Fly on the Wall June 2015: The Fried Ice Cream Edition

Fly on the Wall

That’s right, it’s that time of the month again… it’s Fly on the Wall!

Fly on the Wall is a monthly slice of awesomeness.  Participating bloggers share little snippets from their month all squished together into one post for your enjoyment, then put them up ALL AT THE SAME TIME JUST FOR YOU TO LOVE!

What’s not to like about that?

The cat doesn't care about Fly on the Wall...

The cat doesn’t care about Fly on the Wall…

So where have I been?  Last month I apparently spaced off telling Karen I wanted to do this so I didn’t make it onto the list.  I wasn’t hiding and I certainly wasn’t dead… I just forgot.  Me?  Forget?  That NEVER happens!

We had lots of birthdays since the last time you heard from me…First Evil Genius turned the big 4-0.  His request was Mountain Dew cupcakes.  Get cake mix, add Mountain Dew, what could possibly go wrong, right????

ADD people trying to follow modified directions?  HA!  The first batch turned out like water.  I soon figured out that you had to put the Mountain Dew IN PLACE of all the liquid in the cake mix. Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

So not beautiful... but he seemed to like them.

So not beautiful… but he seemed to like them.

Birthday #2-mine.  I turned 41.  It was uneventful.

Yes... fried ice cream.  All the fried ice cream...

Yes… fried ice cream. All the fried ice cream…

Then last but certainly not least was The Princess’s birthday.  She also wanted to go out for fried ice cream because that’s what Mommy did.  She got to wear a sombrero (I had declined the sombrero for personal reasons.)

We like fried ice cream a lot, can you tell?

We like fried ice cream a lot, can you tell?

But there was also cake.  Her mommy made a cake.  Did her mommy tell you she made a cake?  This one turned out… ok.

I said it before and I'll say it again, I never professed to being a professional cake decorator.  The kid is cute anyway.

I said it before and I’ll say it again, I never professed to being a professional cake decorator. The kid is cute anyway.

We also finished school.  It’s kind of a big deal, because the older one will be attending middle school next year.  Hard to believe, huh?

Last day of school.

Last day of school.

Other things went on too…

I went out to the schools to promote summer reading with a neighboring library.  I got the pleasure of speaking to my son and daughter’s classes.  What question does my son raise his hand to ask her?
“So if my mom works at one library, do I HAVE to go to that library????”
Thanks kid, I love you too.

In case you didn’t know, the Tooth Fairy has business hours: Teeth lost after 5pm will be processed the next business day. She also thanks you for your patience, because your business is very important to her.


So Evil Genius got his hands on a Go-kart. Guess which one wanted to race it?

I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for supper last night because dammit I’m a grown-up.

My Mother’s Day gift-I requested that the kids do the dishes tonight.
The Professor (as soon as his father is out of earshot): I don’t remember how to wash dishes.

My cousin gave us shower notes.  Guess who has been using them?

My cousin gave us shower notes. Guess who has been using them?

Me: I got a reversible skirt at the consignment shop for $1.
Evil Genius:  What good is that? Who wants a skirt that only covers your stomach when you reverse it? That makes no sense whatsover…

The cat is after something in the stairway. After a moment I realize he’s after his shadow. Crazy, crazy cat.

Kitty does care about wrapping paper...

Kitty does care about wrapping paper…

The Professor:  I just wanted you to know something happened to my gum so I threw it away.
Me: What happened to your gum?
The Professor:  I don’t know. It was too chewy.

I’m leaving work the other day and the kids head out to the car ahead of me. I stopped to bring something back inside and see the kids are just standing outside by the car.
Me: What’s the matter, is the car locked?
The Princess: There’s a bug in there.
The Professor: We believe it could be dangerous.

Things I never thought I’d say #903: “You don’t need a Captain America shield to do yoga.”

I got my hair pertied... did I forget to mention that?

I got my hair pertied… did I forget to mention that?

I think I’ll stop there… Next month will be dedicated to the half marathon I didn’t die participating and other running things.  Because I can.  Now don’t YOU run away, check out the other blogs that are doing this too!                          Baking In A Tornado                          Spatulas on Parade                          Follow me home                          Menopausal Mother                        Stacy Sews and Schools                                   Battered Hope                                  Just A Little Nutty                                        The Momisodes                            Someone Else’s Genius                                Disneyland in Kentucky                            Juicebox Confession                               Dinosaur Superhero Mommy                                  Sanity Waiting to Happen                        Southern Belle Charm                   Searching for Sanity                                            Go Mama O              Eileen’s Perpetually Busy


Fly on the Wall February 2014: The Party Animal Edition

Fly on the WallWelcome to this month’s edition  of Fly on the Wall!  11 other bloggers and I are simultaneously offering you a glimpse into our homes.  Read on for the mayhem that ensues each month at my house, then when you are done be sure to check out some other blogger’s residences for more entertainment!

I have a confession to make: the last two months I’ve been very confused.  Last month I had everything ready to go, and luckily someone pointed out to me that the fly posts weren’t  actually posting until the NEXT Friday.  Thank goodness she said something!  This month I was thinking it was a week later than it actually was!  It’s a good thing that this family is cute AND interesting so I can dig up some fun things pretty quickly!

As it turns out, this past month’s story can be told about much easier in pictures than words.  After all, a picture is worth a thousand words!

