Fly on the Wall July 2014: The Soylent Green Edition

Fly on the WallWelcome to this month’s installment of Fly on the Wall brought to you by Karen of Baking in a Tornado and all things funny.  “What’s this?”  You might ask.  It’s snippets of everyday life compiled into one post.  Sometimes funny, sometimes touching, and always interesting.  These posts are all published simultaneously in a group format-so don’t run away when you’re done here.  Keep going all the way to the bottom, and check out some of my fellow flies and their doo doo. 

Waiting patiently for the fireworks on the 4th!

Waiting patiently for the fireworks on the 4th!

Is it wrong to run in the room and yell “Kill! KILL ALL THE THINGS!” and then run out when your husband is playing Skyrim? Asking for a friend.

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Me: What are you guys going to do this afternoon?
The Professor: I want to go play pretend some more with my new character I created. He’s a ninja turtle and his name is Adam.
The Princess: Me too, my new character is Victoria Secret.

You can’t make this stuff up, people. And I should probably start buying my underwear and bras at Target…

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The Princess, upon seeing the commercial for those stupid Teddy Tanks: I WANT THAT!!!!
Me: You want everything.
The Princess: I changed my mind about everything else. I just want that.

WTF is a teddy tank?

WTF is a teddy tank? This.  Hell no.

Today I was told by a little boy I have superpowers.  Not sure what they are yet, but I’ll take it.

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Evil Genius:  Do we have any chili?
Me: Yes… but I don’t know if you’re going to like it. I got it to try, it’s from Aldis.
Evil Genius: It’s probably not made with real meat, probably made of people.

It’s chili, dear, not Soylent Green…

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Me to The Princess: Don’t forget the zoo is coming to the library tomorrow.
The Princess: Oooo! Will they bring animals?
Me: Yes, but I can’t remember off the top of my head what they’re bringing.
The Princess: Ohhhh! Maybe they will bring a giraffe!
Me: Now how would they get a giraffe up here (our local zoo is almost an hour away)?
The Princess: Maybe if he was taking a nap?

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I’ve decided that summer vacation is just one really long argument with my kids.  The topic may change, but the arguing just goes on and on…

The Professor: What actor has been in most of the movies?
Me: Which movies?
The Professor: Most of the movies.
Me: Like a certain series or something?
The Professor: No, I mean most of the movies.
Me: You mean like most of all of the movies ever made?
The Professor: Yeah.
Me: Oh, I can’t even begin to answer that question.
The Professor: Well whoever it is, that’s my favorite actor.
(Later he recanted and said it was Robert Downey Jr and the guy that did the voice of Emmet in the LEGO movie.)

The Princess and her dream car.  A purple convertible.

The Princess and her dream car. A purple convertible.

Both kids got to get their picture taken with their dream car at the car show on the fourth of July. Naturally they wanted to see their pictures right away. Me being the former teacher I tried to make this a teachable moment.

Me: “You know when your dad and I were kids, we didn’t get to see the pictures immediately. We had to send them off to be developed, IN THE MAIL. And had to wait for them to come back in the mail.”

Evil Genius: “We had to wait WEEKS!”

Both kids: *GASP*!

The Professor and his dream car.  It looks like the Batmobile!

The Professor and his dream car. He says it looks like the Batmobile!

Funny how as soon as the mom returns to the house that the children are suddenly starving.

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The Princess, coming down the stairs with her porcelain tea set.  “Would you like some coffee?”
Me: “Sure.”
The Princess:  “Would you like creamer or sugar or both in your coffee?”
Me: “Both.”
The Princess:  “Would  you like some dessert to go with your coffee?”Me:  “Why not?”
The Princess, watching me drink my pretend coffee and eat my pretend dessert.  “By the way, I put butter in the coffee.”
Must be a Paula Deen recipe.

Selfies at the races.  Not sure who the guy is.

Selfies at the races. Not sure who the guy is.

I put this one in here just for Karen… Note to spammers to help you improve the efficiency of your spamming:  Putting the word SCAM in your description kind of defeats the purpose.

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Evil Genius: I just had Mexican stuff on hot dog buns. It’s kind of like laundry day for food. (The day before grocery day…)

10498245_10202739788352737_8139245987908104199_o

And it was delicious…

Now you promised… go buzz on over to the other doo doo…

http://www.BakingInATornado.com                          Baking In A Tornado

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                                Just A Little Nutty

http://themomisodes.com                                          The Momisodes

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                          Spatulas on Parade

http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com                                   The Sadder But Wiser Girl

http://followmehome.shellybean.com                          Follow me home . . .

http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/                  Stacy Sews and Schools

http://www.menopausalmom.com/                          Menopausal Mother

http://www.gomamao.com                                    Go Mama O

http://www.kimulmanis.com                                    Kim Ulmanis

http://dates2diapers2.blogspot.com                        Dates 2 Diapers 2

http://dinoheromommy.com/                            Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com                         Someone Else’s Genius

http://batteredhope.blogspot.com                      Battered Hope    

Fly on the Wall January 2014: The Multimedia Edition

Fly on the WallWelcome to this month’s edition of The Fly on the Wall, created by and hosted by the lovely Karen of Baking in a Tornado.  Fourteen bloggers are simultaneously publishing glimpses into their homes just for your entertainment.  The links to the other participating blogs can be found at the bottom of this post. 

Now, prepare to be amused!

Apparently we own Yoda’s VCR.
Evil Genius: “Which one of us is going to pause the movie?”
Me: “There is no pause, there is only stop.”
Because there is… and no remote either.

So the dog has now picked up on the kids’ little game-so now not only do the children magically appear and need things whenever I get on the phone, he runs up to me and won’t stop barking at the phone. Maybe he wants to call somebody who cares?

Not staged.  It's been cold, can you tell?

Not staged. It’s been cold, can you tell?

I never thought that bringing home calendars from the dollar store for the kids would provide them with so much entertainment! They have busily been trying to find all the important dates.

