Twisted Mixtape Tuesday: Music That Makes Me Move For More Than Ten Seconds

twisted mixtape tuesdayDemetri Martin on exercise:  I go the gym and I try to run on the treadmill and I listen to music but it doesn’t motivate me enough. So I’m going to get a recording of a pack of wolves gaining on me. People would be like, ‘Why is that guy crying on that treadmill over there?’ ‘I don’t know, but he’s been yelling, ‘help’ for like 20 minutes. He’s getting a good workout.’

In case the previous quote didn’t cue you in, this week’s theme is a mix to get motivated to do, well, anything.

Trust me, I need all the motivation I can get these days, especially in the exercise area.  While I haven’t gained any weight according to the scale, I am certainly gaining what is known as the middle age spread.  I am not planning on subsisting on ten calories a day or eating nothing but cabbage for six months, so instead I am simply trying to spend more time at the gym.  I already lift, but I hate cardio.  My schedule doesn’t allow me to attend fitness classes like I used to, so I’m just trying to walk whenever I can.

So here is a sampling of the songs on my Iphone that motivate me to get moving.  And I behaved myself this week and stayed as close to five as possible.  Are they working?  Ummmm… sort of.

Did I mention I saw these guys LIVE in CONCERT?  What?  I did?  A few too many times?

Let’s Get Rocked-Def Leppard

Blame Percy Jackson…

My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark-Fall Out Boy

Fun to sing, especially in the shower.

As If-Sara Evans

I really don’t think I need buns of steel. I’d be happier with buns of cinnamon.-Ellen Degeneres

The video to this song is probably going to cause me to lose my “family-friendly” rating here.  So do me a favor, if you watch it a)  Don’t be offended-because trust me, this particular group has made waaaay more offensive stuff than this.  b)  DO NOT watch it with children in the room, unless you want to field some uncomfortable questions.  “Mommy, why is that guy’s crotch like a light bulb?”

Now, forget all of that and please listen to this very motivating song.

Danger! High Voltage-Electric Six

Moving on…

Viva La Vida-Coldplay

I’m not a huge Britney Spears fan, but good lord that girl sings some catchy stuff that makes you want to move!

Til The World Ends-Britney Spears

I should work out. It’s hard to find time to work out when you really don’t want to.-Jim Gaffigan

I love this song.  I don’t know why…

DJ Got Us Falling In Love Again-Usher

Hell yeah Josh Turner, I’d go with you.

Would You Go With Me?-Josh Turner

What songs motivate you to do stuff?  Check out the links over at My Skewed View to see what gets other people motivated!

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May Secret Subject Swap: My Life Without Kids

secretWelcome to Take One of May’s Secret Subject Swaps. This week, 12 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.

My prompt is this:  Imagine yourself with no children, where would you be and what would you be doing? If you have no children, imagine yourself with children, how do you think life would be different?

It was submitted by: http://aworkingmomswhoas.blogspot.com/

If I had no children:

IMG_2307-001Eating would be much different.  I could eat grown up foods when I wanted, and no one would complain about it.  Or wear it.

I'm visiting today but no car rides with weird children...I would travel, and no one would be fighting in the backseat or complaining about the destination.  Or wearing Wal-Mart bags on their heads.

IMG_1591 (2)I would be fabulously in shape, since I would be able to work out and do things like take walks, take long bike rides, and do yoga without anyone protesting.

.My house would be clean.
(Though I must say my house, however messy that it is, doesn’t look like a drunken Barbie orgy took place. Oh poor Flynn Ryder-it must hurt to be passed out in that pose…)

IMG_1185I would sleep, perchance to dream and not be awakened by a little one at 6 am on a Saturday “Mommy you need to GET UP!”  (Some people are just too perky that early…)

But I would NOT have:

Bloggers in my Top 20 could receive this beautiful handmade, um, thing.  She says its a weapon...Original artwork for free.  Like this, um thing.

IMG_0460The experience of seeing the world as a child sees it.

IMG_0876Free comedic entertainment (I think he’s trying to read someone’s shirt while running those bases).

IMG_1225Infinite love.

The truth is, although there are times when I would like to just be able to have a day away, I was a very boring person before my kids came along.  I really don’t want to imagine a life without them.

This post is written for all the Moms out there.  Happy Mother’s Day ladies!

Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts.  Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:

http://www.BakingInATornado.com

http://chewylicious.wordpress.com/

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/

http://followmehome.shellybean.com

http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com/

http://aworkingmomswhoas.blogspot.com/

https://sadderbutwiser.wordpress.com/

http://menopausalmother.blogspot.com/

dates2diapers2.blogspot.com

www.akashicwindow.blogspot.com

http://theycallmemummy.com

www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com

Tales From the Gym

buff-snowman

We have another winter storm. Sigh…

Working out at the gym has been no less than awesome.  On the weekend I even left the comfort and warmth of my house and drove into town just so that I could go in and work out.  This was because another winter storm is on the way, and I wanted to be sure that I “got er done”, sort of speak.  Here we go again.  This damn winter weather is trying to interfere with my working out and I won’t let it!

