Fly on the Wall April 2015: The Mutant Fly Edition

Fly on the WallHoly cow I think we have mutant flies. The biggest fly I’ve seen in a long time keeps landing on my screen. Heyyyyyyy wait a minute, I bet he wants to help me write my Fly on the Wall post!

Why would a fly want to help me write?  Let me explain a little about Fly on the Wall… In a nutshell, it’s snippets from life put together to make one post.  Participating bloggers then take said posts and all publish at the same time.  Magically at 10 am EST these posts all appear simultaneously once a month!  So read on to see what the fly and I wrote, then stick around and see what other bloggers wrote by clicking on one or two or ten of the links at the bottom of the post. 

So in other words, what fly WOULDN’T want to get in on that kind of awesomeness?  🙂

This is visual proof of why I get nothing accomplished often.  Cuddly animals and warm soft purple blankies.

This is visual proof of why I get nothing accomplished more often than not. Cuddly animals and warm soft purple blankies.

Me eating ice cream: “Oh ice cream how I love you! Why don’t I eat ice cream more often?”
Me two hours later: *In pain and crying* “Whyyyyyyy do I eat ice cream?????”

(Lactose intolerance, that’s why. It blows.)

That's about right... (From George Takei's Facebook page.)

That’s about right… (From George Takei’s Facebook page.)

Evil Genius to The Professor: “Did you learn anything at Baseball Camp today?”
The Professor: “Nothing that I can remember.”

Couldn’t find the library’s disposable silverware anywhere the other day at work. My choices to eat my mac and cheese were a big wooden spoon or a measuring spoon… I chose the measuring spoon.  It may have looked a little weird, but hey I was HUNGRY!

I'm the one in the purple hat.  I'm wearing three shirts and a jacket-it was COLD!  I finished 58th out of 78.  HEY I BEAT SOME PEOPLE!!!!

This is the 5K that we have in the spring in my town.  We literally can walk outside our door and participate.  I’m the one in the purple hat. It was so cold that I was wearing three shirts and a jacket! How’d I end up?  I finished 58th out of 78. HEY I BEAT SOME PEOPLE!!!!

Things not to do on the day of a 5K that you plan on actually running.
1) Drink orange juice beforehand
2) Eat blueberry waffles beforehand
3) Wear pants that won’t stay up
All bad things to do… trust me. *urp*

The Princess is learning to knit.  We have knitting needles and looms galore.  I'm still waiting for potholders.  Really, I seriously need her to make me some!

The Princess is learning to knit. We have knitting needles and looms galore. I’m still waiting for potholders. Really, I seriously need her to make me some!

*Stares at pair upon pair of black yoga pants in the laundry basket*  Is it possible to have an addiction to yoga pants?

IMG_3394The above picture is from Easter.  Why is my son wearing a button up shirt, tie, and vest?  Certainly not because we told him to. A friend gave us some of her son’s clothes that he had outgrown and he has been obsessed with that outfit ever since.  Every chance he’s got he’s tried to wear it.

The day before Easter… “Mom…”

Me without even hesitating:  “Yes you can wear the shirt and tie.”

He does look pretty cute, even though he started out wearing the shirt over a polo shirt.  He thought it would look extra nice.  We made him take it off.

Speaking of Easter, that bunny was definitely my favorite that weekend.

Speaking of Easter, that bunny was definitely my favorite that weekend.

Random things written on Facebook:

So apparently orange juice is not a viable alternative for milk in cream of chicken soup.

I really hate it when I find meat in my bra.

The Princess and I delivered cookies to my aunt and cousin in the Target parking lot recently. I’m now completely convinced that Girl Scout cookies are another form of crack. “You got the stuff?” “You got the cash?”

Yes those were my children walking to the bus stop in the pouring rain.  Brand new umbrella… Need I say more?

My pets... what a bunch of goofballs.

My pets… what a bunch of goofballs.

Me: “When I was a kid we used typewriters to type things because that was before they had computers for everyday use and things like ipads.”
The Princess: “Yeah. That was a long time before pencils too…”
Yes we etched everything on to a stone tablet…

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Both kids are on orange teams this year! What a coincidence!

My daughter wanted to clean for fun this past weekend.  I don’t think she’s really mine.

