October Fly on the Wall: The Too Many Pictures Edition

Fly on the WallSo you think you wanna be a fly on my wall?  You want to know what goes on in my house?  Read on… then be sure to click on some of the blogs at the bottom of the post.  They need love too!  That’s because we all compiled these nice little snippets of our lives into posts and are sharing them simultaneously to give you the ultimate fly experience. It will be like traveling all over the world except different.  And less expensive.  Certainly less expensive.

So one or two of you might recall my epic screw-up last month when I discovered that it was Fly on the Wall week too close to fake it.  Damn it.  Normally I’d stay up all night and finish it but that wasn’t happening this time.

And so thrilled about getting his picture taken.

As you can see my husband so thrilled about getting his picture taken.

You see, the Friday of last Fly on the Wall my husband and I were about to embark upon the celebration of our 15th wedding anniversary.  We got to stay overnight without children and got to eat really good food.  It was a good night!  So I apologize for the lack of fun (for you) as I got to have all the fun to myself (for me).

I also discovered a possible career that night.  Think Blogger Vs Fried Ice Cream?

I have decided to make it my life's work to travel to different Mexican restaurants around the world, trying to see which one has the best fried ice cream.  This one was pretty good.

I have decided to make it my life’s work to travel to different Mexican restaurants around the world, trying to see which one has the best fried ice cream. This one was pretty good.

We’ve also had a lot of other things going on this last couple of months…

New school year, new teachers…

Both kids are obviously back in school.

What a great idea, and extra ammunition for this little ham. Naturally the Professor demanded to know where his picture was. Sigh…

They are doing pretty well thus far.

test

Yep. She can read.

We’ve also had sports, as in the Professor started flag football and Evil Genius was his coach… Because I’m terrified of being sued for using the only good picture of The Professor in football which happened to be the one taken by the professional, here is a picture of The Princess at the football game instead…

The Princess at The Professor's football game: Wow it's chilly out here." Reaches into her bag. "It's a good thing I brought slippers to keep my hands warm!" Weirdo

The Princess at The Professor’s football game: Wow it’s chilly out here.” Reaches into her bag. “It’s a good thing I brought slippers to keep my hands warm!” Weirdo

The Princess started Girl Scouts this month. You know what that means, right?  Her father is actually quite addicted to Thin Mints.  Think I’m kidding?  I’m not.  It’s going to be like having a live in crack dealer come Spring.

Thank goodness she doesn’t sell this stuff… this would get me in trouble.

I got addicted to something new.

I got addicted to something new.  Mmmmmm.

The Princess spends a lot of time arguing with Daddy these days:

The Princess: “When I grow up, I’m going to be a princess!”
Evil Genius (jokingly):  “You’ll never be a princess. And if you are, I’ll burn your kingdom to the ground.”
The Princess (Not joking): “You’ll be dead by then!”

We a little tailgating recently:

Betcha can't tell what team we're rooting for.

Betcha can’t tell what team we’re rooting for.

I’ve spent a lot of time up late planning things.  Then I start thinking (I really need to stop doing that):

What I think of at 11:30 at night-How do stormtroopers go to the bathroom? I would think that wouldn’t be a good career choice for yours truly seeing as being able to pee quickly is very important to me.

Speaking of stormtroopers…

My children for Star Wars Reads Day.  1)  Princess Leia's braids are a family traditon-every photo of her mother at that age has braids just like hers, half in and half out! 2)  Yoda refused to let me finish the ears because he wanted to wear them so badly...

My children at Star Wars Reads Day.  Important things to note- 1) Princess Leia’s braids are a family tradition-every photo of her mother at that age has braids just like hers, half in and half out! 2) Yoda refused to let me finish the ears because he wanted to wear them so badly…

There’s been LOTS of work stuff, which is why I’m insane and have mashed potato brains:

I find it fascinating how much the Professor recalls for someone who barely seems to be paying attention most of the time!  Every program we have at the library he is quite the font of wisdom.  For example, he knew all about jousting when many other kids had no clue.  Guess I’m doing something right?

I'd like to say he was being knighted, but this gentleman was trying to prove a point of how armor protects your head!

I’d like to say he was being knighted, but this gentleman was trying to prove a point of how armor protects your head using The Professor as an example!

And we’ve generally been having fun…

When it's "Girls Night", that means that you watch girl movies, and you get to hold the baby unicorn and mommy gets to hold the mommy unicorn.  True story.

When it’s “Girls Night”, that means that you watch girl movies, and you get to hold the baby unicorn and mommy gets to hold the mommy unicorn. True story.

Well more often than not.  This was my Facebook status earlier this month:
Windows 8 should come with chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate. *sob*
There’s also that whole writing thing, which reminds me…  I’m in a book.  Me and a bunch of other lovely bloggers.  Really!  I wouldn’t lie to you about this…
10177416_10153261717862796_3210811541622430649_n

Believe it or not, someone let me be in a book. They’ll learn… Go to Amazon to find out all the juicy details of how to get your mitts on this book!

