group post | The Sadder But Wiser Girl

At the top of the cat’s Christmas list? A box. And that’s fine with me. The kids are a little more complicated.

You know what is wonderful about programming on PBS for kids? NO COMMERCIALS for toys!!!!!

Up until the last year or so, for the most part I kept my children blissfully ignorant of the hottest items out there, because the only thing I let them watch was PBS or movies rented from the kids section of Family Video (because they’re FREEEEEEEEEEEE!)

Occasionally, however, something would slip through my stronghold of noncommercialism. My first experience with this were the Pillow Pets. My kids saw these commercials and went nuts. Because it’s a pillow AND it’s a pet!

OMG IT’S A PILLOW AND A PET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By the way, both of my children own three of them. I like the original pillow pets when they were just a pillow and a pet and nothing else.Then apparently everything in the world had to transform from a pillow into something else, because who wants a pillow that’s just… a pillow. Boring, right? I got so annoyed by this last year that I had to write a whole rant about pillows that transform.

The latest annoyance by this company has got to be the “Dream Lites”. Both of my children have wanted one since they came out. Perhaps you’ve heard of these? An animal pillow that lights up and projects stars on the ceiling. Cool huh, NOT! Every time we go to a Wal-Mart my kids have to stop and look at the Dream Lites. Both kids have picked out exactly which one they think they must have and exactly how they will use them. I don’t get this-they’re not even soft, so I can’t understand why anyone would want a hard pillow that lights up. Imagine my delight when I heard that one caught fire. NO! You can’t have one because they’re a FIRE HAZARD! There, I said it. Mean Mom…

Now that my children are watching things like Vortex (the current equivalent of our childhood Saturday morning cartoons) on Saturday mornings, they are inundated with all of the ridiculous things that are being marketed to kids. And they want them. This year they took the toy catalog long before we were even allowed to speak of Christmas and pretty much circled everything in it. Apparently they thought they were being helpful by using different colored pens to denote who wanted what. But when they both circle everything, does it really matter?

Then I came up with the brilliant idea of having them write Christmas lists. The Professor didn’t really quite get that he had to ask for presents for himself. When I pointed that out he scrapped the list. The Princess took the idea and ran, except that when I got the list, I needed an interpreter. Enter Grandma, the former second grade teacher, who was able to decipher the list in a jiffy.

The Princess writes her first Christmas list. Impressive, but she is not a Jedi yet.

You’ve got to love a kid who asks for belts for Christmas, especially one like her whose butt is always hanging out of her pants! AND STILTS, she asked for STILTS for Christmas. LOL!

And no, she’s not getting a bird. Or a computer.

(If anyone knows what the second to last item is, please enlighten me, because even with the expert help, I couldn’t figure it out.)

The Professor at Christmas. One toy or book is all he really needs. That is until we’re all done, then he wonders “That’s IT?????” (You only got 200 toys this year, what do you mean that’s it?)

The Professor is still thinking over his list. I really hope I get one before Christmas…

Aside from the aforementioned flaming pillow pet nightlight things and the bird, here are some other things that my kids won’t be seeing under the tree this year. Or any year. Ever.

Furby-What the hell do kids see in those things? I think they are CREEPY!
Easy Bake Oven-Refer to the whole Dream Lite thing above.
Robot Claw Grabber Thingie-Not because my kids would get in trouble with it, I’m talking about my husband. No, no ABSOLUTELY NOT!
Barbie Dream House With Two Separate Elevators-Since our Barbie house has no stairs of any kind, Barbie has to teleport from floor to floor. So much better than an elevator or even two, don’t you think?
Hello Kitty Pop Star-No! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOO!
Ugglys Pug Electronic Pet-Nobody gets anything with the word “ugly” in it… especially this.
Back to the two elevators thing… WHY would Barbie need two elevators? Is Barbie too good to share an elevator with anyone? Do they have elevator races? Inquiring minds WANT TO KNOW!

What ARE my kids getting for Christmas? Aside from visiting Gamestop for a used DS for The Princess, the verdict is still out. I guess you’ll just have to come back and see. I might even blog about it.

Some of my awesome blogging buddies also have things that they are not wanting to see under their trees. Here are the links to check out their Christmas “NOS”!