Captain’s Log Stardate -309967.53450025356 The Week in Review

I concur. *pop* *pop*

Disclaimer:  This post may contain the following words-boob, poop, naked, zombie.  Discontinue reading if these offend you.   Hey, ever notice that boob is poop upside down?

Monday  The ADD Kitchen Chapter 3:  Why Duff Goldman Will Never Hire Me  I reminisce about boob cakes, and display batman cake fails and sort of wins.

Tuesday  Printer Purgatory  I resist the urge to kick the crap out of my printer.

Wednesday  Zoinks!  Kids Cartoon Fears and the Container Mystery  My kids are afraid of Scooby Doo, and my tupperware is MIA.

Thursday  Cats and Dogs, Disliking Each Other In My Home Since 2012 If it were seriously my cat vs my dog, I’m pretty sure the cat would win.

Friday  January Secret Subject Swap:  Like Mother Like Daughter, Except When We’re Not  The second time I’ve participated in the Secret Subject Swap!  How my Mom and I are alike, and how I wish I could be more like her.

Saturday  Reblog:  Have Fun Storming the Castle!  I explore the other affliction in our household besides the recessive gene.

Other Good things this week (besides my posts):

The boob cake may be famous.  I’m not holding my breath, but it may be featured in Craft Fail’s  book.  It’s ok if it’s not, but I thought it was cool that they would even consider it.  As I looked at more pictures of it, I about died laughing at how funny it looks…

Take THAT Madonna!

And check out Craft Fail sometime.  I love it. They even quoted me on it and stuff.  They also have a Twitter page.

I had a job interview.  A group job interview.  No it’s not as fun as it sounds.  They pretty much took anyone who got on their website.  Do I have a chance?  Maybe.  My advice to anyone who does one is to NOT go right home and google how the company is to work for.  DO NOT DO THIS!

I finally got to work on my personal website.  Don’t everyone get all excited, it’s still a long way from being done, but it’s called Serendipitous Sarah and is supposed to help promote my writing.  Maybe even *gasp* help me land a paid writing job someday.  I’ll let y’all know when it’s “live” or whatever you kids are calling it these days…

AND I’m finally on the mend.  At least I think I am. Unless this is disease’s sucky way of tricking me.  Now my husband has it.

Best post of the week by a blogger way more famous than me:

Hey kids, don’t stick your tongue in there, m’kay?  The Bearded Iris.  I think I broke something laughing.  If you don’t have a “licker” in the house, you may not find this funny.

Odd things of the week:

I’m not sure if I’m flattered or just plain weirded out that Ore Ida follows me on Twitter…
I’ve got escort services commenting on my blog.  I’m used to the sex spam, but really?  Thank goodness for Askimet.

Weird and Disturbing Search Engine Terms this week:

Beautiful girls pooping-yes we all poop, even the beautiful people-do you really wanna see that?

Missing my zombie-I miss my zombie too when he’s missing.  I’m referring to my husband who doesn’t sleep much, what are you referring to?

The family water bra-How exactly is this a family bra?  Does the family all fit in it?  Or do they take turns wearing it?

“Jill Taylor” Ironman-???????

Snowmen Doing Yoga-I kind of want to see that too

So afraid I wet my knickers-People still wear knickers?

Purses with cats on them-In them, perhaps, but not on.

Girl you make me wanna get you pregnant-How the holy heck did this find my blog?  Inquiring minds want to know.

Big furry girl-Mmm-hmmm.  I DID skip a day shaving my legs this week.

Naked Grandpa-I could almost understand it if this picture was used in one of my blog posts:

HA HA HA! I love this picture.

For the record, I don’t know where this photo originally came from.  But if you follow DeBie Hive on Facebook, you can see truly funny stuff like this all the freakin time!  OK, a lot of the time.  I love this lady-check her out!    https://www.facebook.com/debie.hive  http://debiehive.blogspot.com/

That’s all I’ve got.  I’m posting and moving on.  I have a webpage to work on.

The Job Search: How It’s Kind of Like Dating

I’m beginning to wonder how long I should wait.

In case you haven’t figured it out, Lowes hasn’t called.  They said they would call me.  Why didn’t they call me?

The rescheduled interview went pretty well, at least I think it did.  It was a little disorganized,  not necessarily anyone’s fault.  I did the second part of the interview first and then the first part second, if that makes any sense.  Everyone seemed pretty laid back and very nice, and I got a good vibe from the supervisor guy who interviewed me first (but was supposed to be second).  The second part of the interview, which was actually the first part (but who’s keeping track?) was on the phone with the HR manager who was actually at a different store.

The only thing that kind of bothered me is that everything was scripted.  Everything was read right off of a piece of paper.  I mean, I’ve had interviews in the past where they might have had some notes on a paper, but not reading everything word for word.  I also had to sign a bunch of stuff before they even interviewed me.  For example, I had to sign that I understood the definition of the job.  It was definitely different in that respect.