Now don’t run away just yet.  Click on these blogs for more shenanigans…

http://www.BakingInATornado.com                          Baking In A Tornado

http://www.therowdybaker.com                                  The Rowdy Baker

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                                Just A Little Nutty

http://themomisodes.com                                          The Momisodes

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                          Spatulas on Parade

http://followmehome.shellybean.com                          Follow me home

http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/                 Stacy Sews and Schools

http://www.menopausalmom.com/                          Menopausal Mother

http://batteredhope.blogspot.com                             Battered Hope

http://dinoheromommy.com/                         Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com                 Someone Else’s Genius

http://www.crumpetsandbollocks.com               Crumpets and Bollocks

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If I Had A Million Dollars…

Finish the Sentence Friday

If I had a million dollars I would…

Before I begin we must have background music… (I love this song AND this group, I hope you do too!)

one million dollarsThis is only for fun, so no I’m not going to pay for world peace or an end to hunger or a cure for cancer.  So yes, I’m going to be downright selfish.  I’m still having palpitations over buying workout clothes on clearance with a coupon at Target today-it would be nice to not have to worry so much about things like that.

So if you were expecting all of that crap… Sorry people, it’s MY fantasy.

First of all I would sell my current house for a song (literally!) and find a house closer to where my husband works.  Nothing fancy, just one that is big enough.  With a fake fireplace.  And a tub that I can actually submerge my body in. And of course a man cave in the basement where Evil Genius and The Professor can plan to take over the world. And the Princess could have the dream bedroom she’s been lobbying for with a castle in it.  With a castle and a slide and a trampoline.   I could have my secret passage to my secret room where I hide and write.  Or where I could just take a nap without small people staring at me.

I’d invest enough of that money so my children might actually be able to go to college. Because even though I’d have a million dollars college is super duper expensive, especially by the time they are old enough. Oh and for that matter, I would go back to school too.  Heck I could even start my own school, like in one of my favorite movies Accepted.

I’d buy a car that isn’t starting to fall apart. Purple Prius here I come!  Maybe I’d even have a lava lamp installed in it.  You can run one of those from the cigarette lighter, right?

purple prius

I would name her Violet…

Invest in an indestructable yoga mat, that way my dog won’t be able to eat it.  A purple one.  Oh and perhaps a personal trainer.  A nice personal trainer that would not yell at me, but secretly coerce me into working out without me even realizing it.  And I’d get those meals that are delivered to your door so I’d quit eating so much crap.  Or better yet have my own greenhouse, and chickens, and a cow.  Or maybe not a cow, because I’m lactose intolerant.  How about a Sodastream instead?  Yeah, now we’re talking!

What I just did a million sit-ups?  How did you make me do that...

What I just did a million sit-ups? How did you make me do that???  Oh.

Evil Genius and I would finally get to take our honeymoon.  It’s only 14 years overdue.  We’d go somewhere.  Anywhere.  Heck right now I’d take just getting out of IOWA!

Last but not least I would finally purchase that elusive self hosted blog and all of the perks and write for a living.  And I would host my own blogging party conference.  It would be The Sadder But Wiser conference.  And like in my recent Secret Swap post it would only cost $1.99 to attend!  There would be chocolate fountains and wine fountains and nothing would actually have calories.  It would be held at a water park next to the hotel, because that would be really, really fun.  Lazy river here I come!

Oh yes, a million dollars could be so much fun-I couldn’t resist fantasizing about that!  But now back to reality.  Sigh…

Yep back to reality.  Hey I found a QUARTER!  Woo-hoo!

Yep back to reality. Hey I found a QUARTER! Woo-hoo!

This post has been a part of Finish The Sentence Friday, hosted by these witty and wonderful ladies:

Kristi of Finding Ninee

Kate of Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine With My Morning Quiet Time?

Stephanie of Mommy, For Real

Janine of Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyholic

Check out their blogs to see what other people would do with a million dollars!

Recovery Mode in Progress: Please Stand By

Getting seven bloggers to write posts for you should free up time to write your own posts, right?

Damn.Real.Life.

It seems that I spent a week getting ready for time off and then a week getting caught up on everything BUT blogging.  While I’m gathering my material for future posts, bear with me as I’m dipping my toes into the pool.  I’ve always hated just jumping in.

In the meantime, as I continue to recover from my blogging hiatus I am at The Epistolarians today with a post about how nuts school supply lists have really become.  Because they have.