One of the coolest places to eat around here is Black Market Pizza.  So many different pizzas to choose from, and a giant chalk wall!

We don’t get to eat out nearly as much as we would like, and usually we end up doing fast food.  It’s always a treat when we get to go someplace different.  One of the coolest places around here where we live (central Iowa) is Black Market Pizza.  There are so many different pizzas to choose from, and a giant chalk wall!

Me to the rest of the family:  “You guys had better get on it and start saying some interesting things because I need material for Fly on the Wall!”

The best part of waking up is a warm kitty on your butt...

The best part of waking up is a warm kitty on your butt…

The Princess:  “I’m thirsty.”
Me:  “You can have some milk.”
The Princess:  “That’s ok, I’ll just drink the water in the shower.”

Look very carefully, can you tell why The Princess is wearing her "I'm Guilty" face?

Look very carefully, can you tell why The Princess is wearing her “Crap, I’m busted.” face?

Me: “I’m going grocery shopping tomorrow, do you need anything besides creamer?”
Evil Genius: “I need deodorant.”
Me: “Ok, I’ll add it to the list.”
A little while later I was rummaging around in the bathroom and exclaimed “Hey what a coincidence, I need deodorant too!”
Evil Genius (yelling from the bedroom): “Our armpit cycles are in sync!”
You can’t make this stuff up…

You may have a man who cooks for you, but do you have SUPERMAN cooking for you?

You may have a man who cooks for you, but do you have SUPERMAN cooking for you?

I was minding my own business in the shower this afternoon. Suddenly The Princess burst in yelling “Mommy you have a phone call! Animal Planet is calling you!”

I actually hurried through my shower because I wanted to see what Animal Planet wanted. Then I was really bummed because it was just some random phone call. No animals of any sort. They didn’t even leave a message.

Animal Planet would have definitely left a message…

Alien kitty  is after you!!

Alien kitty is after you!!

Evil Genius is tossing and turning in bed.  It’s pretty obvious that he isn’t going to be able to sleep.  I asked him “Honey, do you need to get up and kill something?”
I meant video games, not REALLY killing anything…

Superbowl Sunday.  I'm not sure if the princess is practicing for her modeling career or what...

Superbowl Sunday. I’m not sure if the princess is practicing for her modeling career or what…

Thanks for joining me this month for Fly on the Wall!  Don’t forget to buzz on over to some of the other blogs below and see what life is like in their houses!                          Baking In A Tornado                                  The Rowdy Baker                                Just A Little Nutty                          Spatulas on Parade                            Follow me home . . .                           Searching for Sanity                                 Menopausal Mother                              Dates 2 Diapers 2                Stacy Sews and Schools                                   The Lazy Mom’s Cooking Blog                                         Spinster Snacks

Deck the Halls With Lots of Vomit, Fa La La La La…

Did you miss me the last few days?  Do you feel like I kind of left you hanging there?

Let’s review…

Previously on The Sadder But Wiser Girl

Protecting the earth from evil by dying them hideous shades of tie-dye!  Look up in the sky, it's a peacock, it's a rainbow, it's TIE-DYE GIRL!

Sewer grossness be gone!  (Because I have to put this picture in whenever I can…)

We last left our sort of heroine counting her blessings after the sewer backed up into her basement and left behind an odor similar to what one can only imagine the bog of eternal stench would smell like.

I was a little busy, but I managed to keep writing some stuff.

Enter the family Christmas this past weekend:  A little more than twenty four hours spent doing Christmas with two different families two and a half hours away from home.  Plus a visit to a third on the way home. Busy, busy, busy.

My stomach was rumbly.  I figured it was just all of the fish chowder I ate.  Or stress.  Or lack of sleep.  Or kids.  Or that I’m crazy.  I downed a Coke or two or seven and ignored it.

And while we were doing Christmas we received quite a few gifts.  However we got one additional one that we were not expecting.  A wonderful group of people in the blogging world got together to help us out in our time of stinkiness by making sure that we didn’t have to wait until after the fact to celebrate our Christmas day at home.  It’s something that I’ll never forget.

Again, for the zillionth time, thank you my friends.

Thanks to this thoughtful gift, the Monday after our weekend jaunt was spent at Target getting the presents that we had been putting off.  Even though I’d been up all night the night before with a stomachache, I was dead tired, and I felt like my food had been sitting at the bottom of my throat for two days, I was going to get my shopping finished!

As it turns out, I was pretty much spot on.  After I finished all of my shopping, I topped it off by puking for five minutes in the store bathroom.  Pretty much everything I had eaten the past day or two.  Isn’t that magical?  I’m sure that the people in the bathroom who heard me making sounds like I was dying thought so.

Then I came home and slept and puked and slept and puked in a vicious cycle that lasted through Christmas Eve.  I know there were things going on around me.  My kids played, they checked on me, they asked me for stuff.  At times I even responded with a half conscious “Honey I love you, I’m not being lazy I’m just really sick.”

I vaguely remember Evil Genius wrapping all the presents, doing the last minute grocery shopping, cooking all the meals, renting some movies, and even washing some dishes.  If there was a medal for that, I’m sure I’d dip it in chocolate and give it to him.

I said I wanted to rest and not gain any weight this Christmas, I didn’t mean it quite like that!

Luckily, I recovered enough to enjoy my kids opening their presents, and a wonderful dinner and dessert cooked by Evil Genius.  I was even conscious for most of it.

