#&^;!*#@( My Dog Eats And Refrigerated Cats

IMG_2338

My kids on the first day of school in “the secret passageway”.

Hello people of blogland!  I’m still here!  It just happens that the month of August has been a busy one for me.  All at once it seems that my life has been turned all cobblewonky.  I got a job, my husband got thrown on a team at work, and then both kids went to school.

You know just when I thought I had it all together, I put my cat in the fridge and my dog ate a spatula.

Maybe I really don’t have it “all together”.  As a matter of fact, maybe it’s quite the opposite.  By looking at what was on the surface you’d think all the planets were aligning.  After all, I’m earning some income for the first time in over a year, income that half is not going towards childcare.  It’s part-time, which means theoretically I should be able to write as well.

Yet there I sat this afternoon. I was sitting on the floor in a small room surrounded by assorted sizes of pom poms, box upon box of fabric, and 1000 plus pieces of craft wood. I had to go through all of this stuff gathered and donated from years and years past trying to figure out just what I had to work with.  After the foam stickers that did not stick debacle, I wondered how the heck I was ever going to do this?  How was I going to find the time to get through all of this stuff, keep my act together, entertain droves of children each week, take care of my own children, maintain my house, AND blog?  Let’s face it. I haven’t exactly written much of anything worth mentioning lately.  The few little ideas that trickle their way out of my brain go down into print, but I can’t get the words right to convey what I want.

Add to that it’s been 100 degrees for days.  I’m sure my brain has been sizzling right along with the proverbial eggs frying on the sidewalk.  (Side note:  I may have to try that this weekend, The Professor has asked every stinking day about it.  “Mom can you REALLY fry an egg on the sidewalk????  I’d REALLY love to find out!!”).

It may be hot, but not too hot to poke fun at the weather:

I also have been falling asleep sitting up at my computer at the time of night when I should really be writing.  It’s the perfect storm for nonproduction.

So what was that about the animals?  Oh yes…

The dog has been pretty good, and we have had to leave him in the house during the day lest he melt into a puddle of pooch.  Each day I have lectured him before I walked out of the house, giving him the standard “Don’t pee/poop/chew on anything or hold wild doggie parties” speech.  I’ve stopped in once during the middle of the day just to be sure he didn’t eat the cat.  No really, I have actually told my boss that I need to go make sure there was no cat snacking of any kind going on.  So far, so good.

Although the cat was intact, I started finding chewed up pieces of black plastic.  What the heck had he chewed up NOW?  It’s not real smart you know.  If I were to chew anything up while Evil Genius was gone I would at least dispose of the evidence.  Regardless of what  was left, I was really dumbfounded about what he had destroyed.  Obviously nothing too important was missing.

Then I pulled out a spatula to cook dinner with and realized what he had done.  He’d eaten one of my frickin spatulas.  Not just ANY spatula-the cute little Pampered Chef one that I use for brownies.  Noooo!  Not my brownie spatula!

Must be time to go to get a new spatula:

After my minus one spatula food preparation experience, I went to put leftovers away.  I put the containers in the refrigerator, closed the door, and proceeded to grab a bag to put my husband’s lunch for the next day.  There was the kitten, sitting on the bottom shelf of the fridge, looking at me like I had rudely interrupted his fun.

Upon relaying this information to Evil Genius, we both came to the conclusion that we really need to watch that little thing a bit more closely.

Don’t think I don’t have theories about this.  I bet he was probably trying to figure out if the light really DID turn out when the refrigerator closes as well as just trying to stay cool.  And the dog?  He probably needed to internally flip something that he had eaten previously.  Makes sense to me!

I'll eat kitchen utensils and you climb into appliances, deal?

I’ll eat kitchen utensils and you climb into appliances, deal?

Needless to say, I’d like to thank these two for helping me eek out a post that wasn’t a sobby essay about my daughter going to kindergarten.  I’ll spare you all that for at least a few more days.  Hopefully the mojo will return and I will be happily tapping away at my keyboard in no time…

I hope you have a fabulous Labor Day weekend.  I’m not sure if there will be a wrap-up this week or not.  As I stated last week, we’re making the switch to a new internet provider.  If all goes well, I’ll be around as usual this next week.  If not, well, it was nice knowing you!

And This Is Where Sarah Goes Berserk

IMG_1004It could have been the fact that I didn’t get to bed until after midnight.

It could have been the two hour drive I had to make before 9 am, complete with four bathroom stops.

It could have been the rain that started the second I turned my car off to go walk around the lake.

It could have been the dog barking nonstop out the window.

It could have been the internet blinking in and out.

