’d like to share just for the occasion?  If so, LINK IT UP!  🙂

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Oh Crap, Literally: Counting My Blessings

fortune-cookie

So it’s not exactly fortune cookie material…

Count your blessings, because in the blink of an eye you could be ankle deep in your own poo!

All right, I admit it wasn’t really ankle deep, but there was definitely poo involved.  It was definitely a crappy thing to have happen!

This past weekend we had a not so welcome gift from the sewage fairy.  Some roots from the tree outside our house got into our sewer line.  Our basement went from 0 to a lovely spread of muck on the floor on one side in a few hours.  I just happened to go downstairs for a loaf of bread and ended up playing a game of stepping stones to get to the freezer.  I more or less had to sit IN the freezer to get the bread out, and I hollered to Evil Genius to come look at the basement.

The next morning we had a quick visit from the city guy who simply said “Yup, you’re backed up.”  This was followed by waiting a few hours for our local Roto-Rooter guy to come out and snake the drain.

Yeah, this tree.  I like this tree...

Yeah, this tree. I like this tree… I’m sad about it.  It’s going to have to come down.

And by the way, he didn’t have to do it once.  Or twice. He had to run it FOUR times.

Lucky us!

Incidentally, I have discovered what the worst smell in the world is.  If you have kids, take their worst diaper or poop accident and multiply the smell by 1000.  That is the smell that will linger after Roto-Rooter has left your house.  I started smelling it about the time he was finished, and then he brought the weird drum shaped device through the upstairs he stopped and showed me the sewage covered tree roots.  I just about threw up, it smelled that bad. And remember, that stuff doesn’t usually bother me.  That means it was really, really bad.

As he often is, Evil Genius was amazing.  He came home from work while I was at my job and cleaned it all up.  By the time I came home my house was transformed from stinky mess to a lovely Lysol smell.  And I like the smell of that particular cleaner, so that’s quite all right.

Confession time:  I have to admit when it happened I went a little nuts.  I worried and I cried.  Because that’s what I do.  Having to shell out a large chunk of change ten days before Christmas when you’re not exactly rolling in the dough makes your wallet hurt.  Add to that fact that I had just had my hair colored for the first time in many years the Friday before. It was my Christmas gift from my husband.  While I loved how it looked and it wasn’t terribly expensive, the guilt of spending that money on myself instead of my kids just about killed me.

Moms do that.  We put our family first.  So it’s a natural mom reaction to feel bad in these situations.  Even though no one was dying and nothing really terrible was going to come of it, I still felt bad.

And I continued to feel bad about it.  I was so preoccupied that I ran into the side of the cart corral at Target.  While the car was fine other than a few scratches in the paint, my already wounded pride was aching.  And then I burst into tears in the store, because here I was surrounded by all of the things I would like to get for my kids, but couldn’t at the moment.  Not that my kids NEED anything, because they have plenty of toys.

So then I felt bad for feeling bad.  After all, we still had a house, food in our kitchen, heat, running water, clothing, and so forth.  Why was I fretting over the fact that we might have to postpone Christmas?  They would be spending time with their extended family and would get gifts from their grandparents the weekend before.

I guess because I don’t want my kids to know just yet that sometimes life just really sucks.

And we’ve had it worse.  Much, much worse. Three years ago we had a flood.  During this flood our sewer system got overwhelmed and backed up.  And kept backing up-all the way up our basement stairs.  It was one of the scariest moments of my life.  My husband was at work and couldn’t leave, and I thought we were going to float right out of our house.  We lost our furnace and thought we’d lost our freezer, which was floating around in the basement.

Weeks later miraculously our freezer came back to life.  And we got a new furnace through a local organization who happened to be helping winterize our house at the time.

I also have to keep in mind that this is the first Christmas in a long time that one of us hasn’t been out of work or in school.  My husband is working a job that while the commute is long and some aspects of it are stressful, he is doing what he loves at a company that is very supportive and truly appreciates him as an employee.  We have good health insurance.  We have great benefits.

So what the hell am I upset about?  Counting my blessings makes even the worst situation seem a lot better.

Speaking of blessings, I want to thank my blogging friends who had kind words to offer me as I was fretting about the whole thing.  It really meant the world just to hear that things will get better!  Sometimes it’s nice just to have someone listen. We don’t need any help, we will be fine!  It’s just another setback in a series of things that are getting better slowly but not quite fast enough to make me happy.  I just have to remember that sometimes it’s one step forward and two steps back!