December 2013

See the tie-dyed shirt that Evil Genius is wearing? Is that not the coolest shirt ever in the history of geekdom. And sadly not in my size.

Now that Christmas is over, it’s back to the real world.  I’m still not feeling well *urp* but there are no more excuses and I have to work as well as attempt to do those things known as chores.  The kids are for the most part well entertained by their gifts, except when they’re not.  Yesterday as I attempted to do the working from home part of my job I heard my daughter yell at least once “Mommy I’m LONELY!”

Translation-she’s ready to go back to school already.  We’re only a little ways into the SIXTEEN day break that the kids have this year.  Wow.  They have it rough.  We may not survive this…

The Professor is good, because he has a lot of screens to look at and that makes him happy.  Except when he’s not.

Oh… and the Christmas card?  Remember that from last week’s Fly on the Wall post?  After all that had happened, I thought I had better be a good girl and take them with me while I was visiting family and work on them in the spare time I foolishly thought I would have.

Then I left them at my mom’s house, because apparently the flu which infected my gut had already seeped into my brain, I just didn’t know it.

Once my brain began comprehending things, I mentioned something to my mom and she immediately sent them to me, only they no longer can be considered Christmas cards.  We’re now in the beginning stages of turning them into New Year’s cards, with only a few days before I have to send them.  The beginning stages as in I bought stuff to make them with and have felt too lousy and had too little time to do anything with them.

We’ll see how long before I just give up and figure that this year Christmas has just officially kicked my butt.

I hope you are all having a joyous holiday thus far!  I hope you actually got your Christmas cards sent out, enjoyed a lovely time with your family, and are enjoying the stretch of time between the two holidays without any sort of poop or puke in your midst.  Let me know how your holiday went by telling me in the comments!

And I leave you with my absolute favorite picture from the holiday…

Where else do you play with catnip mice but in a Christmas kitty bag?

Where else do you play with catnip mice but in a Christmas kitty bag?

I Neglected My Toes On My Anniversary and Other Not So Interesting Stories

I'm back

It’s really more of an “I’m back?”  but this made me laugh.

You may recall that I took some time off of blogging recently.

Yes those were real actual people on my site, not me pretending to be other people. Really!  Seriously!  I don’t usually take time off, even when I have technically been off I was still around.  This was my first actual vacation from blogging and away from a computer since I started over a year ago.  I don’t know if I can really be considered “back” since I’ve been spending most of my time hiding on other people’s blogs with posts I wrote a long time ago.

But I promised a post about this… So was my weekend everything I hoped it would be and more?  It was good but in much different ways than we had originally planned.

The original plan was to celebrate both our anniversary and attend Evil Genius’s class reunion.  We even had overnight arrangements for our children.  We were going to get a hotel room.  It was going to be AMAZING!

Then… we ran out of money, which is what you get when you just a start a job after 13 months of unemployment and have multiple animals needing vet appointments so close together.  I should have seen the signs that it wasn’t going to happen when I tried to think ahead and get a room and could not find anything even close to my husband’s hometown.  (three reunions in one weekend in the same town.) So instead of living the high life at the Econolodge two towns over, we spent the weekend  sleeping on a half inflated air mattress on my in-laws porch.  My back never even really bothered me so that must have been a good air mattress, or a nice supportive porch, I can’t decide which.

I skipped my 20th reunion last summer.  I wasn’t in a good place mentally at the time, and I was embarrassed that I was unemployed and therefore broke.  Not to mention that my husband had a very busy work schedule that week and there was no way I was going to be able to get him there.  I stayed home and watched Ghost Rider 2 instead.  Did I regret it?  Somewhat-I did miss seeing some people that I had been wanting to see who have moved out of state. On the other hand, it wasn’t a terrible movie either.

I didn’t attend my high school the whole four years.  Being a military brat, I moved around a lot throughout my school career until I was fifteen.  I actually started high school in Florida and moved to Iowa during Christmas break of my sophomore year.  While I had friends and was in a lot of activities, I don’t think I have quite the connection that people who have lived in the same town their whole lives have with their classmates.  There are a few people that I really think are cool that I finished high school with, for the most part I don’t have that burning desire to come back.  I’d totally get together with them over coffee or a few drinks anytime though!

Now that he’s graduated and doing well as an engineer with two adorable children, there was no way my husband was going to miss his 20th!  Apparently reunions that have double digits in them have large amounts of celebrating involved.  Two days of activities, and who knows if people got together on Sunday too?  The festivities commenced with us dropping our children off with my sister in law and her five children Friday night.  We went to the high school football game.  I didn’t know until that night that he hadn’t been to one at his school since he graduated.  Then again I guess I haven’t been to one of mine either.

I had a good time, despite the fact that I was terribly self-conscious about my toes.  I’m the only one I know who can spend the better part of a day getting ready for a trip like this, and forget to do something really important like paint my toenails.  You can laugh all you want, but I was wearing sandals and my toenails looked pretty gross.  I already have heels that can double as a sander, I at least have to take care of the other parts.

I really have had good reasons for neglecting my toes.  They're always being attacked.

I really have had good reasons for neglecting my toes. They’re always being attacked.

My other thought was that they have really upped the sparkle factor since I was in high school marching band.  I can remember looking like a giant Q-Tip at more than one point in my marching band career.  Their uniforms were positively snazzy.

