If My Life Were A Movie, I’d Hire Better Writers

Recent events have had me thinking about this post that I wrote awhile back and reblogged once before..  Naturally, WordPress won’t let you reblog something more than once.  So I have copied and pasted it all into a nice shiny new post!  So think of it as a rerun that you didn’t see the first time if it’s new to you.

If my life were a movie... there'd be great refreshments at reasonable prices.

If my life were a movie… there’d be great refreshments at reasonable prices.

I keep thinking lately that if my life were a movie we should almost be at the point where something wonderful happens.  You know, things just seem like they are so bad and then that great thing happens that miraculously turns things around.  It of course results in a happy ending.  The “It’s always darkest before the dawn” type thing.

So obviously this is real life and although I’m sure there’s a plan for me somewhere, I don’t see it happening.  But this brought up a very good bunch of stuff for my blog.  What IF my life WERE like a movie?  What would happen?

I’d get some sort of anonymous donor all of a sudden paying to send me to school.  Then I could follow my dreams.  If this were a movie, I’d know what those dreams were…

I'd get to go back to school with really smart fun people...

I’d get to go back to school with really smart fun people…

I’d have a trainer preparing me for my first triathlon using ordinary things.  I’d be weightlifting family sized cans of vegetable beef soup and full containers of cat litter. I’d be running through an obstacle course made of hula hoops, carefully arranged dog poop, empty Cheerios boxes, and leftover siding.  I’d be pulling a wagon loaded with all of the uneaten food from my house, which would be REALLY heavy (great training potential).  I’d be forced to run up and down the playground equipment at the park over and over.

Just as I’d just given up forever on finding a job and threw myself into something else (most likely the chest high mountain of laundry on the back porch), the dream job would happen to come up on the job website.  I’d decide to apply for one last job and get an interview.  They wouldn’t offer me the job at first, but something miraculous would happen and I would end up getting an even better job because I impressed someone there… because they would think I’m awesome.

We’d break out into song at the most interesting moments.  My daughter going poop in the potty would rate a huge song and dance number.  I would finally get a job interview, and there would be dancers following me as I sang all the way there about how I was going to change my life.  Dinnertime-you bet there’d be some sort of production.  And everyone would like and eat the food too.

"Myyyyyyy husband mowed the laaaaaawn!"  Everything would be cause for a musical number if my life were a movie.

“Myyyyyyy husband mowed the laaaaaawn!” Everything would be cause for a musical number if my life were a movie.

Somehow my schedule would miraculously allow me to do all kinds of work to prove the naysayers wrong.  I’d be out there, pounding the pavement, doing something to make everyone who ever doubted me have faith in me again.  Not sure what that would be, but I’d be proving them wrong.

My husband would be very romantic. You know, random flowers and stuff like that.  I bet he’d be conscious too, unless it was a comedy relief type of thing, because unconsciousness can be very funny.

I’d have a better wardrobe (does the HD camera also add ten pounds?)  And better hair.  Much better hair.

I have pretty cute children anyway.  I suppose they would be just as cute, and would say much of the same stuff they say in real life.  Except my daughter wouldn’t poop her pants at the most inopportune moments, and my son wouldn’t eat his boogers.

I’d be giving up my blog just about the time a famous editor would read it.  He would make great strides to try to find me and hire me to come to work for his company.  Also, my fans would rally around my house begging me to return to what inspired their life:  My blog.  Oh yes, and I would have a lot of fans.

I’d have a lightsaber.  I’d also have some sort of superpowers.  And I’d be able to do that slow motion floating and turning in the air thing like on The Matrix movies.  There’d be some sort of epic battle in my backyard.  I’d win.

It would have an awesome, though eclectic, soundtrack.

Yes my life is definitely not a movie.  If you’re willing to buy my story, however, we’ll talk.

Would my life story have all the elements of a Nicholas Cage movie? Would he wonder why he wasn't in the movie?  I'm sure all of the dialogue probably would be whispered or screamed.

Would my life story have all the elements of a Nicholas Cage movie? Would he wonder why he wasn’t in the movie? I’m sure all of the dialogue probably would be whispered or screamed.