Oh, and by the way, I’ve got about a thousand crap references saved up since this whole mess started.  I bet you can’t wait!

crapNow before you go away thinking “Sheesh, I thought this lady is supposed to be funny!”  I want you to remember that even the funniest people have unfunny days.  But you can get your laugh on over at Moms Who Write and Blog, where they have a little shindig going on known as Mom For the Holidays!  You can read many great posts (but not ghosts) from Christmases pasts!

And to go right along with that, tomorrow is Fly on the Wall, The Holiday Edition, going live at 10 am EST/9 am CST!

Wordless Wednesday: In Memory of the Tree

2013-07-16 09.58.18

We’re still not sure what caused the apple tree to give in.

Ah the apple tree.  It’s had some issues.  It had parts that just fell off, with a little help from the weather.  First it lost a limb.Then part of it fell off.  Last night at some point, the other part fell off.  Leaving a rather strange looking sight.  At least we got some great pictures while it was intact!

This hat.  The hat rocks.  Maybe I'll make a tire swing too.

Me in the tree.

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The Professor thinks this is a pretty sweet ride.

29476_1399138815409_684576_n

The Princess hadn’t quite figured it out back then.

IMG_2072 (2)

Now she’s got it! The Princess enjoys the swing!

We’ll miss our tree!  Now we know that our tree has to be taken down, we’ll be sure to preserve its memory by using some of the seeds to plant a new apple tree!  Do you have a lot of trees in your yard?  Do you and/or your family play in them a lot?

Weekly Wrap-Up: The Uninspired Edition

suck

Made me laugh.

I was gone this week!  I spent the first part of the week visiting family.  I got to do a lot of hanging out, ate a lot of good food, and got a raging yeast infection.  Good times.  The rest of the week was me playing catch up at home and being totally uninspired.  Since I was away physically and apparently mentally, I shared some older posts.

Monday REBLOG: The Recessive Gene: My Pool Needs A Lifeguard  When someone says “Here’s the situation” do you respond with “My parents went away on a week’s vacation”?  Do you make up songs for random things like chopping vegetables?  If so, you have to read this blog post, because you’ll be able to relate…

Tuesday Twisted Mixtape Tuesday Bathtub Time Machine: Earworms of the Seventies  Just to be sure that you totally hate me, I thought for week two of the seventies I would plant some worms in your ear.  They won’t hurt, but they can be annoying.

Wednesday We All Scream for Ice Cream  I can’t turn down a photo opportunity, especially when it has to do with ice cream.  Uncooperative children actually made these pictures better, believe it or not.

Thursday REBLOG:  The ADD Mom Travels: Encounters with UFOs, Evil Screens, and Pork Chop Anxiety  Traveling with children can be anxiety provoking, especially when there is perfectly good meat going to waster in the refrigerator.

Friday Toilet Tales: The Scoop on the Poop  Ever have one of those TMI moments?  This is my most recent one.

Saturday  If My Life Were a Movie I’d Hire Better Writers  I was a little (ok a lot) down in the dumps Saturday due to the frustration of trying to get going as a freelance writer and the lack of views on my blog (because other parts of the US it doesn’t rain every day and those people actually get out, I’m assuming, or maybe I just suck.)

kfcStuff I Love As Much As Chocolate This Week

An Employee Evaluation for My Toddler-Hollow Tree Ventures  I think as the CEO of her household Robyn needs a big performance bonus, don’t you?

A Tale of Two Uncles-Stephanie Sprenger on The Epistolarians  This is lovely.  That is all.

In Case of Emergency, You Grab the Fire Extinguisher, I’ll Grab the Corkscrew-Laugh Lines  If you aren’t a fan of the hilarious Vikki Claflin then you are MISSING OUT!  Get your heinie over there and get to know her funniness!

Best and Most Disturbing Search Terms

Does the name Pooper exist?  I think it would be a great name for a dog.

orange jumpsuit unpaid ticket  There are so many possibilities with this one that I won’t even go there.

mom peed for me  If only someone else could pee for me, then I’d never have to get off of the couch!

cats that look like dogs  Must be some ugly cats.

how to take apart a toilet to retrieve keys  HA HA!  I can’t IMAGINE how this would lead someone to my blog…

Nature wemen  Nature women?  Nature, we men?  Nature semen misspelled? 

