Help, HELP! I’m Trapped at Target!

I am passionate about… shopping at Target.

A bad day shopping at Target is better than the best day NOT shopping at Target. Am I right?

In case you haven’t noticed, Target features quite predominantly in many of my posts. There was the dream where I lost my daughter when she ran into a Target.
Target figured predominantly in the post about my daughter’s petrified poop.
And who can’t write a post about misbehaving kids without sticking a Target reference in there…

Maybe this on our Target's door would make me NOT go in?  If only.

Maybe this on our Target’s door would make me NOT go in? If only.

I tell ya, it’s that famous hypnotic eye.  It does stuff to you.  Hypnotic eye?  If you read Parenting, Illustrated With Crappy Pictures, Amber Dusick penned (er, drew) it perfectly.  She surmises that bullseye is actually a big eye that hypnotizes you into buying all kinds of crap you really don’t need.  She is a genius-she is so right.  It’s either some sort of hypnotic eye or something they pipe into the store, like a nerve gas…

So my story today begins with a shopping trip.  This particular day I had come to town to get ingredients for a pudding cake.  If you’ve never had pudding cake, it may sound kind of weird.  Basically it’s a yellow cake with holes poked in it and then chocolate pudding poured over it.  Me not being a pudding person or a cake person, I wasn’t all that excited about it, though I was intrigued since I had never seen such a thing.  But The Princess was totally enthralled by the idea of making such a magical treat and off I went to get the ingredients.

As I stood in Fareway amongst the cake mixes, that’s when Target started calling to me.  I quickly moved to the pop aisle to check some prices.  I was trying to do the math on my pop because I’m addicted to Diet Sunkist Lemonade and must get it as cheap as possible.  I concluded that I could save a whole 50 cents if I drove over to Target-don’t mock me, it was the damn store calling me from clear across town.

targetI arrived at Target and was instantly lured in by it all.  I am incapable of just walking into Target, getting something, and getting out.  I have to see it all, lest I miss a great deal on something I can’t live without. It doesn’t help that the soda aisle is clear almost in the back of the store.  You have to go past everything just to get there.  There is something in that store that causes your mind to go blank.  You have to go perusing the end of every aisle trying to remember just what you went in there for.  15% off!  30% off!  And occasionally 50% and 70% off!  When Easter stuff was 90% off, I almost bought some of it just to say I got something for 90% off.

Apparently whatever it is that clouds your brain works a little too well.  What should have taken five minutes took 30 minutes.  I walked up to the front with my twelve pack of pop and paid the cashier, parked the cart and left to go out to the car.  This particular day I had brought my husband’s car.  His fancy schmancy Nissan doesn’t actually use keys.  It has buttons.  This is both good and bad.  Good because you never have to actually take the keys out of your pocket, and bad because you never have to actually take the keys out of your pocket.

I got in and realized that there were no keys in my pocket.  Which meant I had taken the keys OUT of my pocket at some point, even though I didn’t NEED the keys for anything because THE CAR STARTS WITH A BUTTON.  Step on the brake, push the button. As long as the keys are in the car it is supposed to start.

According to the car, there were no keys in it.  It did not start.  C-r-a-p.

Reality was starting to sink in.  I returned to the store and asked at the service desk. No keys.  I asked at the checkout.  They had not seen them either.  This meant that I had left my keys in the cart. I must be very weak, because I needed a cart for one item.

So I started looking through all of the carts.  I went around the outside and peeked into each cart.  Then I frantically starting pulling carts out.  No keys. Pretty soon this behavior attracted some attention-the guys in the red polos came over to help the crazy lady throwing around the carts.

After a few minutes of this with no avail I walked away and decided to call my husband.  He didn’t answer.  I texted him too.  No response.  Fabulous.

This was when I realized that I was TRAPPED IN TARGET.  This is like having PMS and being locked inside a Chocolaterie Stam.  It can only end very badly, with the Starbucks smells and the bargains, I could very well be in big trouble.

