What I Learned in 2012: An Introverts Introspective Retrospective

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Hey it’s almost 2013!  Did you know I actually LEARNED stuff this year?  I honestly can say this year was an extremely valuable learning experience!  I’m gritting my teeth and grinning like an idiot as I say this, because some of the lessons weren’t so fun.  And they say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.  They are wrong.

1)  Never ever use the following words in your blog, lest ye have weirdos, pervs, and pornographic spam:  Penis, naked, sparkly boobs, poop, pee, Chad Knaus.  The others make sense, not so sure about the last one.  On a related note, any time I want a laugh, I just go look at the search engine terms that people used to find my blog.  Which ones were the best, well that’s another post (in other words, stay tuned)!

He probably reads my blog.  Must be a Chad Knaus fan.

He probably reads my blog. Must be a Chad Knaus fan.

2)  You can pour your heart and soul into a job, but in the end it don’t mean a thing.  Especially if it ain’t got that swing.  (Doo-wop doo-wop doo-wop…) We love you and all, but your position is being taken over by a taco.  It happened to me.  And I’m learning it’s not the end of the world.

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3)  You can lead a man to underwear, but you can’t make him find it.  Ok, so I was a LITTLE behind on the laundry, but I did manage to get a couple of pairs clean.  I then laid out some of the clean clothes.  I even made SIGNS!

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Some guys just don’t pay any attention!

4)  Twitter is where it’s at.  Mainly because Facebook is a total douche for the blogging population.  Pay for people to see my posts?  No thanks.

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Why cats don’t use social media.

5)  Need friends?  Blog.  The ladies I have met in the blogging universe are the most wonderful, supportive community one could ever ask to be a part of.  I get all verklempt just thinking about it.  There are too many to name, but you know who you are!

What would we do without the internets?

What would we do without the internets?

6)  Underwear and butt are the funniest words in the universe. At least in my house.  Knock knock!  Who’s there?  Underwear! Underwear who?  Underwear Pajama Butt Pants!  Funny stuff, man.

The book the kids had to get for their little cousin for his birthday?  They think it's the funniest book ever.

The book the kids had to get for their little cousin for his birthday? They think it’s the funniest book ever.

7)  Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you need medication.  I probably still need it, I just can’t afford it.  Blogging IS terrific therapy, however.

Crazy ideas, crazy lady.

Crazy ideas, crazy lady.

8)  Four year olds only appreciate chores that have an element of danger to them.  Combined with seven year olds and grumpy genius husbands, ideas for stories on here are always an imminent possibility.

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This chore did not have enough danger in it.  We put in her charge of cups, therefore she tried to make us rue the day.  You can see I’m REALLY upset about this.

9) Just like in everyday life, your blog will have ups and downs.  Some days people will make you feel like you’re on top of the world, other days you’re as popular as a booger.  You just have to roll with it, just like in real life.  Oh wait, this IS real life.  Or IS it???

Amen.

Amen.

I know I learned more than that, but these were the best and most interesting things I’ve learned this year.  (WHAT? Uninteresting things are in my head?  Believe it or not, I’m afraid so!)  I realize that we still have a handful of days left in 2012, but with it being almost the weekend and then a holiday, I’d rather assume that I’ve learned everything I’m going to learn this year.  Have you learned anything valuable this year?  Feel free to share!

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Family. They’re important!  But I already knew that…Isn’t my family good looking?

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Where Have All the Humans Gone?

I’d take Ernestine any time over these dang automated menus I have to deal with. I want to talk to real people!

All I really wanted to do was talk to a real live human being.  I just had questions.

Does anyone actually like the automated menus that most companies have gone to that supposedly help improve the customer experience?  I find that whenever I call one of these places, I never need any of the choices they have on their menu.  We have our mortgage through a major lender, and I have only had to call for things that the menu lady doesn’t recognize, so called “normal stuff”.  For example, I never need to check my balance when I call, because I have the internet to do that.  The last couple of times I have called, it has been about an overpayment.

The menu lady doesn’t understand that word, and there really wasn’t anything on the menu that really matched what I needed.  Anything about payments just was her reciting my balance and last payment received.  She kept telling me they needed more information to help me.  Like most calls with automated menus, I found my voice rising and almost yelling at the robotic lady voice.  “OVERPAYMENT!  CUSTOMER SERVICE (she didn’t understand that either)! NO!  YES!  SPEAK TO REPRESENTATIVE (nor did she understand that)!  I forget how I finally got to talk to a human, but it took a really long time to reach her.  I’m not really convinced the person I spoke to was a real human, because after all of that they still messed it up.  I waited almost a month for a check to arrive.  It didn’t.  So I had to call back AGAIN and go through the same thing to find out that all they did was apply my overpayment to my principle.  If I wanted anything else done, like making a smaller payment the next time, I  would have to call back yet again!  This was already messing with the little bit of sanity that I have that’s on shaky terms.

I have to deal with this pretty much any time I call, well, anywhere.  The student loan company is the worst.  I’m sorry, I don’t want to use your website.  I want people to help me, not a calculator.  My cell phone company website doesn’t work half the time.  For some reason I end up viewing a blank page more often than not.  If there’s a problem, I’d almost rather drive to town and ask at their store.

Adding to my frustration is the current state of my cell phone.  The phone still works, except the part you talk into.  I can hear the person on the other end, but they can’t hear me.  After some careful research, I did discover that it was usable on speakerphone.  Not exactly convenient when you are a Mom, and the kids are programmed to start making terrible noise/scream/talk to you/run out the door into the cornfield when you are on the phone (all of those things have actually happened to me, except that she didn’t make it into the cornfield).  I can’t use the landline phone because the only one we still have is a dinosaur phone that roars when it rings and is terribly uncomfortable to use, and every town is long distance from where we live.  I hope to some day be able to afford to get the phone fixed.

What would they think if Moms had an automated menu?  “Thank you for having me as your Mom.  If this is a life threatening emergency, please press 1.  For all other situations, please press 2.”  “Welcome to the Mom menu.  Please listen closely as my options have changed.  For food situations, press 1.  For sibling altercations, press 2.  For general complaints, press 3.  For tattling and all other situations, please remain on the line and your request will be processed in the order received.”  For those “other situations”, there will be the same elevator music over and over with “Your request is important to me.  Thank you for being a valuable child.  I am currently experiencing an unusually high volume of requests.  You can also visit my website at http://www.mom.com.”

If nothing else, it might buy me some time in the shower or the bathroom.  I’ll definitely have to look into it…