Concept

All That Is Wrong With Me, I Blame on Catholic School

autumn-leavesToday’s guest blogger comes by way of Alaska with a slight detour through Arizona.  Terrye is a fellow redheaded blogger who appreciates great geekery and possesses a unique sense of humor. However today’s post reflects her more serious side:

Hopeful Expectations

I still remember the thrill of going to the special stationary store in Del Rio, Texas with my mom and dad (my annoying little brother might have been there, too) to pick up my school supplies, leather satchel, and most importantly, my school uniforms. I had just gotten over my bout of the latest off the beaten path, freakish illness; this time it had been Mycoplasma pneumonia that I had contracted from one of the many coughing, sneezing, runny nosed immigrant farmers’ kids whose families followed the seasonal harvests and typically didn’t have medical coverage.

My parents, acting on the advice of other parents in the neighborhood whose children had also run the gantlet of bizarre, non-typical childhood illnesses, pulled me out of the public school and enrolled me in the nearest parochial school; the one and only Sacred Heart Catholic School (I swear, there is a ‘Sacred Heart Catholic School’ in almost every state I’ve been too – heck, there’s one down the street from me – like it’s a franchise or something – “Do you want a blessing with that?”). As my father was a product of a Catholic school in upstate New York, he was sure it would be the best thing for me, or as he was fond of saying, “it builds character.” If only he knew how true that would turn out to be, just maybe not the kind of character he was hoping for.

And So It Begins

The first week went smoothly, I made a friend (Maria), I was getting the routine down, and life was good and funky disease free. But being the only redheaded, pale white (or translucent, depending on the season) kid in a small, Texas border town, it wasn’t long before the school bully took notice of me like a tick on a bloodhound. Lucia was in the 3rd grade, the size of a small over-pampered pony or a PBR bull in training. The first time she walked up to me, she made my world go dark, literally. She blocked out the sun as she towered over my skinny little 1st grader body where I knelt on the ground playing cars (yeah, I’m a tomboy, so what?). I remember standing up when she asked me my name and I responded, “Terrye.”

Apparently, she didn’t like my answer, because she slapped me across my freckled face and knocked the toy out of my hand. I vaguely recall bending over to pick it up and then groggily being led to the school nurses’ office by a playground monitor. Lucia had been kind enough to teach me about the hockey hip check when I had bent over. A move I’m pretty sure isn’t typically popular among Mexican-American elementary school girls. When I got home, mom opened the door to greet me and immediately launched into orbit around Pluto. We spent the next hour and a half scrubbing the gravel, sand, dirt and dried blood off of my face. A very perturbed 4 foot 11 inch momma bear, visited the school the next day. Apologizes were extended from an extremely innocent looking Lucia for introducing my face to the sun baked school yard and from the staff for not notifying my mom of my injuries.

Licking My Wounds

The rest of the day, Lucia stayed away from me. I was actually beginning to get my hopes up that this might all turn out well. But destiny is cruel to naïve first graders. I wish I could say that through some act of witty retribution, that I got revenge on her butt. I’m sorry, I’m afraid I can’t. I spend every recess after that hiding out in the alcove that housed the statuette of Mary until we got the news that dad was being transferred back to Alaska and we would be moving to upstate New York until he secured housing. Which, for me, meant going to my dad’s old school, Saint James Academy, but that’s a story for another day. During my thankfully limited time in Del Rio, I did learn some very important life lessons.

1. Turn the other cheek. If you take your eyes off of your enemy, even for a split second, they will slam dunk your butt into the basketball hoop of life. And, it’s a waste of time to carry a grudge against someone. It only gives them power over you. I would rather spend my energy on more constructive activities like crossing things off of my bucket list.

“Living well is the best revenge.” George Herbert, English clergyman & metaphysical poet (1593 – 1633).

2. Forgiveness. Asking a bully to apologize is like asking the sun to stop shining on a sunny day. Just because I forgave her, didn’t mean that I left myself open to more of her torture. And as my mom (who was ¼ Cherokee) used to so fondly repeat, “Don’t get mad, get even.” She just left out one very important part; the how.

3. Respect. Never underestimate the evil genius lurking in a 3rd grader’s mind and respect their far superior physical mass. Since my introduction to bullies, I have had my fair share of being picked on and being bullied and I have always respected their cunningness at being cruel.

“Respecting your opponent is the key to winning any bout. Hold your enemy in contempt and you may miss the strategy behind his moves” ― David H. Hackworth, Decorated Soldier, Military Journalist and author (1930 – 2005).

4. Bullies. Hiding from a bully rarely solves the problem. The best solution I have ever found for dealing with a bully was to stand up to them. Typically, it required one of them to “flip my bitch switch” before I developed the nerve to man up and face them. I was forced, by my parents, to practice patience and understanding, something I still work on daily, but when it comes to being pushed around, the best solution I’ve found has been to show the bully I am not their personal whipping boy.