Next Week

I’m hoping I’ll be back on my C minus game by this next week.  Right now I’m about an F.  I have the same amount of inspiration as a couch cushion and the empty draft folder to prove it.  Whatever comes out of my brain this week will be as much of a surprise to me as it is to you.  However one thing that I do know is that my Twisted Mixtape Tuesday contribution will be part one of music from the 80s and it will be EPIC!

BA HA HA-truth.

BA HA HA-truth.

If My Life Were A Movie, I’d Hire Better Writers

Recent events have had me thinking about this post that I wrote awhile back and reblogged once before..  Naturally, WordPress won’t let you reblog something more than once.  So I have copied and pasted it all into a nice shiny new post!  So think of it as a rerun that you didn’t see the first time if it’s new to you.

If my life were a movie... there'd be great refreshments at reasonable prices.

If my life were a movie… there’d be great refreshments at reasonable prices.

I keep thinking lately that if my life were a movie we should almost be at the point where something wonderful happens.  You know, things just seem like they are so bad and then that great thing happens that miraculously turns things around.  It of course results in a happy ending.  The “It’s always darkest before the dawn” type thing.

So obviously this is real life and although I’m sure there’s a plan for me somewhere, I don’t see it happening.  But this brought up a very good bunch of stuff for my blog.  What IF my life WERE like a movie?  What would happen?

I’d get some sort of anonymous donor all of a sudden paying to send me to school.  Then I could follow my dreams.  If this were a movie, I’d know what those dreams were…

I'd get to go back to school with really smart fun people...

I’d get to go back to school with really smart fun people…

I’d have a trainer preparing me for my first triathlon using ordinary things.  I’d be weightlifting family sized cans of vegetable beef soup and full containers of cat litter. I’d be running through an obstacle course made of hula hoops, carefully arranged dog poop, empty Cheerios boxes, and leftover siding.  I’d be pulling a wagon loaded with all of the uneaten food from my house, which would be REALLY heavy (great training potential).  I’d be forced to run up and down the playground equipment at the park over and over.

Just as I’d just given up forever on finding a job and threw myself into something else (most likely the chest high mountain of laundry on the back porch), the dream job would happen to come up on the job website.  I’d decide to apply for one last job and get an interview.  They wouldn’t offer me the job at first, but something miraculous would happen and I would end up getting an even better job because I impressed someone there… because they would think I’m awesome.

We’d break out into song at the most interesting moments.  My daughter going poop in the potty would rate a huge song and dance number.  I would finally get a job interview, and there would be dancers following me as I sang all the way there about how I was going to change my life.  Dinnertime-you bet there’d be some sort of production.  And everyone would like and eat the food too.

"Myyyyyyy husband mowed the laaaaaawn!"  Everything would be cause for a musical number if my life were a movie.

“Myyyyyyy husband mowed the laaaaaawn!” Everything would be cause for a musical number if my life were a movie.

Somehow my schedule would miraculously allow me to do all kinds of work to prove the naysayers wrong.  I’d be out there, pounding the pavement, doing something to make everyone who ever doubted me have faith in me again.  Not sure what that would be, but I’d be proving them wrong.

My husband would be very romantic. You know, random flowers and stuff like that.  I bet he’d be conscious too, unless it was a comedy relief type of thing, because unconsciousness can be very funny.

I’d have a better wardrobe (does the HD camera also add ten pounds?)  And better hair.  Much better hair.

I have pretty cute children anyway.  I suppose they would be just as cute, and would say much of the same stuff they say in real life.  Except my daughter wouldn’t poop her pants at the most inopportune moments, and my son wouldn’t eat his boogers.

I’d be giving up my blog just about the time a famous editor would read it.  He would make great strides to try to find me and hire me to come to work for his company.  Also, my fans would rally around my house begging me to return to what inspired their life:  My blog.  Oh yes, and I would have a lot of fans.

I’d have a lightsaber.  I’d also have some sort of superpowers.  And I’d be able to do that slow motion floating and turning in the air thing like on The Matrix movies.  There’d be some sort of epic battle in my backyard.  I’d win.