Saturday was the family picnic.  It rained that day.  It didn’t just rain a little, it rained cats and dogs.  And my kids were out in it, playing on the park equipment and getting soaked to the skin.  Even I was soaked and I stayed in the shelter.  We were all so wet that the first thing we did when we got out of there was change clothes and throw everything in the dryer.

Despite soggy cheesecake (made espressly for the occasion by Evil Genius) and soaked clothing, we enjoyed ourselves.  And people who came were treated to this:

Dark Lord of the Grill.

Dark Lord of the Grill.

(Keep in mind that he was the only one who kept up his end of the bargain and brought his own lightsaber.)

That night we ate the cheapest meal we’ve ever eaten at Applebees and went to a bonfire afterwards.  What was interesting about this was that I discovered other bloggers here at this party.  I’m not saying that’s weird, but certainly not what I expected!

We returned home on Sunday night, tired but happy from having a fun weekend.  For the adults it got better, because on Monday we both had the day off of work and got to spend it together while the kids were at school. We hit the malls for window shopping, ate at Tasty Tacos, and bought furnace filters at Fleet Farm.  Who says that people who have been married for so long aren’t exciting?

In a nutshell, that’s what was happening on my weekend off.  I was busy.  Since then I’ve had work, and kids, and other things.  In other words, I’ve really had no excuses other than life in general for not blogging much of my own stuff.  I’m not saying it’s going to get better, but by golly I’ll try my best…

Yeah, it's kind of been like that lately...

Yeah, it’s kind of been like that lately…

#&^;!*#@( My Dog Eats And Refrigerated Cats


My kids on the first day of school in “the secret passageway”.

Hello people of blogland!  I’m still here!  It just happens that the month of August has been a busy one for me.  All at once it seems that my life has been turned all cobblewonky.  I got a job, my husband got thrown on a team at work, and then both kids went to school.

You know just when I thought I had it all together, I put my cat in the fridge and my dog ate a spatula.

Maybe I really don’t have it “all together”.  As a matter of fact, maybe it’s quite the opposite.  By looking at what was on the surface you’d think all the planets were aligning.  After all, I’m earning some income for the first time in over a year, income that half is not going towards childcare.  It’s part-time, which means theoretically I should be able to write as well.

Yet there I sat this afternoon. I was sitting on the floor in a small room surrounded by assorted sizes of pom poms, box upon box of fabric, and 1000 plus pieces of craft wood. I had to go through all of this stuff gathered and donated from years and years past trying to figure out just what I had to work with.  After the foam stickers that did not stick debacle, I wondered how the heck I was ever going to do this?  How was I going to find the time to get through all of this stuff, keep my act together, entertain droves of children each week, take care of my own children, maintain my house, AND blog?  Let’s face it. I haven’t exactly written much of anything worth mentioning lately.  The few little ideas that trickle their way out of my brain go down into print, but I can’t get the words right to convey what I want.

Add to that it’s been 100 degrees for days.  I’m sure my brain has been sizzling right along with the proverbial eggs frying on the sidewalk.  (Side note:  I may have to try that this weekend, The Professor has asked every stinking day about it.  “Mom can you REALLY fry an egg on the sidewalk????  I’d REALLY love to find out!!”).

It may be hot, but not too hot to poke fun at the weather:

I also have been falling asleep sitting up at my computer at the time of night when I should really be writing.  It’s the perfect storm for nonproduction.

So what was that about the animals?  Oh yes…

The dog has been pretty good, and we have had to leave him in the house during the day lest he melt into a puddle of pooch.  Each day I have lectured him before I walked out of the house, giving him the standard “Don’t pee/poop/chew on anything or hold wild doggie parties” speech.  I’ve stopped in once during the middle of the day just to be sure he didn’t eat the cat.  No really, I have actually told my boss that I need to go make sure there was no cat snacking of any kind going on.  So far, so good.

Although the cat was intact, I started finding chewed up pieces of black plastic.  What the heck had he chewed up NOW?  It’s not real smart you know.  If I were to chew anything up while Evil Genius was gone I would at least dispose of the evidence.  Regardless of what  was left, I was really dumbfounded about what he had destroyed.  Obviously nothing too important was missing.

Then I pulled out a spatula to cook dinner with and realized what he had done.  He’d eaten one of my frickin spatulas.  Not just ANY spatula-the cute little Pampered Chef one that I use for brownies.  Noooo!  Not my brownie spatula!

Must be time to go to get a new spatula:

After my minus one spatula food preparation experience, I went to put leftovers away.  I put the containers in the refrigerator, closed the door, and proceeded to grab a bag to put my husband’s lunch for the next day.  There was the kitten, sitting on the bottom shelf of the fridge, looking at me like I had rudely interrupted his fun.

Upon relaying this information to Evil Genius, we both came to the conclusion that we really need to watch that little thing a bit more closely.

Don’t think I don’t have theories about this.  I bet he was probably trying to figure out if the light really DID turn out when the refrigerator closes as well as just trying to stay cool.  And the dog?  He probably needed to internally flip something that he had eaten previously.  Makes sense to me!

I'll eat kitchen utensils and you climb into appliances, deal?

I’ll eat kitchen utensils and you climb into appliances, deal?