“Some people won’t be happy until they’ve pushed you to the ground. What you have to do is have the courage to stand your ground and not give them the time of day. Hold on to your power and never give it away.” ― Donna Schoenrock.

5. Pray. When all else fails, a little prayer may just pull your butt out of the fire.

Misplaced-AK-buttonTerrye Toombs is a writer, blogger, trophy mom, taun taun wrangler, ankle model, and five time Naked Twister North America Champion (Southwest Division).  Occasionally she also finds the time to do other things, like sleep and make furniture out of used instant pudding boxes.  Currently you can find evidence of her sentience at http://www.bubblews.com/account/27350-ttoombs08 and http://misplacedalaskan.com

Expectation Versus Reality: A Morning in the ADD Household

june-cleaver

Not me.

So you’d think everything would just fall into place.  Both kids are in school, I’m working part-time so I send them off, have plenty of time to exercise, plan meals, clean the house, AND work.  Right?

Riiiiiiiight.  If you believe that, I have a bridge in New York that I can sell you really cheap.

A Typical Morning:  The Expectation

The alarm goes off at 6 am.  I get up to do yoga with the sun in my shimmery, flattering yoga outfit.  At 7 am, I gently my rouse my children out of bed with snuggles and kisses.  They dress themselves in their out of this world adorable outfits that totally match.  We have a lovely breakfast of homemade sprouted 7 grain waffles with organic maple syrup and freshly squeezed orange juice.  Afterwards, I carefully make them lunches that are not only healthy but visually appealing.  I take photos with Instagram and upload them to Pinterest.

I brush my daughter’s hair 1,000 strokes and make it look like perfection with the addition of a homemade hair clip that matches her outfit exactly.  Both children put their shoes on and are ready to bound out the door, eagerly anticipating the glorious day ahead…

We walk from the house, hand in hand, smiling all the way to the bus stop.  I drop them off and they skip hand in hand into the school building.

I now can enjoy my alone time to go to the gym for a long workout session and take a nice walk before donning my wrinkle free work attire and heading in for a day of librarianism.

Okay wait a minute.  Who are THESE people?  And why are they on a beach?  Uh-oh, it looks like fantasy has got in the way of reality again!

Okay wait a minute. Who are THESE people? They’re not going to a bus stop. And why are they on a beach? Uh-oh, it looks like fantasy has got in the way of reality again!

A Typical Morning:  Reality

I forget to set the alarm and stagger out of bed at 7:05 am. The Princess has been up for an hour, waiting for me to get my lazy butt up. (Insomnia the night before?  Say it ain’t so!). I rouse my son out of bed with pleas to shower as quickly as possible because I also have to take one before work.

The Professor dresses himself in a t-shirt that is three sizes two big and athletic shorts with black socks pulled up to the knees.  The Princess is dressed in a bright yellow and white flowered top and red plaid leggings with rainbow striped socks pulled up over the plaid leggings.

My son fights with me again about his cereal-he must have plain Fareway brand Tasteeos without milk and orange juice.  My daughter takes ten minutes to make up her mind about what she wants and then changes her mind after I’ve got it onto the plate.  Meanwhile she has already upset her brother ten times because she won’t quit touching him or quit “almost” touching him with her feet under the table.  He has been spending an inordinate amount of time trying to get his sister to understand the fact that the song “BINGO” is factually inaccurate.

Meanwhile, I hastily make lunches while they eat.  The Princess requests salad with ranch dressing and red grapes on the side.  It may be in a bento box, but it’s not exactly visually appealing.  Probably closer to CraftFail than Pinterest.  The Professor does not like any of the choices I have, because he prefers hot lunch 9 out of 10 times.

After breakfast The Princess wants to wear the sparkly purple flower with the “jewel” in the middle in her hair, because it goes so well with the rest of her outfit.  The Professor doesn’t feel that he needs to wash his glasses because he says he can see just fine.

It’s time to get ready for the bus.  It’s raining for the first time in what, six months?  The kids scramble to get their umbrellas.  The Princess can’t find her jacket, because she has left it at school.  And don’t short black boots go awesome with knee length cropped leggings?  The Professor dons a jacket that is very small instead of the one that fits him.  I find it and make him change, he is unhappy about this.

It’s time to go!  The Professor opens the door and the dog runs away.  After watching the kids walk up to the bus stop, I spend the next little while sitting in the car, waiting for the dog to come into sight so I can open the door and yell “Here boy, want a ride?”

By the time I get back inside, there really isn’t enough time to go to the gym.  And I never did get my shower.  I go to work with my hair in a ponytail and a semi wrinkle free outfit that almost hides my muffin coffee cake top.

This is an outfit we were forced to wear because the other one was too small.  This was not without a fight... It's a good thing she's cute.

This is an outfit we were forced to wear because the other one looked ridiculous. This was not without a fight… It’s a good thing she’s cute.

