FTSF: The Most Unexpected Part of Being A Grown-Up

Finish the Sentence Friday

This is an updated version of a post that I shared in September of 2012. Things have changed quite a bit since then, but I thought it would be fun to rework this for Finish the Sentence Friday!

A couple of times recently the Princess has announced, “When I grow up, I will get to do whatever I want!”

I replied to this, “Ok honey, you just keep thinking that.”

And maybe she will, being the confident little thing that she is.

I can’t say that’s necessarily true for me.  In the last few years, as I have gone from preschool teacher to school associate to red cross flunkie to writer/librarian,  I have had several people ask me what I really want to do someday.  The truth is I don’t know.  I have no idea what I really want to do when I grow up!

That’s right.  I’m almost at the big 4-0, and let’s face it, I don’t feel like a grown-up.

As a child and a teen I wanted to be a teacher.  That didn’t pan out well, now did it?  I guess being a published writer is my next goal…  In time grasshopper, in good time.

The Princess has told me on several occasions that she wants to be a doctor when she grows up.  Or a cowgirl.  They’re so close, don’t you think?

The Professor thinks he wants to be a baseball player.  This is new, because up until this announcement he has wanted to be a race car driver like Jeff Gordon.  But then again, he has also informed me that he will take over for one of the school’s fourth grade teachers when she gets too old to teach.  Hmmmm… that easy, huh?

I must admit that I admire my husband for the fact that he has always known he wanted to be an engineer, even though it took him a long time to get there.  I guess that’s how you know you’re a grown up, you know what you want to do?

Therefore maybe I’m not really a true grown-up?

Hmmmm… A lot of grown-ups have bucket lists.  Someone recently asked me about my bucket list.  I guess I really don’t have one.  I have joked about taking pictures of different buckets and putting them on here.  I guess I don’t really have one because the things that I really want to do seem so out of reach.  I’m horribly, horribly practical.  Lack of money can really do that to a person.  If you can’t have dreams, then what is worth reaching for?

Isn’t the bucket list what you want to do before you kick the bucket?  Well I don’t necessarily have a bucket list.  I just have some things that I would someday would like to do.  Horribly impractical and probably will never happen.  But perhaps if I am to be “real” grown-up then I need to have this list!

  • I would like to learn to play the cello.  And the guitar.  I’ve tried to play the guitar on my own, but I really need lessons for a grown-up.
  • I would like to see another Broadway musical.  Or two.
  • There are so many places I want to go.  I want to see mountains.  I just want to drive to see mountains.  I don’t have to stay.  I just want to see them.  But then again there are so many places I want to go.  I want to see Seattle.  I just want to go there.  I think it would be cool.  For that matter, I have never been west of Nebraska, and I have been in a lot of places!  I would like to go back to Maine (where I am from) with my husband so he can see it too.  I want to go back to Chicago (where I lived nearby for a short while as a child) and see all of the museums and Shedd Aquarium.  I would love to go back to Disneyworld, but this time with the kids.  I’ve been there several time, I just want to take them once.  And the biggie-I want to go overseas.  I have never been out of the country except for Canada.  I want to go to Australia and China.  I WANT TO LEAVE IOWA.
  • I want to go back to school.  But of course, I have to figure out what I really want to do.  Therein lies my problem…

So that’s really it.  I don’t want much, do I?  🙂

Or perhaps I shall just not be a grown-up at all.

Well said, Mr Depp, well said.

Well said, Mr Depp, well said.
(This is one of many nice quotes and images from Quotes Factory, click on the image to take you to the website.)

The most unexpected part of being a grown-up is… not being able to do whatever I want when I want.

This post is part of Finish The Sentence Friday, cohosted by these very lovely ladies:

Mommy, For Real

Finding Ninee

Can I Get A Bottle of Whine With My Morning Quiet Time?

Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyholic

and special guest host Left Brain Buddha

Please visit one of the wonderful co-hosts.  Maybe you have something you’d like to share just for the occasion?  If so, LINK IT UP!  🙂

April Secret Subject Swap Take Two: When I Grow Up

Welcome to Take Two of March’s Secret Subject Swap. This week, 11 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts. 