Needless to say, I’d like to thank these two for helping me eek out a post that wasn’t a sobby essay about my daughter going to kindergarten.  I’ll spare you all that for at least a few more days.  Hopefully the mojo will return and I will be happily tapping away at my keyboard in no time…

I hope you have a fabulous Labor Day weekend.  I’m not sure if there will be a wrap-up this week or not.  As I stated last week, we’re making the switch to a new internet provider.  If all goes well, I’ll be around as usual this next week.  If not, well, it was nice knowing you!

I Didn’t Go To BlogHer and Get Free Lubricant, But I Did Go To Jail

I know the feeling Spidey...

I know the feeling Spidey…

If you’re a gal that blogs, and you weren’t at BlogHer this past weekend AND you have a lot of blogging friends, you saw a lot of pictures that made you wonder why the hell you were missing out on what only could be the party of a lifetime.

From what I saw on Facebook, there were all kinds of things I missed out on. There was learning, there was bonding, there was a lot of alcohol, there was LUBRICANT.  Yes, apparently on top of everything else they gave away free lubricant and vibrators.  I am so sorry I missed it!

In case you hadn’t heard I wasn’t there.  Previously I blogged about what I thought was going to go down at the conference.  However I had a party of my own instead.  Here is what you missed out on this weekend at Not At BlogHer 2013:

I showered twice in three days (*GASP!*)
I stared in silence at a lot of pictures of people having fun at BlogHer.
My kids broke a broom among other things.
We almost ran out of cheese.
My husband worked all day Friday AND Saturday.
My kitten drew blood four times.


Everyone looks like they’re having so much fun… Now I want wine and chocolate…

Actually I DID do something while this was all going on.  I cohosted a Twitter party with Jenn from Something Clever 2.0 just for the unlucky folks that didn’t get the opportunity to be at BlogHer.  It was dubbed Home Con 13 (#HomeCon13).  It was my first real experience at a Twitter party.  While I’ve been a part of #wineparty and #spikedpunch in the past, I seriously didn’t know what I was doing and really didn’t participate all that much.  But the difference is this time I had some people in my court that were able to help me figure it all out and get the proper tools to stay with it. And it was a hoot!  It was also so popular that it was the number one thing trending on Twitter!

(For those of you that are like me and don’t know what “trending” means, it means that it was the number one thing that users on Twitter were tweeting about!)  Jenn has a very nice visual on her weekly wrap-up if you would like to see.

As a matter of fact, Home Con 13 was such a big success that we have decided that we would like to make it more of a regular thing.  Perhaps even monthly!  If you missed it, don’t despair, it will happen again.  And I have some things to help you if you are one that is not well versed in the “Twitter party” avenue.

One thing you can do is download Tweetdeck.  I always assumed this was something that you paid for, but it’s not.  Here’s what I found out about Tweetdeck after using it:
The Pros-You can separate stuff into nice, neat columns so you can see what’s going on.
The Cons-There’s nothing in this program that puts the hashtag in there for you each time.  Due to this I erred and many times I typed in homcom13, homecone13… I had several people tell me to just copy and paste it, but between the fact that my computer just plain has issues I can’t do a lot because the mouse I’m using is stolen.  Yes, my mouse had issues so I “stole” the mouse from my kids’ computer.  Shame on me-this situation will be resolved on payday, I hope.

DO NOT allow your cat to handle your social media interactions for you. wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwrf#2222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 is the kind of stuff you'll get.

DO NOT allow your cat to handle your social media interactions for you. wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwrf #2222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222is the kind of stuff you’ll get.

Thanks to having the Tweetdeck, I was able to keep fairly good track of all that was happening.  It all went so fast-even with Tweetdeck there was a lot going on. So many people tweeting all at once!  But it was fun!  So many people from all over the world connecting and chatting and having a blast doing it.  Somehow I helped that happen!

Then chaos broke out.  Jenn got thrown in jail.  Then I got thrown in jail.  That’s because nothing says “party” like both of your hosts getting thrown in the slammer, right?  Not real jail of course, Twitter jail. Being thrown in Twitter jail happens when you send a certain number of texts within a certain amount of time, or follow too many people within a certain amount of time, or piss off the Twitter gods…

When it was all said and done, I may still have felt bummed for not going to Chicago and attending BlogHer, but I got to have a lot of fun without even leaving my house or having anyone come over to my place.  It’s nice to have people to talk to that understand the stuff you’ve been going through!  We know how to have a good time here!

Were you one of the lucky ducks who got to go to BlogHer?  Was there anything unusual and/or different that you would like to share from your experience?  Did you get to attend our little shindig on Friday night?  What did you think?  Did you miss out and think it sounded like fun?  Keep an eye out here on my blog or over at Jenn’s place. We’ll let you know when the next party will be held!

As close as we get to a wild and crazy conference at our house. Blogging NAKED! (Not me).

As close as we get to a wild and crazy conference at our house. Blogging NAKED! (Not me).

July 2013 Fly on the Wall: The Knee Licker Edition

flyWelcome to a Fly on the Wall group post. Today 12 bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes. Come on in and buzz around my house.  Don’t be scared, I promise we don’t bite very hard!  


We did crafts. He thinks he needs to wear this everywhere now!

On a recent visit to my sister’s house, I mentioned that The Professor thinks that having a mohawk would be pretty cool.  My brother in law turns and hollers across the room to him “Hey, do you want a mohawk?”
The Professor:  “No thank you.  My mom says I can’t have one.”

