Indiana Jones and the Evil Couch of Doom (aka Crap I Found In My Couch)

Is it an eeeeevil couch?

Instead of going outside to play,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     I decided to clean up my house today.

I took the vacuum and to my couch I went,                                                                                                                                                                                                            What a lot of time there I spent!

What to my wondering eyes should appear,                                                                                                                                                                                                          Was no miniature sleigh, but three bottlecaps from beer

A treasure trove of things that belong to my kids                                                                                                                                                                                                Such as seven different markers without any lids.

A miniature conditioner and shampoo,                                                                                                                                                                                                                       A DS Game, a Leapster game, a rawhide chew.

Black and white polka dotted underwear,                                                                                                                                                                                                               Three socks, none of them a matching pair.

Barrettes and rubber bands, a brush for the cat                                                                                                                                                                                                           A blue colored pencil, a red lego hat

Seven Lite Brite pegs, a crayon, some sand                                                                                                                                                                                                                 A lego Luigi who had just one hand

A spoon, a coupon, five pens,some rocks                                                                                                                                                                                                             Cheerios, a lip balm, green bristle blocks

A washrag, granola, kleenex times four,                                                                                                                                                                                                             Puzzle pieces, stickers, beads beads galore!

Magnets, a penny, a notebook, a race car,                                                                                                                                                                                                                My what a lot of things there are!

This is the crap that I found in my couch,                                                                                                                                                                                                               The only thing that rhymes is slouch.

Dog eating couch!
Disclaimer: No animals have actually been harmed by our furniture.

Truths of My Household: Random Observations of a Tired Mom

I find the following in my life to be true at the moment:

If a woman gets up at the crack of dawn to do any sort of exercise without distraction, the preschooler in the house knows it and will get up too.

There is no surface in the state of Iowa that my seven year old has not licked.

The state of my house is rapidly deteriorating.  I think there is a mathematical formula in there about the age of your children being inversely proportional to the cleanliness of the house.

If I would take the time to clean out my car, there would no longer be any starving children in China.  I believe there is enough uneaten food in the backseat to solve that problem.

The more I sleep, the more tired I am.  The less I sleep, well…

My children watch too much TV.  My seven year old son can tell you all about any drug they are currently marketing.  He wanted me to know that the shingles virus was already inside me.

No matter how clean your floor is your cat will puke on it.

If I recycled all the pop cans in my house and reused the aluminum from them, I think I could build a small car.

My children’s rooms are like a roach motel for everything.  It goes in but it never leaves.

If you are trying to get out of your house in a rush that is the day you will lose your keys.

The laundry hamper is five feet from the shower.   Why is that so hard to understand?

Why is it that we go through so much toilet paper, yet no one in this house actually seems to use it??

The more laundry I have to do, the more I admire nudists.

If you put your winter clothes away, it will get cold.  Then as soon as you pull them back out, it will ninety degrees.

The more I am away from my house, the less time I have to clean it.  The more I am home, the less motivation I have to clean it.

If it’s supposedly good for you, wait awhile, they’ll prove that it’s not.

My life is an endless string of dirtiness.  Dirty is the new clean.

The Barbie house is the melting pot of our household.  She turns away nobody.  Everything from My Little Ponies to plastic bugs go there to hang out.