Deck the Halls With Lots of Vomit, Fa La La La La…

Did you miss me the last few days?  Do you feel like I kind of left you hanging there?

Let’s review…

Previously on The Sadder But Wiser Girl

Protecting the earth from evil by dying them hideous shades of tie-dye!  Look up in the sky, it's a peacock, it's a rainbow, it's TIE-DYE GIRL!

Sewer grossness be gone!  (Because I have to put this picture in whenever I can…)

We last left our sort of heroine counting her blessings after the sewer backed up into her basement and left behind an odor similar to what one can only imagine the bog of eternal stench would smell like.

I was a little busy, but I managed to keep writing some stuff.

Enter the family Christmas this past weekend:  A little more than twenty four hours spent doing Christmas with two different families two and a half hours away from home.  Plus a visit to a third on the way home. Busy, busy, busy.

My stomach was rumbly.  I figured it was just all of the fish chowder I ate.  Or stress.  Or lack of sleep.  Or kids.  Or that I’m crazy.  I downed a Coke or two or seven and ignored it.

And while we were doing Christmas we received quite a few gifts.  However we got one additional one that we were not expecting.  A wonderful group of people in the blogging world got together to help us out in our time of stinkiness by making sure that we didn’t have to wait until after the fact to celebrate our Christmas day at home.  It’s something that I’ll never forget.

Again, for the zillionth time, thank you my friends.

Thanks to this thoughtful gift, the Monday after our weekend jaunt was spent at Target getting the presents that we had been putting off.  Even though I’d been up all night the night before with a stomachache, I was dead tired, and I felt like my food had been sitting at the bottom of my throat for two days, I was going to get my shopping finished!

As it turns out, I was pretty much spot on.  After I finished all of my shopping, I topped it off by puking for five minutes in the store bathroom.  Pretty much everything I had eaten the past day or two.  Isn’t that magical?  I’m sure that the people in the bathroom who heard me making sounds like I was dying thought so.

Then I came home and slept and puked and slept and puked in a vicious cycle that lasted through Christmas Eve.  I know there were things going on around me.  My kids played, they checked on me, they asked me for stuff.  At times I even responded with a half conscious “Honey I love you, I’m not being lazy I’m just really sick.”

I vaguely remember Evil Genius wrapping all the presents, doing the last minute grocery shopping, cooking all the meals, renting some movies, and even washing some dishes.  If there was a medal for that, I’m sure I’d dip it in chocolate and give it to him.

I said I wanted to rest and not gain any weight this Christmas, I didn’t mean it quite like that!

Luckily, I recovered enough to enjoy my kids opening their presents, and a wonderful dinner and dessert cooked by Evil Genius.  I was even conscious for most of it.

December 2013

See the tie-dyed shirt that Evil Genius is wearing? Is that not the coolest shirt ever in the history of geekdom. And sadly not in my size.

Now that Christmas is over, it’s back to the real world.  I’m still not feeling well *urp* but there are no more excuses and I have to work as well as attempt to do those things known as chores.  The kids are for the most part well entertained by their gifts, except when they’re not.  Yesterday as I attempted to do the working from home part of my job I heard my daughter yell at least once “Mommy I’m LONELY!”

Translation-she’s ready to go back to school already.  We’re only a little ways into the SIXTEEN day break that the kids have this year.  Wow.  They have it rough.  We may not survive this…

The Professor is good, because he has a lot of screens to look at and that makes him happy.  Except when he’s not.

Oh… and the Christmas card?  Remember that from last week’s Fly on the Wall post?  After all that had happened, I thought I had better be a good girl and take them with me while I was visiting family and work on them in the spare time I foolishly thought I would have.

Then I left them at my mom’s house, because apparently the flu which infected my gut had already seeped into my brain, I just didn’t know it.

Once my brain began comprehending things, I mentioned something to my mom and she immediately sent them to me, only they no longer can be considered Christmas cards.  We’re now in the beginning stages of turning them into New Year’s cards, with only a few days before I have to send them.  The beginning stages as in I bought stuff to make them with and have felt too lousy and had too little time to do anything with them.

We’ll see how long before I just give up and figure that this year Christmas has just officially kicked my butt.

I hope you are all having a joyous holiday thus far!  I hope you actually got your Christmas cards sent out, enjoyed a lovely time with your family, and are enjoying the stretch of time between the two holidays without any sort of poop or puke in your midst.  Let me know how your holiday went by telling me in the comments!

