Cable Makes Me A Better Person

autumn-leavesI really think I need to make a new award.  It would go to the person who is not related to me or knows me in real life that has followed me the longest.  Melissa from Motherhood is an Art would totally get that award if I created it.  Amongst all of the people who followed me from the start, she was the first blogger who truly read and commented on my posts!  I love her blog-I wish we were neighbors because I would love to be able to hang out with her (and her family)!  

This post is especially relevant for me because we recently were able to reclaim paid-for TV.  It’s not as extravagant as it sounds, since we just happened to find a local company that we could get cable AND internet for the same price as we were paying for just internet!  Read on to see why Melissa thinks cable improves her life:

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAWe recently subscribed to cable again after a 2 year hiatus from it. We cancelled it because it was so overpriced and the customer service is absolutely atrocious. Any one of my three children would be more gracious and helpful than most of the morons they have working for them.

But…..

I feel shallow for saying this but cable and the addition of the DVR (digital video recorder) option makes me a better person.

Today I thought I would share with you why cable has tickled my pickle:

  1. I usually miss every broadcast of the news. It is nice to record it and find out what is going on in the world.
  2. Speaking of finding out what’s going on in the world, everyone keeps talking about this Duck Dynasty show. It will be nice to know what they are talking about.
  3. Before cable if my children got hurt while I was watching a show they had to rate their pain and blood spewing amount on a scale of 1-10 to determine if I could wait until commercial to tend to them.
  4. On the subject of commercials…commercials work! Without cable I had to watch every commercial and let me tell you every time I saw an ad about any restaurant I was suddenly starving. Perhaps I can lose some weight now that I can fast forward through the commercials.
  5. The rewind feature is very important to me. Often times my kids are so noisy and I find myself wondering if the main character has just screamed, “I’m dying” or if it was just “I’m trying.” This can really change the whole story line.
  6. I really missed Mrs. Duggar, you know the lady with 19 kids. Sometimes I feel like torching the television when I see her and her sunny disposition all while keeping 19 kids in line. Other times it gives me the push I need…if she can put up with 19 kids and Jim Bob every day I can certainly handle my brood.
  7. Some days just require a Lifetime movie marathon complete with pajamas and endless chocolate.
  8. If I would have had the record feature on May 6, 2004 I could have avoided one of my biggest regrets. I saw every single episode of Friends except for the very last one. Talk about major bummer. When The Middle decides to call it quits I should be good even if I decide to go out that night.
  9. I actually have a lot more time on my hands. Instead of wasting an hour watching Dr. Phil so I can feel better about myself because I’m not the weirdest person in the world, I have shaved that time down to about 30 minutes with the fast forward feature.
  10. And the biggest reason I love cable is because sometimes you just need a laugh and the pause feature does that for me. I randomly hit the pause button when people are talking so I can see images like this:

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IMG_1623Melissa is a mother to 3 kids living in Wisconsin. She navigates the triumphs and perils of motherhood using creativity and humor!

Like the post?  Now LOVE the blog.  Go visit her blog by clicking HERE!

The ADD Mom Is Bored

I’ve been there.

It’s a typical weekday night. A little before 9 pm. Everyone is in bed.  I’m a little bored.  It’s not that there aren’t things I could do, I just don’t have the motivation or brainpower to do them.

So what exactly do I do to pass the time?  Read on:

The first thing I do after everyone goes to bed is get my big soft comfy blanket.  Then I have a snack that I don’t have to share.  I eat cinnamon graham crackers along with my Diet Sunkist Lemonade.  I agree the tastes aren’t exactly complimentary, but I like it.  I fight with the dog, who is trying to steal my cinnamon graham crackers.  He can’t have any, like I said I don’t share!  No wine tonight, that’s only on the weekend.

I go and check to make sure my son has remembered to not read past 9 pm.  He’s out cold.  Books are dangling out of his loft.  At least he remembered to turn his light out.