 My prompt was:  What did you want to be when you grew up and why, submitted by: dates2diapers2.blogspot.com

In case this sounds somewhat familiar to those of you who have been reading my blog all of this time (like there are so many of you, haha), much of the following is an excerpt along with a few additions from a post I wrote for The Getting to Know The Blogger Challenge, which I participated in through the blog A Little Unhinged way back when.  You know way back in the past in 2013.

As a kid I had big dreams.  There were so many things I wanted to do.  For example, one thing I wanted to was write science fiction like Robert Heinlein.  NOT books like Starship Troopers though.  Ick.

starship-trooper

Another thing that I wanted to do was work for Industrial Lights and Magic.  I grew up when George Lucas was putting out the first set of the Star Wars Trilogy.  You know, before Jar Jar Binks, when it was GOOD.  (Sorry George, I mean Walt…)  I watched a lot of movies.  Keep in mind that I also thought Clash of the Titans was one of the coolest movies on the face of the earth at that time.  The ORIGINAL Clash of the Titans.  Don’t judge me.

Release the Kraken!  Now it has so many connotations...

Release the Kraken! Now it has so many connotations…

I also wanted to be an astronaut, because I loved space that much.  Then I found out that you have to actually understand some of those science concepts and be good at math.  That was as far as that dream went.

space.1

No great view for me. Thanks, algebra.

When I was in high school and living in Florida I wanted to join the Air Force.  I’m sure this was thrilling news to my NAVY family.  This was because we lived on an Air Force base (Patrick Air Force Base, for anyone who was wondering).   Then our circumstances changed and we ended up moving away.  Not being around all of that stuff all the time made it less of a dream for me.  I also wanted to go to Florida State, but lack of money for my family at the time and that lovely out of state tuition you have to pay made that not work out either.

I hate the Gators.  And besides, FSU has glitter guys.

I hate the Gators. And besides, FSU has glitter guys.

And of course I wanted to be a teacher because I loved school and learning and all of that stuff.  For those of you that have been following my blog all know that didn’t work out so hot for me, huh?  If I had to do it all over again, I would have stuck with early childhood education and hoped for the best.  But, you can’t go back.  I have to deal with the hand that I’ve been dealt.

IT NEVER GETS OLD!  NEVER!

IT NEVER GETS OLD! NEVER!

Now that I am an adult, I have been married for more than thirteen years and have two very funny children.  It wasn’t something that I aspired to do, but it was nice that it turned out so nicely in that respect.

September 1999

September 1999.  Weren’t we just ADORABLE???

My kids.

My kids.  They are now the adorable ones.  Most of the time.

The truth is, I never really decided what I wanted to be when I grow up.  Even when I was in high school, although I knew I liked education, I wasn’t totally set on it.  In college, I was persuaded to go with the major that I then attempted as a career for a few years before it obviously wasn’t working out for me.  I still don’t know what I want to be.  These days I am a Stay At Home Mom who is trying to make it as a writer.  While I am hoping it works out, I’m still not totally set on that being the one and only thing I want to be.

I hope you enjoyed my post!  Be sure to check out the other posts in the Secret Subject Swap!

http://www.BakingInATornado.com

http://www.peanutlayne.com/

http://menopausalmother.blogspot.com/

https://sadderbutwiser.wordpress.com/

www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com

www.theblacksheepmom.blogspot.com

www.homeonderanged.com

http://victoryrosevintage.wordpress.com

dates2diapers2.blogspot.com

http://badwordmama.blogspot.com/

http://mylifeaslucille.blogspot.com/

The Getting To Know The Blogger Challenge: Life

I’m participating in the 15 Day Blogger Challenge, started by A Little Unhinged.  Today I’m answering question #7

7)  Has your life gone the way you expected it?

(Deep in thought…)

I guess I would have to say no.

As a kid I had big dreams.  There were so many things I wanted to do.  I wanted to write science fiction like Robert Heinlein.  NOT books like Starship Troopers though.  Ick.

I wanted to work for Industrial Lights and Magic.  I grew up when George Lucas was putting out the first set of the Star Wars Trilogy.

I wanted to be an astronaut, because I loved space that much.  Then I found out that you have to actually understand some of those concepts and be good at math.  That was as far as that dream went.

When I was in high school in Florida I wanted to join the Air Force.  Then we moved away.  Not being around all of that stuff all the time made it less of a dream for me.  I also wanted to go to Florida State, but lack of money for my family at the time and that lovely out of state tuition you have to pay made that not work out either.