There are definite perks to this deal.  This particular chain of gyms has three different locations.  When I’m working I can just drive a few blocks over to use it. When I’m coming in on the weekends, I can go to the one on the other side of town, which is way closer to my house. It’s quite nice to have options.

The clientele of each location seems to be different.  The one by work has the guys who lift 2,000 pounds and have no neck.  The one close to home has a more normal population, mainly older folks like me who are trying to get back in shape.  It’s also much more crowded.  The one stinky downside to going over there-I have to wait to use machines.

eye contact

So the gym workouts are going really well.  I’m so excited about this.  So much so that I’m currently hatching a plan.  I’m trying to figure out how to keep this going when this work deal is over.  Yesterday I called the fitness center near where we live and asked about how much it cost to join.  Thirty-some dollars a month, and a one time orientation fee of $50.  Honestly it isn’t really one time, considering I’ve paid it once before.  This would make it a two time fee, right?  I tried to convince them that they should be nice to a former member and not charge me that fee, which at least is less than it used to be.  The lady on the phone told me they waive the fee for people who pay the first six months up front.  Yeah, that’s not gonna happen.

Maybe my boss would just let me pay another month so I can keep going to this fitness center?  Come on, I’m a great person.

I have bad knees. I won't be doing this.

I have bad knees. I won’t be doing this.

Isn’t it funny that those little things don’t seem so important until you don’t get to do them anymore?  I got rid of my gym membership to save money and because I couldn’t get there often enough to justify paying the monthly membership fees.  Now that I have it back, I’m not giving it up easily!

Then of course there is the problem of once I’m no longer working I will also no longer have that coveted lunch break to work out.  The fitness center where we live does not have hours that jive well with mine.  It works for most people, but not for me, because Evil Genius leaves for work around the time it opens.  He then returns home about the time it closes.  I wonder if he’d be willing to work different hours so I can stay in shape?  HA HA.  I want so little.

I haven’t been going long enough to notice any changes in my body.  My jeans fit much better, but that had already happened before I started.  It’s amazing how going from being inactive to active can make positive changes!  I do feel much better about myself, more confident, and maybe look just a little leaner in the mirror.  That last one is probably in my head until I actually stand in front of a mirror.  That muffin top is definitely still there.

Just the way I feel should be motivation enough to keep doing it.  That and the scantily clad female Mortal Kombat characters that Evil Genius insists on using as his laptop’s wallpaper.  I’m not the jealous type, but it does make me want to not eat for awhile and work out more.  But I’m not doing it because of that, or necessarily for him, although I think he’ll like the results.  He’s trying to get in shape too!

Now if I would only stop eating everything in sight, eat healthy things, stop drinking diet pop, and a million other things…

Have you done something for yourself recently?  Something that you can’t believe you stopped doing previously?

LOL!

LOL!

Working Off The Flabby Flab

king-julien1

You’re probably wondering what King Julian from Madagascar is doing on my blog.  You see, he’s been in my head lately.  He’s the voice of my conscience, sort of.  He’s inside my head saying with that voice, “You have the flabby flab.”

I think I’ve mentioned the fact that I’m jealous of my husband’s gym membership.  He slacked off for awhile, but now Evil Genius has recently joined the ranks of those returning to the gym.  He has been a gym maniac, going every chance he could.  I haven’t jumped on this bandwagon because that particular gym that he gets the free membership through work is an hour away.  A bit of a drive to get back in shape, don’t you think?

I wanted to insert a reference to Flashdance here, but when typing it in I found this scene from Scrubs.  I don’t remember this one…HA HA!

After listening to him whine complain talk about how he was sore from his workouts, I decided to take some action.  It’s not that I want to be in pain, I’m just wanting to start getting back in shape.  We’re in a better financial situation than we have been, so I thought I would call the gym that I used to belong to and beg plead offer my firstborn speak to them about waiving the hefty “orientation fee” so I could start working out again.  As it turned out, I didn’t need to.  One of the perks of where I am subbing is that I can get a discounted membership taken directly out of my check.  This gym happens to be just a few blocks from where I work.

I went in to work out on Saturday because I was in town by myself doing grocery shopping anyway, and it was GLORIOUS!  I was almost intoxicated from the excitement.  I did an upper an lower body workout using all of the weight machines, and also used the elliptical and the treadmill.  The treadmills and ellipticals have tvs with every channel known to man.  If I hadn’t started feeling guilty about leaving my children with Evil Genius for a better part of the day I would probably still be there.  They are open 24 hours, you know.

Here’s the thing that gets me.  How come I can’t bring myself to work out when I’m at home?  I have free weights. I have a mat. I have workout DVDs including all of the Jillian Michaels videos (I’m still afraid she’ll eat me). I even have a treadmill (without incline, but you can at least change the speed).  What is keeping me from exercising whenever the heck I want?  Well for one, there are no children or dogs or cats to fight with at the gym.  Even when the weather is nice, if I am home by myself, I have to fight with the four year old.  Her mood totally dictates if I will walk and how long I will walk if so.  I could walk at night or early in the morning, though.  How come I am so lazy about walking when the weather gets cold?  I have thermals, I have things I can layer, there is really  no excuse!  After all, there is nothing sexier than me getting all dolled up in my Han Solo planet Hoth winter coat.