Yep that’s right.  Mom has been slacking in the cleaning department.  For whatever reason, my depression has reared its ugly head once again and I feel like doing nothing.  But I’m happy to say that we spent the day cleaning up our kitchen and not only has it stayed that way, I did some more organizing this week!  Now I can’t say much for the rest of the house, but by golly our kitchen looks great!

I always feel at home at Target.  This week I have proof that they really know me there.

I always feel at home at Target. This week I have proof that they really know me there.

Back to the running… there is kind of a happy ending here.  The next 5K was a couple of weeks later.  It was for my husband’s Live Healthy Iowa thingie.  I did decently-and I ran the whole way!  I’m not so sure where I actually finished, I have yet to see any race results.  However the hubby was so proud he got me flowers.  And they’re tie-dyed!

Now he can get flowers for me for when I’m done with the half marathon on May 30th.  He can put them on my grave, because I’ll probably die.

11149822_10204567797971835_579512764931082934_oThis weekend is Evil Genius’s birthday.  He turns the big 4-0.  We will be attempting to make Mountain Dew cupcakes.  I’m sure there will be a good story in there for next month’s Fly on the Wall.  We actually have three birthdays between now and then!  How about that?

So that’s it, short and sweet this month.  Thanks for stopping by and reading…  And how much help was the fly?  At some point the dog ate him.  How’s that for appreciation?  Don’t worry about him, there are plenty more flies out there.  Take a look at some of the blogs below.  They are just buzzing with things for you to read!

http://www.BakingInATornado.com                          Baking In A Tornado

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                          Spatulas on Parade

http://followmehome.shellybean.com                          Follow me home

http://www.menopausalmom.com/                          Menopausal Mother

http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/                        Stacy Sews and Schools

http://batteredhope.blogspot.com                                   Battered Hope

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                                  Just A Little Nutty

http://themomisodes.com                                        The Momisodes

http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com                            Someone Else’s Genius

http://gndisney.wordpress.com                                Disneyland in Kentucky

http://singlemumplusone.blogspot.com                    Searching for Sanity

http://www.angelaweight.com                                Sanity Waiting to Happen

http://dinoheromommy.com/                                   Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

http://www.juiceboxconfession.com                         Juicebox Confession

Weekly Wrap-Up: The A-Team Edition

pity-the-fool

Mr T pities the fools on April Fools Day!

My Week:  The Posts

I exceeded my expectations and blogged EVERY SINGLE STINKIN’ DAY this week!  How did I do that?

Sunday Easter Funnies, Because I Care  I couldn’t resist sharing some of the funny and a little disturbing Easter memes that I found.  I love the internets!

Monday  Beautiful Mama Blog Award  I got an award so wonderful and so pretty I couldn’t share it fast enough!  Thanks again to Valerie over at AtlantaMomofThree for bestowing it upon me!

Tuesday  Confessions of a So-So Easter Bunny  The Easter bunny dropped the ball, er, egg this year.

Wednesday  Wordless Wednesday:  Life In Iowa  One of those pictures that turned into a great example of life in the midwest!

Thursday T-H-E-M-E T-H-U-R-S-D-A-Y A-C-R-O-S-T-I-C-A-L-L-Y  I wrote a poem, it even rhymed.

Friday  FTSF:  A Day In My So-Called Life  We oughtta be in pictures.  We are, showing what a typical day for us weirdos is like.

This makes me want to stuff something in my sink drain, just so the A-Team can come fix it!

This makes me want to stuff something in my sink drain, just so the A-Team can come fix it!

Best and most disturbing search terms of the week

This was a GREAT week for search terms!  Read on:

Do some women pee their pants for fun?  I don’t, do you?

Foggy gzzggzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz  My thoughts exactly.

Teacher farts in class then poops  School cafeteria food will do that to you.

Real rainbow mice  Are they from Rainbow Brite?

Nobody reads blogs anymore  And yet here you are, reading my blog.

Next week

Next week is a bit exciting because I ACTUALLY HAVE A PLAN!

I’m going visiting to some other people’s blogs because I can.  Come see me at The Wild and Wonderful World of Gingerssnaps on Monday where I imagine how my husband views a typical day for me.  On Tuesday I head over to PenPaperPad where I ramble somewhat coherently about writing and blogging.