PS-I’m writing this surrounded by mountains of laundry on all sides, because my housekeeping skills are that good.  It’s like a little fort…

Weekly Wrap-Up: The Deadly Artificial Color Version

wrap catHere ’tis another week in September.  Here is a brief summary what I did:

Monday  The Truth About Kindergarten:  Mommy Won’t Be Driving the School Bus  She started kindergarten and she didn’t cry, but she did wonder why I wasn’t going to be there.

Tuesday Twisted Mixtape Tuesday: B-E-A-Youtiful  The theme?  Beautiful.  So I picked some beauties to listen to.

Friday The Preoccupied Professor and the Lunchbox Mystification  Do your kids lose things?  I may lose my mind before long-after this happened he left his glasses “somewhere”.  Where?  Also a mystery.

My favorite things this week

Wacky Wednesday Writers:  Guest Post By Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine

15 Things I’ve Learned in My First Year of Blogging-Funny is Family

Best and Most Disturbing Search Terms

nether pee panties Along with hither pee panties?

i wish i was ideas for costumes Yeah I wish I was too…

where can i buy an arc reactor  I’m not sure.  Ask my husband.

preschool teacher liquor store  I’m sure it would be a big one!

a chocolate stool softener that looks like icing  Ummmmm…

will artificial colors kill me?  No, but if you eat enough it might turn your poop colors.

bizarre and unmotivated  Sometimes I am, yes.

The For Sure and Definite of Next week

I’ve got lots of stuff cooking, just not a lot of time to finish them, so we’ll see what I end up posting this week.  The following is what is for sure.  Anything else will just have to be a surprise!

Tuesday-It’s a Twisted Mixtape Tuesday Free for All!  It’s basically sharing whatever music I want.  *rubs hands together*  Whatever shall I share?  Hmmmmmm….

Friday-It’s Fly on the Wall!  We’ll see what I can actually come up with this month.  It’s been kind of slim for good quotes.

My apologies if this is brief.  We have our annual college rivalry game today and will be out of town from early until late tomorrow, so I’ve had a short time to whip this up.  Now I need to “wrap up my wrap-up” and go cheer on Iowa State!  Have a great weekend!

The kids are ready to cheer on the Iowa State Cyclones!

The kids are ready to cheer on the Iowa State Cyclones!

The Preoccupied Professor and the Lunchbox Mystification

He's in third grade now!

He’s in third grade now!  Yes those are Christmas lights.  Don’t judge.

Just when you almost forgot that I DO have another child…

While The Princess is thoroughly enjoying her rule over the kindergarten world The Professor is busy being a great big third grader.

And with being a big third grader comes big responsibility.

It IS a big adjustment.  Third grade is when kids start going to different classrooms for different subjects.  They also have to keep an agenda-which is a book that they write down work assignments and check them off when completed. A parental unit has to sign it.  This all fine and dandy, but that means that mom has to remember it.  This isn’t a big deal except on days that end in ‘y’.  Since Mom is busy being distracted by all things library related and son has his mind on other things like books and superheroes, things tend to be misplaced, forgotten, spaced off, etc…

We’ve already had several misunderstandings.  One had to do with his school pictures.  Every year I take the kids to get their pictures taken at SuperTarget.  After a lot of wrangling with my conscience decided that it was just too much to pay for botht he school pictures and the Target portraits.  I leveled with both of them, because I didn’t want them to feel left out when the other kids got their pictures back.  I told them that we would be going to get our pictures taken later on.  Later like in November.

The Professor took this to mean that he needed to go in early to get his pictures taken on picture day, because he thought that I would be picking him up later that day to get his pictures taken at Target.  He took it upon himself to go down to the gym and get his picture taken with the kindergarteners…

Yes you can’t make this stuff up, people!

catholicThis morning I started packing lunches when it occurred to me that I hadn’t seen his lunchbox since last week.  This really wasn’t a big deal, because he ate hot lunch Friday and Monday.  But it IS a big deal as far as his lunchbox has been missing that long, because his mother has not had enough brains to notice.  Ew.

I checked the kitchen table, under the kitchen table, next to the kitchen table, the cabinet that the kids are supposed to put their lunchboxes in after unpacking them, the trash, his hamper and his backpack.

(Don’t laugh at me about the hamper.  We’ve found some really interesting missing items in his hamper.)

The lunchbox was nowhere to be found.  I had to interrupt his breakfast so that he could perhaps shed some light on this situation.  He proceeded to check the kitchen table, the back porch, his backpack, and the back seat of my car.

“Oh well.  I must have left it at school, he said nonchalantly and returned to eating his Cheerios.  I’m sooooooo happy that he is so concerned about this.