I don't actually own a Taun Taun.

I don’t actually own a Taun Taun.

I felt so great about working out, but mad at myself for letting it go for so long.  While I have accepted the fact that I will never be a size four again, I haven’t wanted to look at myself in the full length mirror in quite some time.  While I’m not overweight, the best word I can think to describe myself these days is “squishy”.  Now I wouldn’t trade my kids in for a perfect body, but wouldn’t it be nice if I could get back to being comfortable in the one I have?

I don’t eat as well as I should.  I don’t work out as often as I should (until now).  I don’t get off the couch as much as I should and not necessarily from lack of motivation. It’s more from I’m blogging and networking and I JUST CAN’T STOP!  Working for a whole month now has already caused me to shrink a little, and I am comfortably back in my size 8 boot-cut jeans.  Now there is still quite a bit of coffee cake top spilling over, but perhaps this new found motivation will cause that to not spill as much.

So this is the start of a new work week.  Unfortunately I have to miss the gym today.  I have to go run errands on my break and won’t have time.  Since I have to leave promptly at five to be sure to pick up my son by 5:30 in a town almost a half hour away, doing it after work is kind of out of the question.  Normally I’d say these things can wait anyway, but the light bulb burned out in our shower.  We have to shower by lantern until we replace the bulb, and of course it is a “special” bulb.  Showering with light is a bit important, especially if you are shaving your legs.  So instead of pumping iron, I’ll be going to Lowe’s.

Barring any other major weather/running out of something/special bulbs burning out then I swear I’ll be hitting the gym the rest of the week, and looking forward to it!

HansFranz

e Hans and Franz would be so disappointed in me for letting myself go like this.

Oh yes, don’t forget to vote for me on “Top Mommy Blogs”.  As far as I know, you just click the icon in the sidebar and that’s all you have to do.  Considering I can’t remember to say anything about it, I’m sure I have a whole four votes.  It’s ok, I’m doing it more out of feeling badly for getting registered and then not doing anything with it than actually caring about how many votes I get!

Atlantamomofthree’s December Health and Fitness Challenge Week 1

"Run, Forrest, Run!"  No one is running in this household.  But we say this whenever we see someone running.

“Run, Forrest, Run!” No one is running in this household. But we say this whenever we see someone running.

My friend Valerie over at Atlantamomofthree started a fitness challenge and invited people to join her.  Valerie has been an awesome friend to me over on the SparkPeople site-where I have an account and only go over there to moan and groan and feel sorry for myself and stuff.  I set the goal to be active for 30 minutes five days in the week.  I think I met the goal.  I certainly will try to keep better track this next week.

You see, I used to be awesomely fit.  Then I had kids.  I had a gym membership up until I became too poor to have one.  Since then I have REALLY gotten flabby and sad.  It’s not that I don’t have time to exercise.  I own all of the Jillian Michaels DVDs-you’d think that just seeing her would motivate me to do something, since I’m afraid she’s going to come to my house and eat me.  I also own a lot of the GAIAM stuff.  I have most of the Rodney Yee yoga DVDs, among others.  I just lose track of time and then by evening I’m too tired to do anything!  I have been somewhat ok at doing some home weight lifting using my old Abs Diet Routine. My main obstacles are two children who would rather do anything but go outside and a dog who is naughty.  I also have a husband who would rather play video games than do anything active.  I miss being active and doing stuff outside and all of that jazz!  Stories of my fitness woes-Memories of Fitness Past, When Mom Attempt to Exercise.

I even tried to have another blog for awhile that was supposed to focus on my exercise and eating, Aluminum Girl.  It FLOPPED.  Because I did NOTHING!

I’m just not sure how I could go from this:

Me six years ago.  One kid.  Gym membership.

Me six years ago. One kid. Gym membership.  And two fat cats.

To this.  But I did.  The person who would rather eat whole wheat vegan pizza rolls and drink Diet Sunkist Lemonade.  Now I eat what everyone else does because I have to.  That damn money thing again.

I'm the only fat cat in the house now!

Two kids and I’m the only fat cat in the house now!

Anyhooooo-here is how I kind of did this week:

Monday:  Walked an hour-beautiful weather and semi cooperative canine and four year old.

Tuesday:  I lifted some.  It was probably a half hour.

Wednesday:  Walked a half hour with dog before choir practice.

Thursday:  Lifted some again.  Half hour.  My son had his choir concert that night.  My husband took a picture of the three of us and I literally almost THREW UP.  I look horrible!!!!  I need to stop eating and start exercising!

Friday:  An hour of walking-one walk with the dog and stroller and one BY MYSELF.  By the time bedtime rolled around it was pretty obvious that I was getting sick.  One side of my throat was so sore and swollen I couldn’t swallow.

Saturday: New dog collar for the dog!  30 min walk-AND HE BEHAVED.  It was amazing, especially since I felt like poop.