The Professor’s important dates=sporting events and Nerdsdays (translation=Big Bang Theory nights)
The Princess’s important dates=birthdays of friends and family

Me:  “Can you hand me the remote?”
The Princess:  “Which one, the big one or the lumpy one?”

Tiberius's second collar of his life so far.  The first one lasted a few hours.  This one lasted about 24 hours, but as you can see he broke it completely!

Tiberius’s second collar of his life so far. The first one lasted a few hours. This one lasted about 24 hours, but as you can see he broke it completely!

I can add another talent to the growing list-this evening my husband got up to get something and set his book on my arm.  That’s right, I make a fabulous bookmark!

There was dancing, yelling, then crying downstairs while watching New Year’s Rockin Eve.  The Professor comes running upstairs chattering “She was pretending she was a giant chili dog on the big chair that kept collapsing…”
Evil Genius “Is your sister ok?”
The Professor “I don’t know, but I just can’t stop thinking about chili dogs.”
She was fine.

Man with stache seeks boy band to join...

Yes this happened.  I call it “Man with stache seeks boy band to join…”

Trying to find a sound app to fall asleep to on my IPhone. Among the choices on the one I’m trying out: Sizzling bacon!

The Princess is hoping to repaint her room very soon.  Naturally she was thrilled when Evil Genius started talking about rebuilding her bed this spring.
Evil Genius:  “And your mom can help you choose the color.”
The Princess:  “OK!  I want my room painted in rainbow colors!”

While not a great quality screenshot, you can see the pretty dress that The Princess received from Evil Genius's coworker.  Quite snazzy!

While not a great quality screenshot, you can see the pretty dress that The Princess received from Evil Genius’s coworker. Quite snazzy!

I asked The Princess to bring me the remote so I could change the channel.
The Princess asked as she handed me the remote “Why can’t we watch this show?”
Me:  “Because Bones isn’t really appropriate for little kids.”
The Princess:  “Why?”
Me:  “Because there’s really icky stuff on there.”
The Princess:  “Like bones?”
Me:  “Yeah, and dead people and blood and guts.”
The Princess:  “Dead animals?”
Me:  “Nope, just people.”
The Princess:  “Oh, that’s okay then.”

This is what happens when paper cutters roam freely around the library...

This is what happens when paper cutters roam freely around the library…

When told that there would be a two hour delay the next morning, the princess smiled and started cheering “Yay!  More time with mommy!”

Did I mention that she was my favorite that day?

Yes The Professor needs to be a part of this post too.  Here he is flexing his nerd muscles!

Yes The Professor needs to be a part of this post too. Here he is flexing his nerd muscles!

Thank you for reading today!  Now buzz around to the blogs listed below and see all the goings on at their houses!

Baking In A Tornado

The Rowdy Baker

Just A Little Nutty

The Momisodes

Spatulas on Parade

Follow me home . . .

Stacy Sews and Schools

Searching for Sanity

The Lazy Mom’s Cooking Blog

Menopausal Mother

Victory Rose

Pink Heart String

Spinster Snacks

December 2013 Fly on the Wall: The Holiday Edition

Fly on the WallGuess what time it is, it’s time to get buzzed!

It’s not what you’re thinking, no eggnog or spiked holiday punch here, just some things you might overhear if you were a little fly on the wall of someone’s home.  Today fifteen bloggers are sharing little snippets of their lives simultaneously.  Sit down with a hot mug of coffee or hot chocolate and take a peek into my life. 

(Peppermint schnapps in your drink is totally optional.)

When you’ve finished with my post and have changed your pants and am not totally scared away, then please check out some of the other bloggers links at the bottom of the post!

Christmas 2013

Evolution of a holiday card…

Ok so let’s start with the evolution of a Christmas card.  I had this bright idea to have the animals pose with the kids.  At least the two semi cooperative ones, because we don’t want to have any trips to the emergency room by trying to get the female cat in on it.
Picture 1:  Dog is licking his butt.  If you look really hard you can see where the cat escaped to back on the piano.
Picture 2:  Weird positioning of participants.  You can see all my crap in the spare room.
Picture 3:  The Professor is looking at his sister.  As you can see she wants peace on Earth.
Picture 4:  Cute but blurry.  What?  The camera cooperate?  NEVER!
Picture 5:  The dog is obviously savoring one of the treats I’ve been bribing him with.
At this point I had my picture. But as I was editing it Evil Genius leaned in, looked, and said “Our daughter’s underwear is showing.”  I missed that.  Since a lady reveals nothing, I made the kids put their Christmas stuff back on and made them go back into the room with the tree.
Picture 6:  The Princess is covering her unmentionables, but The Professor’s eyes are closed.
Picture 7:  Bad lighting, Professor eyes are closed AND he’s not looking at the camera.
Picture 8:  The Princess looks like she’s wearing a fur hat.

I finally got a good picture. I uploaded it to Snapfish, added a cute border, and ordered copies for pickup at Walgreens.  As it turned out, it cropped it closer than it looked on the website, so while still cute it wasn’t exactly what I was hoping for.  Sigh…

card

It looked like this only the Professor was much more cut off than this.  My kids are cute, so hopefully people will like it just fine!

Evil Genius:  “What else do we need for Thanksgiving?”
Me:  “We need to get a gravy boat.  Mom said she found us one.”
Evil Genius:  “Yeah, but I was thinking of something more along the lines of a gravy barge.”

The Princess, aghast upon hearing that chicken nuggets come from chickens.
“No, chicken nuggets grow in the GROUND!”  Duh…

Since we had company coming for Thanksgiving, as in my husband’s boss and his wife, I actually made a decent attempt at cleaning the house despite having a stomach bug.  Obviously my kids became suspicious.  The Professor came flying down the stairs hollering “Mom, why is the bathroom clean?”

Evil Genius outdid himself this year on Thanksgiving dinner.  As you can see, it's very hard work.

Evil Genius outdid himself this year on Thanksgiving dinner. As you can see, it’s very hard work.