I reminded him as he left that he would have to remember to look for it at school.  I was hoping that the fact that he was carrying the lunchbox he had in kindergarten would be a gentle reminder.  Just to be sure that he didn’t forget I emailed his teachers, asking them to please remind him to look for it.

After school I asked him about it as we were walking up to the library.  “Did you remember to look for your lunchbox?”

“Yes.  I checked the lost and found. Both of them.  I didn’t find it so I must have left it at the library.”  (Highly unlikely, but I was glad he at least looked at school).

Of course it was NOT at the library.  On the way home after library club, we discussed the seriousness of the lunchbox situation.  “I can’t afford to run out and buy you a new lunchbox right now.  I don’t really understand how a batman lunchbox with your name written on it in five places can simply vanish into thin air anyway.  You’ll have to take your Cars lunchbox for now.”

He was really upset about that.  “Ok.”

We pulled into the driveway, and The Princess hopped out of the car, lugging her flowered backpack behind her.  The Professor got out lugging nothing behind him.

“WHERE IS YOUR BACKPACK????”  I hollered.

“Uh-oh, I must have left it at the library.  Drat.”  Because his mother is a moron who doesn’t notice things, I didn’t see the fact that he wasn’t wearing anything on his back when we departed the library.

And don’t you love the fact that he says DRAT??? That’s my boy!

I drove back to the library, muttering under my breath the whole time.  The Professor ran in, grabbed his backpack and we returned home, with the backpack but still sans lunchbox.

I took one last chance-I looked in the cupboard and pulled out both baskets of lunch containers, perused the dirty as well as the clean laundry stacked on the back porch.  I even checked the other cupboards just in case.  No lunchbox.  At that point I simply gave up.  It wasn’t ever going to turn up.

But then my mind worked its crazy magic.  As I was cooking supper, a thought occurred to me.  I knew exactly where his lunchbox was, and told him to go look for it.

Sure enough he found it, under the couch…

This post has been brought to you by an absent-minded mother, an even more absent-minded child and a really stinky container of ranch dressing left in a lunchbox under a couch for five days…

Yes THIS couch, the dog eating one...

Yes THIS couch, the dog eating one…

The Truth About Kindergarten: Mommy Won’t Be Driving The School Bus

At her kindergarten visit.

At her kindergarten visit.

Since she read the story “Kittengarten” in her High Five magazine last year, The Princess has been interested in kindergarten.  But she chose her words carefully. “That would be fun, but I’d miss you.”

How sweet.

But as the start of the school year drew closer it was increasingly obvious that she REALLY needed to go to school.  There was no question that this kid needed to have some time apart from her mommy, whether she thought she needed it or not.

Let’s be frank, mommy sure needed it.

Oddly enough, the “first” day of kindergarten here is a half hour long.  There are two shifts that parents can come in with their child and help them tour the school.  There were activities and stickers and muffins and orange juice.

I hated to break it to her that there would not ALWAYS be muffins.

Part of the visit included the kindergarteners getting to go all over the school to find where all of the different rooms would be located:  Music, PE, Art, etcetera.  The very last stop on the tour was a school bus out front of the school.  She was a bit put out with me that I would not drive her home in the bus.

This short little visit to school did nothing to convince her that I was not going to be at her school all day every day.  We even talked about it that night,  I’m pretty sure that she thought that I would be right across the hall or hiding in the closet.

(As a rule I don’t like to hang out in closets because I’m claustrophobic, but whatever…)

Her first “real” day of kindergarten she picked out her fancy purple sparkle dress  to wear and chose leftover veggie pasta to put in her pink thermos for lunch.  Such a contrast to her brother, who wanted to wear a superhero shirt and begged for hot lunch because he really wanted corn dogs.

The Princess was excited, but once it sunk in that mommy would not be getting on that bus with her (or driving the bus to school), she panicked. Luckily The Professor was quick on his feet-he was able to distract her, first with the “secret” passage by the school and then with stories of how much fun it was to ride the bus.  It worked I was really, really proud of that boy that morning!

Getting ready to get on the bus.

Getting ready to get on the bus.

Then the bus arrived and off they went.  I didn’t get any actual pictures of them getting on the bus like the 43 others moms with fancy cameras that didn’t have dead batteries.  And surprisingly I didn’t cry-probably because I got it all out of my system with my last post about kindergarten. 

It was a bit surreal spending the day by myself.  I can’t say that I did much.  I didn’t lay around in a bubble bath eating bon bons.  Instead I spent it fighting off a wannabe migraine and running errands.

And The Princess did just fine without me.  She came off the bus and ran to me with a great big smile, so excited about everything she’d done that day.  “Mommy, I learned that there is an invisible bucket and we all have one.  When people say mean things your bucket gets empty.  When people say nice things your bucket gets full.  And sometimes, when your bucket gets too full it EXPLODES!”