Sunday:  SICK. Did…nothing.

So there you are.  My week.  I actually ate pretty decently too, with the exception of the white chocolate incident.  This week I have made a meal plan, which will probably go all to hell since I have to go home for Christmas this next weekend!

No really...

No really…

Dude, Where’s My Love? Oh THERE It Is…

Words to live by.

Words to live by.

I’ve shared several times that I’m the person that, well, never quite fits in.  Never have.  I’ve always been a bit odd.  I wish I could say that it doesn’t bother me because I’m older and wiser now and blah blah blah.  But more often than not it does bother me.  Which is too bad, because if I’m still having teenage angst at 38, that doesn’t bode well for my middle aged years.  What age is considered middle age these days, anyway?  I just read an article about Brad Pitt and how introspective he’s been as he approaches 50.  So maybe it’s 50?  I didn’t have the attention span to finish the whole article anyway…

I’ve tried to fit in, and it just never quite works out the way I’d like it to.  I tend to stick out like a sore thumb, which is interesting because that sure doesn’t stop people when I’m in groups of parents from pretending I’m totally not there.  Sometimes I want to turn to them and say, “You know, I may not be 100 pounds and have my hair perfectly styled and wearing the skinny jeans and the too tight sweater, but I’m a perfectly nice person.  You act like I’m going to wipe a booger on you.”  I really wouldn’t do that, but I certainly wouldn’t put it past my son.  I think I may have referred to good old Winona playing Lydia Dietz on Beetlejuice, which is still one of my favorite movies.  She comments:  “I too am strange and unusual.”  That’s for sure, I could probably win some prizes for strange and unusual!  I’ll take cash, please.

My whole life is a darkroom. One big dark room.

My whole life is a darkroom. One big dark room.

Being part of the whole blogging world has been pretty darn good for me.  Yesterday was EPIC!  I exceeded the number of people that are my “Fans” on Facebook.  I won’t tell you how many of them that are actually my family and friends, but I will say I about bet they are really getting tired of all the crap I have been posting.  I also managed to get the most page hits ever (AGAIN) on here.  This was due to two factors.  1)  I kept relentlessly peddling my story about peeing my pants at Wal-Mart.  I think people finally started reading it so maybe they wouldn’t have to see it, but then realized that it was actually pretty funny.  2)  I am technologically impaired, and spent two hours fighting with WordPress about images.  I almost burned my I ♥ WordPress shirt over the whole deal.  No I DON’T want to put all of my image at the top of my blog post.  Why?  Because I think it looks stupid.  The result was that I totally put everything on my blog post wrong.  Each picture got an individual hit when viewed that counted toward my total visits for the day.  Ooops.  I may accidentally make that mistake again…

I’ve been going through this whole glorious depression thing which in itself is not very interesting or much of a tale to tell.  Unless you like stories about people who cry at the organic grocery store.   But that’s not why I’m writing this.  This is my public service announcement to the world about just giving people a little bit of understanding.

Not that kind of pubic service announcement, but do you remember these guys?  "We're not candy!  Even though we may look fine and dandy..."

Not that kind of pubic service announcement, but do you remember these guys? “We’re not candy! Even though we may look fine and dandy…”

I’m still new to the blogging world because, well, I just am.  I read a lot of different blogs.  One humor blog that I have recently started reading was having a hard time.  Bad decisions, bad luck.  She obviously needed someone to listen.  I commented and left her some real words of encouragement, and that I understood all too well how it feels when life sucks.  I didn’t offer advice, I just wanted to let her know that we are all human.  Every stinkin one of us, and that we are not perfect.  She was really touched.  I’m not writing to tell you all that I am a fabulous person that changed somebody’s life, because I didn’t, I just know how it feels to be there and no one seems to care. You just want some understanding.

I’ve been there, many times in my life, and I have felt very alone many of those times.  One great thing about this online world is that you aren’t ever really alone.  I haven’t exactly had a lot of support for this blog from the homefront.  It’s not that he doesn’t care.  He’s busy, the last thing he really wants to hear is that somebody commented on this or I have this many followers or whatever.  My daughter would rather I throw my computer out the window so I can spend more time doing nothing but cuddling with her.  Luckily I have had a lot of support from the others who do the same thing I do, and that has been wonderful.  I’ve had people help me fix up my blog, tell me where I need to go to get more exposure, and just let me know that they genuinely like how I write and are loyal followers.  Aw heck, this week I have even agreed to do some guest posts on some great blogs!  You have no idea how much that means to me.  The feeling that I am successful at doing something is huge.  Now if I can only get those people who do the “Freshly Pressed” page here at WordPress to get that (hint, hint folks, show me some loooooooove.)

This is to all of the people who've been so awesome to me in this here blogging world.

This is to all of the people who’ve been so awesome to me in this here blogging world.