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REBLOG: If My Life Were A Movie, I’d Hire Better Writers

This is my second REBLOG weekend. This is one of my better posts. Not too old but not too new. Just right, as baby bear would say.

The Sadder But Wiser Girl

I keep thinking lately that if my life were a movie we should almost be at the point where something wonderful happens.  You know, things just seem like they are so bad and then that great thing happens that miraculously turns things around.  It of course results in a happy ending.  The “It’s always darkest before the dawn” type thing.

So obviously this is real life and although I’m sure there’s a plan for me somewhere, I don’t see it happening.  But this brought up a very good bunch of stuff for my blog.  What IF my life WERE like a movie?  What would happen?

I’d get some sort of anonymous donor all of a sudden paying to send me to school.  Then I could follow my dreams.  If this were a movie, I’d know what those dreams were…

I’d have a trainer preparing me for my first triathlon using…

View original post 524 more words

If My Life Were A Movie, I’d Hire Better Writers

If my life were a movie… there’d be great refreshments at reasonable prices.

I keep thinking lately that if my life were a movie we should almost be at the point where something wonderful happens.  You know, things just seem like they are so bad and then that great thing happens that miraculously turns things around.  It of course results in a happy ending.  The “It’s always darkest before the dawn” type thing.

So obviously this is real life and although I’m sure there’s a plan for me somewhere, I don’t see it happening.  But this brought up a very good bunch of stuff for my blog.  What IF my life WERE like a movie?  What would happen?

I’d get some sort of anonymous donor all of a sudden paying to send me to school.  Then I could follow my dreams.  If this were a movie, I’d know what those dreams were…

I’d get to go back to school with really smart fun people…

I’d have a trainer preparing me for my first triathlon using ordinary things.  I’d be weightlifting family sized cans of vegetable beef soup and full containers of cat litter. I’d be running through an obstacle course made of hula hoops, carefully arranged dog poop, empty Cheerios boxes, and leftover siding.  I’d be pulling a wagon loaded with all of the uneaten food from my house, which would be REALLY heavy (great training potential).  I’d be forced to run up and down the playground equipment at the park over and over.

Just as I’d just given up forever on finding a job and threw myself into something else (most likely the chest high mountain of laundry on the back porch), the dream job would happen to come up on the job website.  I’d decide to apply for one last job and get an interview.  They wouldn’t offer me the job at first, but something miraculous would happen and I would end up getting an even better job because I impressed someone there… because they would think I’m awesome.

We’d break out into song at the most interesting moments.  My daughter going poop in the potty would rate a huge song and dance number.  I would finally get a job interview, and there would be dancers following me as I sang all the way there about how I was going to change my life.  Dinnertime-you bet there’d be some sort of production.  And everyone would like and eat the food too.

“Myyyyyyy husband mowed the laaaaaawn!” Everything would be cause for a musical number if my life were a movie.

Somehow my schedule would miraculously allow me to do all kinds of work to prove the naysayers wrong.  I’d be out there, pounding the pavement, doing something to make everyone who ever doubted me have faith in me again.  Not sure what that would be, but I’d be proving them wrong.

My husband would be very romantic. You know, random flowers and stuff like that.  I bet he’d be conscious too, unless it was a comedy relief type of thing, because unconsciousness can be very funny.

I’d have a better wardrobe (does the HD camera also add ten pounds?)  And better hair.  Much better hair.

I have pretty cute children anyway.  I suppose they would be just as cute, and would say much of the same stuff they say in real life.  Except my daughter wouldn’t poop her pants at the most inopportune moments, and my son wouldn’t eat his boogers.

I’d be giving up my blog just about the time a famous editor would read it.  He would make great strides to try to find me and hire me to come to work for his company.  Also, my fans would rally around my house begging me to return to what inspired their life:  My blog.  Oh yes, and I would have a lot of fans.

I’d have a lightsaber.  I’d also have some sort of superpowers.  And I’d be able to do that slow motion floating and turning in the air thing like on The Matrix movies.  There’d be some sort of epic battle in my backyard.  I’d win.

It would have an awesome, though eclectic, soundtrack.

Yes my life is definitely not a movie.  If you’re willing to buy my story, however, we’ll talk.