And of course I wanted to be a teacher because I loved school and learning and all of that stuff.  Didn’t work out so hot for me, huh?  If I had to do it all over again, I would have stuck with early childhood education and hoped for the best.  But, you can’t go back.  I have to deal with the hand that I’ve been dealt.

Now that I am an adult and real life has reared its ugly head, it’s really too bad!  Dreams can be fun.  Now I just dream about being able to pay bills on time, losing weight, and, well, sleeping.  Sleep is something I’ve fought trying to get for years.

I never conceived that I would be married with two kids either, that part worked out pretty well.

September 1999

My kids.

Since I never really knew what I wanted to do with my life, I can’t say that I’m upset with how it’s turned out.  I wish that things would work out so that I can just stay home with my daughter and not have to worry about money.  I also wish that I had gainful employment.  I wish that things had gone down differently in some areas.  But the overall thing I’m satisfied with.  I love my husband very much and I adore my children.  At least most of the time I do.  🙂  We have a roof over our heads.  Though it’s not the finest looking house it keeps the cold, wind, and rain out.  My husband has a good job, and a safe car that gets him there every day.  So you can say that while it’s not perfect, it’s turned out just fine.

Previous Blogger Challenge Posts-This Could Be Fun:  I’m Doing The 15 Day Getting To Know The Blogger Challenge, Where I Grew Up, Favorite Childhood Memories, School, Work

When I Grow Up I’ll Be Stable, And Maybe I’ll Get To Do Stuff

Ah, my little princess. Don’t grow up too fast. Being a grown up isn’t much fun a lot of the time.

A couple of times recently  Princess Confident has announced, “When I grow up, I will get to do whatever I want!”

I replied to this, “Ok honey, you just keep thinking that.”  And maybe she will, being the confident little thing that she is.

I sure can’t say that’s necessarily true for me.  In the last year with all of this unemployment stuff, I had several people ask me what I really wanted to do.  The truth is I don’t know.  I have no idea what I really want to do when I grow up.  I’m 38 years old, and let’s face it, I don’t feel like a grown-up.

I wanted to be a teacher most of my life.  That didn’t pan out well, now did it?  I guess being a published writer is my next goal.  HA HA.

She has told me on several occasions that she wants to be a doctor when she grows up.  Or a cowgirl.  They’re so close, don’t you think?  The Professor thinks he wants to be a baseball player.  This is new, because up until this announcement he has wanted to be a racecar driver.  But then again, he has also informed me that he will take over for one of the school’s fourth grade teachers when she gets too old to teach.  Hmmmm… that easy, huh?  I must admit that I admire my husband in the fact that he has always known he wanted to be an engineer, even though it took him a long time to get there.  I guess that’s how you know you’re a grown up, you know what you want to do?

A lot of grown-ups have bucket lists.  Someone recently asked me about my bucket list.  I guess I really don’t have one.  I have joked about taking pictures of different buckets and putting them on here.  I guess I don’t really have one because the things that I really want to do seem so out of reach.  I’m horribly, horribly practical.  Lack of money can really do that to a person.  No wonder I have been depressed.  If you can’t have dreams, then what is worth reaching for?

Isn’t the bucket list what you want to do before you kick the bucket.  Well I don’t necessarily have a bucket list.  I just have some things that I would someday would like to do.  Horribly impractical and probably will never happen.  But here goes.

  • I would like to learn to play the cello.  And the guitar.  I’ve tried to play the guitar on my own, but I really need lessons for a grown-up.
  • I would like to see another Broadway musical.  Or two.
  • I want to see mountains.  I just want to drive to see mountains.  I don’t have to stay.  I just want to see them.  But then again there are so many places I want to go.  I want to see Seattle.  I just want to go there.  I think it would be cool.  For that matter, I have never been west of Nebraska, and I have been in a lot of places!  I would like to go back to Maine (where I am from) with my husband so he can see it too.  I want to go back to Chicago (where I lived nearby for a short while as a child) and see all of the museums and Shedd Aquarium.  I would love to go back to Disneyworld, but this time with the kids.  I’ve been there several time, I just want to take them once.  And the biggie-I want to go overseas.  I have never been out of the country except for Canada.  I want to go to Australia and China.
  • I want to go back to school.  But of course, I have to figure out what I really want to do.  Therein lies my problem…

So that’s really it.  I don’t want much, do I?  I’m hoping that once our little situation gets straightened out that perhaps we can start going places.  Right now, I’d just like to be able to occasionally buy myself a frapuccino.