I left feeling pretty good about myself.  Kind of like when a first date goes pretty well.  They said I’d hear something midweek, and here it is the end of the week already.  I’m starting to get antsy.  Should I take the bull by the horns and call them?  Is it too soon to call?  Maybe they’re playing hard to get?  What if they think less of me for calling them?   Does my phone even work?

I’m getting the sinking feeling that I have been stood up.  Stood up by a home improvement store.

Job hunting is a bit like dating.  You spend a lot of time trying to find the perfect one.  You get all dressed up for the interview, like going on a date.  If the date goes well, they tell you they’ll call, and you wait and wait and then they don’t.  Or they do call and tell you it’s not you it’s them.  Oh wait, that doesn’t usually happen in dating, they just never call.  Then you go and eat a whole container of ice cream and feel bad and then go on with your life.

You go on with your life, but there are the lingering questions.  Will I ever find the perfect one (job?)  Will I be alone (unemployed) for the rest of my life?  WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???

One major difference here, I don’t think that the “as soon as you stop looking you’ll find someone” applies to the whole job search thing.  Especially in this economy.  I DID meet my husband when I stopped looking, but the job search is a wee bit different in that respect.  At least I think so.  Everything happens for a reason, right?  RIGHT?

You realize this is all a ruse.  If I say they aren’t going to call me, and I publish this today, surely they’ll call and offer me the job.  Or I give in this afternoon and give them a call for them to let me off the hook one way or another so I can get on with my life.  Meanwhile, it’s a no school day and we’ve got the domino rally set up.  I’ve got more fun things to do than to sit around and stare at the phone.

UPDATE:  I called late in the morning.  First I accidentally got hung up on.  Then I got connected to a manager who said they were still interviewing.  The gentleman who interviewed me was going to be left a message to give me a call.  It’s almost 10 pm and I’ve heard nothing.  Sounds like it’s going to be up in the air a few more days. Thank you for all of the wonderful thoughts!  I am so lucky to have such great friends as you!  I’ll keep everyone posted.  For now, a nice glass of wine…

There’s A Toe In My Kitchen

“It’s just a flesh wound!” I’m sure I’ll hear this quote sooner or later…

All right, there is not actually a toe in my kitchen.  Or around my kitchen.  Or even in  my house.  But there could have been.  Sort of.  There were toes involved.  Got your attention, didn’t it?

Today was my job interview.  My Mom decided to come up and watch the kids so my husband didn’t have to leave work early.  The kids were thrilled, I was ecstatic-we don’t exactly get visitors or family up very often.

As I was getting ready to make lunch, I receive a text from my husband, asking if my mom was indeed coming.  I texted back and said yes.

“I’m headed to the hospital.  Dropped metal on my foot.  Probably stitches.”

Huh?  Oh, he’s pulling my leg.  He has to be joking.  Is he kidding?

I text back, “Seriously?”  I wait for him to text me saying something like it almost happened or it’s a serious exaggeration.

No.  Two minutes later he texts back, “Seriously.”

I SERIOUSLY start freaking out-OMG!  Visions of staggeringly huge medical bills, thinking that this is the straw to break the camel’s back…. then I remember that it happened at work.  Oh, worker’s comp?  Please?  Remember, I have an anxiety disorder and ADD-which means I have really random thoughts when I worry excessively.

The next text I receive:  “I’ll be fine, want pictures?”

“Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!  Ew!”  I’m a bit squeamish.  This is ironic, considering I taught first aid classes as my job.  Ask me sometime what the rules of thumb for needing stitches are.

“They said they can take video if that is better,” was his reply.

“No!  Brat!”

A few minutes later:  “I got pictures, for the kids.”  That’s ok, because I certainly won’t be looking at them.

So later on, I’m getting ready for my interview and realize that I haven’t heard anything for quite awhile.  So I texted him to ask what was going on.  “Do you get to come home early?  Did they have to cut your boot off? Did you get a sucker?”

My phone rings, it’s my husband. “Hi!  Just wanted you to know that I’m on my way home.  They had to amputate my toe because there was too much nerve damage.”

“WHAAAAT?  Which toe?” I shriek into the phone.

“The little one.  On my right foot.”

At this point I am just stunned.  Finally he lets me off the hook.  “NO they didn’t amputate.  But I DID get stitches.”

As it turns out, he was minding his own business and was attacked by a piece of metal that lunged at him and went through his boot, just above the steel toe.  He’s ok and they took very good care of him.  Eight stitches later, they sent him home.  Apparently his pain tolerance is quite amazing.  Who’d have thought that engineering was dangerous business?