The Princess to the Professor: “Have you ever had a blood transformation?”
The Professor: “Yeah, but it wasn’t blood, it was just liquid.”
(It took me a minute to realize what he was talking about-he was referring to when he was in the hospital for dehydration and had to have an IV!)

We returned from our travels to find that the dog had destroyed an eraser, an ink pen, and part of my beloved yoga mat.  Upon thinking the situation over, we decided that he had done some yoga, then got hungry and ate the yoga mat.  Afterwards he made a pro con list and must have decided to destroy the evidence.  Makes sense, right?

We were watching the clouds getting darker and darker as a thunderstorm rolled in.
The Professor:  “According to my research, those are stratus clouds.”
Where was he doing research?

The Princess sat on the couch, making a weird face.  I asked her what was wrong.
“Every time I lick my knee it hurts.”

The Princess and her sparkly visor.

The Princess and her sparkly visor.

I was worrying about the fact that I couldn’t find the kitten’s little blanket to put in the bathroom with him at night.  Evil Genius replied: “That’s ok, he sleeps on your bra.”

The other day my daughter went upstairs and started having a pillow fight.
With herself.
Should I have been concerned?

At the park, other children are playing on the equipment.  But not my son, he’s analyzing it.  I hear him say to one of the other children “My knowledge of engineering is not great, but I’m pretty sure this was built in the 1950s or 60s.”

Out on one of our nature walks, the Princess asked me “Mommy, what does a dick look like?”
Me (hoping I’d heard her wrong):  A what?
The Princess:  “A dick.  You know, you saw one when we were walking to the park.”
Me:  “Ummmmm… I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
What the hell was she talking about???? I saw no dicks of any kind yesterday.
Finally it dawned on me:  “OHHHH, you mean a DITCH!”
Thank goodness that was what she meant…

One of the unfortunate victims of our latest round of storms was our neighbor’s tree.  We had some pretty big branches in our yard and on our roof.
Me:  “The neighbor guy hauled off the tree branches, except for the ones still on the roof of course.”
Evil Genius: “That’s ok, the grass in our yard will cover it up before the end of the week.”

Eating dinner at a Chinese restaurant, The Professor explains to us that “Eating fish makes you a good swimmer.”


Mommy this does not work. It must be BROKEN!

The Princess was having a little play time before her T-ball game at the park.  She sat on the merry go round.  And sat.  And sat.  Finally she starts yelling to me: “Mommy, this thing doesn’t work.  It must be broken!”

The Professor is wearing a blue shirt, red shorts, and yellow socks.  When I asked him about it, he replied “MOM, I’m wearing the primary colors!”

The Princess sits next to Evil Genius and says “I like doing things for you, because doing things for someone you love is making love.”
Evil Genius: “Um, nooooooo… not exactly.”

I hope you enjoyed this little glimpse around the little world that I call home.  Now check out some other people’s lives:                                     Baking In A Tornado                                Just a Little Nutty                          Follow me home . . .                Stacy Sews and Schools                   Menopausal Mother            Moore Organized Mayhem                            The Insomniac’s Dream                                      The Momisodes                      Spatulas on Parade                              The Rowdy Baker                  Sorry kid, Your Mom Doesn’t Play Well With Others


The Canine-Feline Paradigm: Who Ate My Poop?


He’s not scared in this picture, but it’s darn cute (the kitten, not Evil Genius. Then again I guess he’s cute too…)

So we had this bright idea that we’d get a kitten.

Now before you start lecturing me about how the world is full of older cats that need a good home, keep in mind that I would LOVE to adopt another older kitty. However, we have a large dog that really wants a fellow animal that might tolerate him.  Not to mention that we already own one adult antisocial female kitty.

We’d been going to animal shelters for months trying to find a boy kitty that would coexist semi-peacefully with our pooch.  We sure didn’t have much luck.  Every time we went all of the young kitties were already gone, leaving us with a selection of very beautiful older female kitties.  Yes I wanted to take all of them home, but sadly I wasn’t allowed.  It was for their own safety-there was no way Rogue would let them live.

Recently we just happened to stop at the shelter at the right time.  They had many kittens to choose from, two whole litters as a matter of fact!  There was one kitten in particular that was quite a bit smaller then the rest.  Being one that watched Charlotte’s Web over and over again as a kid, I’m kind of partial to the runt of the litter.  His name was Percival, but of course since we are complete geeks we had to choose some sort of science fiction/superhero/fantasy name to go along with our cat Rogue and our dog Neo.

So that day he left the shelter as Percival, but he came home as James Tiberius Kat.  If you get the joke, then you are totally cool. The jokes are pretty much endless with this one.
For example:

The cat catches and kills a mouse, “He’s dead Jim.”


Yeah, I think we’ll keep this one.

Obviously we won’t be calling him Jim, we’ll be calling him Tiberius.  This little guy was 6 weeks old the day we brought him home.  He’s cute, he’s ornery, but is also a great cuddler, as you can see from the above picture. What he lacks in size he certainly makes up for in determination.  His favorite spot is on your lap or on your shoulder, because for some reason he thinks he’s a parrot.  He goes and goes like the Energizer bunny, until he drops right where he stops. He just can’t keep his eyes open and has to take a literal cat nap.


Only at our house a few hours and he was already driven to drink.

