Fly on the Wall July 2014: The Soylent Green Edition

Fly on the WallWelcome to this month’s installment of Fly on the Wall brought to you by Karen of Baking in a Tornado and all things funny.  “What’s this?”  You might ask.  It’s snippets of everyday life compiled into one post.  Sometimes funny, sometimes touching, and always interesting.  These posts are all published simultaneously in a group format-so don’t run away when you’re done here.  Keep going all the way to the bottom, and check out some of my fellow flies and their doo doo. 

Waiting patiently for the fireworks on the 4th!

Waiting patiently for the fireworks on the 4th!

Is it wrong to run in the room and yell “Kill! KILL ALL THE THINGS!” and then run out when your husband is playing Skyrim? Asking for a friend.

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Me: What are you guys going to do this afternoon?
The Professor: I want to go play pretend some more with my new character I created. He’s a ninja turtle and his name is Adam.
The Princess: Me too, my new character is Victoria Secret.

You can’t make this stuff up, people. And I should probably start buying my underwear and bras at Target…

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The Princess, upon seeing the commercial for those stupid Teddy Tanks: I WANT THAT!!!!
Me: You want everything.
The Princess: I changed my mind about everything else. I just want that.

WTF is a teddy tank?

WTF is a teddy tank? This.  Hell no.

Today I was told by a little boy I have superpowers.  Not sure what they are yet, but I’ll take it.

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Evil Genius:  Do we have any chili?
Me: Yes… but I don’t know if you’re going to like it. I got it to try, it’s from Aldis.
Evil Genius: It’s probably not made with real meat, probably made of people.

It’s chili, dear, not Soylent Green…

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Me to The Princess: Don’t forget the zoo is coming to the library tomorrow.
The Princess: Oooo! Will they bring animals?
Me: Yes, but I can’t remember off the top of my head what they’re bringing.
The Princess: Ohhhh! Maybe they will bring a giraffe!
Me: Now how would they get a giraffe up here (our local zoo is almost an hour away)?
The Princess: Maybe if he was taking a nap?

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I’ve decided that summer vacation is just one really long argument with my kids.  The topic may change, but the arguing just goes on and on…

The Professor: What actor has been in most of the movies?
Me: Which movies?
The Professor: Most of the movies.
Me: Like a certain series or something?
The Professor: No, I mean most of the movies.
Me: You mean like most of all of the movies ever made?
The Professor: Yeah.
Me: Oh, I can’t even begin to answer that question.
The Professor: Well whoever it is, that’s my favorite actor.
(Later he recanted and said it was Robert Downey Jr and the guy that did the voice of Emmet in the LEGO movie.)

The Princess and her dream car.  A purple convertible.

The Princess and her dream car. A purple convertible.

Both kids got to get their picture taken with their dream car at the car show on the fourth of July. Naturally they wanted to see their pictures right away. Me being the former teacher I tried to make this a teachable moment.

Me: “You know when your dad and I were kids, we didn’t get to see the pictures immediately. We had to send them off to be developed, IN THE MAIL. And had to wait for them to come back in the mail.”

Evil Genius: “We had to wait WEEKS!”

Both kids: *GASP*!

The Professor and his dream car.  It looks like the Batmobile!

The Professor and his dream car. He says it looks like the Batmobile!

Funny how as soon as the mom returns to the house that the children are suddenly starving.

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The Princess, coming down the stairs with her porcelain tea set.  “Would you like some coffee?”
Me: “Sure.”
The Princess:  “Would you like creamer or sugar or both in your coffee?”
Me: “Both.”
The Princess:  “Would  you like some dessert to go with your coffee?”Me:  “Why not?”
The Princess, watching me drink my pretend coffee and eat my pretend dessert.  “By the way, I put butter in the coffee.”
Must be a Paula Deen recipe.

Selfies at the races.  Not sure who the guy is.

Selfies at the races. Not sure who the guy is.

I put this one in here just for Karen… Note to spammers to help you improve the efficiency of your spamming:  Putting the word SCAM in your description kind of defeats the purpose.

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Evil Genius: I just had Mexican stuff on hot dog buns. It’s kind of like laundry day for food. (The day before grocery day…)

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And it was delicious…

Now you promised… go buzz on over to the other doo doo…

http://www.BakingInATornado.com                          Baking In A Tornado

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                                Just A Little Nutty

http://themomisodes.com                                          The Momisodes

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                          Spatulas on Parade

http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com                                   The Sadder But Wiser Girl

http://followmehome.shellybean.com                          Follow me home . . .

http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/                  Stacy Sews and Schools

http://www.menopausalmom.com/                          Menopausal Mother

http://www.gomamao.com                                    Go Mama O

http://www.kimulmanis.com                                    Kim Ulmanis

http://dates2diapers2.blogspot.com                        Dates 2 Diapers 2

http://dinoheromommy.com/                            Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com                         Someone Else’s Genius

http://batteredhope.blogspot.com                      Battered Hope    

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Fly on the Wall May 2013: The Birthday Edition

flyWelcome to a Fly on the Wall group post. Today 13 bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes. Come on in and buzz around my house.

