Delicious Evil Lurks In the Downstairs Freezer

cat baker

It’s probably a good thing that I don’t have a cat that’s interested in my baking. Oh there is just so much to do yet!

Today I have got to get things done.  Baking.  Making.  Wrapping.  As it is I am terribly guilty of crimes against house maintenance.  On top of that we are currently in the the throes of post holiday mess.  Only it’s not the holiday yet.  So not only do we have that, we have the pre holiday mess AND the post holiday mess.

Confused?

We did my side of the family’s Christmas early this past weekend due to another family gathering the same weekend.  It just made sense.  So now the kids have all of their presents from one end of the house to other, I have bags yet to unpack, laundry trying to overtake us, and my own holiday-type  things that I still need to get done before this next weekend.

AND there’s the threat that we’ve been hearing all month, that my in laws may come.  We’ve heard this before.  Somehow it never happens.  We came to the conclusion that they only come for two things:  when we have a baby and when someone graduates.  I’m no planning on having any more kids, and unless I get very lucky by finding an anonymous donor to send me back to school, no one is graduating in this house for many years.  So maybe I’m safe.  Though this year is a little unique due to the fact that we didn’t go to their house for any sort of Christmas thing.  We were planning on it, then us terrible people had to go and get sick.  Germs are not allowed in their house, so the kids and I went to my parents and Evil Genius stayed home and prayed to either get better or die.  He got better, thank goodness.

I ended up with nothing but holiday chocolate chip cookies from all of that baking that I had planned to do last week.  Princess Christmas helped, and the cookies looked and tasted pretty good.  The red and green chocolate chips were a nice touch.  I used the Nestle Tollhouse recipe on the back of the bag.

Princess Christmas takes great care to add chocolate chips to the cookies.

Princess Christmas takes great care to add chocolate chips to the cookies.

What was taking her so long?  She was trying to make a face on every single cookie.

What was taking her so long? She was trying to make a face on every single cookie.

There are other things I wanted to make, but as of yet I haven’t gotten back to them.  The pretzels still don’t have any chocolate on them, though last night Evil Genius showed me how to make a double boiler.  I had read about it, but just couldn’t picture it in my head.  I’m going to have to get on it, because all of the cookies in the pictures were eaten while we were gone.  Yes, he ate two dozen cookies.  I hid the last four that were left.

The PMS that plagued me during Thanksgiving is back for this holiday as well, so naturally I’m eating everything in sight and feeling very badly about it.  Not getting much opportunity to exercise the last few days has me saying in my best King Julian voice “I have the flabby flab.”  The night we returned from my parents I ate an entire baggie of my cousin’s homemade peppermint bark.  This morning I had the breakfast of champions-turtles.  I had no little eyes to witness it, therefore I could get away with it.  Now the bark and the turtles are gone, I’m safe, right?

Nooooo.  He had to do it.  He just had to.  He has been threatening me with an evil and heinous act for a couple of weeks now, and finally followed through.  He even had two little minions to help him carry his plan out.  Yes, there is delicious and festive looking evil in my basement freezer.  A double batch.

Evil Peanut Butter Bars!

Evil Peanut Butter Bars!  At least they look festive.

If it weren’t for these, I sometimes wonder if he would ever speak to his family.  I swear he only speaks to his Mom sometimes to get this recipe.  And her noodle recipe.  And her striped delight recipe.  While he was making these, I typed up the recipe so he wouldn’t have to call next time.

evil peanut butter bars

As you can see, my scanning skills are only subpar.

RECIPE UPDATE:  I was asked to add the steps on how actually to bake these.  Mix all ingredients together except chocolate.  Press into 13 x 9 baking dish.  Melt chocolate in double boiler.  Put chocolate on top of ingredients in pan.  Add sprinkles to make festive if desired.  Refrigerate or freeze.  Now you try resisting them!

So today I have cleaning to do, laundry to do, baking to do, and on top of all that I must resist the call from the basement.  At least I would have to walk down stairs to get to them.  Thank goodness the upstairs freezer was full!

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Previous Terrible Attempts at Humorous Poetry (And it Does Have A Christmas Reference in it)

I used to do poetry on my blog, and the results were somewhat terrible but also a little humorous.  I’ve had this fresh in my mind because I have been trying to enter the Twelve Days of Haiku contest over on Ninja Mom.  You basically try to modernize “The Twelve Days of Christmas” in Haiku form.  Here I thought if I could write a haiku about Taco Time (yes I really did) that I could whip one up in no time flat.  Not so much-the results have been no less than terrible.  However, there have been some really great ones (in other words not mine) submitted, stop by her blog and check them out (in her comments).  And check out her blog too if you haven’t already-she rocks!

If you’ve been following my blog for a long time, you’ve already read this.  In other words it’s sort of a reblog but one that’s much improved.  This is one of my early posts when I barely knew how to use WordPress.  This is one of those posts that drives me CRAZY because the formatting is completely messed up in the original post. I actually sort of figured out how to fix this, which is very exciting!  If this is your first time reading this, I hope you like it-most Moms can relate!

Indiana Jones and The Evil Couch of Doom (AKA Crap I Found In My Couch)

Is it an eeeeevil couch?

Is it an eeeeevil couch?

Instead of going outside to play,
I decided to clean up my house today.
I took the vacuum and to my couch I went,
What a lot of time there I spent!

What to my wondering eyes should appear
Was no miniature sleigh, but three bottlecaps from beer
A treasure trove of things that belong to my kids
Such as seven different markers without any lids.

A miniature conditioner and shampoo,
A DS Game, A Leapster game, a rawhide chew
Black and white polka dotted underwear
Three socks, none of them a matching pair.