It could have been the kitten attacking my ponytail.

It could have been my printer, forgetting where it was, AGAIN.

It could have been the eight year old holding the door wide open, letting the dog run right past him without even noticing.

It could have been the 45 minutes spent trying to get the dog to come back home.

It could have been the neighbors giving me dirty looks because I was angry and mad and yelling at my dog and two kids, none of which would cooperate (they don’t have kids, or dogs that run away, and probably think we’re horrible parents).

It could have been the kids screaming and fighting when I was on the phone, or them ignoring me when I told them to go to their rooms, or them turning the music up as loud as it would go upstairs.

Whatever it was that triggered it, it was simply the last straw.  Maybe you heard me, it sounded kind of like this, just higher pitched…

Guess what?  I think it’s definitely time for kids to GO TO SCHOOL!  Which then made me think of this famous freak out…

Are you ready for summer to be over?  Today I was!

Weekly Wrap-Up: The Summer Vacation is Almost Over Panic Edition

Freaking-Out

Me buying school supplies for my kids this week…

I don’t know how things have been at your place.  We’ve been busy.  My kids go back to school here in a little more than a week, so in addition to the whole “the summer is almost over panic” we’ve been doing the whole “get the school supplies while we have the money” scramble. How fun is that?

I’ve also had troubles.  Electronic troubles.  Internet and computer and phones and oh my!!!  So I’ve not been nearly as productive as I’d like to be.  Two steps forward, one step back?  Is that how it goes??  My apologies if you’ve been expecting much from me the last few days!

And my kitten is definitely a kitten. That has been both entertaining and maddening at the same time.  I’m sure you can only imagine.

I also wrote some stuff this week…

Monday I Didn’t Go To BlogHer and Get Free Lubricant, But I Did Go to Jail  It’s not as dirty as it sounds, as a matter of fact it’s rather informative!

Tuesday  TMT BathTub Time Machine:  Y2K And Yet Another Humor Me Blog Hop  We went into the 21st century in our bathtub, and also had some funny posts to go along with it!

Wednesday Buzzing Into DeBie Hive

I got to take a crack at DeBie Hive’s Writer’s Workshop Wednesday!

Thursday Theme Thursday: Cats and Dogs, Disliking Each Other in my Home Since 2012  An old post, because I totally sucked and didn’t get my Star Wars vs Star Trek post done for the rilvalries topic.

Friday  Old School Blogging:  We’re NOT Going Streaking!  Everything you may or may not want to know about me.  Prehensil toes but no nudity involved…

I said my hair can't be tamed?  Maybe I need Thoreal...

I said my hair can’t be tamed? Maybe I need to use Thoreal…

Saturday No Flaking This Time: The Latest Good Stuff!  I got awards and gave awards… no procrastination necessary.

Stuff I Loved This Week

Where’s Waldo?  Probably in Therapy Abby Heugel Abby Has Issues  Abby examines what would happen if your favorite children’s book characters were in therapy.  F-U-N-N-Y!

And That’s Why Parents Invented the Stork Story Vikki Claflin Laugh Lines  My pregnancies and births were nowhere near this entertaining.

9 Alternate Uses For Birthing Dolls Robyn Welling In the Powder Room  Robyn from Hollow Tree Ventures continues to add proof that we may very well be long lost relatives.

And an old post that I spent quite awhile trying to find because it’s been on my mind for the last couple of days, I want to share it again.  Because depression really is like poop…
Depression: S*&t That Everyone Should Know Nicole Knepper Moms Who Drink and Swear

One more time, then I promise I'll quit using this...

One more time, then I promise I’ll quit using this…

Best and Most Disturbing Search Terms

I am pretty sure that this week was the worst week for fun search terms ever.  Sad face.

In my life I need melody to To what?  WHAT?????  Finish your thought!  Dammit I can’t stand it when I don’t have CLOSURE!!!!!

I soaked my sweatpants with pee  This would pair well with the “pooping in a cornfield” search term from last week.

The woman is pooping on the toilet Imagine this being said in Jerry Seinfeld’s voice.  Well it made ME laugh…

Next week

Monday-It’s going to be a mystery.  What will she post about?  Will she or won’t she post? It will be very exciting… or not…

Tuesday-It’s the final chapter in the Bathtub Time Machine posts.  Sad?

Wednesday-I have a post on Mom Rants and Comfy Pants for her Musings from the Shower series.

Thursday-Theme Thursday’s topic is GEEKDOM!!!!!  I think I can contribute a word or two.

Friday-It’s the Secret Subject Swap!

So that’s it. I’m off to buy a squirty bottle…

bad human

This is so happening at my house…