I sit back down and check the DVR.  There’s nothing on here I want to watch.  Parenthood gave the Mom cancer.  Not fair.  I’m not watching that.  Realize that I have a lot of hostility directed towards TV shows choices for their characters.

My laptop has been open this whole time-this is when I check on Facebook.  Comment on posts commenting on posts.  Realize that everyone has a more exciting life than me, sitting here all by myself with my Diet Sunkist Lemonade.

I find some stuff to read.  I go to Confessions on ScaryMommy.com. Some of these moms I can relate to.  Others-like Moms that smoke pot and cuss about their husbands and kids?  Oooooooh, I feel like a really, really good Mom now!  My Mom license is not in jeopardy tonight!

I check my email.  Uh-huh, I really must be on the school’s blacklist.  How about you guys just email me back and tell me you don’t need subs?  Grrrr!

Suddenly a stuffed animal comes flying down the stairway.  I calmly usher my daughter back to bed.

I read fellow bloggers blogs.  I comment on posts I like.  This is National Pork Awareness Month?  I never realized just how important it is to recognize pork.

I then go to look at job boards.  I sob quietly to myself.  I will never find a job…  Oh look, there’s a part-time opening for a “Floating Teller”.

I go up and check on my daughter.  She is sound asleep as well.  There’s no room for her in the bed between the stuffed animals and all of her books.  I want to take a picture but my camera battery is dead.  I really should charge that.

I read up on legitimate ways to make extra money.  I don’t want to sell stuff like Tupperware (how many consultants can an area have, seriously?)  I can’t donate sperm for money.  It has a disclaimer that you must be a guy.  Duh.  The online stuff looks interesting, but is it legit?

Back to Facebook.  Snicker at stuff I shouldn’t find funny.  Look at people’s timelines…

I just now realize that football has been on the TV for over an hour.  WHY?????  I turn it over to Conan.  A bit of self-deprecating humor for my night.

I’m so bored I Google myself. Wow!  I didn’t know there was someone with the same name as me!  A golfer.  How cool.  There’s also lots of references to my LinkedIn page.  You’d think that would help in the job search!  I also look at the images-I didn’t realize there were so many of me that look so different.

I come back to my blog and mess around on my dashboard. Oh look, here are the search terms people have used to get to my site.  Hmmmm… some of those are a bit disturbing.  Note to self, never put the word “penis” in a blog post title again.

I go back to Google to try to figure out how to become a freelance writer.  I need my own website?  I have to advertise myself?  Can’t I just be awesome?

I work on a blog post.  I also look for pictures to go with it.  Hey there’s going to be a Wayne’s World 3?  Oh it’s a joke.  Now I’m sad.  I work on different blog post.  I have seven of them I’m working on at a time, you know.  I work on my other blog.  I briefly contemplate having a third blog.  No… let’s not disturb a whole new set of people just yet.

Back to Facebook.  No one loves me.  I repost something funny yet disturbing.

Out of desperation, I look at jobs on Craigslist.  How many of these are real?  How many of them are actually murderers advertising for help?  How desperate am I for a job?

Someone commented on my blog! I read the comment. I then realize this isn’t Facebook, so I can’t “like” the comment.  I comment on the comment.

I let the dog out to pee.  I try to get him to come right back in.  He’s chasing moths, imagine that.

I turn off the TV and turn on the Ambient music on Itunes to help me wind down to sleep.  I google “ways to get out of the house when you are broke”.  I don’t find what I am looking for.

I take half an Ambien.  I have to feel sleepy SOMETIME!  Hey I just got that, “Ambient” and “Ambien” must have a connection!!  After this revelation, I let the dog back in.

I go back to Facebook.  It’s the last time, really.  I type things I probably won’t remember in the morning.  Then I realize I’ve been asleep at my computer for 15 minutes.  Off to bed.  It’s 1 am.

And THAT is a typical evening for me… exciting, huh?