Would my life story have the elements that Nicholas Cage looks for in a movie? Would he wonder how he wasn’t in my movie? I’m sure that 1) all of the dialogue probably would be whispered or screamed and 2) food would be served in the movie.

When I Grow Up I’ll Be Stable, And Maybe I’ll Get To Do Stuff

Ah, my little princess. Don’t grow up too fast. Being a grown up isn’t much fun a lot of the time.

A couple of times recently  Princess Confident has announced, “When I grow up, I will get to do whatever I want!”

I replied to this, “Ok honey, you just keep thinking that.”  And maybe she will, being the confident little thing that she is.

I sure can’t say that’s necessarily true for me.  In the last year with all of this unemployment stuff, I had several people ask me what I really wanted to do.  The truth is I don’t know.  I have no idea what I really want to do when I grow up.  I’m 38 years old, and let’s face it, I don’t feel like a grown-up.

I wanted to be a teacher most of my life.  That didn’t pan out well, now did it?  I guess being a published writer is my next goal.  HA HA.

She has told me on several occasions that she wants to be a doctor when she grows up.  Or a cowgirl.  They’re so close, don’t you think?  The Professor thinks he wants to be a baseball player.  This is new, because up until this announcement he has wanted to be a racecar driver.  But then again, he has also informed me that he will take over for one of the school’s fourth grade teachers when she gets too old to teach.  Hmmmm… that easy, huh?  I must admit that I admire my husband in the fact that he has always known he wanted to be an engineer, even though it took him a long time to get there.  I guess that’s how you know you’re a grown up, you know what you want to do?

A lot of grown-ups have bucket lists.  Someone recently asked me about my bucket list.  I guess I really don’t have one.  I have joked about taking pictures of different buckets and putting them on here.  I guess I don’t really have one because the things that I really want to do seem so out of reach.  I’m horribly, horribly practical.  Lack of money can really do that to a person.  No wonder I have been depressed.  If you can’t have dreams, then what is worth reaching for?

Isn’t the bucket list what you want to do before you kick the bucket.  Well I don’t necessarily have a bucket list.  I just have some things that I would someday would like to do.  Horribly impractical and probably will never happen.  But here goes.

  • I would like to learn to play the cello.  And the guitar.  I’ve tried to play the guitar on my own, but I really need lessons for a grown-up.
  • I would like to see another Broadway musical.  Or two.
  • I want to see mountains.  I just want to drive to see mountains.  I don’t have to stay.  I just want to see them.  But then again there are so many places I want to go.  I want to see Seattle.  I just want to go there.  I think it would be cool.  For that matter, I have never been west of Nebraska, and I have been in a lot of places!  I would like to go back to Maine (where I am from) with my husband so he can see it too.  I want to go back to Chicago (where I lived nearby for a short while as a child) and see all of the museums and Shedd Aquarium.  I would love to go back to Disneyworld, but this time with the kids.  I’ve been there several time, I just want to take them once.  And the biggie-I want to go overseas.  I have never been out of the country except for Canada.  I want to go to Australia and China.
  • I want to go back to school.  But of course, I have to figure out what I really want to do.  Therein lies my problem…

So that’s really it.  I don’t want much, do I?  I’m hoping that once our little situation gets straightened out that perhaps we can start going places.  Right now, I’d just like to be able to occasionally buy myself a frapuccino.

Ah yes, the Starbucks coconut mocha frappucino. It rates an honorable mention on my list of faves. I may have to start that list for a future post…

Reality: Coming to Terms With That Sucky Dark Side of Life

The reality of it hit me today.  My son was going on and on and on about the different things he wanted to do when he grew up.  I nodded and gave a little feedback.  He was so excited about everything he was talking about.  And I was there still listening but the inner voice was pretty loud.  How can I encourage my children to be everything they want to be when I don’t believe in myself?