It would have an awesome, though eclectic, soundtrack.

Yes my life is definitely not a movie.  If you’re willing to buy my story, however, we’ll talk.

Would my life story have all the elements of a Nicholas Cage movie? Would he wonder why he wasn't in the movie?  I'm sure all of the dialogue probably would be whispered or screamed.

Would my life story have all the elements of a Nicholas Cage movie? Would he wonder why he wasn’t in the movie? I’m sure all of the dialogue probably would be whispered or screamed.

June Secret Subject Swap Pt 1-Star Wars: Return of Red Solo (Cups)

Welcome to Take One of June’s Secret Subject Swaps. This week, 11 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.

George Lucas just called you–he knows you are a HUGE Star Wars fan, and he tells you he is tweaking one of his older movies. He wants to cast YOU in the film as a new character, and lets you choose the movie and the type of character you would be. Tell us your role and how it would change the movie.

It was submitted by: http://menopausalmother.blogspot.com/

Disclaimer:  I’ve been under a lot of stress due to neck, head, and back pain, therefore affecting my writing.  Read with caution.  I am not responsible for pants peed from laughing or followers running away and screaming and never coming back to my blog again.  There, you’ve been warned.  Now keep reading if you’re not too scared to do so…

What else do you do with the death star but make a death star bra?

What else do you do with the death star but make a death star bra?

It is with great pleasure that I write using this prompt, because 1)  I am a huge fan of the original movies.  2)  Marcia Doyle aka Menopausal Mother is a good friend of mine and
3)  Anyone could play the part of Anakin Skywalker better than Hayden Christiansen, including me.

Today I will be enacting the second subplot within Return of the Jedi, also known as the worst of the original trilogy and the movie “with all those teddy bear looking things.”  If you aren’t familiar with the Star Wars movies, or maybe you are, you might want to access this quick tutorial of the original movie before you read on…

Obviously I would have to be a shapely redhead with big blue eyes and mad typing skills.  I’d play Red Solo, Han Solo’s first cousin seventeen times removed.  But since it’s the Star Wars universe, and we can’t be too obvious that she’s a Solo we have to give her a pseudonym.  It can’t be anything normal, it would have to be something like Fon Doo, Lap Dans, or Shasta Windbreaker.  I like Shasta, we’ll go with that.

Shasta Windbreaker is the key to the entire Star Wars universe.  She’s the assistant to the Emperor’s assistant.  No one knows that she is a double agent.  She’s actually a member of PMS-a secret order of Jedi that Darth Vader did not find and destroy during the Clone Wars.  She organizes a resistance within the Empire luring Imperials over by bribing them with cookies.

the dark sideAlong with her droid 3M and her handsome but dumb companion Duh Mahn, she sets out to destroy the Empire from the inside out.

What she doesn’t know though is that her fellow PMSer Lady Vagisil has gone to the dark side and is planning on exposing their whole plan.  She and her accomplice, Saran Rapp, are secretly organizing the PMS army of jedis to strike against the good guys.  She also bakes better cookies, and therefore manages to lure the people that had just been lured to Shasta’s side back to her side.  So poor Shasta is left without anyone on her side other than Duh Mahn, who is just not a smart guy.

Determined to complete her mission, Shasta and Duh make plans to leave the Imperial Cruiser They attempt to leave by taking their ship, The Flatulent Penguin, but quickly realize that the ship is unable to fly very far.  Apparently Duh has a knack of picking bad spaceships.  Several previous ones that he has purchased, including The Fat Emu and The Frolicking Platypus, didn’t pan out either for some reason.  So instead they have to stow away on an Imperial Carnival Cruise Ship.

It's a TrampAs they quickly discover it’s a tramp… I mean trap!

Our heroes are quickly discovered by the PMSers.  Lady Vagisil decided to put an end to Shasta once for all by challenging her to a karoake sing off.  The songs?  “It’s the End of the World As We Know It” by REM, “Informer” by Snow, and “The Morning After” by Maureen McGovern.  As Shasta goes up to sing, Lady Vagisil tries to choke her death with her Sith chokehold.  It’s Duh to the rescue.  He runs onstage with a folding chair and knocks her off the stage with it.

A duel to the death with foot long corndogs ensues.  There is ketchup, there is mustard, but there is no mercy!