I had one thing working for me-sooner or later Evil Genius was going to realize that his wife had not returned with those ingredients.  Just to be sure, I messaged him on Facebook.  “Hey, check your phone!”  Then I tweeted…

keys target(For the record, Evil Genius doesn’t Twitter for religious reasons.  He thinks it’s stupid.)

The minutes dragged on.  The awesome employees at Target were busting their humps trying to help little old me.  One girl walked all through the store on the off chance that maybe I had laid my keys down to look at something.  Another girl called around to the other employees to keep their eyes open for them.  They finally gave me a choice-I could give them my number when the keys turned up, or they could try to make an announcement over the loudspeaker.  I chose to wait it out and give them my number since I was already dying of embarrassment (have YOU ever heard them use the intercom at Target?  Me neither).

Thankfully, by this time Evil Genius had finally answered my repeated phone calls, and was ready to drive the half hour to get me if need be.  We decided to wait twenty more minutes. Two minutes after I hung up with him one of the service desk girls came bringing them to me.  They were in a cart, taking another ride all around the store.  I snatched them and got the heck out of there.

lost keysI arrived home over an hour later than I had intended.  I had to share my experience on Facebook when I got home.  Man I was proud of myself! An extra hour in Target with nothing to do but wait and I survived without buying anything extra!

For the record, it was all worth the trip to town.  As you can see, the story had a happy ending.  She got to make her pudding cake…

Pudding cake diva

Pudding cake diva

This post was written as part of Finish The Sentence Friday.  Click the link and check out what other people are passionate about.  By the way I AM passionate about other things…

Theme Thursday: Things I Love So Much I Want To Marry Them

Theme Thursday

It’s Theme Thursday!  Each week Jenn at Something Clever 2.0 selects a theme and we faithfully follow by writing a post about it.  This week’s theme is “Things I Love”, which is FABULOUS because I have already written such a post-naturally I figured why not repackage it into a Theme Thursday post!

Theme Thursday:  Kid tested, mother approved, or something like that.

I know what you’re thinking-Oh hell no, not THIS post again.  I just reblogged it not that long ago, but hey, it IS slightly different from the last two and I spelled “zinfandel” right this time!  I’m actually hoping you are a new follower and are reading this for the first time instead of the third as many (ok, a few people.  Really it’s probably only two people). Upon rewriting this post, I was bitterly disappointed that I couldn’t find a video clip of Pee-Wee Herman saying “If you love it, why don’t you marry it?  Heh heh!”  I actually despise Pee-Wee, but I can’t help but think of that whenever I hear that phrase.  There are a few things that I love, besides my husband, kids, and family, of course!  You could say that I love them so much I might marry them, only I am already married and that would be wrong…

Sooooo, you ask, what do I love?  Hang on, I’m going to tell you!

diet sunkist lemonade

Diet Sunkist Lemonade Mmmmmmm, I keep saying I’m going to quit, but I keep going back.  Some might say I am addicted.  I say I just like lemonade.

rainbath

Neutrogena Pear and Green Tea Body Wash  It’s like a little spa in my shower.  It smells so good, I look forward to showering so I can smell it.  Is that weird?

Dark-chocolate

Dark chocolate  It’s health food, right?  I like the really dark stuff, but not so dark it’s bitter.  Dove dark chocolate with almonds rocks.  Hershey’s used to make a very dark chocolate that had blueberries, cranberries, and some sort of nut in it.  In a pinch I’ll settle for milk chocolate, but I prefer the dark stuff.

ipod

My Ipod I have a 16 gig ipod.  My music is extremely important to me.  I don’t make big purchases very often, but this one was well worth it.  I like the fact that I still have room to put more of my favorite songs on it.  I have some pretty weird taste in music-it’s so nice to be able to listen to what I want when I want it.

tevas

Footwear:  Tevas for warm weather, Merrells in cold weather  Or as my husband calls them, weird shoes.  I don’t care!  I’m not a “shoe” person.  I’m all about comfort, and it’s very rare that I wear anything but highly comfortable footwear.  I own Tevas in three different colors, and Merrells in two.