My son is a little odd.  Ok, he’s a lot odd.  He has a lot going on.  The Toddler years were rough.  Preschool started out rough but ended beautifully-he was in a situation where everything just clicked.  Then there was kindergarten.  It was hell, both for him and for me.  It was just like other children were not real to him.  Yes he would sometimes try to relate to them, but a lot of the time he was in trouble for hitting a friend or pushing a friend.  Sometimes it was an accident.  My son is ADD, and he flails his body around a lot.  But other times he said that the other child was “bothering” him.  Supposedly the child was just trying to talk to him.  He simply wanted nothing to do with the rules, would yell at the teacher, roll on the floor, be very disruptive.  It was awful.  He spend a good amount of time in the office that year in trouble.  I’m sure it didn’t help that I was working right across the hall in the other kindergarten room.  I witnessed a lot.  And I am not one of those parents who thinks their child can do no wrong.  There are many instances when he is at fault.

First grade has gone well.  At the end of his kindergarten year they put together an IEP for him.  He had different times of the day where he would meet with his special ed teacher to go over his schedule, etc.  His teacher was very no nonsense and just seemed to get him.  We’ve gotten all the way through first grade and we are now into summer.  I’m worried about 2nd grade because unlike first grade I don’t really know any of the teachers.  Summer has been rough.  I tried to put together a schedule for him every day.  So far it’s not gone very well.  We end up deviating from the original schedule on the refrigerator at lot and he can’t handle it.  He is so quick to anger when things don’t go his way!

The word Asperger’s came up frequently when we were trying to pin down what was going on with my son.  Very intelligent, curious, he speaks very formally, like a miniature adult.  He has great difficulty relating to other children who are around his age.  When other children are at the park playing, he’d rather find an adult and talk to them about some sports thing he had been reading.  Playing outside never happens for very long because he tires of it quickly.  At least we have convinced him to bring his books out.  At least he’ll be out instead of in.

He just doesn’t play.  Some of his little quirks remind me of me, but there is so much that is so different.  I played as a youngster.  MY mother says that I never really was bored because I would use my imagination and basically make things up.  Oh to be young again.  I just don’t see that in my son.  Even when he is given a character to pretend with, he has to find out what the story is and that exact story is what needs to be acted out.  He doesn’t like pretend all that much-he much prefers scientific and nonfiction stuff.

Today I approached him with the idea of having a notebook to turn into a “field guide”-he could write down all of his scientific hypotheses and theories as well as draw some of the critters outside.  He seemed to like that idea.  My husband I have talked about how the only way we are going to get this boy outdoors without the sprinkler being on is somehow making it science.

I am a mean mom.  I make my children go out.  We have a nice big fenced in back yard with a swing set and a tire swing.  We have bikes, riding tools, balls, tennis rackets, a batting tee.  You name it we have it.  BUt they don’t want to play.  I don’t turn the TV on and I have my reasons.  Get outside and experience nature!  Use your imagination!

I remember being around my son’s age and running around the yard in my swimsuit and my towel tied around me like a toga.  We were playing Gods and Goddesses.  Clash of the TItans was REALLY big that year!  And these were things we just thought up and did.  There were no rules.  We made it up as we went along.  We didn’t always GET along, but it was fun!

I don’t see my kids doing much of that.  My 4 year old does ok with some things.  She has parties for her ponies and takes care of the different characters in her room.  But she’s 4.  MY 7 year old really just needs to get out with a couple of boys his age and pretend and run around.  Somehow I don’t see that happening!

So here when he should be playing, my son comes and sits with me on the park bench while his sister is still running around on the climber.  He’s asking me all kinds of questions and then starts in about how he wants to be a firefighter, a professional football player, and a racecar driver when he grows up.,  I want to be supportive.  I also want to throw in the whole “You’ll still need to go to college” Schtick.  But I hesitated.  My kids have had the university here shoved down their throat since their dad went there.  And graduated.  And got a good job.  Now he has to pay the loans back.  Ouch.

Me?  I went to college and I think I’ve made it pretty clear how that’s worked out for me.  I went to school so that I didn’t have to have a job with a nametag.  Yet I just left a job that I had to wear a nametag for.  Sigh…

WHile I am sure that there is something out there that we are all meant to do, right now I think my thing is not there.  When they arranged the whole finding your way thing they didn’t put the answer for me.  Or something.  There are days when I feel like I need a shirt that says “I went to ____ college, and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.  And debt,”

Today I was told (in an email of course) that no, there will be no more data entry after this week.  That I will officially be starting over in the unemployment department,  Saddening, and maddening.  Really-I think it’s the whole thing where a guy tells a girl he’ll call and doesn’t.  I’m sorry they were sad I would be leaving, but don’t tell me there’s a job possibility there!  The job where I could continue to do data entry from my home possibly 30 to 40 hours per week it sounded very promising.  It doesn’t exist.  It’s not there and not much I can do about it.