In the end, Shasta spares Lady Vagisil’s life.  But why?  WHY would she do such a thing?

Because Lady Vagisil is really… Princess Leia’s siamese twin sister, Lola Skywalker.  They were joined at the feet, but were separated at birth.  Shasta was able to sense this with her super force senses and underwear that glows whenever a member of the Skywalker family is present.  Of course what really gave it away was the croissants on her head.

sisterHaving decided to go to the lighter side, Lady Vagisil and Shasta join forces to help finish the Empire once and for all.  But before they can even leave the cruise ship, breaking news is broadcast on the Cruise News Channel.  The Emperor and Lord Vader are dead, the Death Star is destroyed, the Empire is defeated, and the whole galaxy is cordially invited to a weenie roast on the forest moon of Endor.

On Endor she crosses paths with her distantly related cousin.  She sees him and nods.  He says, “Wassup?” (The Solos have never been known for being very affectionate.)

However, after a long talk, she and Han decide to go into the disposable cup business together so that Leia can stay home and take care of all of the Ewoks they ended up adopting.  Now you know where Solo Cups really come from.

HanSoloCupHere are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts.  Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:

http://BakingInATornado.com                                 Baking In A Tornado

http://themomisodes.com/                                    The Momisodes

http://dinoheromommy.com/                                  Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                              Just A Little Nutty

http://followmehome.shellybean.com                       Follow me home . . .

http://mooreorganizedmayhem.blogspot.com/           Moore Organized Mayhem

http://hypnoticbard.blogspot.com/                           The Insomniac’s Dream

https://sadderbutwiser.wordpress.com/                     The Sadder But Wiser Girl

http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com/             Stacy Sews and Schools

http://menopausalmother.blogspot.com/                  Menopausal Mother

http://www.noteveryonecanbeamermaid.com           Not Everyone Can Be A Mermaid

FTSF: Favorite 80s Movies

My favorite movie of all time… I could not choose just one!

airplane funny

Another great scene from a great movie.

We like movies a little bit in our house.  We usually watch at least one movie every weekend if not more.  I was raised on movies.  We watched them all the time when my sister and I were kids.  The VCR was our friend!

There are three criteria that makes a movie fit into the category of favorites.
1)  Humor-We’re not into the all serious movies.  I’m not saying it has to be a comedy, but it has to have a comedic element in it.
2)  Quotability-There has to be several lines from the movie that we use time and time again in our house.  For example, every time we have an injury, we insist in our best British accent that it is “Just a flesh wound!” (NAME THAT MOVIE)
3)  Watchability-I say this because my little sister ruined many movies for me by watching them over and over and over…  If a movie comes on that I’ve seen before and I sit and watch it every time, then it’s a good movie.

So here in no particular order are some of my very favorites.  Note they are all from the 80s…  It’s not that there aren’t more recent movies that I don’t love, it’s just that these are my VERY favorites, and I don’t want you to have to sit here and read for two hours.  Even I have my limits!  I think I’ll do a post later on and include some newer movies.

My Favorite Movies (80s)

Drop.Your.Sword.

Drop.Your.Sword.

The Princess Bride-Truly one of the most quotable movies of its time.  I think this one takes the cake as far as my criteria goes.  How many of you send your family members off somewhere yelling “Have fun storming the castle!”

Sixteen Candles-This movie is still one of the funniest teen comedies EVER.  How many of you think of Long Duc Dong anytime you see the word “Automobile” printed somewhere?  I recently wrote a post for Theme Thursday that featured several clips from this and other popular 80s teen movies, including another favorite of mine, Better Off Dead.

A little Star Wars humor for you...

A little Star Wars humor for you…

The Empire Strikes Back-The best of all the Star Wars movies, loved by scruffy looking nerf herders everywhere.  I also love the original movie, but this one has always appealed to my sense of humor.

Dead Poets Society-“We’re not laughing at you, we’re laughing near you.”  One of the best quotes ever.  Also the only movie I can think of that moved me to tears.  Most movies don’t do that to me!

go awayMonty Python and the Holy Grail-It never gets old. If you don’t like this movie, then I fart in your general direction.  Watch out for killer bunny rabbits

Back to the Future-I love this movie for so many reasons.  The fact that it’s about time travel and they go back into one of my favorite time periods is just part of it.

no bathroomKindergarten Cop-If you work with young kids, you know exactly why I love this movie.  SO many great quotes, so little time…

Now it’s your turn.  Do you have a very favorite movie?  Are you like me and have to narrow it down to a certain number of favorite movies?