After my usual wordlessness on Wednesday, Thursday I talk about giving advice, and Friday is the April edition of the Secret Subject Swap!

DON’T miss a moment of it or I won’t be your best friend anymore.  You can’t come to my birthday party.  Uh-oh, looks like I’ve been hanging around little people too long!  Did you know that is the WORST insult in the world of three and four year olds???

"I love it when a plan comes together!(Because no blog post featuring Mr T would be complete without this)

“I love it when a plan comes together!”  (Because no blog post featuring Mr T would be complete without this)

Confessions of a So-So Easter Bunny

IMG_1907

This is from a couple of years ago, but isn’t she an adorable bunny?  She’s not the so-so one, that’s me…

I hope you all had a Happy Easter.  I think that the PPs would be laughing hysterically at me.  After all, I didn’t even do anything remotely pinnable for Pinterest this year.  Not even much in years past.  The last couple of years I have done well if I get my container of plastic Easter eggs out and let my kids play with them.  While this blog post is probably a couple of days later than it should be, I DID post something on Easter featuring some VERY funny Easter related things I found on the internets.

But now I have a few Easter confessions…

1)  We didn’t go to church.  I wholeheartedly acknowledge the reason behind WHY we have Easter, and it has nothing to do with bunnies or eggs.  Yet Easter, like Christmas, is one of those holidays that people who don’t go to church any other time show up.  I’m not judging, we all know that I miss church way more than I probably should because one of us is sick or hasn’t slept in eight days straight.  I’m still a Christian, unless you want to take away my Church card for that.

2)  We didn’t color eggs.  This is because no one really seemed to care.  Things were so busy leading up to the holiday that there was little time and not one little person became excited when we spoke of it.  I wanted to do the all natural dying thing where you use things like turmeric, beet juice, etc, but had a hard time finding some of what I needed.  Maybe next year!

Photo from Frontier Natural Product Co-Op

Photo from Frontier Natural Product Co-Op

The picture above is what I wanted to do this year.  Here is the link to the Frontier  website.  I have since filed it away in my brain for future reference.  Don’t laugh, I really do have a functioning brain somewhere in this head of mine.

3)  I delayed my children’s instant gratification.  Easter morning Princess Gimme got up waaaaaaay before anyone else and begged me to come downstairs.  “There are eggs all around” she announced.  I had to burst her bubble.  “We’re not looking for them until your brother gets up.”  This did not sit well with her, seeing as her brother could sleep all day every day if he wanted.  I let him sleep in a little bit longer, and of course she did not die.

4)  Our own mini Easter egg hunt really sucked.  This was because the Easter Bunny didn’t plan ahead this year.  There were not lots of little things to put in eggs like in years past, and this bunny WAS NOT going to give the kids loads of candy.  However, the bunny did pick out some awesome lego sets for the kids.  These sets were so awesome that I didn’t think the kids were going to put them down long enough to eat breakfast, and they also made it hard for The Professor to want to leave for our Easter brunch.

Honestly, we’ve never had a great Easter egg hunt.  Our yard is basically mud this time every year, and getting my children to go outside is always interesting anyway.  And speaking of Easter egg hunts, does anyone ever think of Gilmore Girls whenever it comes to Easter?  You know, the episode where Kirk hides all of the eggs for the egg hunt?  Raw, uncooked eggs… While I did not find what I was looking for, I DID find a clip of his speech.

5) I recycle.  In other words, I have reused the same Easter baskets every year.  No one has noticed.

6)  We went to a truckstop for Easter dinner.  No seriously, we planned this.  We all, as in my parents, my sister and her family, and me, live a bit of a ways from each other.  We started trying to meet up somewhere in the middle a couple of years ago.  It works out pretty well.

7)  Evil Genius spent Easter afternoon tormenting various members of his family.  I should have taken video, but then there would have been evidence.  The icing on the cake was when he put Princess Gimme up on top of a shelf…

8)  Our Easter supper came from a drive through.  This was because it was after 7 pm and we still weren’t home yet.  At least I had a salad.

9)  I was tired.  I spent the next day recovering from our time off, because that’s how that stuff works, apparently.