tie dye

Tie-dye  It’s obvious that I love tie-dye, all you have to do is see the profile pic that I use virtually everywhere!  I don’t know what it is about it, I just love it.  Maybe it’s the uniqueness of each piece, no two are ever exactly alike, kind of like snowflakes.  Note:  I was wearing tie-dye long before it was considered in fashion.

method-detox-lg

Method products  All natural, non-toxic, and affordable!  I can’t stand to breathe in any kind of fumes when I clean.  I don’t exactly need excuses not to clean.  These smell so good-though my husband claims the green antibacterial cleaner smells like pee (I disagree).  The Lavender is my favorite.

neutrogena body lotion

Neutrogena Body Lotion  In addition to the great smelling body wash, we have the great smelling body lotion.  I don’t wear cologne, except once in a great while.  I don’t feel I have to-this stuff smells so good.  I buy the super duper giant bottle and it lasts me a very, very long time.

sutter home white zin

Sutter Home White Zinfandel  I have been spelling the word “zinfandel” incorrectly for years, which is sad since I love this kind of wine.  It’s my little weekend delight-at the end of every week I get to savor a glass or two of this good stuff.  I must admit it’s not my very favorite, but when I can buy a huge bottle at Target for $11 every few weeks I’ll take it!

I don't have cheese with my wine OR my whine.

I don’t have cheese with my wine OR my whine.

Relax Riesling  When I’m feeling wealthier this stuff is wonderful.  This is my very favorite wine.  Also, the bottle looks really cool on your table.  Win win.

scentsy_candle_wax

Incense/candles/scentsy/stuff that makes your house smell awesome  Self explanatory.

Yes I love some pretty incredible things.  What do you love?

Now that you are rolling your eyes at me, go to Something Clever 2.0 under Theme Thursday and check out what other people love.  Heck, maybe you want to be amazing and write a super quick post about the stuff that you love and link up before Thursday is over and done! Really, I’m not going to stop you.

Mr Coffee/Superhero/Robot Make Me Some Coffee!

That's my old coffee maker there.  That's not my cat.

That’s my old coffee maker there. That’s not my cat.

Over the Christmas holiday, Evil Genius and I decided that we were worthy of spoiling.  He works hard, right? And me?  Well,  I keep the kids alive.  We deserve something special.

We both have been dreaming of coffee in the mornings.  The smell of coffee wafting up the stairs and giving us a reason to get out of bed.  Yes, coffee ready and waiting for us.  Just like on the commercials on tv.

We have in our possession a cheap coffeemaker, bought on clearance at Wal-Mart for $14.97.  Through the years it’s seen better days.  In addition to the springy thingy that broke off of it quite some time ago, any time we turn it on the whole house smells like burnt coffee.  I have scrubbed and scrubbed this thing and it still stinks.

After much debate we went out shopping and splurged, on a $35 automatic coffeemaker, our one Christmas present to ourselves.  A Mr Coffee, even.  It’s pretty and shiny.  I even bought one of those reusable coffee filter thingies.  And it was very nice to have our coffee in the mornings again without the house smelling like Starbucks on fire, at least during Christmas break when we were all home.

The Princess keeps an eye on the coffeemaker.

The Princess keeps an eye on the coffeemaker.

Once my husband went back to work, the reality of owning an automatic coffeemaker began to hit home.  This is because the coffeemaker does not get up, fill itself with coffee and water, then brew itself.  Nor does it bring it up the stairs to us and hold it under our noses to bring us to consciousness.  I can’t remember to fill the darn thing half the time.  My husband forgets too and doesn’t have time to make coffee on the way out the door.  So there it sits, some days it’s used, some days it’s not.  This is the life of a coffeemaker in a house full of ADD people.