So how is it going between the canine and the feline?  I believe the following quote from Evil Genius pretty much sums it up:  “You’d think a 75 pound dog would be tougher than a 12 ounce cat.”

If nothing else, we are fully entertained.

Neo wants to play with Tiberius.  However he is fifty times bigger than the kitten is.  Therefore the wee one doesn’t want a whole lot to do with him yet.  There is a lot of sniffing from the dog and lots of hissing from the cat. The cat puts the dog in his place, the dog slinks off with his tail between his legs and those big sad eyes that seem to say “Nobody loves me.”

And there is fighting over me.  They both want to sit with me, which apparently is against some sort of law in the pet book.  At one point Tiberius sat next to me, looked at the dog who was across the room, and firmly planted one foot on top of my foot as if to say “Look, I’m touching her and you’re  not…”

Neo being stubborn and jealous of the cat will wedge himself in alongside me on the couch, with his back to Tiberius and his tail is literally smacking the crap out of him.  Tiberius thinks it’s a toy, but he’s not quite sure he’s ready to touch that dog.  While it is getting better, as in they can almost sit on the same piece of furniture, they’re not exactly buddies.

Dog meets cat.  Dog likes cat.  Cat does not care for dog.

Dog meets cat. Dog likes cat. Cat does not care for dog.

So instead of getting along as we had hoped,  the dog eats the kitten food and the kitten’s poop.  Now the kitty is taking matters into his own hands and is trying to eat the dog’s food. This was quite amusing, considering the dog food bowl is bigger than he is!

It’s seriously almost as funny as the time I caught Rogue playing with a mouse under the bed.  Normally she does not play.  As a matter of fact, she does not even want us to THINK that she plays.  One day I walked into the bedroom and caught her, paw out to bat at a catnip mousie.  She saw me, froze, and very slowly pulled her paw back.  “You never saw that.”

Speaking of, what does the antisocial kitty think of the kitten?

I hate you all so much right now...

I hate you all so much right now…

Do you have members of both species at your house?  Do they get along or do they want to kill each other in the middle of the night?  I’d love to hear all about it.  I’d also love to think that there is hope that these two might actually like each other someday!

I wrote about dogs and cats for Theme Thursday back at the beginning of the year, chronicling the whole phenomenon in our house…  The link to that is HERE.

Weekly Wrap-Up: The Brain Dead Edition

my brainWhere have all of my ideas gone?  Where are my brains?  Why can’t I write anything funny and/or coherent? This is seriously bringing me down!  It’s a good thing it’s summer and people are busy doing things like being outside-maybe no one will notice.

However, I learned some things this week.  1)  Listening to that Sarah McLachlan song from the abused animal commercials will make you extremely depressed if you listen to it over and over.  2)  Do NOT look for “funny fireworks” on Google Image Search unless you are prepared to see things that you cannot ever unsee (what the hell is funny about burned butts anyway????)

I also came away with some questions, mainly this one:  Why is it that very few towns in Iowa actually have fireworks ON the 4th of July?  When the place you live has the fireworks on the 3rd it’s a bit anticlimactic.  Why would they choose to have them on July 5th?  Having fireworks on days that aren’t the 4th just makes that day seem like JUST ANOTHER DAY!

I also did stuff this week too, believe it or not!

Monday  Ding Dong, The Flake Is Back…  If you are a blogger then I’m sure you can relate.  Awards are so nice, but if you lose track and they pile up, well…

Tuesday Humor Me Blog Hop Number Five (AKA The Who’s Johnny Edition) Never agree to cohost on a week that there is some sort of holiday.  Even though we did very little, I had very little time to read posts.  Here it is Saturday and I’m still not through reading them all.  What I have read is very, very funny!

Then I went the extra mile and posted this, because I would have never forgiven myself if I hadn’t done this week’s decade:

Twisted Mixtape Tuesday Bathtub Time Machine: The 80s, This List Goes to 11  Everyone seemed to like this list except my husband.  He still hasn’t accepted my challenge to get his blog out of the starting gate and outdo me.

Wednesday  Wordless Wednesday: Little Firecrackers  Aren’t they cuuuuuuuute?  I also had to plug the latest participant in the Character Assassination Carousel, because she is insanely cool and hilariously funny.  After the fact I found this cartoon that I had to post on her wall on Facebook because it was just too much fun!

waldo 2Thursday  Happy 4th!  Where else can you associate tampons with firecrackers?  Funny 4th of July stuff, Theme Thursday-Reruns, and another plug for my friend Amy at Funny is Family and her crockpot recipes, and not just because I was included this time!

Friday  There was no post, because we were busy with this:

IMG_2105This is James Tiberius Cat.  He is six weeks old and so teeny tiny!  He is beyond cute. We’re calling him Tiberius, except when he catches a mouse.  That’s when we’ll seize opportunity and say “He’s dead, Jim.”  We’re having a lot of fun with the little guy. I hope that I can still get things done with this kind of orneriness in the house!

kitteh tweetAs you can see he’s already tweeting and everything.  He’s already a more entertaining writer than I am and he’s only been here a day!

