I Didn’t Go To BlogHer and Get Free Lubricant, But I Did Go To Jail

I know the feeling Spidey...

I know the feeling Spidey…

If you’re a gal that blogs, and you weren’t at BlogHer this past weekend AND you have a lot of blogging friends, you saw a lot of pictures that made you wonder why the hell you were missing out on what only could be the party of a lifetime.

From what I saw on Facebook, there were all kinds of things I missed out on. There was learning, there was bonding, there was a lot of alcohol, there was LUBRICANT.  Yes, apparently on top of everything else they gave away free lubricant and vibrators.  I am so sorry I missed it!

In case you hadn’t heard I wasn’t there.  Previously I blogged about what I thought was going to go down at the conference.  However I had a party of my own instead.  Here is what you missed out on this weekend at Not At BlogHer 2013:

I showered twice in three days (*GASP!*)
I stared in silence at a lot of pictures of people having fun at BlogHer.
My kids broke a broom among other things.
We almost ran out of cheese.
My husband worked all day Friday AND Saturday.
My kitten drew blood four times.

IMG_2224

Everyone looks like they’re having so much fun… Now I want wine and chocolate…

Actually I DID do something while this was all going on.  I cohosted a Twitter party with Jenn from Something Clever 2.0 just for the unlucky folks that didn’t get the opportunity to be at BlogHer.  It was dubbed Home Con 13 (#HomeCon13).  It was my first real experience at a Twitter party.  While I’ve been a part of #wineparty and #spikedpunch in the past, I seriously didn’t know what I was doing and really didn’t participate all that much.  But the difference is this time I had some people in my court that were able to help me figure it all out and get the proper tools to stay with it. And it was a hoot!  It was also so popular that it was the number one thing trending on Twitter!

(For those of you that are like me and don’t know what “trending” means, it means that it was the number one thing that users on Twitter were tweeting about!)  Jenn has a very nice visual on her weekly wrap-up if you would like to see.

As a matter of fact, Home Con 13 was such a big success that we have decided that we would like to make it more of a regular thing.  Perhaps even monthly!  If you missed it, don’t despair, it will happen again.  And I have some things to help you if you are one that is not well versed in the “Twitter party” avenue.

One thing you can do is download Tweetdeck.  I always assumed this was something that you paid for, but it’s not.  Here’s what I found out about Tweetdeck after using it:
The Pros-You can separate stuff into nice, neat columns so you can see what’s going on.
The Cons-There’s nothing in this program that puts the hashtag in there for you each time.  Due to this I erred and many times I typed in homcom13, homecone13… I had several people tell me to just copy and paste it, but between the fact that my computer just plain has issues I can’t do a lot because the mouse I’m using is stolen.  Yes, my mouse had issues so I “stole” the mouse from my kids’ computer.  Shame on me-this situation will be resolved on payday, I hope.

DO NOT allow your cat to handle your social media interactions for you. wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwrf#2222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222 is the kind of stuff you'll get.

DO NOT allow your cat to handle your social media interactions for you. wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwrf #2222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222is the kind of stuff you’ll get.

Thanks to having the Tweetdeck, I was able to keep fairly good track of all that was happening.  It all went so fast-even with Tweetdeck there was a lot going on. So many people tweeting all at once!  But it was fun!  So many people from all over the world connecting and chatting and having a blast doing it.  Somehow I helped that happen!

Then chaos broke out.  Jenn got thrown in jail.  Then I got thrown in jail.  That’s because nothing says “party” like both of your hosts getting thrown in the slammer, right?  Not real jail of course, Twitter jail. Being thrown in Twitter jail happens when you send a certain number of texts within a certain amount of time, or follow too many people within a certain amount of time, or piss off the Twitter gods…

When it was all said and done, I may still have felt bummed for not going to Chicago and attending BlogHer, but I got to have a lot of fun without even leaving my house or having anyone come over to my place.  It’s nice to have people to talk to that understand the stuff you’ve been going through!  We know how to have a good time here!

Were you one of the lucky ducks who got to go to BlogHer?  Was there anything unusual and/or different that you would like to share from your experience?  Did you get to attend our little shindig on Friday night?  What did you think?  Did you miss out and think it sounded like fun?  Keep an eye out here on my blog or over at Jenn’s place. We’ll let you know when the next party will be held!