Me: “We need to make some homemade dog biscuits this Christmas so we can give some to Neo and Jackson.”
The Princess: “GREAT! We need to get a dog treat maker!”
Um, I was thinking more along the lines of a buying a bone shaped cookie cutter to cut out the biscuits. Kids these days!

The kids have been wanting to watch some Christmas movies.  This particular night they had chosen A Walt Disney Christmas.  In one part, someone was painting a checkerboard onto a canvas.
The Professor remarked. “Oh look, they’re painting like French people.”
Me: “How do French people paint?”
The Professor: “Very neatly.”

Yup, this is pretty clever.  And probably the closet I'll ever get to making one!  HA HA!

Yup, this is pretty clever. And probably the closet I’ll ever get to making one! HA HA!

Evil Genius arrived home from work a few weeks ago and announced the following:
“We are not allowed to discuss three subjects in our office now.  No religion, politics, or superheroes.”

The kids were trying to name Santa’s reindeer.
The Professor:  “Well there’s Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Nixon…”
Just so you know, he’s not a crook!

The cat would like to point out that he photographed just fine, thank you very much.

The cat would like to point out that he photographed just fine, but is very put out that he was not included on the holiday card.

The dog WILL NOT leave the Santa hats alone.  At one point, when I caught him carrying one around in his mouth, I yelled in frustration “DON’T EAT SANTA!”

The Professor has been studying the plausibility of how Santa can enter people’s houses.  We were watching a movie when he suddenly had an AHA moment.
“That’s IT!  Santa turns to liquid!”

The Princess: “Mommy, my friend said that when you’re a mommy they check your boobs at the doctor.”
Me (a bit taken aback): “They give you a mammogram when you turn 40.”
The Princess: “Ohhhhhh… So you have to get one at your next birthday.”
Me: “I’m afraid so.”
The Princess: “And Daddy?”
Me: “No he’s a man.”
A pause…then…
The Princess: “Oh, I get it now! You’re a ma’am, so you have to get a “ma’am oh gram”!”
Makes sense to me…

christmas fly

Buzz buzz buzz, Happy Holidays!

Now go visit these other fine blogs to see what stories they have to tell from their respective abodes!

Baking In A Tornado

Just a Little Nutty

Follow me home . . .

Menopausal Mother

The Momisodes

Spatulas on Parade

The Rowdy Baker

Sorry kid, Your Mom Doesn’t Play Well With Others

Juicebox Confession

Writer B is Me

Dates 2 Diapers

Kiss My List

Moms Don’t Say That

Adventure into Domesticland

October 2013 Fly on the Wall: The Big Dork Edition

flyWelcome to this month’s edition of Fly on the Wall! Today 14 bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes. Come on in and buzz around my house!  When you’re done buzzing and getting into my poop, be sure to check out the posts by other bloggers by clicking on one (or two, or thirteen!) of the links at the bottom.

I want to apologize in advance for the short length of this post.  Ok, it’s short for ME, anyway.  There have been about 5,726 times that funny things have been said lately in or around this house.  Only a handful of times have I had the brains to stop and write it down.  And my memory isn’t so good these days.  As a matter of fact, I had to consult with my Facebook statuses to remember what HAD been said. So I am putting my right hand over my heart and my left hand on my copy of You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth (because I’m not sure where my bible is) and hereby solemnly swearing to do a better job of capturing funniness for next month!

We’re trying on our cold weather gear so I know what we need to keep our eyes out for at the thrift stores.The Princess tries on her pink peace symbol jacket with the fake sherpa lining., which sadly is too small.

“It’s too tight,” she says with a frown, and starts to take it off. “The white stuff on the inside is soooo soft though.”

Me: “Yes, like a sheep, huh?”

The Princess: “No, like cottage cheese, except without all that wet stuff.”

IMG_2366

Yerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr OUT!

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The Professor came walking in with a notebook.  “This is my new book to sketch in.”  He announces.  He opened and exclaimed “Hey there are coupons in here!”

I cautioned him to not get too excited and check the dates.  “They’re all expired!  These are from 2010!” He exclaimed, obviously disappointed.

“That’s because a lot of those old notebooks are from when your dad was in college.”

There was a pause.  Then The Princess chimed in “DADDY WENT TO COLLEGE????”

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And now it is time for a haiku:

there is a hole in
the butt of my yoga pants
sadness fills my day

I know, don’t quit my day job…

Oh...I got new hair.  It looked like that for at least 5 hours too!

Oh…I got new hair. It looked like that for at least 5 hours too!

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The Princess: “I think daddy needs to rebuild our basement.”

Me:  “Why?”

“Because it’s creepy and I don’t like it down there.”

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I actually remembered to pick up the Sunday paper this weekend. I handed the Fleet Farm Toy Land insert to The Professor, who instantly went crazy. He and his sister spent the evening circling everything they wanted in the catalog.

The Professor: “I hope you don’t mind, but I circled a grenade launcher in here.”

Because every kid needs a grenade launcher, right?

As I perused it later, I see that he also circled the safety goggles to go with it…

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The Professor said something to which Evil Genius replied with some sort of sarcastic remark.

“Heyyyyy….” said The Princess, “Is that starcasm?”

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The Princess:  “Mommy I will always always always love you.  Even when I’m 29.”

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The Professor comes walking out of the bathroom, holding his fingers in the Vulcan greeting position.  “In Vulcan this means live long and prosper.  But in English, it means you’re a great big dork.”