One thing I’ve struggled with the last couple of years is exercising, and with the being an unemployed bum AND not being able to get out and move around I have really sunk into the depths of bummerdom.  I already don’t feel wonderful about other things, so the extra smooshiness around my middle (not a muffin top, more of a coffee cake) is certainly taking some of its toll on my self esteem.  One fabulous blogging friend reached out to me and let me know that she too has been there, and has been very supportive of me throughout the flab and the anxiety.  It made all the difference.  I’m not going to name her, but she knows who she is!  😉

It’s getting better.  I’m feeling a lot better the last few days.  I’ve gotten out, I’ve moved around, I’ve done some stuff.  Now I’m still unemployed and feel like a big losery loser, but I’ve got a lot more hope than I’ve had.  The candle is still flickering in there!

I’m thinking back to when I was employed, however, and working around toxic people all of the time, and thinking that in a way maybe I am better off NOT working.  One woman in particular had the nerve to tell all of my coworkers during an organization wide meeting in the room that I was weird.  ALOUD.  Right in front of me.  It had to be the most backhanded compliment I had ever had in my life.  If I wasn’t so nice, I would have thrown my pizza at her.  But I sat and took it.  People like that, well, I hope they get what they deserve.  Thhhhhhpt!

Are you wondering if I forgot what my point was?  No, I’m still doing my little public service announcement.  If you see someone who is usually pretty funny have a heartfelt blog post, and you can relate, just take a moment and share that with them.  It’s so good to know that you’re not alone.  Or maybe there’s a mom who is a little different and doesn’t seem too comfortable around other parents.  Take a moment and say hi, you may be glad you did.  People like to be approved!

We constantly quote this, I didn't even know what it was called until I accidentally found it.

We constantly quote this, I didn’t even know what it was called until I accidentally found it.  I was APPROVED!!!!

The Approval Center (Click to view)

So hey, it’s the holidays.  Share the love.  Come on people now, smile on your brother (or sister).  Just because I’m feeling pretty good about this, I’m going to share this classic commercial, because I can.  And because I REALLY want a Coke.  Peace man.

Coca-Cola Hilltop Commercial.

Again, my apologies for no image to go with this.  I only had the above images because I had this post almost done before they did whatever that they did that I am too ADD to figure out.  Anyhooooo….  Last minute additions have no visuals!

My Road is Unpaved… No Intentions Happening Here

I am so full of good intentions.

Every evening I seem to have such good plans for the next day.  Get up an hour before the kids and do yoga.  Get out first thing after getting my son off to school for a walk with the dog and daughter.  Exercise during PBSKids.  Read more of a book.  Apply for 60 jobs.  Stay off of Facebook.  Only drink one or two caffeinated beverages.  Make homemade baked treats and prep a healthy dinner.  Reorganize the house.  I make lists of what I need to do.  Sometimes I even meticulously plan what I am going to eat the next day in the losing battle against my non existent willpower.

And then I go to bed.  For the record, I don’t look like a man when I sleep.  I just really like this picture and this movie.

Sometime in the night I think something comes in and sucks out my brains.  Or melts them.  (BTTF reference #2, thank you very much).

The next morning I blearily stagger out of bed at the exact time my son needs to get up for school.  My daughter bounces out of bed at that exact same moment.  I prepare breakfast half asleep and then doze off on the couch after my son leaves.  I may get off the couch and put clothes on by 9 am-yoga pants and a t-shirt.  I can’t find the lists.  I let my daughter watch PBS all morning.  I might get the walk in, but I probably won’t.  I haven’t showered in days.  No baking or reading of any kind occurs.  Each time I reach for the weights some sort of catastrophe occurs involving insert name here.  I eat a whole box of Kraft mac and cheese for lunch plus a handful of M&Ms.  I consume more caffeine than a human should possibly be able to tolerate.  Supper is whatever takes the least amount of time (usually some sort of pasta).  I spend half the day checking Facebook.  I apply for no jobs because the three that looked halfway interesting I wasn’t the least bit qualified for.

(Not…gonna…happen…)

Yeah, this is my world.  And then each night comes around and I start all over again, being optimistic and stuff…

…And look there’s that road of good intentions again.  UNPAVED!

The ADD Mom goes out…ALONE

Yesterday a historic event occurred in our household.  I got out alone.  For more than 10 minutes.  I even took my car.  I overcame Mommy guilt and left the house and went to town.  It looked kind of like this picture:

I’m FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

When I mean going to town let me clarify-we live in the Midwest.  We don’t live in the middle of nowhere, but the nearest decent sized town is about 15 minutes away, 20 if you actually want to go anywhere there besides Wal-Mart.

We had gone to the fair the day before, so of course noone else was even interested in leaving the house.  As a matter of fact, I’m not sure that anyone even noticed that I left the house.  I decided to go walk around the lake in our nearby big town.  I wanted to take a loooooong walk, and I had enough time I could explore some of those trails I keep seeing and find out where they go.  I put on my running shoes, grabbed my purse and water bottle, IPOD, phone, and left.

First I stopped and got the mail.  I don’t get out much, and they don’t deliver mail to peons like us.  And now that we have the dog, I rarely get out without him.  So our mail piles up for about a week before I make it over there.  Last week when I finally made it there I had the big yellow note in there:  “Your mail is too large to fit in your box”.  And there wasn’t even a package in there.  Not like I could retrieve my mail, though.  Our post office is open for approximately ten minutes a day if you’re lucky.  Unfortunately for me, I had already passed that small window of time.  So I had to go back to the post office the next day, which is a HUGE thing to do two days in a row.