It also doesn’t bring the coffee to you, nor does it yell at you to come get your coffee.  It has a two hour time frame to stay on, then it shuts off.  I haven’t figured out how to bypass this yet.  On the days we actually remember to set everything up the night before, a few minutes after I get up with the kids the coffeemaker shuts off and then the coffee gets cold.  Sometimes I remember to turn it back on, sometimes I don’t.

Maybe I need a barista to come stay at my house. Or a superhero who also happens to make coffee.

Make me some coffee!

That’s nice, I know you’re Iron Man.  Now make me some coffee!

Or better yet a coffee robot!  This one will do nicely…

This is really something someone built!  You can find it here http://www.instructables.com/id/R2D2-Dark-Roast-Edition/

This is really something someone built! You can find it here http://www.instructables.com/id/R2D2-Dark-Roast-Edition/

We’ve been talking about getting a coffee grinder sometime when we have a little extra cash.  This is so we can grind some of those awesome coffee beans they sell at the organic grocery store I shop at.  While this is a good idea, it also makes me laugh.  Really?  Are we really going to take the time to grind our own?  Maybe if the robot will do it?

That’s almost as funny as us swearing that we are going to drink tea.  We own at least one tea ball.  We have tea-both hot and cold.  We only drink hot tea when we are sick.  Each summer Evil Genius decides to make sun tea.  So he and the kids make it up in the jar and set it outside to brew.  And then once it’s brewed it sits in the refrigerator and never gets touched.  We’re strange folks, yes we are.

Whatever the method of ingestion it comes right down to that we obviously depend on some sort of caffeine each day.  I unfortunately consume too much pop, both the cans of Diet Sunkist Lemonade and Coke Zero with a little bit of Coke in it when I visit the gas station, big old mug in hand.  Evil Genius is good about drinking his coffee when it’s ready, and loves his diet pop as well as energy drinks.

Do you need coffee to get you through the mornings?  I need something, but I tend to reach for the pop instead… because my coffee isn’t ready.

Mondays are like this.

Mondays are like this.

REBLOG: Things I Love So Much I Want To Marry Them (Sorry Honey…)

In the spirit of Christmas, here are a few of my favorite things! 😀

The Sadder But Wiser Girl

I thought it would be fun to do a post about some of the things I love, besides my family and friends of course!  I know that life is not about what you have.  But there are some things that if I had to live without them, while I would survive I would be very very sad.

Diet Sunkist Lemonade-A mysterious illness earlier this year robbed me of my ability to enjoy Diet Coke.  This other pop is the bomb.  I have loved it for a good portion of my adult life.  Unfortunately it’s very hard to find sometimes.  I’m addicted.  When I can’t have it I’m very sad.  But I suppose there are worse things to be addicted to, huh?

Neutrogena pear and green tea body wash-It’s like a little spa in my shower.  It smells so good, I look forward to showering so I can smell it. …

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Confessions of a Popaholic: Caffeine Withdrawal Hell

This is me, except I can’t fit into a Diet Sunkist box.

It’s Saturday and I’m running out of caffeine.  These are the days when I wonder why I drink the stuff in the first place?  Oh yeah, because it ROCKS!

We had a little snafu with the bank this week and now are overdrawn until the middle of next week.  Yikes!  We’re not starving or anything, because I’m a darn good grocery shopper, but because of my addiction I am OUT OF MY DIET SUNKIST LEMONADE.  Sniff.  Yes I know, first world problems.  Didn’t I say I was going to give that up?  I tried, I REALLY tried!

My Mom came up the last couple of days, thus postponing my caffeine withdrawal a bit because she like caffeine too.  I drank waaaaaay too much Coke.  My other love is a big cup of Coke with crushed iced in it.  When I was kid, that was what we used to get at the soda fountain on the military base we lived near, and at the little place that had a soda fountain in the tiny town in Maine we lived in.  I can’t remember the name of the store, but it was across the street from the Five and Dime Store.  Remember those????

I guess I need to go to PA-Popaholics Anonymous.  Hi, I’m Sarah and it’s been three days since my last diet Sunkist.  Or maybe that’s what you say when you go to confession?