IMG_2396

The Professor doing what he loves…

Hey!  Where are you going?  Get back here right now!  Now, click on some of these links and see what the poop is happening at their houses!

http://BakingInATornado.com     Baking In A Tornado

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/   Just a Little Nutty

http://followmehome.shellybean.com     Follow me home

http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com/ Stacy Sews and Schools

http://www.menopausalmom.com/  Menopausal Mother

http://mooreorganizedmayhem.blogspot.com/  Moore Organized Mayhem

http://www.theinsomniacsdream.com/ The Insomniac’s Dream    

http://themomisodes.com/  The Momisodes

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/  Spatulas on Parade

http://www.therowdybaker.com  The Rowdy Baker

http://www.trashyblog.com/  Trashy Blog

http://dates2diapers2.blogspot.com   Dates 2 Diapers

http://sorrykidblog.com/  Sorry kid, Your Mom Doesn’t Play Well With Others

September 2013 Fly on the Wall: The Frozen Thumb Edition

flyWelcome to this month’s Fly on the Wall group post.  Today 14 bloggers are letting you in to their homes to see what a fly might see…  After you’re done reading my post, check out some of the links below to see what goes on in their houses!

IMG_2339

As you can see, he’s conflicted about his big brother status.

Mommy guess what’s on the radio in my room?  It’s Tar-ZAN!”
Me:  “TAR-zan?”
Princess:  “YES!  Tar-ZAN!”

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Now that the dog and cat have accepted each other, they play together.  Unfortunately Neo is about 17 times bigger than Tiberius, and although he’s pretty careful he gets carried away.  The words uttered most in our house:  “DO NOT EAT THE CAT!!!!!!!”

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The Professor decided to try his luck after not winning any prizes during library club.
“Hey Mom, can I have a prize out of the prize box because I’m your kid?”

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Even though I’m getting a paycheck now, the way things line up it’s still easier for me to get our groceries for two weeks instead of one. We’ve had some potlucks and other various events happen lately where we’ve been challenged to make something out of whatever ingredients we have in the house when it gets close to but it’s not quite payday.  For example, two days before grocery day Evil Genius texted me and asked me what we had ingredients for, since he had been invited to a potluck in another department.

I started to text back “Nothing” when it dawned on me that we had the ingredients for No-Bake cookies.  As it turned out though, we didn’t quite have the right ingredients, and he was forced to make some substitutions.  By all rights it should have been awful, but as most Evil Genius concoctions go, they turned out just fine.

So to be sure, as I prepared to go to the store this week I remembered to ask Evil Genius this all important question: “Are there any emergency potlucks I need to prepare for this shopping trip?”

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The Princess wanted to help cook the chicken tenders for supper.  I asked her to count me out nine from the bag and arrange them on the sheet for the toaster oven.  I ran up to use the bathroom.  When I came back, she had stacked them into a pyramid shape.
“That’s nice,”  I said “But you need to put them on there so they’re not touching.”
“OK.” She responded, and as she complied she said “They look like thumbs.”

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My hair is an enigma.  It’s not as cool as it sounds.

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Me to The Princess:  “You need to wear a light jacket to school today.”
The Princess (looking very puzzled):  “Why do I have to wear a life jacket?”

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I went in to wake The Princess up the other morning.
“Mommy please get me some socks.”  she said sadly.
Me:  “Why are you acting so sad?”
The Princess:  “My teacher said no fancy shoes on PE days.”
Yup, it’s rough being a kindergartener…

The black shoes from Target.  Sigh... I bought them on sale so she could have something to wear with dresses, but she doesn't EVER want to take them off!

The black shoes from Target. Sigh… I bought them on sale so she could have something to wear with dresses, but she doesn’t EVER want to take them off!

The Princess:  “I need you to send Grandma an email.”
Me:  “Why?”
The Princess:  “Remember you told me that Grandma used to make you things for your dolls when you were a little girl like me?”
Me:  “Yes.”
The Princess:  “Well, I need a salon.”

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Evil Genius was watching football.  I just happened to glance up and I SWEAR that one of the teams was called Unicorns.  If only, wouldn’t that be the most awesome team ever?  They could have big pointy horns on their helmets.  Sadly, it was only UConn…

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Since I have two children, we have fights in our household.  Oh my do we have fights!  A couple of examples:

The Princess is singing the song “BINGO”.  The Professor almost can’t take it.  We’re playing BINGO at the library this week and he feels that she should know the truth about it.
The Professor:  “That’s not the right BINGO. BINGO is actually a game played with numbers and…”
The Princess: “Mommy!  Make him stop!  Make him stop telling me about the BINGO! I just want to SING!”

The Princess came running out of her brother’s bedroom, crying.
Me:  “What’s wrong?  Are you hurt?”
The Princess:  “Noooooooooo!  The Professor called me a Hawkeye fan!”
(For those of you not from or living in Iowa, the Hawkeyes and our team, the Cyclones, are rivals.  In our house that’s a major insult!)

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na BATBRELLA!!!!!!

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na BATBRELLA!!!!!!

Here are the other flies buzzing around these parts today.  Go see what it’s like to be in their houses!

http://BakingInATornado.com                                     Baking In A Tornado

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                                Just a Little Nutty

http://followmehome.shellybean.com                          Follow me home . . .

http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com/               Stacy Sews and Schools

http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com                              The Sadder But Wiser Girl

http://menopausalmother.blogspot.com/                   Menopausal Mother

http://mooreorganizedmayhem.blogspot.com/            Moore Organized Mayhem

http://hypnoticbard.blogspot.com/                            The Insomniac’s Dream 

http://themomisodes.com/                                      The Momisodes

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                      Spatulas on Parade

http://singlemumplusone.blogspot.com                     Searching for Sanity

http://www.therowdybaker.com                                 The Rowdy Baker

http://www.bethteliho.wordpress.com/                        Writer B is Me

http://sorrykidblog.com/                Sorry kid, Your Mom Doesn’t Play Well With Others

August 2013 Fly on the Wall: The Free Fat Edition

flyGood morning blogging land! It’s time for a buzzing good time!  Today fifteen bloggers are inviting you into their homes to catch a glimpse of what you’d see and hear if you were a fly on the wall of their house.  Come on in and buzzzzzzzzzzzz around my house!

Time to get ready and share some funny… let me get stretched out and loosened up…I’ve got to admit I’ve missed a lot of opportunities this past month.  I know there have been many more moments than this, I’ve just been extremely busy!  This one is short for a post written by me.  Maybe that’s a good thing?