This post was written for Finish the Sentence Friday.  If you’d like to join in or read posts in the hop, click on the button below.  Thank you for joining me this week!

Finish the Sentence Friday

Never Judge A Mom By Where She Tries to Read Her Book

It came!  It came!

Something came in the mail for me that’s not a bill.  It’s also not the phone book, though I did get one of those recently too.  I was not nearly as excited for that as I was for this thing I’m about to reveal to you.

It’s this:

IMG_1749

Note the awesome photography by yours truly.  Yes, I will not be quitting my day job.  Oh yeah, WHAT day job?

It’s a book. *GASP*  Yes, little ADD me is planning on attempting to read a WHOLE book!

You see, I know some ladies.  Ladies that I interact with on Facebook, Twitter, Google Plus, among other places.  They are moms.  They blog like I do.  They are also well known and I am not.  I’m not hatin’, I’m very excited for any bloggers that get published, especially on a scale like this!

I strongly suggested I needed asked nicely begged for a copy of the book.  I commented to one of the wonderful ladies that is featured in that thar book that I would love to read it and it would be swell if someone sent me a copy.  Not only did she send me one, she also signed it.  This MADE MY YEAR!!!

I’m planning on reading it, and then reviewing it here shortly.  This makes me think that I should be working on a ratings scale.  Instead of five stars, maybe four snotty kleenexes?  Five messy handprints?

But if I want to read it, I need to FIND time and secret places to look at it and get this accomplished.  So if I’m not cleaning my house/blogging/feeding my children/pretending to care about my husband’s Sims 3 game as much as I probably should be, I’m probably in one of the following places with the book:

  • Up in my bedroom with a flashlight under the covers, hoping no one will realize I’m missing.
  • On the couch pretending to make a list of chores for the kids.
  • In the closet back behind a few rubbermaid containers claiming I am just “making the switch to the Spring clothes”.
  • In the kitchen making dishwashing sounds-oh hell no one is going to believe that one.
  • Inside the mountain of laundry with the camping lantern on the back porch.
  • In the car. (Interestingly enough, not in the garage because there are a few things preventing my car from fitting in there, including a bathtub.  I’m dead serious.)
  • On the toilet-duh.
  • In the basement, pretending to defrost the freezer, clean the dead mouse out of the furnace, and/or clean out the litterbox.

Meanwhile, I’m also dreaming up how I’m going to work the whole “poop roulette” thing into a post so that maybe I can be featured in the next one.  I can dream, right?

If you can’t wait for my review, and I am by no means telling you that you should (this IS me you know, I haven’t read a whole book since I had kids) then go to Amazon and take a look-see and order yourself up a fresh copy HERE.  And in case you’re wondering, I don’t get any credit for this.  BUT you can sure give me some brownie points by somehow working my name in there.  Something like writing in the review area there “Sarah from The Sadder But Wiser Girl, a fine humor writer (who ISN’T IN THIS BOOK and what a tragedy that is and should really be in the next one) recommended that I buy this book even though she hasn’t finished reading it herself yet…”

I begged for the book.  I have to find time to read it.  Think they'll find me back here?

I begged for the book. Now I have to find time to read it. Think they’ll find me back here?

A Blog Identity Crisis: Why DO I Do This?

Who knew that a quote from a movie about a kid skipping school would turn out to be something we all need to live by?

Who knew that a quote from a movie about a kid skipping school would turn out to be something we all need to live by?

Things do happen, sometimes in a hurry.  I feel like I need to look around a little bit.  This past month has been a blur.   I’ve been running around like a chicken with its head cut off.  One thing that I wonder is how people who work full-time all the time manage to have blogs.  It is work.  Not just some work, a LOT of work to maintain a blog.  Especially one like mine where I post most days of the week and insist on putting images with my stories.