As close as we get to a wild and crazy conference at our house. Blogging NAKED! (Not me).

As close as we get to a wild and crazy conference at our house. Blogging NAKED! (Not me).

Weekly Wrap-Up: The I Forgot to Add Anything Funny to the Title Edition

thumb wars

I think that I can call this week a success.  For the first time in a very long time, I got over 200 views, and more than once this week!  I also cohosted my very first Twitter party with Jenn of Something Clever 2.0, #homecon13, and was so bad I got thrown in Twitter jail!  How do you like that?

And BlogHer weekend is partway over and I haven’t died of jealousy, though my Facebook feed is overloaded with pictures of people having fun.  Damn them! 😉

So here’s what happened here in my world this week on this here blog:

Monday  Call Toll Free, Operators Are Standing By  I really think I should start basing all my posts from comments I have made on other blogs. This is my third or fourth that came from something I read. Hmmm…

Tuesday Twisted Mixtape Tuesday Bathtub Time Machine: 90s Ear Worms and Eye Worms (Shut Up Beavis!)  Some of the most “sticky” stuff from the 90s.  You listen and see if some of it doesn’t get stuck in there.  Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more…

Wednesday  Here I Go Again…  The self proclaimed blog whore that I am, here I go giving my stuff away for free.  I hung out with Roshni at Indian American Mom all day.

Thursday  Theme Thursday: Where’s the Genie in My Bottle?  In my opinion, infinite wishes has to be one of the best themes we’ve had. I mean, come on, take a look at my genie!

Friday  Fly on the Wall July 2013: The Knee Licker Edition  I really should just rename this feature “Weird Stuff My Kids Say”.

Stuff I Loved This Week

Are You A-BRA-sive? Underachiever’s Guide to Being a Domestic Goddess  Here is a blogger that I just don’t read enough, and it’s too bad because she’s hysterical!

Don’t Be A Facehooker The Girl Next Door Drinks and Swears  If you are on Facebook you’ll most likely find this too funny and too true!

I Vant To Suck Your Tomato Tracy Winslow Momaical  Speaking of hysterical, Tracy’s kids are somehow related to mine.  This is something that I swear could have been said in my house.

The Royal Birth Vs My First Birth Leslie Marinelli at In the Powder Room  Chances are if you have birthed your babies that there’s something you have in common with the royal birth, but I bet it’s not as funny!

Blogs I’m Loving Right Now

In addition to my favorite posts, now and then I might choose a blog that I really enjoy.  One of my favorites as of late is Mommy Has Issues.  Oli is a beautiful six year little girl who happens to have been born with disabilities.  Her Mommy is a beautiful lady who shares her story.  This is a very special blog, and I want you to go check it out.  If you follow her on Facebook, you’ll get to see some very neat videos of Oli that will make you smile!

Things I DID NOT Like This Week

My Blog Has Been Stolen and Here’s How I’m Handling ItFunny is Family  Why would anyone want to steal a blog?  Especially from someone as cool as my friend Amy? Apparently it does happen.  If you have a blog, I encourage you to read this.  She tells her story and includes some excellent links.

But on a related and much better note-I made the Cheesy Chicken Tater Tot Casserole that Mere from Does This Match? contributed for Amy’s Crockpot Thursday-and IT IS TO DIE FOR! It’s probably a zillion calories, but one bite and you won’t care because you will have achieved crockpot nirvana…

If I had one of these to follow it up I probably would have died.  And that would have been fine with me.

If I had one of these to follow it up I probably would have died. And that would have been fine with me.

Best and Most Disturbing Search Terms

carol kane vacation Just how does Carol Kane go on vacation, and why are people looking it up on my blog?

Chad Knaus Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.  Huh? It doesn’t even fit into the song.  I know because I tried it!

girl baking a cake with her boobs Sounds really hard to do.  The only thing my boobs do are hang out and look pretty.

pooping in a cornfield Does anyone else have Motley Crue come to mind? It fits!  Or Peter, Paul, and Mary.  Time to get the autoharp out.  Perhaps a new segment here on The Sadder but Wiser Girl-Musical Search Terms!

I have a writer all ready to step in, just in case I need a break...

I have a writer all ready to step in, just in case I need a break this next week…

Next Week

Monday-It’s Old School Blogging Fun!  Jen Kehl tagged me in this too fun post and I can’t wait to share it!