Next I stopped and got a water and the Sunday paper.  Since I have become an unemployed bum, I had to forgo certain luxuries like a daily newspaper and getting something from the gas station.  Except on Sunday.  That newspaper is like gold to me. I read it cover to cover, er, front to back.  And I needed the water because it was hot and I had forgotten to fill my water bottle.

funny-newspaper-headline-9

I stop and get the Sunday paper every week just so I can read articles like this one…

As I drove out of town I drove and searched through my purse at the same time for the Crystal Light stuff I put in my water.  I can’t drink just plain water unless I am parched, and my body would probably go into shock if I did.  Now I know I grabbed the little packet, but now I can’t find it.  And I have now emptied the entire contents of my purse onto the passenger side seat while driving.  It’s not there.  Drat.  And I’m thirsty.

I reformulate my plan.  Surely I can’t walk without lemon flavored water.  Splenda sweetened water.  My sensitive system can’t handle regular Crystal Light-I get heartburn so bad it’s like having a heart attack.  And of course only one place sells that Splenda Crystal Light stuff.  Yup, Target.

And I need labels.  Not just any labels.  CLEAR labels.  Because they look nice.  And the white ones leave crappy residue when you peel them off.  And I change my mind a lot, so I peel them off a lot.  So where can you buy clear labels?  Staples.  And Staples is right down the street from Target.  So I’ll take the long way around and get the labels.  Then I’ll go to Target and get my lemonade stuff.  And maybe some pop, because Target also is the only place that carries my lemon flavored Diet Sunkist.  Lemon again.

So I go to Staples, which is clear on the other side of town from the lake.  I love Staples.  I could spend hours in there looking for stuff.  But the Mommy alone time has a time limit because my family may need to eat, so I just need to go in and get out.  Staples clear labels are very expensive, and I need two sizes.  Hey wait a minute, don’t they sell clear labels at Target too?  I wander around for a few minutes, then select the size of labels I know I haven’t seen sold anywhere else, and fork over the money for them.

I have never bought staples or a stapler at Staples...

I have never bought staples or a stapler at Staples…

Next I go to Target.  I whizz in, grab the lemon Crystal Light stuff, grab the pop, and then go up to the checkouts.  It’s a college town and the day before classes start, so everyone and their roommate is there getting supplies.  I am ecstatic that I get right up to a register with no waiting!  Wait… I forgot the labels.  Back to the office supplies.  They don’t have them.

Where the heck did I see those clear labels?  Must have been Wal-Mart.  Back to the checkouts, buy stuff.  Out to the car and drive across the way to Wal-Mart, which is even busier than Target.  I find the labels.  And guess what, they have the other ones I paid way more for at Staples.  No.  NO.  Just get the ones you don’t have and go.  But the lady who cuts my hair remarked I needed a detangler comb.  Mine is missing.  Probably in my daughter’s room somewhere.  They sell those at Wal-Mart!  I run over to the hair section and grab TWO-one for me and one for my daughter.  Hers is pink. That way she won’t steal mine.

I walk out of Wal-Mart having now taken an extra hour to do all of this stuff.  By the time I get to the lake, I will have less than an hour to do my walk, because people have to eat, and my husband won’t think to start supper.  I have to wait for a train.  Then by the time I get there I have to pee.  It’s a good thing there is a bathroom right there.  Then I do my walk.  I settle for the shortened version, since I had less than an hour.  No exploring trails for me.  I do it and head home, very satisfied with having gotten some exercise.

I get home a whole 20 minutes late.  And guess what? He was starting supper.

You can read about the next adventure in The ADD Mom Goes Out… With Children

Memories of Fitness Past

The Olympics can be a great motivator, sometimes.

No I won’t be training for any special events any time soon.  Watching all of those extremely fit people has, however, ramped up my motivation to exercise.  I wish I could say it was hampering my desire to eat-not as much.  I lost my resolve with the apple pie and the chocolate malt.  I can blame my husband for that-he brought the pies home from church and made the malts.

I used to be very fit.  I used to get up at the crack of dawn and walk an hour and a half almost every day.  I used to ride my bike from one town to the next.  I used to go to the gym and lift weights like crazy.  I used to be a vegan.  This is before I had kids, of course. I also used to subsist on next to nothing.  Now I don’t desire to ever be a size 0 again, but it would be nice to be able to find an exercise program and stick to it.  It also would be nice to regain the willpower I had all those years ago.  I could actually REFUSE things back then!

(By the way, not me.  I never owned legwarmers.)

I blame kids and chocolate.  This isn’t an accurate representation, because I don’t like to share my chocolate.