Barrettes and rubber bands, a brush for the cat
A blue colored pencil a red lego guy hat
Seven lite Brite pegs, a crayon, some sand
A Lego Luigi who just had one hand

A spoon, a coupon, five pens, some rocks
Cheerios, a lip balm, green bristle blocks
A washrag, granola, Kleenex times four,
Puzzle pieces, stickers, beads, beads galore!

Magnets, a penny, a notebook, a racecar
My what a lot of things there are!
This is the crap I found in my couch
No wonder I always seem like such a grouch!

Dog eating couch!Disclaimer:  No animals have actually been harmed by our couch.

Dog eating couch!
Disclaimer: No animals have actually been harmed by our couch.

When Houses Attack

No, no, my house isn’t necessarily evil. It just has behavior problems. It’s bullying me.

I think my house is trying to hurt me.  It’s not the anxiety talking.  I think I even have definite proof.

Before I go even further, I am aware that there may be a movie out there about this very sort of thing.  But since I don’t watch horror movies, I’m not quite sure.  I just don’t want anyone to think I’m ripping them off.  And this really is happening!  I have the photographic evidence to prove it!  It seems that every time I try to do something productive around here, I somehow get injured.  I am beginning to wonder if it’s really clutziness, or if there is something really wrong here.  Really!

The other day I was going down into the basement to retrieve my son’s extra jacket as well as retrieve some other warmer things.  I felt a bit silly, after all I packed all the cold weather stuff away in JUNE.  Yeah, I was a little behind the times there.  I finally gathered up all the gloves and stuff I knew we wouldn’t be using and put it away.  I guess I was waiting for a freak snowstorm in the summer?  Not sure.  Anyway, as I went down the steps I lost my balance and fell, smacking my arm against the bottom step and landing on my side.

Isn’t it PRETTY? The lighter colored line at the top of the bruise is where I hit the bottom step, I think. My husband says it looks like a tattoo. A sailboat, perhaps?

I can definitely say this is one of my more serious house-induced injuries.  As you can see it left a very nasty bruise.  It could have been worse, since there is a brick wall there near the foot of the steps.  I could have bashed my head in.  It makes me wonder what this house has against me.  It could’ve killed me, but instead it spared me and just gave me a nasty injury.

A person trying to prove something should have lots of documentation.  For example, I have many notes on my computer about my former employer in case they came back later and tried to say I was an idiot (who’s the idiot now?  They are STILL sending stuff to me on my work email.  They just don’t get it.)  I suppose I need to start documenting stuff about how my house is trying to do away with me.  I’d have a pretty thick file if I’d been keeping track by now.  I have had all the skin scraped off of my knuckles too many times to count while cleaning.  I have almost been knocked unconscious about 1000 times by the cabinet doors in our kitchen.  The stairs?  That may have been the first time I’ve fallen down those stairs but I’ve taken several tumbles down the stairs that lead, well upstairs.  I guess I shouldn’t say tumbles, more like a slide down on my back.  And there are more, many more incidents of bullying directed at me by my house…

Now before you go around screaming POLTERGEIST  I want you to know that I don’t think we have those kinds of forces at work.  It is 112 years old, we bought it for its tornado protection potential, but while I will admit I DO believe in ghosts, I don’t think any would harm us.  Nor do I think we have any here.  I’m thinking that ghosts would find way cooler digs to hang out and haunt anyway.  Maybe it’s just like the dog-it hates to be cleaned.  Or worse, it shuns any kind of organizing.  That would make sense-after all, I feel like my brains are being sucked out of my head most of the time I am here.

Often I feel like this, like someone has sucked the brains right out of my head. ADD can’t be the only explanation, can it?

I’m not wrapping myself in bubble wrap just yet, though that might be a good idea for the next time I have to go down into our cobwebby, spider and cricket infested basement.  I suppose I could just stop doing stuff around the house.  At this point, it wouldn’t be real noticeable the way I have been slacking the last couple of weeks.

Besides me just admitting that I am a total clutz, we may have another explanation in the works.  Tonight Evil Genius came home from work and said that he feels like he’s being strangled when he’s at home.  It only happens at home, nowhere else.  AH-HA!  We are harboring Sith Lords.  That can be the only explanation…

“What’s happenin hot stuff?”
Could there be a Sith Lord haunting my basement?
(Which brings me to this-I see London, I see France, I see Vader’s underpants!)

Indiana Jones and the Evil Couch of Doom (aka Crap I Found In My Couch)

Is it an eeeeevil couch?

Instead of going outside to play,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     I decided to clean up my house today.

I took the vacuum and to my couch I went,                                                                                                                                                                                                            What a lot of time there I spent!

What to my wondering eyes should appear,                                                                                                                                                                                                          Was no miniature sleigh, but three bottlecaps from beer

A treasure trove of things that belong to my kids                                                                                                                                                                                                Such as seven different markers without any lids.

A miniature conditioner and shampoo,                                                                                                                                                                                                                       A DS Game, a Leapster game, a rawhide chew.

Black and white polka dotted underwear,                                                                                                                                                                                                               Three socks, none of them a matching pair.

Barrettes and rubber bands, a brush for the cat                                                                                                                                                                                                           A blue colored pencil, a red lego hat

Seven Lite Brite pegs, a crayon, some sand                                                                                                                                                                                                                 A lego Luigi who had just one hand

A spoon, a coupon, five pens,some rocks                                                                                                                                                                                                             Cheerios, a lip balm, green bristle blocks

A washrag, granola, kleenex times four,                                                                                                                                                                                                             Puzzle pieces, stickers, beads beads galore!

Magnets, a penny, a notebook, a race car,                                                                                                                                                                                                                My what a lot of things there are!

This is the crap that I found in my couch,                                                                                                                                                                                                               The only thing that rhymes is slouch.

Dog eating couch!
Disclaimer: No animals have actually been harmed by our furniture.