Tuesday-Twisted Mixtape Tuesday visits the 00s and the Humor Me Blog Hop!

Wednesday-I’ll be over guest posting at DeBie Hive.  I’m really nervous about this, because she’s like a blogging goddess in my eyes. You know she’s Wonder Woman.  If it sucks she can totally kick my arse!

Thursday-Theme Thursday is all about rivalries. What will I write about? I have an idea, and those who know me well probably know exactly what I’m thinking!

Friday-Friday may be a day off for me, but we shall see what comes out of the old noggin before then!

Have a great weekend.  I leave you with this, because this is so me…

procrastinating

Weekly Wrap-Up: The Winner Winner Chicken Dinner Edition

I hope your weekend has been so awesome that you're farting rainbows!

I hope your weekend has been so awesome that you’re farting rainbows!

My husband is working 60 plus hour weeks (I wish I was exaggerating) and it’s THAT time of the summer where I really need to rent my children out for a couple hours a day.  I’m not sure it would be a good deal for the person on the receiving end unless it’s someone looking for some entertainment and don’t need to get anything else done but pay attention to two adorable children…

Despite all of this, I actually managed to do write some stuff this week…

Monday  The Canine-Feline Paradigm: Who Ate My Poop?  We had this great idea to get a kitten…

Tuesday  Twisted Mixtape Tuesday Bathtub Time Machine 2Fer: 90s Music + Funny  I’m that good that I can do two things at the same time!

Wednesday Wordless Wednesday:  In Memory of the Tree  Poor, poor tree… At least we have good memories!

Thursday Beware She Who Writes With Flaming Laptop  Things are HOT at my house and I’m not talking about the weather.

Friday I’m Not Going to BlogHer (And I Feel Fine)  Ever not get to do something and wonder what the heck it would be like?  I let my imagination get a little out of control about this year’s BlogHer conference and the results were all kind of crazy.

I was surprised at how many people AREN’T going to BlogHer.  While I think it would be cool to go, I think I’m going to enjoy the alternative created by my friend Jenn.  Come over to Twitter next Friday night at 9 pm EST to attend Home Con 2013.  Use the hashtag #HomeCon13 and be sure to follow Jenn at @SmthingClvr and me at @sadderbutwiser!

blogherStuff I Really Liked This Week

The Truth Behind the SPF Myth  Robyn Welling Hollow Tree Ventures  Sunscreen myths, debunked in hilarious fashion.

Move Over Kitty: Chickens are the New Black  Suzanne Lucas Times Squared  One of the best things about cohosting a humor blog hop is that you get to find all kinds of new blogs to read.  This is both good and bad in that I wish I could get paid to read blogs!  This was my favorite this week.

101 Excuses For Not Going to BlogHer 2013 Terrye Toombs The Adventures of a Misplaced Alaskan  This was too funny!  Just in case you didn’t see why other people aren’t going to BlogHer…

Red Green or Pepto Bismol Melissa Vigil Motherhood is an Art And… I was a winner!  I entered my friend Melissa’s giveway celebrating her One Year Blogiversary.  Read about yummy food AND her daughter’s unique selection process

Mom Times Four And one more thing.  I meant to mention this last week-one of my favorite people is back!  If you like cute illustrations and short funny family stories, check out her blog.  Tell her I sent you!

funny-i-love-you

Best and Most Disturbing Search Terms

Kind of a slow week for interesting search terms. Come on, I can only make fun of people looking for nakedness and pants peeing so much… There were two or three this week but that’s about it!

bats eating chocolate  Because who doesn’t love chocolate?

poopy black Friday toilets Ummmmmm… I’m not cleaning them!

what does a girl mean when she says where’s waldo?  Is that kind of like “Where’s the Beef?”

I also got spam simply entitled “Buy Xanax” and another spam telling me I’m the worst writer ever. Interesting…  So I need to relax and stop writing?

somedayNext week

Monday:  Ever look at  the back of boxes and bottles of stuff that you buy?  Ever wonder 1) Who answers those toll free numbers and 2) What conversations might ensue when these numbers are called.

Tuesday:  90s Ear Worms and Eye Worms.  Pray that I don’t include hours of Beavis and Butthead laughing…  I’m not cohosting the Humor Me Blog Hop this week but I will be there with my colorful flags trying to draw attention, because I’m so cool like that!