So I’m back in the job hunt.  I have very two cute things to take into consideration too.  My husband has been trying to put together some sort of budget for us now that we have a lot we have to pay out in loans.  Now he says that I HAVE to find something-we had discussed the possibility of me just staying home.  I thought we had agreed that full time wasn’t going to be something I was going to explore.  But the reality of it is that the areas I have looked in the past I would be working to basically pay the childcare that I have to arrange for my kids.  Doesn’t seem quite right.

And I’m not going to work at McDonalds.  There was a summer where I was trying to work just something for the summer so I could have flexibility with it when I had to go back to work at the school in the preschool.  That summer I applied for lots of jobs-Kum and Go, Caseys. Holubs, Lowes, etc. Noone called me or even tried to interview me.  Overqualified.

The thinking here is that I went to college so I wouldn’t have to have a job that I wear a nametag.  Yet I just left a job that I had to wear a nametag (because, I”m assuming, someone might try to be a Red Cross Imposter.  HA HA)

I’m skimming the jobs online after finishing my data entry-some interesting jobs out there.  Some are ones that I could do with no problem but pay nothing.  Some that are interesting but I don’t have the right qualifications for.  I just don’t even know where to start.  I owe it to myself to not go to work at McDonalds. After all I DID go to school. I DO have a bachelor’s degree.

None of this really registers with my husband.  He has been through several job losses with me, on each side, and he doesn’t really know what to do when I get so down on myself.  He feels a job is a job, and I get the impression that he feels that if I don’t find one quick there’s something wrong with me.  We are running headfirst into a money problem with his and my student loans eating up so much of our budget.  What do we do?  He’s set.  He has a fabulous job that he drives far away to every day.  He gets to go to a local gym for free-I just about cried when he told me that.  I just had to give up my membership and my body is paying the price.  I’m not jealous.  I just wish I could get some stuff to get going in the right direction for me.

But if you don’t know what you want to do it makes it difficult.  And SOMEONE has to be here for my kids.  I’m ok with working, but I can’t be in a town an hour away 8-5 every day. I passed on a job with the disorganization doing their scheduling.  Pretty sure you don’t even have to have a degree to do that job.  But too far away.  Am I selling myself short?

I feel like I have no skills to offer.  That makes it hard to present yourself to a potential employer.

Aren’t there still jobs out there that want you to have a 4 year degree but don’t really care what it’s in?  I wish the schools would do that with preschool.  I know that I WANT to teach preschool. I did it for many years at several different centers.  I was very good at it.  But having to go through the trainings to present that paper that says I am fit to teach those kids is pricey and ridiculous since childcare centers pay so low.  Going back to school for an early childhood degree probably isn’t the best idea.  More loans.  More student teaching.

I’ve finally managed to break away from the child care aspect and here I am not even sure what I want to do.  So I look at jobs and analyze them and then try to decide if I’m worthy of even applying for them.  And how am I going to work it if I get an interview?  Is someone going to watch my kids?

Now that I know that I am officially done I guess there are things for me to do.  1) Get unemployment called. Doubt I qualify, but might be able to get something.  2)  Call the student loan people.  Sorry, if I am not employed I don;t have $$ coming in!  3)  And this is the hard one-Call Iowa State, then go in and talk to somebody.  I can conceivably still go this fall if I can just figure it out.

Everyone deserves a chance to feel successful at something.  I don’t ask for much, I just want to be able to do something that makes me happy and brings in enough money to survive.  My lifestyle is not extravagant, and I shouldn’t be made to feel bad if I want to keep shopping for clothes at Goodwill .  I love my children, and I don’t want to be some career woman that never sees them, but I DO need to figure out what my next move is here.  A job, no job, school, a home business.  I don’t know.  Any suggestions are always welcome.