I really thought that getting out of the house would breathe new life into my writing.  I figured that I would be a fountain of ideas, and that I would have more than enough material.  It has actually been quite the contrary.  Truth be told I’ve been having a hard time coming up with ideas.  I’ve also struggled to maintain the quality of the work I had been doing pre-temporary employment.  That is, if you consider quality work to feature stories about peeing your pants…

I’ve shared with several fellow bloggers the fact that I am drained.  I feel like someone has sucked the creativity out of my body.  It’s not just working 40 hours a week, commuting an hour a day, and spending every rest of your waking moments with kids and a messy house.  Things have happened that I can’t really talk about that have made the whole experience that much more challenging mentally.  I’m not complaining by any means. It has been nice to have the extra income for awhile and being able to pay off some of our outstanding debt has been wonderful.  I was looking for employment when this came up and will continue to look for something after this is done, though most likely part-time, since my son will be out of school soon.

I’ve also found that if you don’t linger around and do things like read and comment on other blogs regularly, use social media to post updates several times daily, and just BE THERE it will really cause your blog views to sink like the Titanic.  This was not from lack of trying.  I found that you can’t cut and paste your stuff into an android phone like I do on my computer.  Where I am working, well, there are RULES.  You can’t be on Facebook and Twitter on your laptop computer or phone, unless of course you’re on your break.  When you work in a childcare center with no lounge, you want to go as far away as possible when you’re not working.  This is because they can still see you.  They all go down to the bathroom and they are waving at you and yelling hi-unless I go crawl under the tables I can’t really get away.  Especially since my daughter is one of them-she still doesn’t understand why she can’t go with me on my breaks!  I’ve been going to the gym on my break time, which has been lovely.

Imagine a whole class of them...

Imagine a whole group of them…

So I figured out some stuff here.  I write the post the night before.  I get up very early in the morning and publish it.  I share it to Facebook, Google Plus, StumbleUpon, etc (Twitter is the only automatic format that actually gets my stuff seen.)  I check on a few things from the night before, then it’s time to shower, get the kids up, etc.  On my break I check my phone, write down the url of my blog post and post updates and sometimes respond to comments.  Then I go to the gym.  After work I rush to pick up my son before it’s too late, fix dinner, do dishes, laundry…  By the time I can sit down, it’s almost time for bed.  And I wonder why I am not coming up with much these days.

The irony of all this is while my views plummeted, I have had a big increase in people who are fans.  More followers, more likes.  More than ever before.  Then this past week I was feeling accomplished because I had finally got my blog views back up to where they were before I started the job.  I was back over 100 views a day.  Yet I have over 800 people who follow my blog in some way.  I may not be a math genius, and I realize that some of these people are actually the same people following me (like my fellow blogging buddies “like” my page on Facebook but also follow me on Twitter so they actually know when I do something) but that makes me think that while these people may be following me, they aren’t reading my posts.

So I have a few hypotheses:  a) There’s something I’m missing here about how they count page views.  b)  All of these people like me, they just aren’t reading me.  c)  There has been some big mistake, and no one really likes me?

I won't bore you with stats.  This is more fun.

I won’t bore you with a pie chart of stats. This is more fun.

It’s discouraging when you feel like your hard work isn’t getting the attention you want it to.  Today I lost two followers on Facebook.  I’m used to it on Twitter, on Facebook not so much.  I’m sure it was one of those “Hey I liked you, now come like me” people who then got what they wanted as soon as I liked them back.  Kind of like a girl who puts out and then the guy dumps her. Ok, not really like THAT.  You get the idea, though.

I know it shouldn’t be all about page views.  Or how many fans you have.  This did start off as nothing more than a personal thing where I vented and told some stories.  Yet that day I signed up for the social media junk was when I maybe started caring more than I should.  I realize that I’m probably over thinking all of this.  In just a couple of weeks I’ll be back to doing what I was doing, and pursuing the hope that someday I might just be paid to do this.

Tomorrow is Wordless Wednesday. Then it’s Theme Thursday-I have finally picked a controversial topic to write about and hope that I don’t offend anyone with it.

Then I’m taking a break.

No I’m not quitting.  I’m not going to stop writing.  I’m just going to take the rest of the time I’m doing this job to rest my brain.  I put out a call for help this past week, and eight epic bloggers have stepped up to each do a guest post on my blog for the next week while I air out my shriveled up brain.  Please come back to read their stuff, and go show them a little love on their own blogs.