Both of my children participated in t-ball this summer.  This meant many bathroom trips, and the facilities at this particular location are way up at the top of a hill.  The second or third trip of the evening brought extra entertainment to anyone who happened to walk by when my daughter happened to be in there.  She was singing at the top of her lungs:  “Dancing on the pole, dancing on the pole, I’m dancing on the pole…”

For those of you who are thinking that we encourage the wrong kind of thing, I’ll inform you that there is a bar on the wall to help people get off the potty in this particular bathroom.  Apparently she thinks this is a pole that you dance on.  Sorry to disappoint anyone…

Just in case you were thinking that YOUR kids were weird, think again.  My kids wanted their picture taken with the "cute little fridge" at Wal-Mart.  The Professor brought socks.

Just in case you were thinking that YOUR kids were weird, think again. My kids wanted their picture taken with the “cute little fridge” at Wal-Mart. The Professor brought socks.

One Saturday morning my son came out of the shower and said this to me:
“Mom, I’ll take an English muffin.  I want colby jack cheese on it.  Toasted.”
Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that I was living at Subway…

My phone has been giving me a lot of trouble again.  I’m trying to avoid throwing it against a wall.  It gets too hot, locks up, or like yesterday it chooses to call random people like our utility company.  Last weekend I was on my way to pick up Evil Genius.  My phone chose this time to completely lock up on me, no matter how many times I removed the battery, blew on the inside of it, or cussed at it.

It eventually decided to power on, only it wasn’t quite working right.  I have recently discovered the Talk to Text feature, and was trying to send my husband the message that I would be pulling up to his location very soon.  It didn’t seem to understand anything I told it.  As a matter of fact, the results it was returning were no less than hilarious.

Me being me, I had to put the phone to the test.  I started shouting random words and phrases at it.  Some it half understood and some it didn’t get at all.  I totally lost it when I yelled “Stingalingadingdangdong” at it, and after it thought a long time about it, the phrase registered as “Hang a dong”.

Mommy, I'm an "M"!

Mommy, I’m an “M”!

Only in my house will you hear this:  “Good night dear.  I’m going upstairs to study quantum physics.”

The Princess couldn’t wait to show me what she had found at the checkout lane at Target.  She pointed to a box of fruit snacks.  She exclaimed excitedly “Look Mommy, free fat!!!!!!

The Professor managed to break his glasses AGAIN, this time by swinging them around by the earpiece while running them to the car so he wouldn’t break them (Yes I’m well aware of the irony here too…)  We went to the glasses place after a few days of being without.  The nice ladies once again put the poor things together for him.  The Professor put them on his face, beamed and yelled: “Look everyone, I’m ME again!”

I asked The Princess what she likes best about kindergarten.  “Mrs Johnson has LOTS of Polly Pockets and a Huge Littlest Pet Shop town.”  Yup, we know the way to her heart!

The Professor has been eating Frosted Mini Wheats for breakfast.  Of course we buy the generic Malt O Meal ones since it’s pretty much the same thing.  For those of you that don’t have to buy that stuff, Malt O Meal cereals come in a big bag instead of a box for the most part.  For some reason, Wal-Mart had it in boxes for $1 so of course I bought it.
He most enjoyed this when I brought it out for breakfast the following morning:
“It’s a bag of cereal wearing a box disguise!”

I can't help but laugh every time I see this picture.  It's just too funny!  This is from our state fair.

I can’t help but laugh every time I see this picture. It’s just too funny!

I know I’ve been scarce these days, but rest assured that if nothing else, this new position I have taken over will bring plenty of fodder for Fly on the Wall.  At the preschool storytime yesterday I announced that it was snacktime.  A little boy exclaimed “Oh thank goodness, I’m HUNGRY!  Do you have french fries?”

Don’t you forget about all the other houses you can buzz on over to!  Go check out what flies on the wall might have to hear at these abodes:

http://BakingInATornado.com                                     Baking In A Tornado

 

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                                Just a Little Nutty

 

http://followmehome.shellybean.com                          Follow me home . . .

 

http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com/             Stacy Sews and Schools

 

http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com                              The Sadder But Wiser Girl

 

http://menopausalmother.blogspot.com/                   Menopausal Mother

 

http://mooreorganizedmayhem.blogspot.com/           Moore Organized Mayhem

 

http://hypnoticbard.blogspot.com/                           The Insomniac’s Dream       

 

http://themomisodes.com/                                      The Momisodes

 

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                      Spatulas on Parade

 

http://dates2diapers2.blogspot.com                          Dates 2 Diapers

 

http://sorrykidblog.com/          Sorry kid, Your Mom Doesn’t Play Well With Others

 

http://www.therowdybaker.com                                The Rowdy Baker 

 

http://www.trashyblog.com                                       Trashy Blog

http://www.barbara1923.com/                                    Barbara & 1923

July 2013 Fly on the Wall: The Knee Licker Edition

flyWelcome to a Fly on the Wall group post. Today 12 bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes. Come on in and buzz around my house.  Don’t be scared, I promise we don’t bite very hard!  

IMG_2145-001

We did crafts. He thinks he needs to wear this everywhere now!

On a recent visit to my sister’s house, I mentioned that The Professor thinks that having a mohawk would be pretty cool.  My brother in law turns and hollers across the room to him “Hey, do you want a mohawk?”
The Professor:  “No thank you.  My mom says I can’t have one.”

The Princess to the Professor: “Have you ever had a blood transformation?”
The Professor: “Yeah, but it wasn’t blood, it was just liquid.”
(It took me a minute to realize what he was talking about-he was referring to when he was in the hospital for dehydration and had to have an IV!)

We returned from our travels to find that the dog had destroyed an eraser, an ink pen, and part of my beloved yoga mat.  Upon thinking the situation over, we decided that he had done some yoga, then got hungry and ate the yoga mat.  Afterwards he made a pro con list and must have decided to destroy the evidence.  Makes sense, right?