When asked hat she did in kindergarten she announced:
“We had nap time for just FIVE MINUTES!”
Me:  “Five minutes?  Why?”
“Because that’s how Mrs J wants it!”

Of course the first week of school one of her classmates had a birthday.  The Princess was so excited, because they got cupcakes!  She’s since been totally obsessed with the snack calendar.  Sometimes she comes downstairs from her room more than once to make sure that she knows who is bringing the next snack, and to make sure there are no changes.  I had to inform her, however, that the reason her friend brought so many cool things was because it was her birthday, and that we would not be supplying cupcakes until her birthday at the end of the school year.  Sorry Charlie, it’s fruit snacks or crackers for snack when we have to bring it.

She’s had a lot of fun planning for school.  She lays out her outfits and coordinating jewelry the night before.  The only issue she has really had was with the black mary janes I bought for her.  She doesn’t want to take them off, and they are supposed to wear tennis shoes for PE days.  She sadly informed me that bringing the athletic shoes to change into at PE time simply wasn’t an option because “Mrs J doesn’t want fancy shoes on PE day.”

Fortunately my daughter hasn’t forgotten me yet.  She’s still very much wanting me around.  As a matter of fact she begged me to join her for lunch every day.  I finally gave in and came for pizza the second week of school.  They have the very same pizza and chocolate milk that I enjoyed at school as a kid, except that they get to have chocolate milk every day.  We could only have chocolate milk on Fridays.  Kids these days have it so easy!

So kindergarten?  So far, so good.  And Mommy has had very little time to miss her little one-good timing with the new job!

Both kids on the first "real" day of school.

Both kids on the first “real” day of school.

Weekly Wrap-Up: The Extremely Late (For Me) Edition

This week was one of mixed emotions for me.  My new job started to take shape-I wavered between enthusiasm and being absolutely overwhelmed.  My son started third grade and my little girl went to kindergarten.  My computer was unusable for almost two days.  Once I got it all together, I turned around and left town for the weekend.  So consequently this is very late.

But I got this to help me through it all:

IMG_2344All of my wine glasses are broken except for one, and I figure it was only a matter of time before that one broke as well.  This weekend I went to the infamous store where my keys went down the toilet and stayed as far away from the bathroom as possible, opting to walk around feeling and lifting all of the wine glasses until I found one that seemed like it could withstand a house with two active kids, a clutzy dog, and a playful kitten.  This one is extremely heavy-I’m thinking maybe I need a second one, then drinking wine can double as a workout, right?

So this week… here’s the wrap-up of what could be salvaged from it:

Monday This was known as my get my shit together day, so as much as I wanted to share a post with the world, I just had things to do…

Tuesday  TMT: Just Do It With Duets  This post took a long time to write simply due to the fact that Evil Genius and I had a running disagreement on what actually comprises a “duet”.

Wednesday  Ready or Not Kindergarten, Here She Comes (And Mommy Tries Not To Cry)  This post was written in a short period of time very late at night.  If you look very closely you may be able to see my tear stains…

Thursday  I spent almost 48 hours in computer problem hell, therefore had no writing to share.  Man the technology just DOES NOT like me!

Friday  A Public Service Announcement: Always Check Your Underwear Why?  You’ll have to read to find out.

cat computer

Uh-huh… riiiiiight….

The Best Blogs You’re Not Reading (Or Maybe You Are)
Here are some more great blogs by people I love…

Mama Schmama

My Skewed View

Urban Moo Cow

Best and Most Disturbing Search Terms

No TP  That’s it.  That’s the only interesting search term that I had all week.  And it’s not even all that interesting, disturbing, or funny.  I’m kind of sad about that.

Next week

Alas it will be slim pickens for the writing this week. I think once I can get past the initial beginning of the youth library program (tomorrow) I will have more time to get to writing.  It’s always  interesting in the beginning.  Just call me Sarian the Librarian.  Get it?  There will be some fun to be had, however…

Tuesday-TMT No Strings Attached.  You get to follow my disturbing train of thought through this latest batch of music videos!

Wednesday-I am going to be a part of one of the best series in blogging this week.  My post will be featured at Finding Ninee on the Our Land series!  I am very excited about this!

Thursday-Theme Thursday: Early Birds vs Night Owls.  I have soooooo much I can say on this subject!

Friday-Fly on the Wall: The Free Fat Edition will go live at 9 am CST/10 am EST along with posts from other funny bloggers.  Come get buzzed with the rest of us!

It’s time to buckle down and work for awhile.  Hopefully you’ll see more of me after this next week!  Have a good one!

This weekend I stayed with my mom and dad.  This is what's next to the bed.  I'm so glad to know I can order a nuclear attack in the middle of the night.

This weekend I stayed with my mom and dad. This is what’s next to the bed. I’m so glad to know I can order a nuclear attack in the middle of the night.