Menopausal Mother leads the pack out of the gate on Friday.
Following close behind is Ranting Seriously on Saturday.
The Wild and Wonderful World of Gingerssnaps is not having a day of rest on Sunday.
Mom’s World shows us something positive about Monday!
Something Clever 2.0 comes over with her own unique view on Tuesday.
Go Cheap or Go Home saves us big with her post on Wednesday.
When Crazy Meets Exhaustion is the woman of the day on Thursday.
Friday is the oops day.  I realized after I put out this call for help that it’s Fly on the Wall. Technically this doesn’t count in the whole week of Guest Bloggers.
Saturday PenPaperPad helps us cross the finish line!

I’ll have two days left of work after that, then kindergarten roundup, and a flying trip to swap my broken glasses frames that will have been waiting for me for a whole six weeks.  Then I start fresh… and I’m hoping to make some changes, or not.  I’ve been debating things like whether or not to purchase my domain.  I can’t decide if I have the skills or the patience for such a thing.  I am debating whether to only post certain days of the week.  I am trying to decide which ways I can best promote my writing without drowning in all of the social media outlets that are available and perhaps focus on those.  I am also trying to change the look of my blog itself, but trying to find something that has everything I need is a process…

Fellow bloggers, have you ever gone through an identity crisis?  How did you handle it?  Do you let your page views or number of followers or things of that nature bother you?  I’d be happy to hear from you and how you handled it.

I often feel like I'm saying nothing...

I often feel like I’m saying nothing…

The January is Over Week in Review!

Bring on the commercials!

Bring on the commercials!

In just a few hours, we’ll be watching commercials with some football in between…

Meanwhile, as I’m waiting to get started on the snacks and get ready for my first day of work tomorrow, I’ll sum up the week:

Monday  I Broke Into A Building With Milo Ventimiglia  Some dreams are just plain weird.  This one was certainly in that category.

Tuesday The Periodic Table:  It Has Nothing to do With Your Period  My wildly unpopular post with everyone but my family.

Wednesday  Sort of Wordless Wednesday  Bliss in a 32 ounce mug.

Thursday  Theme Thursday:  Blogging  The “Themers” all sound off on blogging.

Friday Pajamas and Somewhat Unrelated News  We had a pajama day, which included an unexpected surprise.

Saturday  Liebster Love  I got the Liebster award again.  🙂

cat-traps-are-working

Just because I was thinking of cat traps.

My favorite posts this week:

Mom Shaming-Failed Resolutions Edition Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva  This made me seriously LMBO!  This features several of my favorite bloggers, including a can’t miss video of Ninja Mom and her thin mint addiction.

The February Secret Subject Swap Take 1  Baking in a Tornado  My post goes up in the second round next Friday!  There are some fabulous ones in the first round that was this week!  All of the blogs that participated are linked here.

And a last minute entry-Will You Help Me Spread Some Joy It’s A Dome Life  Why have I never thought about doing this before?  Lillian over at It’s A Dome Life made nice awards to give to people, just because she enjoys their work.  This was so thoughtful, and I definitely want to spread the love here coming up.  I received the Authentic Voice award-I’ll be displaying it proudly on my blog!

Sweet!

Sweet!

Best Search Engine Terms This Week:

Girl poops while playing cello-I didn’t realize that playing string instruments doubled as a laxative.

Chris Hemsworth chocolate-Thor chocolate?  Does it come in Iron Man?

Pee&Poo Beer-I don’t understand.  Is that what is in it or is that what it makes you do?

The things google thinks you're looking for...

The things google thinks you’re looking for…

And these little comments that I had to save from my spam folder:

Thank you for another magnificent post. Where else may just anyone get that type of info in such an ideal way of writing? I have a presentation next week, and I’m at the search for such information.

Your posts are always so explicative, and i like it because i have a problem in understanding such things.

Maybe I need to teach a class in how to write spam?

Coming Up next week:  I start my subbing job on Monday, but the posts will still be plentiful (because they are mostly finished).  Stuff that will be discussed, shared, etc:  How I went to jail, my body on stress, Wordless Wednesday, Valentines Day,  my very first post on the Epistolarians, AND the February Secret Subject Swap.  Have a great Superbowl Sunday and a super start to your week!

(Oh yeah, and don’t forget to vote… Funny Mom contest link HERE.)

cat superbowl