The whole time this was going on, my panicked mind flashed to the episode of Friends in which a teenage Monica tries to seduce Chandler.  She accidentally severs one of his toes when she drops a knife and it goes right through his shoe.  Thinking quickly, she brings what she thinks is the toe to the emergency room so they can reattach it.  As it turns out, she didn’t grab the toe, she grabbed a very small piece of  carrot.

Her mother looks almost ill, “Oh my God!  There’s a toe in my kitchen.”

And there it goes…the knife that cuts off Chandler’s toe.

I DID get to go to my interview.  That’s stuff for another day.

Job Interview Postponement Hypotheses

I know it says IKEA, but this could happen at Lowes, right? Maybe they ran out of seats for me to try assembling. It could happen, they run out of stuff.

A quick update on the interview:

Someone from Lowes called while I was in the shower.  Apparently the lady who was supposed to do the interview had to go home sick.  So we have rescheduled for the same time, same place NEXT Thursday afternoon.

Needless to say, I was a little bummed because it’s a miserable rainy day and my way out of the house for a bit was pretty much squashed.  I kind of lost all ambition for the rest of the day, and curled up under my blanket with my kid and my dog (because they won’t let me get away!)  Not having a lot to do led me to a few hypotheses as to why this happened:

1)  My daughter does not want me to go back to work. I know because she tells me almost constantly.  Being with me all hours of the day isn’t enough for me to work a few hours and be away from her on the weekend.  Apparently she’s learning voodoo, and made the interview person sick.  I suspect the dog had a hand in that as well.

2)  This is like in the movies, where something glorious and wonderful is going to happen so I don’t have to take the job.  I don’t play the lottery, so I’m thinking I’d better start.

3)  It’s not meant to be, and next Thursday afternoon all of the interview panel will die or be horribly maimed in a horrible home improvement related accident.  I’m thinking something to do with the shade cutter in the window treatment aisle.

4) They’re all liars.  They misread my resume and thought I was someone else.  Or someone else was me.  Or something.  And eyes were bleeding.

5)  The interview lady is really just sick.  She may have kids that use her sleeves as tissues too.  Been there, got sick.

So next Thursday it’s supposed to happen.  I’ll let you know…

I don’t have the fluffiness to fall back on that. I was pretty unmotivated today once I got the news, though.

Let’s Build Something Together, Shall We? Like A Paycheck…

Job interview humor. Gotta love Ziggy.

I have a job interview tomorrow.  At Lowes of all places!  I think that’s kind of cool.

I’m interested in this because 1) It’s different from anything else I’ve ever done 2) It’s retail in a way but not in the high pressure sales sense and 3) It’s weekends and maybe nights here and there, opposite my husband’s schedule.  Not to mention that shopping there is something I consider pretty fun, and I’m a girl.  I’ve done the math-I can make just as much working less hours if I don’t pay for childcare.  No offense, childcare people.  You are some of the most under appreciated and underpaid people out there!  I know because I could be working in childcare right now, but that ironic situation keeps presenting itself-you care for other people’s children but you don’t make enough to pay for your own child’s care.  I figured up that I’d make $20 less for half the hours spent at work.  This isn’t laziness speaking, this is common sense.

Oh come on, I’ve seen The Money Pit enough times. That qualifies me for a job at Lowes, right?

So how does one prepare for an interview for a home improvement store job?

I think I’ll start by getting in a couple episodes of House Crashers and Bath Crashers.  Then I’ll go outside and hammer some nails into some wood, and follow that up with some speed drilling.  I’ll lift full cans of paint for strength training.  Then I should probably study up on different kinds of tools and appliances, just in case there’s a test.  Finally, I’ll research the names of different types of pipes and fittings.  Now if I could just remember what position I applied for.  I DO remember filling out the application online, because there were about 76,000 questions on it.

Although I call a lot of things “thingies”, I know what all of these are really called.

It became apparent pretty quickly that I was going to have to find SOMETHING after my job ended.  I have been putting applications at quite a variety of places.  But there have been criteria, it’s not like I was throwing myself at any place that was a business.  If it was a place that I knew I’d despise working at, then I didn’t bother.  I know I need a job, but I also need my sanity.  Part-time where I can still be with the kids most of the time and still pursue writing, or full-time if it paid enough to justify putting the younger one back in childcare.  I haven’t heard back from anyone other than two childcare centers that I can’t afford to work at (see paragraph 2), and I have my theories as to why here.  I’m not saying that working weekends and the occasional evening is ideal.  The Princess has already put her foot down and told me that I can’t ever get a job because she’d miss me too much.  She also told me the same thing when I left her with her dad while I got groceries the other night, but her tune quickly changed after she was given ice cream with lots of syrup after supper.

I’m not holding my breath about this one, or anything at this point.  I’m just happy that someone thought I was worth interviewing.  I’ll keep ya’ll posted on how it went.

This is me in a job interview. Sometimes I even surprise myself at what comes out of my mouth.