Theme Thursday: Where’s the Genie in My Bottle?

Theme ThursdayTheme Thursday.  It’s better than a litter of kittens, a box of wine, and McDonald’s french fries all put together!  Each week a theme is chosen via a very scientific method-most likely Jenn from Something Clever 2.0 pulling a piece of paper out of a hat.  Then we all get to work and come back with what we want to write about it.  No rules.  Ok, a few rules, but not TOO many for you rebels out there, because we like rebels.  This week’s theme is wishes. 

Does that sound like fun?  Why yes, it is.

When we were kids we always said that if we found a genie in a bottle we’d do the whole wishing thing the right way.  We’d wish for a million wishes instead of the three wishes that people always seemed to screw up in the stories we read!

And me with my problems with indecision, would definitely need more then three wishes!

IMG_2046

One of my husband’s coworkers brought this back from Italy. He went there because he is 100% born and raised Italian. I thought this was cool, it looks like something a genie would live in, does it not?

Needless to say, when I found out that this week’s theme was wishes, I was ready to jump right on that bandwagon.  I could use a few wishes.  Even more importantly, I could use a good genie!  Therefore, before the wishes, we must address the question:  What would my genie look like????

The Aladdin genie, while very funny, doesn’t really do it for me.  Jeannie from I Dream of Jeannie?  No thanks.  Kazaam?  Think I’ll pass. How about an Iron Genie?  Think about it…

Make me some coffee!

Make my wishes come true!

If I really did find a genie, I would have to make sure to ask the genie if the genie bra was really that magical…  And then I would make sure that instead of three wishes, that I would be granted infinite wishes.  It would be like having my very own fairy godparents, except BETTER (because you saw my genie, right?)

So what would I use my infinite wishes on?  Oh boy… so many possibilities.

Very first and foremost, I would wish for financial security for my family for the rest of our lives.  Not rich beyond our wildest dreams, just enough so that we wouldn’t have to (barely) live paycheck to paycheck.  This worrying constantly about whether we will have enough each pay period is for the birds.

I’d wish for some of those shirtless superheroes to come hang out at my house.  I can look, I just can’t touch, right?  And they would do all the things I need done, like clean my gutters and fix my appliances.

That's really, really nice.  Now fix my dishwasher.

That’s really, really nice. Now fix my dishwasher.

I would wish for success.  I’m not talking rich and famous success.  I mean being successful at something.  Like my writing to garner a bit more readership.  Perhaps get a book published… Or to just be able to go back to school without going bankrupt would be nice.  I know, I’ll keep dreaming…

A new laptop, with infinite memory, lightning fast internet browsing, and don’t forget the port to plug right into my brain, just like my friend Starr at The Insomniac’s Dream blogged about awhile back when we were doing “Useful Inventions” as our theme.  Oh yes, and no overheating issues, so I could actually be online for more than a little bit at a time!

I would wish for transporter technology so that we could go visit our friends and family in an instant.  Think about it-you’re getting married in Florida?  No big deal, I’ll just beam right down there.  Then I could meet Menopausal Mother for a drink in her backyard! Aw heck, I could do that every weekend!

Meno Mom backyard

Can’t you picture me having a pina colada here?

I’d wish for a better brain.  One that works regularly and doesn’t have holes in it like mine does.  Or maybe I just need to wish for some plugs for the holes!

I would wish for more empathy in the world.  And common sense.  Gosh, wouldn’t that be lovely?

How about a faucet that distributes a little bit of vino? Of course you’d think that if my genie came out of a wine bottle that would be a no-brainer…

I would wish for more talent in the kitchen.  Right now I can’t get an ounce of inventiveness (outside of what Amy at Funny is Family dishes up for her super duper Crockpot Thursdays there’s very little to add to my repertoire these days.)

cat cora

How I feel in the kitchen on a good day…

Bork bork bork!

What’s more realistic.  Bork bork bork!

I would wish for a cure, or at least a better understanding of autism.

Of course I’d wish for Calorie free desserts that taste like the real thing…

And a good night’s sleep, or two, or ten.  Heck it’s infinite wishes, right?

Most importantly, I’d wish for happiness for my children, for them to be able to attain their hopes and dreams, and eventual success.

Now dammit, it’s in my head and I have to play it…

Thought this looked like fun?  Want to participate in a future Theme Thursday?  The theme is listed for the following week in each week’s Theme Thursday post.  See what we’ve got going on, write to your little heart’s content, then come back and link er up.  In the meantime, please read some of this week’s posts to get some inspiration, because we are always inspiring, at least 92% of the time…

No I meant without the suits.  I mean they'd be wearing clothes.  I mean, oh never mind...

Oh boys, fighting over me are we?  This could happen, except they’d be without the suits. I mean they’d be wearing clothes. I mean, oh never mind…