We were watching the clouds getting darker and darker as a thunderstorm rolled in.
The Professor:  “According to my research, those are stratus clouds.”
Where was he doing research?

The Princess sat on the couch, making a weird face.  I asked her what was wrong.
“Every time I lick my knee it hurts.”

The Princess and her sparkly visor.

The Princess and her sparkly visor.

I was worrying about the fact that I couldn’t find the kitten’s little blanket to put in the bathroom with him at night.  Evil Genius replied: “That’s ok, he sleeps on your bra.”

The other day my daughter went upstairs and started having a pillow fight.
With herself.
Should I have been concerned?

At the park, other children are playing on the equipment.  But not my son, he’s analyzing it.  I hear him say to one of the other children “My knowledge of engineering is not great, but I’m pretty sure this was built in the 1950s or 60s.”

Out on one of our nature walks, the Princess asked me “Mommy, what does a dick look like?”
Me (hoping I’d heard her wrong):  A what?
The Princess:  “A dick.  You know, you saw one when we were walking to the park.”
Me:  “Ummmmm… I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
What the hell was she talking about???? I saw no dicks of any kind yesterday.
Finally it dawned on me:  “OHHHH, you mean a DITCH!”
Thank goodness that was what she meant…

One of the unfortunate victims of our latest round of storms was our neighbor’s tree.  We had some pretty big branches in our yard and on our roof.
Me:  “The neighbor guy hauled off the tree branches, except for the ones still on the roof of course.”
Evil Genius: “That’s ok, the grass in our yard will cover it up before the end of the week.”

Eating dinner at a Chinese restaurant, The Professor explains to us that “Eating fish makes you a good swimmer.”

IMG_2136

Mommy this does not work. It must be BROKEN!

The Princess was having a little play time before her T-ball game at the park.  She sat on the merry go round.  And sat.  And sat.  Finally she starts yelling to me: “Mommy, this thing doesn’t work.  It must be broken!”

The Professor is wearing a blue shirt, red shorts, and yellow socks.  When I asked him about it, he replied “MOM, I’m wearing the primary colors!”

The Princess sits next to Evil Genius and says “I like doing things for you, because doing things for someone you love is making love.”
Evil Genius: “Um, nooooooo… not exactly.”

I hope you enjoyed this little glimpse around the little world that I call home.  Now check out some other people’s lives:

http://BakingInATornado.com                                     Baking In A Tornado

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                                Just a Little Nutty

http://followmehome.shellybean.com                          Follow me home . . .

http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com/                Stacy Sews and Schools

http://menopausalmother.blogspot.com/                   Menopausal Mother

http://mooreorganizedmayhem.blogspot.com/            Moore Organized Mayhem

http://hypnoticbard.blogspot.com/                            The Insomniac’s Dream       

http://themomisodes.com/                                      The Momisodes

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                      Spatulas on Parade

http://www.therowdybaker.com                              The Rowdy Baker

http://sorrykidblog.com/                  Sorry kid, Your Mom Doesn’t Play Well With Others

 

June 2013 Fly on the Wall: The Neck Boob Edition

flyWelcome to the June edition of Fly on the Wall.  Buzz around, see what you think, then click on the links below for a peek into some other homes:

After three appointments with my doctor, she finally relented and gave me the long awaited go ahead for physical therapy to help with my seemingly endless battle with tight, painful muscles.  I was explaining to Evil Genius that I had to go to Physical Therapy.
He shook his head.  “You said you wanted to tighten up.  I can’t help it if you’re an overachiever.”

The Princess was supposed to be in bed.
Both of us heard the sound coming from upstairs:
click click click click click click click click click click
*sound of the toilet flushing*
Evil Genius went upstairs to investigate.The Princess was standing in the doorway of the bathroom in her princess shoes and tiara.
She calmly informed Evil Genius what she was up to “I was just going potty.”
“In high heels and a tiara?”
“But these are my slippers…”
In her defense, they were Cinderella shoes.  We have yet to receive an explanation for the tiara.

Evil Genius:  “I need to watch Iron Man 2 again, you know, for research purposes.”
Me (rolling my eyes):  “Only in this house could watching that kind of movie be considered research.”

The Professor at the bowling alley, inspecting the rack of bowling balls.  “Hey Mom, which one is my hand size?”

IMG_1904We stopped at the gas station to fill up before we headed on home from shopping.
“I have to go visit the potty while we’re here.”  I said.
The Princess thought this was the funniest thing she had ever heard.  When we went into the bathroom, she went into the stall and this is what I overheard.
“Hello potty.  How are you?  I’ve come to visit you.  I’m going to PEE IN YOU NOW!”

Evil Genius is making a strawberry rhubarb pie in the kitchen, which is just off of The Professor’s bedroom.  The Princess is watching him very carefully.
She asks “Daddy why did you cut holes in the top?”
Evil Genius:  “Because when it cooks it would blow up if I didn’t.”
The Princess:  “You mean it’s gonna explode?”
The Professor (from the depths of his room):  “Whoooooah… COOL!”

The Professor: “I’m trying to figure out donut holes.”
Me: “Oh?”
The Professor: “I don’t understand them. How can you eat them if they’re just holes?”
The Princess: “Because they’re round, silly!”

The Princess loves to draw pictures of our family, especially pictures of the two of us.  One recent picture she drew she kept taking back and making revisions.  Eventually she handed me the final product:

mommy and brynn0001Me:  “Is this you and me?”
The Princess:  “YES!” Me:  “Awwww, thank you!  What are we doing?”
The Princess:  “You are giving me a heart.”
Me:  “Ok!  What’s that around my neck?  Am I wearing a necklace?”
The Princess:  “NO MOMMY, those are your BOOBS.”
ME:  “Oh… my they are up there aren’t they?  So then that’s the rest of my body down there?”
The Princess (annoyed):  “NO.  That’s all your tummy.”
I’m still not sure if this is a hint to hit the gym more often or to stop wearing push-up bras.