10)  And the BIG confession:  This Easter was especially hard for me to get inspired.  It took me awhile to figure out why, other than just being busy.  Then it dawned on me, and I feel silly for not realizing it sooner. Last year Easter Sunday was a terrible day for my family.  I woke up early to get things ready for the kids for Easter, only to come downstairs and find that my beloved kitty had passed away.  There was no warning.  Even though he was an old kitty, up until that moment seemed to be in good health.  He had simply expired under the table in the kitchen.  I had to wake Evil Genius up to bury him in the backyard before the kids woke up.  This began a long sad time for me without my loving kitty cat that could never get enough love from us.  I cried for what seemed like months.  Since then we have talked and talked and talked about about getting another cat, but for every cat that we have liked there has been some reason that it would not work out.  Either the cat had health problems, was only available with another cat as a buddy, we don’t have the money to cover the fees, or the cat doesn’t like dogs.  This particular cat we had was the gentlest most kind cat on the face of the earth that put up with everything, including being laid upon by children and picked on by our antisocial kitty.  It’s hard to find a combination of personality traits like he had.

Isn’t it funny how we get so attached to animals?  This one was very special, and he provided a lot of comic relief to our family.

I still get a little sad when I see pictures of our kitty, he was such a sweet cat.  This is a typical picture of him, getting his 23 hours a day of sleep.

I still get a little sad when I see pictures of our kitty, he was such a sweet cat. This is a typical picture of him, getting his 23 hours a day of sleep.

So forgive me, oh gods of parenting, if I did not produce the perfect Easter for my kids.  I’ll try harder next year.  Maybe.

Easter Funnies, Because I Care

IMG_1759

Horrible picture, but cute kids (my flash wasn’t on…)

We had a pretty great Easter, though the Easter egg hunt wasn’t all it was “cracked up” to be, because the Easter bunny didn’t have a whole lot to put into eggs this year.

But just in case you were really having an unfunny Easter, I had all of these great Easter things I have been dying to share!

I shared this one yesterday…

I don't think that's where they come from...

I don’t think that’s where they come from…

These also made me LOL:

Easter funny

 

Peep show

egg tramp

And my personal favorite…

chocolate bunnies

I hope you had a great Easter weekend!  See you this next week!  😀

2012 Is Done: The Year in Review So We Can Just Move On

I like this so I'm using it again, because it really describes my year!

I like this so I’m using it again, because it really describes my year!

2012 started out with a bang and went up and down all year.  The world didn’t end, so I’m saying it’s going out in a good way.  I didn’t start blogging until June and didn’t really start seriously blogging until fall.  Here’s an itty bitty summary of the Year of the Sadder But Wiser Girl:

2012-The Highs and Lows of the Year

January-The hubs took his degree he was awarded at the end of 2011 and put it to work at a wonderful corporation.  The downside?  Loooooooong hours and a loooooooong drive.  What degree?  What are you talking about?  Are they giving away degrees somewhere?  Where do I find one of these things called “jobs”?  Three years prior, my husband was laid off at the company that he had worked at for thirteen years.  They basically announced one day that “Yeah, we’re closing”.  He took a huge pay cut as he went on to another job at another factory.  When things were looking similarly dire over in that place, he made the ultimate decision:  he went back to school, full-time, to pursue his mechanical engineering degree at the tender age of 35.

February-We went roller skating for the first time since I graduated from college.  Since my husband has to drive an hour up and back to work each day, we had to buy a car that wasn’t old ant that we could trust.  Hello huge car payments.

March-We made our first attempt at compost.  It was a moot point, since we then had a drought and it really didn’t matter what we did…

The kid is cute, so what if we never really used the compost?  ;-)

The kid is cute, so what if we never really used the compost? 😉

April-Our fourteen year old kitty passed away on Easter Sunday.  In happier news, at the end of the month we went to our first live NASCAR race at the Kansas Speedway.

May-I turned 38.  My little girl turned four, and I attempted my first fancy birthday cake-a princess castle cake.  Someday I will blog about it and horrify millions of people.  My son survived first grade and lived to tell about it.

June-I started a blog.  If I didn’t start this blog, I was going to be mobbed by people who thought I had a real penchant for storytelling.  My first attempts were pretty bad, but eventually I caught on.  Read my June archives for my first and really lame blog posts.

