Fly On The Wall-The Holiday Edition 2012

christmas fly

Have you ever thought about what people might think if they saw what goes on behind-the-scenes at your house? Do you ever wonder what it would be like to catch a glimpse of someone else’s daily life? Here’s your chance! Today 12 bloggers are inviting you into their homes to be a fly on the wall.

Buzz around, see what you think, then click on the links below my post for a peek into some other homes:

I’ve often wondered if someone were to ever listen in on the bizarre conversations that take place in our humble abode, they would really wonder about us.  It’s ok because I wonder about us too.  Especially myself, I can’t even seem to type “abode” today.  I keep typing “adobe”.  Anyhoo, I heard about this “Fly on the Wall” thingie and had to take part in it.  It’s a compilation of little bits of things said in our house. 

For those who don’t regularly read my blog:
Evil Genius is my hard working, very tired engineer husband.
The Professor is my
almost eight year old son, like Sheldon Cooper but without the germ phobia.
Princess Whatever We Are Calling Her That Day is my four and half year old daughter who very soon will be ruling the world.
And I am The Sadder But Wiser Girl, unemployed anxious mother, blogger, aspiring writer, and
professional procrastinator.

Yes, be afraid.  Be very afraid.

It’s the Saturday after Thanksgiving, and the princess is ready to decorate.  She marched right upstairs and yelled at her father to “Go downstairs and get the Christmas!!!”  That must have been an order.

The Professor comes running out of his room, a bit alarmed. “Are you ok?” I ask him.
“Yes,” he says breathlessly, and continues to stand there.
“Well what’s going on?” I ask, a little concerned.
“Oh nothing Mom, I was just reading the warnings under the chair in my room.”

We have been wanting to make waffles for awhile.  I usually try to make stuff healthy, so I found a great recipe online.
The Professor is suspicious, of course:  “What’s in it?” he asks, wrinkling up his nose a bit.
“Whole wheat and wheat germ.” I reply.
“Germs?  You’re going to give me GERMS???”

Princess Difficult:  “Mommy is that Ralph the Red-nosed Reindeer?”
Me:  “Rudolph?”
Princess Difficult:  “Who’s that?”

Evil Genius:  “I sure go through a lot of deodorant.  I must have large armpits or something.”

School lunch has been a bit of a struggle for the child who eats nothing.  Often if it’s something that doesn’t get eaten we “recycle” it for another time, like if it’s peanut butter and crackers or a peanut butter sandwich.  The other day I asked The Professor what meal he wanted to eat his sandwich-tomorrow’s lunch, snack, or breakfast.  “BREAKFAST?  You can eat peanut butter for BREAKFAST?” he asked incredulously.

Princess Difficult:  “A damanshen is a big house that people live in.”

Princess Difficult:  “Mommy what are you doing?  Oh, you’re bunning.”
Me:  “What’s bunning?”
Princess “It means you’re putting something on a plate.”

Evil Genius to kids:  “You need to use elbow grease to clean the table.”*Silence and strange looks from the kids*
“Do you know what elbow grease is?”
The Professor “It’s stuff that comes out of your elbow.”

We’re drinking hot chocolate.  I take a sip and burn my tongue a little on it.
My daughter reacts:  “Oh no Mommy, you had a HOT ATTACK!”  😀

The Professor:  “Why is your underwear in my laundry?”
Evil Genius:  “Why is your laundry in my underwear?”

Princess “If I got eaten by a shark, I would miss my Mommy.”
Professor: “No, you’d be dead.”

We went to leave the nursing home where my aunt is staying.  My uncle followed us out, and commented on the fact that I must have entered the door code correctly.  “I don’t hear any bells and whistles!”
The Professor ducked and yelled “Missiles?  What missiles?”
First I told he said ‘whistles’ not ‘missiles’.  I then had to spend a little bit explaining that they don’t shoot missiles at people who try to leave the home.

Princess Difficult:  “Let the decorating COMMENCE!”
The Professor: “What does commence mean?”
Princess Difficult:  “It means BEGIN!”

Me:  “We need ugly Christmas sweaters.”
Evil Genius:  “OK, but only if mine lights up.”

Princess Difficult, upon pulling up at the Animal Rescue League, “Oh good, maybe we can adopt a reindeer.”

Princess Difficult:  “Can you open these window markers for me?”
Me:  “No, we’re not using those today.”
A minute later I see her going upstairs carrying the markers.
“Where are you going with those?” I ask.
“I’m taking them upstairs to think about them.”