Right now I really need to go to the store to buy some healthy things to eat.  I can’t because my husband doesn’t get paid until tomorrow, and because I don’t want to drag the kids there.  So I’ve been eating what’s left in the house.  Lunch consisted of a microwave brown minute rice bowl (the rice was brown, not the bowl) that I found underneath the pantry shelves and three cherry tomatoes.  Later on I found half a red pepper in the freezer, so I ate that too.  You’re thinking “Hey that’s pretty healthy!”  Not really.  The handful of dark chocolate M&Ms didn’t help.  I’m starving to death and I don’t know what the heck I have left to eat that is actually good for me.

Since I did get the smartphone that I’m not sure I needed or deserved, I downloaded a couple of apps recently. One was an app that supposedly helped you keep track of your calorie intake.  What it really does is make you feel really bad that you can’t subsist on 1200 calories a day.  I did pretty well at first (not at subsisting at 1200 calories but at just remembering to enter in everything I ate) but then just kind of forgot about it.  I also downloaded an app that supposedly tracked how far you walked and posted your route, time, etc on a nice little map.  Noooooo, not quite.  Apparently I live too far our to get a good GPS signal.  The first time I used it I was really excited because it said I walked over 5 miles!  That was because everywhere I went it showed me walking in and out of the cornfield by our house about 50 times on the almost hour walk, adding about 3 miles on to my route.  I was pretty bummed when  I realized that.

I tend to do fairly well until the afternoon snack.  Then it’s all downhill from there.  Dinner is frustrating.  I would much rather make myself a small pan of pasta with tomatoes and a little cheese and that would make me perfectly happy.  Instead I must make everyone else happy.  My husband thinks that meat is the key to happiness.  Everything must have gobs of meat.  Meat meat meat.  Heaven forbid if I make a meatless meal.  AND CHEESE.  I have a problem with lactose, so I try to avoid putting a lot of cheese on things.  He will insist on using a whole package of cheese in a meal.  Vegetables?  I make them and he avoids them like they are radioactive.  Add to all of that the fact that he has to put down the computer to come eat, many nights he eats way after we do (we are horrible people because we do not have a dining room or a dining room table, but the kids eat AT a little table.)  And don’t even get me started on the kids.  My son would be perfectly happy eating hot dogs and chicken nuggets every day for the rest of his life.  He hates pasta, he hates rice.  My daughter likes a variety of foods, but when it comes to supper it’s hit or miss.

So often I end up eating most of the stuff that I made to make the other people happy because they didn’t eat it.  Or didn’t eat much of it.  I hate wasting food, and no one in this house seems to understand the concept of leftovers being anything other than a decoration for the inside of the refrigerator.  Often I eat too much at dinner to try to avoid having leftovers.  Sometimes instead of a healthy lunch I eat the leftovers.

Don’t tell me to make less food.  I’ve tried that.  My husband acts like I am trying to kill him.  Damned if I do, and damned if I don’t!

This weekend while watching the Olympics I started going through all of my old Women’s Health magazines and cutting out the 15 minute workouts.  I did one of the ab ones yesterday.  Ok, I did the exercises that I could do.  I couldn’t do any of the ones that consisted of balancing yourself on a stability ball with your hands (come on, NO ONE can do those!)  Today I resolve to pick up one of those workouts at some point and do it.  Eventually.  Maybe after my nap.  I’ve already tried to nap once and the four year old came in the room every two minutes with a different question.  I’ll have to try that again while they are watching their shows.  Then maybe I’ll try to exercise.  I DID get up and do a 57 minute walk this morning.  Then I went back to bed-come on it was EARLY!

ADD people can be very hypersensitive.  Thanks to that and just being an incredible wuss I can’t stand any kind of heat.  Or cold.  So right now during one of the hottest summers since, well a really long time, in order to get it done I have to do it very early.  My husband leave for work at 5:45 so I must exercise before that if I want to do something that involves leaving the house.  He doesn’t really get it-“You know we have a treadmill” he tells me often.  Oh shut up and go to your damn gym where you get to work out without children constantly interrupting you or staring at you…

Did I mention I’m jealous of his gym membership?

I guess it could be worse.  I’m not even considered overweight by most standards, I am a size medium.  I do have love handles and a spare tire that looks like I have a sausage or a life preserver wrapped around me at all times, but at least I can hide it with clothes. Despite the bit of cellulite, varicose veins, and bruises, I think my legs aren’t all that bad.  And despite two children I lack the one problem that many women have, which is hips because I have none.

The real nice thing about being larger than I used to is that my boobs are HUGE.  At least I have SOMETHING I can flaunt nowadays.  The bad thing is that my daughter is obsessed with them “Mommy I love your booooooooooooobs”, she says quite often.  She can’t wait until she has boobs too.  What’s wrong with this picture?

Now I’m getting too hungry to think.  Must find something substantial to eat, then maybe I can find the willpower to do one of those 15 minute workouts.  Or maybe try again to take that nap.

The Internet: Brain Sucking Distraction or Useful Source of Information?

I have really got to get a life.