Ah yes, the Starbucks coconut mocha frappucino. It rates an honorable mention on my list of faves. I may have to start that list for a future post…

These Dreams (Originally A Reference to a Heart Song but Now My Anxiety Dreams)

I bet cats don’t have anxiety dreams…

My last post, not my finest moment.  So not fine that I didn’t share it on Facebook like I usually do.  I got up this morning and looked at what I had written the night before, and thought about all those things that I haven’t shared.  It certainly was easy to write about.  I decided that it won’t hurt anything.  Oh hell, ok.  So I published it.

The anxiety dreams last night didn’t help my case.  Oh I had weird ones.  The one that stands out was the one where my dog became the Don Juan of the neighborhood, impregnating every female dog in a five mile radius of our house.  Yeah, we’re going to get the dog fixed next week whether we can afford it or not.  I can’t be responsible for an explosion of dog population in this small town.

That’s not the weirdest one I’ve had.  I’ve had some doozeys.  I’m not sure how you are supposed to spell doozey.

I often dream I’m losing my children.  I’m always losing things, so I’m not surprised.  In real life I’ve actually only lost my son once.  He ran ahead of the stroller and disappeared into the crowd at a home football game.  Don’t worry, he came back.  But that was the longest two minutes of my life.

My personal favorite is one I had about a month or so ago.  I dreamed we were going to Target (imagine that, in my life all roads lead to Target) and I lost my daughter.  Not exactly in Target.  There was a very big hill in front of the store.  For some reason, there was just this big grassy hill instead of a parking lot (I don’t know where we parked… details, details…).  Princess Naughty ran down the hill so fast I couldn’t catch her and disappeared into the revolving door (I don’t know of any Targets that have a revolving door, do you?)  She reappeared later in my dream, but then I lost my son.  He went somewhere in the car with my husband, and I couldn’t get a hold of them on my cell phone.  Which is perfectly normal.  My husband is notorious for either not having his phone, having it on silent, no knowing it’s dead, or just plain not hearing it.  He’s getting better, but he’s the reason why I pay for a texting plan-whenever he gets around to looking at his phone, I hope he may see my text.

Maybe she was after the bomb pops.

I have the school dream several times a week.  I’m back in (choose one):  a)  high school b) college c)  elementary school d) obedience school.  I a)  have never been to class b)  have a test I haven’t studied for c)  leave for school but never actually get there because I get sidetracked by half a million things d) never put on clothes.  Or it’s the work dream.  I’m at a) Kmart b) where I taught music c) one one of the daycares I worked at d) the preschool I worked at e) my associate job f)  the clothing store job.  I a) oversleep/don’t go b) have an evaluation c) am on my way but never actually make it to work d) never put on clothes.

Not exactly the school dreams I was talking about.

Do you see a pattern here?  Anxiety is FUN!

Another classic is the one where my husband leaves me.  I have been left because a) he didn’t like dinner b) he met a hot veterinarian c) he met a hot guy d) I did something he didn’t like e) I have no idea.  It’s always a relief to wake up to him snoring.  I tell him about these dreams, he just shakes his head.  I guess I’m safe-we’ll have been married for almost thirteen years and he hasn’t stormed out over dinner yet.

There are others too.  Many of the dreams I just plain can’t find something REALLY important.  I shouldn’t be surprised by that one, since that happens quite frequently to me.  My life is one big brain fart.

Maybe I just need a starship.

I really think if I ever get to therapy they’d probably write a book about me.  I hope I get some kickback from it, because I could really use the dough.

The anxiety itself has been much better these days thanks to a very effective anti anxiety medication.  I hated to do it, but the doctor really didn’t want to see me dead due to a heart attack.  I had been dealing with a racing heart and constantly being on the edge of a panic attack for the last few months.  While it doesn’t really help with other stuff, like moodiness, it’s nice to feel like I can deal with life rationally.  Like laugh at these dreams I’m having (I suppose the anxiety has to manifest itself somehow).  Enjoy my life.  And write this blog.

Have you ever had an anxiety dream?  Was it funny or freaky?  I find mine a combination of both.  And that’s ok.