The Professor asked to go to the park.  This is unusual because he usually shies away from anything outdoor related.  There are tubes in the climber at one particular park in town-he had some scientific principles that he wanted to check out.
So naturally we went.  Where did he spend most of his time?  Hanging out in the bathroom…

Princess: “Mommy can I use the chapsticks with my dinner?”
Me:  “I don’t have any chapstick.  And you don’t need any for your dinner.”
Princess:  “We DO have chapsticks.  You know, the kind we got.”
Me: “??????”
Princess:  “The ones Grandma brought us from China.”
Me:  “OH!  CHOP-sticks!  No.”

Princess:  “Mommy you’re getting old.”
Me:  “What makes you say that?”
Princess: “Oh, but not right now.  You’re not getting old now.”
Nice save, kiddo.

Princess: “Mommy, what did you do before you were a mommy?”
Me:  “Ohhhhh, ummmmm, I took long walks.”
Princess:  “Oh?  Did you wash your hair?”
Me:  “Um, yeah.”
Princess:  “Did you cook meals?”
Me: “Sometimes.”
I’d really love to know what she was insinuating…

Remember the two wheeled truck from last month’s Fly on the Wall?
Evil Genius to the kids:  “If you had your choice, what would you rather have, my ’53 Ford or my Ram?”
The Professor:  “I’d have to take a look at them first, then I’d decide.  What’s the difference?”
Evil Genius:  “One is a four wheel drive and one is a two wheel drive.”
The Professor:  “Oh, I’d rather have a four wheel drive.  It would be really weird to drive a truck with only two of the wheels.”
Well, it finally arrived this month!  Here it is:

The Princess and Evil Genius's future project...

The Princess and Evil Genius’s future project…

Now buzz on over to these homes to see what goes on!

 

http://BakingInATornado.com

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                              

http://followmehome.shellybean.com                     

http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com/                                

http://menopausalmother.blogspot.com/                 

http://mooreorganizedmayhem.blogspot.com/                

http://hypnoticbard.blogspot.com/                      

http://themomisodes.com/                               

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/  

http://dates2diapers2.blogspot.com            

http://www.noteveryonecanbeamermaid.com

http://www.therowdybaker.com

http://www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com

Fly on the Wall May 2013: The Birthday Edition

flyWelcome to a Fly on the Wall group post. Today 13 bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes. Come on in and buzz around my house.

In our house we have three birthdays very close to each other.  Evil Genius has a birthday on April 19th.  For eleven days we are the same age, because I am a year older than him.  My birthday is May 1st, followed by The Princess’s birthday on May 6th.  Because of this fact, I present to you the Fly on the Wall Birthday Edition!

The Princess:  “Will Daddy be 40 on his birthday?”
Me:  “No, he’ll be 38.”
The Princess:  “Will you be 40 on your birthday?”
Me:  “No, I’ll be 39.”
The Princess:  “Oh good, because when you turn 41 you die.”
So she’s saying I’ve got two years.  I’d better make the most of it  (Yes I did tell her that she was misinformed…)

Me on my birthday.

Me on my birthday.

The Princess:  “Mommy, a Cheeto is the fastest animal on land.”

I was really concerned about the conversation my kids kept having.  I kept hearing about some “hot girl”.  Who do they think is hot and why?  I finally asked them.  As it turns out, “hot girl” is actually “Hawk Girl”-a comic book character.

The kids were putting pennies in the big coin thing-the kind where they go around and around forever until they finally plop in the hole in the bottom.
The Princess: “Where do the pennies go when they go in the hole?”
Evil Genius:  “There’s a big coin monster in there that eats them when.”
The Princess (obviously NOT believing his story):  “I wish I was a penny so I can go in there and see what’s REALLY there.”

Evil Genius and I were discussing that sleeping naked causes some people (including me) to have weird naked dreams.
Me: “So if you don’t normally sleep with pants on and you fall asleep in them then you must have the opposite.”
Evil Genius:  “Can you imagine that?  Hey I fell asleep with my pants on last night and I dreamed I went to a nudist colony and I HAD MY CLOTHES ON.”
This is just a sampling of some of the weird conversations we have in bed.

The Princess:  “I wish we had a magic TV.  I wish we had one so that if we wanted something it would just throw it out at us!”

The Professor:  “WOW!”
Evil Genius:  “What?”
The Professor:  “What?”
Evil Genius:  “Wow what?”
The Professor:  “?????”
Evil Genius:  “You said wow.  Wow what?”
The Professor:  “I did?”
Evil Genius: “Yes.”
The Professor:  “Oh, I guess didn’t hear myself say that.”

Evil Genius, a year older, and as you can see, also a year wiser

Evil Genius, a year older, and as you can see, also a year wiser

Evil Genius:  “I need a full body scan.  You know, so I can upload it somehow to my computer and get going on an actual Iron Man suit.”
Me:  “Can I interest you in lying down on the floor and having us trace around your body instead?”

When we went out for Evil Genius’s birthday, The Princess ordered the Naked Chicken Tenders, because they had the word naked in them of course!

Evil Genius to the kids:  “If you had your choice, what would you rather have, my ’53 Ford or my Ram?”
The Professor:  “I’d have to take a look at them first, then I’d decide.  What’s the difference?”
Evil Genius:  “One is a four wheel drive and one is a two wheel drive.”
The Professor:  “Oh, I’d rather have a four wheel drive.  It would be really weird to drive a truck with only two of the wheels.”

The Princess:  “If saltines didn’t have salt on them they’d just be ‘teens'”

Now that the weather is finally nice, we are trying to get our yard and garden up to snuff.  Evil Genius was cutting up some branches to put in the fire pit for future burning.
The Princess has been a bit concerned about the nature in our yard being hurt.
He heard the Professor comfort his sister “Don’t worry, the branches don’t feel anything!”

The Princess:  “Daddy I think your barb looks good!”
*Long pause*
Evil Genius:  “You mean my RHUBARB looks good!”

The Princess on her birthday.

The Princess on her birthday.

Our pediatrician informed me that kindergarten will be challenged by my daughter.  Yes you saw that right, it’s not the other way around.