Stuff I Really Liked This Week

BlogHer Voices of the Year announced the winners.  I entered this, but felt silly doing so considering at the time I hadn’t even been blogging for a year.  Naturally I didn’t win but a few people I know did.  How exciting is it that bloggers that I interact with every day have been chosen for this.  That is huge!  Here is a list of all of my peeps that made it:

Erin and Ellen of Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms
Julie of Julie DeNeen 2.0
Katia of I Am The Milk
Kathy of Kissing the Frog
Kim  from Let Me Start By Saying (for a post that she wrote for In the Powder Room)
Leslie of The Bearded Iris
Michelle of They Call Me Mummy

Congratulations to everyone who was selected!  The link with the complete list and links to all of the selected writing is below.

Announcing the 2013 BlogHer Voices of the Year!

Best and Most Disturbing Search Terms

Just to make all of those people who keep finding my blog happy by googling this...

Just to make all of those people who keep finding my blog happy by googling this… You’re welcome.

Will Ferrell USA thong  See above

bra made out of red solo cups  Red solo cup, you lift me up…

how to fart glitter  If you can fart glitter then I really don’t want you giving me any homemade cards.  Just saying…

why don’t you hang out with ellen she’s not a flake  Ellen who?

And then there was this conversation with Sarah from Sarah’s Brand New Chapter that made me giggle:

creepy terms

This next week

Monday:  Surprise me.  Oh wait, I should be the one surprising YOU!  Dang it.

Tuesday:  Twisted Mixtape Tuesday the 80s Part II.  I do ear worms and eye worms.  Scared?  You should be…

Wednesday:  This post is TBD…

Thursday: Theme Thursday’s topic is superheroes.  If I don’t write it, my kid will.

Friday:  July Secret Subject Swap Take One

dry-sense-of-humor-lolcatHave a great weekend and I hope you are able to be more creative than I am at the moment!  🙂

Mouse Wars: Who Pooped In My Pantry?

lightsaber mouseSeven years ago, we moved from a trailer that was just a few years old to a house that had over a hundred years under its belt.  We had no idea what we were in for-we did not know that we were trading frozen pipes every winter for other problems of a completely different nature.

It started not too long after we moved in with evidence that we might have a couple of mice running around.  This was confirmed by my mother one night as she was watching the children for us. Not that this should have been surprising to either of us.  An old house in front of a cornfield is prime real estate for field mice, especially as the weather gets cold.

The first clue for me that maybe we needed to do something was when a mouse tried to steal a piece of cheese off the end table in the living room.  It wasn’t like it was the middle of the night and I had simply forgotten to put the cheese away.  I was sitting RIGHT THERE (brave little rodent!) The second and last straw was when I reached into a drawer to pull out a dish towel and instead grabbed a mouse.  The resulting jumping, shrieking, and slamming the drawer shut is something that my husband still makes fun of to this day.

Since then we’ve spent a lot of time plugging up holes and making it at least more difficult for the little buggers to get into our house.  Our cat was an expert mouser, for as big as he was and as much as he liked to sleep, he kept those that did get in check.  But last year our beloved mouser died suddently.  We now just have the cat who believes that catching mice is totally beneath her.  How dare we trouble her with those filthy furry things!  Our dog tries to catch mice, and occasionally is even successful!

We've set traps but they haven't really worked as well as we'd like. Maybe this is why...

We’ve set traps but they haven’t really worked as well as we’d like. Maybe this is why…

We honestly hadn’t seen a whole lot of evidence of the mouse population this past year. Then it all started up again this spring.

Our dryer began having problems a few weeks ago.  The display wasn’t real bright.  Then the display quit “displaying” altogether.  I did everything you’re supposed to do, checked the plug-in, cleaned the lint trap, and begged and pleaded for it not to die.  It was only 16 months old, barely a toddler in the appliance world.

When we returned from a trip home to visit parents, I dutifully got right to work doing laundry so that I wouldn’t be behind the next week.  When the washer was done, I immediately put it into the dryer (which is shocking).


Several panic attacks and online searches later, I was charged with the task of calling LG about the problem.  After being cut off twice, I talked to a very nice young man who was very helpful.  But it was obvious that the dryer was dead. He gave me the number of the local LG repairman.  I laughed when the repairman answered the phone and identified himself, because it was the same person who had come out and declared our last two appliances dead.

The owner, a grumpy old man, and his very enthusiastic grandson came out to check out the dead dryer.  They spent a lot of time arguing about the best way to do things.  I was sitting two rooms away, chuckling because it was almost cute.

Not too long after the arguing subsided a bit the grandson came bringing me the control panel from the dryer.  He gleefully showed me the problem: Mice had eaten through the wires!  That made perfect sense with how the whole thing started to go and then stopped working. Thankfully, all they had to do is sauder the wires back together and be done with it.  Boom!  It was fixed.  They had definitely earned their money by the time they had left.  I was poorer but happy to have a method of drying clothing that did not result in towels taking off a layer of my skin every time I used them.

This made the whole scene from a month or so ago make more sense.  A mouse was running around the living room.  It ran up to both pets who DID NOTHING but stare back at it.  There was obviously something wrong with the mouse.  It was almost acting like it was drunk.  Now we know, we think it got a shock from chewing on all those wires!  I guess if I had been wise to this fact I would have looked for his little hairs standing straight up on his head.

Needless to say, we went right out and bought a lot of mousetraps…

Not gonna happen.

Not gonna happen.

Earlier in my blogging career I shared another story of me vs the mice, the whole reason why I won’t eat chocolate sprinkles.  The answer to this mystery can be found by clicking here.