Wednesday: I will be guesting over at my friend Roshni’s blog, Indian American Mom

Thursday: Theme Thursday is Infinite Wishes. I’m totally rubbing my hands together in anticipation of this one.  I can’t not write a post about that one!

Friday:  It’s a big day!   Fly on the Wall July 2013:  The Knee Licker Edition goes live at 10 am EST!  And of course, Home Con 2013 starts on Twitter at 9 pm EST.  Details above…

I hope you have a good weekend, a great week next week, and hopefully I won’t go crazy before Friday!

crazy kitteh

I’m Not Going to BlogHer (And I Feel Fine…)

Is this a BlogHer ticket?

Is this a BlogHer ticket?

So apparently every female who is anyone in the blogging world shells out money to go to the wonderful, exciting, once in a lifetime every year BlogHer convention. This year (or maybe every year, I really never cared until this year) it’s in Chicago.  While not a trip I could make quickly, it’s not all that far from my neck of the woods.  I even had one of the coolest people in the world offer me a place to stay (you know who you are, admit it if you want to.)

So you ask, Ms Sarah, what is the problem?  What’s wrong with you?

Are you MENTAL?

Are you MENTAL?

Well, it is only a mere $400 a ticket.

$400!!!!!!!!!! What the hell does that do?  Does it buy you a solid gold ticket?

If I had $400 just laying around, there are so many things that I could do with it.  Fixing my dishwasher, replacing my son’s broken beyond repair glasses, and perhaps even pay for a few good nights of sleep are just a few things that come to mind.

I figure that people that go to BlogHer are all going to get really amazing t-shirts that glow in the dark or connect to the internet or something cool like that.  I thought I should make my own t-shirt that says “93% of the bloggers I know went to BlogHer, and all I did was make this stupid t-shirt.”

I imagine there will probably be gift baskets for every blogger laden with such things as solid gold “BlogHer” underwear, Godiva chocolates, diamond infused sparkly moisturizers, and silver shake weights.  Desserts are probably served for meals, complete with your choice of wine, cocktail, or an IV filled with caffeine.  A massive muscled male masseuse with a name like Sven or Antonio will lurk behind every plush velvety seat, ready to massage those worries about how that underwear is giving a solid gold wedgie right into nonexistence.

And one of these, because everyone needs one of these...

And one of these, because everyone needs one of these…

I bet there will be hot tub sessions.  Everyone will sit in a hot tub while learning how to be a better, more inspiring blogger.  There will be laundry service so good that not only will the attendees laundry be clean, their laundry back home will be washed, dried, and put away by email.

And everyone will leave with perkier breasts, because well, why not?

But no one will actually know all of this, because like Vegas, what happens at BlogHer probably stays at BlogHer.  There most likely are those devices that erase your memories (think Men in Black) positioned at every exit at the end.  All attendees will only retain the knowledge that they have gained, returning home to wonder “Where the hell did I get this USB powered toaster?”

Are you going to BlogHer?  I expect a full report if they don’t erase your memory, one full page typed single spaced.  And those little shampoos and conditioners and lotions that they give you, I’ll take some of those too.  Are you NOT going to BlogHer?  What do you think you’re missing out on?  In honor of those of us NOT going to BlogHer, there is a special event being hosted on Twitter by Jenn Rose and myself on Friday JULY 26th from 9 to 11 pm EST.  The link to the event on Facebook is HERE.  Otherwise, be sure to follow Jenn from Something Clever 2.0 (@JennSmthngClvr) and me (@sadderbutwiser) on Twitter, and find us using #HomeCon13!

My friend Terrye from The Adventures of a Misplaced Alaskan has some thoughts about BlogHer too.  Don’t hesitate to go over to her blog to fill your brain full of more BlogHer craziness.  Good times… Read 101 Excuses for not going to Blogger 2013

DISCLAIMER:  I am pleased as punch that some people that I know and love actually get to attend this.  Some people I know are even some of the Voices of the Year winners!  That is so exciting. I hope they really enjoy their drunken relaxing dessert and toast filled weekend!  😉

No hard feelings.  My cat, however, will fart in your general direction.

No hard feelings. My cat, however, will fart in your general direction.