In our house we have three birthdays very close to each other.  Evil Genius has a birthday on April 19th.  For eleven days we are the same age, because I am a year older than him.  My birthday is May 1st, followed by The Princess’s birthday on May 6th.  Because of this fact, I present to you the Fly on the Wall Birthday Edition!

The Princess:  “Will Daddy be 40 on his birthday?”
Me:  “No, he’ll be 38.”
The Princess:  “Will you be 40 on your birthday?”
Me:  “No, I’ll be 39.”
The Princess:  “Oh good, because when you turn 41 you die.”
So she’s saying I’ve got two years.  I’d better make the most of it  (Yes I did tell her that she was misinformed…)

Me on my birthday.

Me on my birthday.

The Princess:  “Mommy, a Cheeto is the fastest animal on land.”

I was really concerned about the conversation my kids kept having.  I kept hearing about some “hot girl”.  Who do they think is hot and why?  I finally asked them.  As it turns out, “hot girl” is actually “Hawk Girl”-a comic book character.

The kids were putting pennies in the big coin thing-the kind where they go around and around forever until they finally plop in the hole in the bottom.
The Princess: “Where do the pennies go when they go in the hole?”
Evil Genius:  “There’s a big coin monster in there that eats them when.”
The Princess (obviously NOT believing his story):  “I wish I was a penny so I can go in there and see what’s REALLY there.”

Evil Genius and I were discussing that sleeping naked causes some people (including me) to have weird naked dreams.
Me: “So if you don’t normally sleep with pants on and you fall asleep in them then you must have the opposite.”
Evil Genius:  “Can you imagine that?  Hey I fell asleep with my pants on last night and I dreamed I went to a nudist colony and I HAD MY CLOTHES ON.”
This is just a sampling of some of the weird conversations we have in bed.

The Princess:  “I wish we had a magic TV.  I wish we had one so that if we wanted something it would just throw it out at us!”

The Professor:  “WOW!”
Evil Genius:  “What?”
The Professor:  “What?”
Evil Genius:  “Wow what?”
The Professor:  “?????”
Evil Genius:  “You said wow.  Wow what?”
The Professor:  “I did?”
Evil Genius: “Yes.”
The Professor:  “Oh, I guess didn’t hear myself say that.”

Evil Genius, a year older, and as you can see, also a year wiser

Evil Genius, a year older, and as you can see, also a year wiser

Evil Genius:  “I need a full body scan.  You know, so I can upload it somehow to my computer and get going on an actual Iron Man suit.”
Me:  “Can I interest you in lying down on the floor and having us trace around your body instead?”

When we went out for Evil Genius’s birthday, The Princess ordered the Naked Chicken Tenders, because they had the word naked in them of course!

Evil Genius to the kids:  “If you had your choice, what would you rather have, my ’53 Ford or my Ram?”
The Professor:  “I’d have to take a look at them first, then I’d decide.  What’s the difference?”
Evil Genius:  “One is a four wheel drive and one is a two wheel drive.”
The Professor:  “Oh, I’d rather have a four wheel drive.  It would be really weird to drive a truck with only two of the wheels.”

The Princess:  “If saltines didn’t have salt on them they’d just be ‘teens'”

Now that the weather is finally nice, we are trying to get our yard and garden up to snuff.  Evil Genius was cutting up some branches to put in the fire pit for future burning.
The Princess has been a bit concerned about the nature in our yard being hurt.
He heard the Professor comfort his sister “Don’t worry, the branches don’t feel anything!”

The Princess:  “Daddy I think your barb looks good!”
*Long pause*
Evil Genius:  “You mean my RHUBARB looks good!”

The Princess on her birthday.

The Princess on her birthday.

Our pediatrician informed me that kindergarten will be challenged by my daughter.  Yes you saw that right, it’s not the other way around.

Me to the family:  “Keep on saying all this great stuff.  I’ll have my whole Fly on the Wall post done before the day is out!”
Have a Happy May!  Buzz buzz!

Here are the links to all of the other bloggers who are participating.  Please go buzz around their homes for a bit too!

http://www.BakingInATornado.com

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                               

http://followmehome.shellybean.com                      

http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com/                  

https://sadderbutwiser.wordpress.com                      

http://menopausalmother.blogspot.com/                  

http://mooreorganizedmayhem.blogspot.com/                 

http://hypnoticbard.blogspot.com/                       

http://themomisodes.com/                                

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                 

http://momrantsandcomfypants.wordpress.com

http://www.tinystepsmommy.com

www.therowdybaker.com