And I leave you with my absolute favorite picture from the holiday…

Where else do you play with catnip mice but in a Christmas kitty bag?

Where else do you play with catnip mice but in a Christmas kitty bag?

Delicious Evil Lurks In the Downstairs Freezer

cat baker

It’s probably a good thing that I don’t have a cat that’s interested in my baking. Oh there is just so much to do yet!

Today I have got to get things done.  Baking.  Making.  Wrapping.  As it is I am terribly guilty of crimes against house maintenance.  On top of that we are currently in the the throes of post holiday mess.  Only it’s not the holiday yet.  So not only do we have that, we have the pre holiday mess AND the post holiday mess.

Confused?

We did my side of the family’s Christmas early this past weekend due to another family gathering the same weekend.  It just made sense.  So now the kids have all of their presents from one end of the house to other, I have bags yet to unpack, laundry trying to overtake us, and my own holiday-type  things that I still need to get done before this next weekend.

AND there’s the threat that we’ve been hearing all month, that my in laws may come.  We’ve heard this before.  Somehow it never happens.  We came to the conclusion that they only come for two things:  when we have a baby and when someone graduates.  I’m no planning on having any more kids, and unless I get very lucky by finding an anonymous donor to send me back to school, no one is graduating in this house for many years.  So maybe I’m safe.  Though this year is a little unique due to the fact that we didn’t go to their house for any sort of Christmas thing.  We were planning on it, then us terrible people had to go and get sick.  Germs are not allowed in their house, so the kids and I went to my parents and Evil Genius stayed home and prayed to either get better or die.  He got better, thank goodness.

I ended up with nothing but holiday chocolate chip cookies from all of that baking that I had planned to do last week.  Princess Christmas helped, and the cookies looked and tasted pretty good.  The red and green chocolate chips were a nice touch.  I used the Nestle Tollhouse recipe on the back of the bag.

Princess Christmas takes great care to add chocolate chips to the cookies.

Princess Christmas takes great care to add chocolate chips to the cookies.

What was taking her so long?  She was trying to make a face on every single cookie.

What was taking her so long? She was trying to make a face on every single cookie.

There are other things I wanted to make, but as of yet I haven’t gotten back to them.  The pretzels still don’t have any chocolate on them, though last night Evil Genius showed me how to make a double boiler.  I had read about it, but just couldn’t picture it in my head.  I’m going to have to get on it, because all of the cookies in the pictures were eaten while we were gone.  Yes, he ate two dozen cookies.  I hid the last four that were left.

The PMS that plagued me during Thanksgiving is back for this holiday as well, so naturally I’m eating everything in sight and feeling very badly about it.  Not getting much opportunity to exercise the last few days has me saying in my best King Julian voice “I have the flabby flab.”  The night we returned from my parents I ate an entire baggie of my cousin’s homemade peppermint bark.  This morning I had the breakfast of champions-turtles.  I had no little eyes to witness it, therefore I could get away with it.  Now the bark and the turtles are gone, I’m safe, right?

Nooooo.  He had to do it.  He just had to.  He has been threatening me with an evil and heinous act for a couple of weeks now, and finally followed through.  He even had two little minions to help him carry his plan out.  Yes, there is delicious and festive looking evil in my basement freezer.  A double batch.

Evil Peanut Butter Bars!

Evil Peanut Butter Bars!  At least they look festive.

If it weren’t for these, I sometimes wonder if he would ever speak to his family.  I swear he only speaks to his Mom sometimes to get this recipe.  And her noodle recipe.  And her striped delight recipe.  While he was making these, I typed up the recipe so he wouldn’t have to call next time.

evil peanut butter bars

As you can see, my scanning skills are only subpar.

RECIPE UPDATE:  I was asked to add the steps on how actually to bake these.  Mix all ingredients together except chocolate.  Press into 13 x 9 baking dish.  Melt chocolate in double boiler.  Put chocolate on top of ingredients in pan.  Add sprinkles to make festive if desired.  Refrigerate or freeze.  Now you try resisting them!

So today I have cleaning to do, laundry to do, baking to do, and on top of all that I must resist the call from the basement.  At least I would have to walk down stairs to get to them.  Thank goodness the upstairs freezer was full!