Direct orders given recently at our house:
“Quit licking the spider!”
“Don’t punch the Christmas tree.”
“Don’t lick her head.”

We got about a foot of snow and blizzard conditions as well as very cold wind chills here this week.  Princess Christmas doesn’t remember snow that actually sticks around.  She kept checking outside every few minutes.  “Yep, the snow is still there!”

Scared yet?

Peace and goodwill to all this holiday season.

Peace and goodwill to all this holiday season.

Please check out these other blogs to see what the flies hear in their house!!!!

Kids Say the Weirdest Stuff…But It’s So FUNNY!

Kind of having a bleh day.  Spent all day trying to save money while spending money to feed my family.  So instead of blogging random nonsense that noone cares about, I give you the kid’s greatest hits:


I’m sure the kids and animals in my house have had similar conversations.

This afternoon Princess Not Listening picked up the dog’s rawhide bone that he never chews on says “I want to go play with the dog in the yard. I’m going to take this suspicious bone”.
Me: “You mean delicious.”
Princess Not Listening: “Noooo, suspicious”.
I never did get it out of her what was so suspicious about it.

The Professor told me his stomach felt funny. Upon further questioning, he admitted he ate some of the unpopped kernels out of his popcorn yesterday.
Without thinking, I said that either they would pop inside of him or he’d poop them out.
I’m not sure what’s funnier: the kids’ detailed descriptions of just how, when, and where he’ll poop them out (I told his sister she COULD NOT watch) or his little sister worried that he is going to pop. She’s kept her hands over her ears, just in case.

The Professor’s Very Useful Advice for today: He informed me as I am putting sheets and clothes in the dryer “If you have laundry that has flammable gas on it, you’ll need to put it on the clothesline, not in the dryer.” Where does he get this stuff?

Princess Funny hasn’t quite got the knock knock joke thing down yet. Princess Funny: “Knock knock” Me: “Who’s there?” PF: “Pajamas”. Me: “Pajamas who?” PF (very enthusiastically): “PAJAMAS UNDERWEAR BUTT PANTS!” I try not to laugh, but I end up making a snorting sound-there’s just something about little kids who think the words underwear and butt are funny-I just can’t help laughing!

The Professor: “Mom I know you are a vegetarian”. Me: “I used to be.” The Professor: “Well I’m a vegetarian too because I eat lots of fruits and vegetables”. Me: “Oooooook. (thinking a lot of fruits and vegetables must be the occasional baby carrots and raisins) Actually a vegetarian is someone who doesn’t eat meat”. The Professor: “Oh, then I guess I’m an everythingatarian!”

Recent Quote from the Princess: “That’s not Woody, that’s Buzz Light Beer”.

My daughter announced this to me one morning: “Mommy, baby butterflies sleep in a special place called a cucumber.”

Me (to the kids): “It really helps me out when you put things away. There are other things I like to do instead of cleaning.” Princess Sarcasm (agreeing wholeheartedly): “Yes, like sleeping and sitting on the couch.”

My daughter (singing to the tune of Baa Baa Black Sheep): Capillary, capillary, capillary capillary, capillary capillary capillary capillary.” Me: “You’re singing about capillaries???” The Princess (sighs, disgusted with me): “No MOM, I’m singin ‘cabulary'” (Vocabulary) I swear she muttered “duh” under her breath just after that. I guess watching the Electric Company must be paying off.

Quote of the day- Princess Tantrum “A thousand years ago, my Mommy got married.”

Some kids read the backs of the cereal boxes. My son had to be asked to please stop reading the box of Maxi pads I bought. Never a dull moment…

In church recently. The Professor-“When’s Sunday School?” Me-“After Communion”. The Professor-“After Comedians?” Me-“No, Communion”. The Professor-“Oooooh, Chameleon”. I gave up after that.

Evil Genius to The Professor: “Hey you want to go see Iowa State play Texas?”
The Professor: (pause) “OK but it will take a LONG time to get there…” (We live in Iowa).

Overheard at my house: “Look, I’m a marsupial!” “We’re pretending to be TERMITES!” “I have a butt moustache”. “It’s like I have a robotic foot!” Oh my… my family is WEIRD!

You know your three year old watches too much TV when you comment that the cat feels smooth after being brushed and she says “Smooth, like Keith Stone! He’s always smooth.”

My daughter and I are petting the dog.  I tell her to feel his ears, and how soft they are compared to the rest of his fur.  Later on, she gives her brother the information:  “The ears are the softest part of a dog’s body.”  The Professor reaches up and feels his own ears:  “Mom, she’s right, my ears ARE the softest part of my body!”