I have purposely avoided the computer, trying to only focus on the job search thing twice a week.  But yet it continues to suck me back in.  Especially Facebook.  Something about looking at everyone else’s supposed fabulous lives helps pass the time?  Who knows.  I do know this-that I really need to stop googling everything and anything when I am online doing whatever.  Somehow I wind up on some of those forums that you’re not supposed to really look at when you are not quite in your right mind.  “I have been unemployed for three years, and now I’m dead.”  “I quit my job and my skin burned off”.  “I have been jobless six years and now I live in a toaster oven.”  Ok so none of those really actually existed, but they might as well have because that’s how I take them.

A while back I took a little detour through a nearby town to stop at a locally owned appliance place.  I haven’t had a working dishwasher in a really long time and my mother had offered to help either fix the one we have or aid in the purchase of a new one (I’m sure the mountain of dishes in the kitchen when she visited was a bit of a catalyst in that situation).  I’m bringing this up because all of my research about dishwashers took place on the internet, except for the guy at Lowes who was in his third day of work there and he really really liked Samsung dishwashers because he had one.  Not exactly scientific research there.  Anyhoo, it turns out that it does not matter what the product is, EVERY product out there has an I-hate-this-product website.  EVERY product.  They could make an appliance that pooped out solid gold eggs and someone would find a reason to complain.  Funny that the very dishwasher that is sitting dormant in my kitchen is actually one of the top rated ones out there, but people hated it just as much as any of the other ones.

I walked into the store with two wide eyed children, and the appliance guy looks me up and down.  I try to talk to him, explain my situation.  Told him about my dishwasher, made sure I made it clear that we had bought several appliances from them in the past and wanted some “expert” advice.  Then I opened my mouth and said I had been looking on the internet.  At that very moment, I think I made Hulk angry.  He proceeded on a ten minute tirade about how the internet is evil and that I should not be looking up, well, anything.  I think If I had lingered the villagers would have come out and burned me at the stake.

I politely thanked him for his time, turned and ran out of there as fast as I could.  This is why the big stores are doing well…

I had a point, and it was about the internet.  Anyone can post anything on the internet anywhere.  That’s what makes it so great, and so awful at the same time.  If you need information on something you can get it quickly, now whether it’s correct or not depends.  The same goes for an opinion.  Or pretty much anything.  You seriously can type in just about anything and something will come up.  Not so good for an anxious person.

If you’ve been hunting for a job anytime recently you have probably noticed that EVERYTHING is online.  EVERYTHING.  Even a job at Casey’s is one you are directed to the internet to apply for.  I am not so proud to say that I will never ever be hired for a job at Kum and Go.  I am a very intelligent person, but I can’t pass their test.  And you can’t take it a second time.  Every job I have applied for this time around has been online.  That’s just how it is.  Good for me as far as the convenience-I don’t have to leave my home as long as I have the internet.  Bad for me in the fact that they most likely skim over my application and toss it in the trash.  Or laugh hysterically “Bwah ha ha!  How dare someone with a music education degree apply for this job?” and light it on fire.  Oh wait, it’s probably all digital-doubt they actually print them out.

I have several websites I check twice a week.  Ok I TRY.  It’s been a bit more often.  I can’t help myself.  I don’t know why-when jobs are posted there is a week or two to give people time to apply.  I also have done the networking site LinkedIN.  It’s where you “link up” with other people to try to get as many connections as possible.  A lot of the career websites highly recommend it.  I don’t quite get it, but I’m willing to give it a try if it will increase the likelihood that I might get a decent job.

Back to the forums I keep coming to, usually about 11:00 when I should be heading to bed, or doing something more productive like reading a book.  Much like the whole appliance debacle, there are many different stories out there.  There are the success stories, and then there are the people who I wish I had never read about (that would be the guy in the toaster.)  The fact is, I can try as hard as possible, but it may be awhile before I get a job.  And what if I DON’T find a job?  What’s the worst that can happen?  Not us homeless living in a cardboard box, or me exploding (somehow things exploding always work their way into my anxiety).  My husband has a good job-we won’t be doing great but we will get by.  I honestly don’t WANT to work full time right now.  My kids are still young-part-time so that I can contribute would be GRAVY right now.

I want to get past all of the anxiety about the whole situation.  I really want to just enjoy things and take it as it comes.  I don’t want to simply exist, I want to enjoy life again.  But at the moment I can’t.  Tomorrow I have a doctor’s appointment to address the sleep issue.  Finally-I lost my insurance when I lost my job, and now that my husband has insurance again I need to get things taken care of.  And as much as my husband does not want me to take meds to help me, this is something that as much as I would like to conquer on my own that I may not be able to.  If the doctor recommends it, I think I need to do it.  Does that make me a bad person?  No.

On an up note, this week has been one of the better ones for exercise for me.  Today the whole family participated in a walk for my husband’s work.  Between my morning walk and that one, I did over 5 miles in one day.  I am tired, but I feel really good.  This is the kind of thing that I want to get back to doing.  I used to be religious about it-before I had kids.  Now, not so much.  I want to do things like this again-also reading, writing, and GETTING AWAY FROM THE INTERNET (except for this blog, of course)  Maybe getting to the doctor will be the start of some good things.  And I can get back to being the semi-funny semi-fit fully conscious person I used to be.