Me to the family:  “Keep on saying all this great stuff.  I’ll have my whole Fly on the Wall post done before the day is out!”
Have a Happy May!  Buzz buzz!

Here are the links to all of the other bloggers who are participating.  Please go buzz around their homes for a bit too!

http://www.BakingInATornado.com

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                               

http://followmehome.shellybean.com                      

http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com/                  

https://sadderbutwiser.wordpress.com                      

http://menopausalmother.blogspot.com/                  

http://mooreorganizedmayhem.blogspot.com/                 

http://hypnoticbard.blogspot.com/                       

http://themomisodes.com/                                

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                 

http://momrantsandcomfypants.wordpress.com

http://www.tinystepsmommy.com

www.therowdybaker.com

Fly on the Wall April 2013: The Naked Cat Edition

fly

Welcome to a Fly on the Wall group post. Today 12 brave bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes. Come on in, sit a spell, and buzz around my house:

The Professor:  “When I grow up, I want to work where my Dad works.”
Me:  “You want to be an engineer!  That’s great!”
The Princess:  “Me too!  I want to be THE WOMAN.”

Princess:  “Mommy when I grow up I want to be as old as you.”

Princess:  “Mommy, I want to be just like you when I grow up!”
Me:  “Really?”
Princess:  “Yes!  That way I can wear your hair things.”

I was telling Evil Genius all about the big fluffy orange kitty I saw on the way home.
Evil Genius:  “I still want a Maine Coon cat!”
Me: “Oh me too, they are just nice cats.”
The Professor:  “What’s a Maine Coon?  Is it one of those cats without hair?”
Evil Genius:  “No, that’s a Sphinx.”
The Professor:  “Oh that’s good.  I don’t want to see a naked cat.”

He doesn't want any naked cats in our house!

He doesn’t want any naked cats in our house!

The Princess is going through a phase where EVERYTHING little is cute.  I mean everything… animals, toys, chairs, etc.  She says it’s because since they are little they are babies and babies are cute.  Yesterday I heard her cooing in the kitchen.  “Ohhhhhh, that is sooooo cute!  Awwwwww.”
I thought maybe the cardinal we had been seeing was back in the yard.  “What’s cute?”
The Princess:  “The pepperoni minis!  They are sooooo little and adorable!”  She’s a weird kid.

Princess: “Is Daddy coming home soon?”
Me:  “He stopped by his boss’s house.  He’ll be home later.”
Princess:  “Is Daddy going to a sleepover?”

Me:  “We have a winter storm watch starting tomorrow with a 90 percent chance of precipitation.  The one that didn’t do much had 100 percent chance of participation.”
Evil Genius:  “Precipitation, not participation.”
Me:  “Well it did participate, it just didn’t precipitate much.”

The kids are watching Paranorman.  The Princess suddenly turns to Evil Genius and asks, “Daddy, are we allowed to laugh?”

I’m informed by Evil Genius as I walk into the room that the kids told him he had to go get a dead rat downstairs in the basement.  I freak out for a second, then I ask “Is it really a rat?”
Evil Genius:  “I don’t know.  They said it was between this big (puts his hands about an inch apart) or this big (spreads his hands several feet apart.)”
Thank goodness it was just a mouse.

Basketball championship season:
The best game we ever watched?  The one where one of the main team players had the last name “Aenema”, pronounced like enema.  The comments made in our household were priceless:
“How ironic is it that guy is blocking!”
“He really cleaned out the competition!”
“I bet everything comes out ok in this game!”

I heard them announce the teams playing-I got all excited that one of them was called the “Warlocks”.  My husband told me that they were actually the “Warhawks”.  I was very sad.

Daddy and The Princess choose their NCAA Brackets.

Daddy and The Princess choose their NCAA Brackets.

Apparently, cannibalism is practiced in the land of Hello Kitties:  One day as I brought the laundry upstairs to the Princess’s room, she told me she wanted to show me all of her Hello Kitties.  She introduced them all to me-there was the Mommy, the Daddy, brothers, sisters, etc.
And what were they eating?  A Hello Kitty head.

Conversation at dinner over Safari Animal Chicken Nuggets:
The Princess: (eats a giraffe) “I ate his brain!”
The Professor: No you didn’t eat his brain, you ate his head!”
The Princess: “Now he’s howling at you.”
The Professor: “Noooooo, he can’t howl at me because you ate his brain. If you ate his brain he can’t function. He’s brain dead.”
Ah, the dreamer versus the logical…

Princess:  Mommy, Mommy, look what I did!
Me:  Just a minute, I need to find some ibuprofen.
Princess:  What do you need IBooPumpkin for?

The Princess:  “Mommy, your legs look like a carseat!”

Surprisingly, both kids sat through “The Hobbit”.  The Princess made it through about 3/4 of the movie, The Professor made it through the whole thing.
The Princess:  “That guy has a sword.”
ME:  “Yup.”
The Princess: “I’m thinking he’s either going to use it to fight some bad guys or cut up his food.”

She said she was a rainbow, making sure I knew that even her underwear was rainbow colored.

She said she was a rainbow, making sure I knew that even her underwear was rainbow colored.

Today is Evil Genius’s birthday, followed by my birthday on Mayday, and then the Princess’s birthday on May 6th.  You can bet we’ll have some good birthday stuff to put on next month’s Fly on the Wall: The Birthday Edition!  Happy EVIL GENIUS DAY!

Now click on these links for a peek into some other homes:

http://www.BakingInATornado.com                                 

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                                     

http://followmehome.shellybean.com                             

 http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com/                   

https://sadderbutwiser.wordpress.com                             

http://menopausalmother.blogspot.com/                         

http://mooreorganizedmayhem.blogspot.com/                 

http://hypnoticbard.blogspot.com/                                  

http://smn0409.blogspot.com/                                       

http://www.tinystepsmommy.com                                 

http://www.outsmartedmommy.com                              

www.therowdybaker.com