Mid month I was informed my job was being taken over by a taco that would work on call for pennies.  No unemployment, just the promise of jobs falling out of the sky with great recommendations.  Neither of these materialized, by the way, and I progressed upon the path that brought this lil ole blog to what it is now.   With over 400 Followers, I can say it is almost a marginal success.

July-The day my job poofed into thin air, my husband achieved full time status.  Since then he is a minor celebrity at his workplace-I believe they could possibly build him a litter so he never has to walk through the plant again.

August-We got a dog.  My husband contracted shingles.  And my son started second grade.  All totally unrelated things, thank goodness.

September-We quietly celebrated our 13th Wedding Anniversary and I was buried under the artwork in my house.

For the record, this is what started all the zamboni business.  I still don't think she really knows what a zamboni is.

My daughter made what she called a zamboni.  This is what started the nonsense with all the boxes.

October-I find that Halloween and Halloweens past provides almost unlimited posting potential.  All kinds of people come to my blog looking for costume ideas.  Nice.

November-I am dragged into the 21st century kicking and screaming thanks to The Bearded Iris.  In other words, I actually start using my Twitter account for something other than just that mysterious entity that shares my posts with the world.  One Mom Dragged Into the 21st Century

December-I entered a Christmas tree contest and didn’t win, my kids made Christmas cards that didn’t get sent, I saw Elvis, and we didn’t die in a fiery apocalypse.  Merry Christmas.

And then, the year was over.

Stuff that people looked at a lot:  Man this Home Page/Archives post must be really amazing millions of people seem to visit it… I can’t tell a lot from the stats, but I Peed My Pants at Wal-Mart was probably the most popular post this year.  Hooray for incontinence!

Some of My Favorite Posts:  The Sadder But Wiser Girl…Poop Detective, The Five Stages of Dishes, Yo P.E.E.Ps and P.O.O.Ps, The Recessive Gene: My Pool Needs A Lifeguard.

Search terms used most to find my blog Fantasy Football, which is TERRIBLY uninteresting to me.

Funniest and Most Disturbing Search Engine Terms of 2012:  I pee funny, evil houses, glue sniffing crack, unicorn fart ffpp, I’ve just peed in my big knickers, image of every single pillow pet in the world, I think I have diarrhea from green bean casserole, naked pumpkin man costume, turkey toilet paper, girl poops out a mouse, the brain and people, bucket hoarding, garbage hums, and naked Chad Knaus…

I’m sorry, but anyone who’s looking for naked pictures of Chad Knaus has some serious issues…

zombies

Oh I LOVE it when google fills stuff in for me! The results are quite hilarious, just like my search engine results.

My Favorite Blogs of 2012-Now keep in mind that I JUST discovered blogging this year and I’m still a newbie. I read a lot of blogs.  As a matter of fact, the more I discover the harder it is for me to keep up with all of them, because you know I have to do stuff like pay attention to my children and (occasionally) do housework. Here are some that I have found myself reading the most.  You know, the blogs that I just can’t wait for new posts from and rarely miss reading a post?  My Top 20 in no particular order:  Menopausal Mother, momtimes4, atlantamomofthree, Motherhood is an Art, Funny Is Family, Cloudy With a Chance of Wine, Debie Hive, Diapers… or Wine?  Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva, Miss Banana Pants, Lady or Not… Here I Come, Ninja Mom, Baking in a Tornado, The Tao of Poop, Rants from Mommyland, Marj Hatzell is the Domestic Goddess, Go Cheap or Go Home, Mom’s World, Something Clever 2.0, You Know It Happens At Your House Too.  And of course Parenting, Illustrated with Crappy Pictures-but she doesn’t really need the publicity, now does she?  There are others I’ve just started reading… Maybe you’ll make the list next year, which at the rate I’m going will be the top 100.  Don’t hate me if you blog and read my blog and you’re not on my list.  I bet I read your blog too!  Bloggers are awesome people, and the best circle of folks I know.  I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings!

Bloggers in my Top 20 could receive this beautiful handmade, um, thing.  She says its a weapon...

Bloggers in my Top 20 could receive this beautiful handmade, um, thing. She says its a weapon…

So here it is, the New Year.  Did anyone actually, you know, go OUT and stuff?  We didn’t… details on how we spent our New Years will be coming.  For now I need to publish and be done.  Happy New Year everyone!