I found an old bottle of Coke Zero in the back of my fridge and downed that.  I know somewhere there is a two liter of Diet Coke lurking in my house.  Not sure I want to go there, I think I’d rather have coffee.  I like coffee, but the kind I make at home I have to really be in the mood for, and the iced coffee I love so much happens to be something I have to put a little forethought into.  We all know how good I am at that!

I have just enough cash that I COULD go buy a twelve pack of Diet Sunkist Lemonade, two McDonald’s iced coffees, four 32 ounce refills of coke at Kum & Go, or a big jug of Lipton diet Citrus Green tea.  I could also get a small Starbucks frappucino, but I’m not stupid enough to do that.  I can only go to the next town though anyway, because I don’t have a lot of gas.  Oh decisions, decisions.  I will probably just stay here and suffer, head pounding.

I’ll let you know how it goes.  I’ve never heard of anyone dying of caffeine withdrawal, but knowing my luck I’d be the first!

I may have to plan ahead for the next few days. This is a concoction that takes a bit of thinking ahead, but is awesome! Cold coffee+coconut milk+agave nectar=pretty darn good.

Things I Love So Much I Want to Marry Them (Sorry Honey…)

I thought it would be fun to do a post about some of the things I love, besides my family and friends of course!  I know that life is not about what you have.  But there are some things that if I had to live without them, while I would survive I would be very very sad.

Diet Sunkist Lemonade-A mysterious illness earlier this year robbed me of my ability to enjoy Diet Coke.  This other pop is the bomb.  I have loved it for a good portion of my adult life.  Unfortunately it’s very hard to find sometimes.  I’m addicted.  When I can’t have it I’m very sad.  But I suppose there are worse things to be addicted to, huh?

Neutrogena pear and green tea body wash-It’s like a little spa in my shower.  It smells so good, I look forward to showering so I can smell it.  Is that weird?

Dark chocolate-  It’s health food, right?  I like the really dark stuff, but not so dark it’s bitter.  Dove dark chocolate with almonds rocks.  Hershey’s used to make a very dark chocolate that had blueberries, cranberries, and some sort of nut in it.  In a pinch I’ll settle for milk chocolate, but I prefer the dark stuff.

My IPOD-I have a 16 gig ipod.  My music is extremely important to me.  I don’t make big purchases very often, but this one was well worth it.  I like the fact that I still have room to put more of my favorite songs on it.  I have some pretty weird taste in music-it’s so nice to be able to listen to what I want when I want it.

My tevas.  I love teva sandals.  My feet practically cry when the weather gets too cold to wear them.  The fact that I finally was able to get a couple of pairs of Merrells this last winter helped to ease the pain a little.  Just a little.  I have them in three different colors. I do a lot of online surveys to be able to buy footwear!

Tie-dye-I can’t get enough of it.  Note:  I was wearing tie-dye long before it was considered in fashion.

Method products-All natural, non-toxic, and affordable!  I can’t stand to breathe in any kind of fumes when I clean.  I don’t exactly need excuses not to clean.  These smell so good-though my husband claims the green antibacterial cleaner smells like pee (I disagree).  The Lavender is my favorite.

Neutrogena Body Lotion-In addition to the great smelling body wash, we have the great smelling body lotion.  I don’t wear cologne, except once in a great while.  I don’t feel I have to-this stuff smells so good.  I buy the super duper giant bottle and it lasts me a very very long time.

Sutter Home White Zinfadel-My weekend delight.  Not my very favorite, but when I can buy a huge bottle at Target for $9 every few weeks I’ll take it!

Relax Riesling-when I’m feeling wealthier this stuff is wonderful.  This is my very favorite.  Also, the bottle looks really cool on your table.  I hope to someday make a whole bunch of lighted Relax bottles for decoration.  As soon as I figure out how.

Incense-I love all things that smell, but nothing beats the smell of incense when you’re trying to relax.  It’s the best smell ever!

Everyone is so different-what are your favorite things?  What do you feel you would be very sad without?