Confessions of a Geek

This post originally appeared as a guest post on my friend MJ Mele’s blog An Old and Cranky Gamer.  When I heard that this week’s Theme Thursday was going to be geek culture, I of course had to dig into my files to retrieve this gem masterpiece mindless drivel.  Read on to read about my experience as a lady geek.

The above picture could very well be me:  A redhead who played the flute in band from elementary school through college and beyond.  But I never went to band camp, so technically I can’t have the cool catch phrase “Like this one time, in band camp…”

My band days may be long gone, but that doesn’t make things much different for me. Throw me in any social situation these days and I’m like a fish out of water, a hobbit out of the shire, or dare I say a taun taun in the desert.  I know, AWKWARD.  I live in rural Iowa where I fit in sooooo well.  Good times.

Part of my problem is my inherent inability to make this thing known as small talk.  While I can talk about the weather for a few minutes, and maybe a thing or two about my kids, the vast majority of things that fascinate other people don’t even really register on my radar.

That’s because I speak GEEK.  Yeah, I’m one of those.  Not only am I a geek, I’m also married to one.  In addition to this, I’m raising my very own geeklings.  I’ve seen and I can totally kick your butt at Star Wars trivia.

Evil Genius at the Lego Store at the Mall of America. He dreams of a Lego Death Star. His mean wife keeps telling him no.

Don’t get me wrong, I like some of the things that decidedly normal people like.  I like clothes.  I work out.  I love movies and music.  I like a big glass of wine on the weekends.  I like to look at Pinterest.  But despite all of these things I seriously belong to a whole other world.

Years ago I tried to hide my geekiness and act like normal people, but as I have gotten older and have been referred to more than once as kind of weird, I realize that it really doesn’t matter any more.

So I’m going to make it a little easier on you people.  I present to you the vastly contrasting things between what would be considered a “normal” female’s world and mine:

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I like to talk about movies.  But don’t talk to me about The Notebook or Silver Linings Playbook.   I’d rather talk about Iron Man 3.

Oh, you know a little French?  I know a little Klingon.

Golf is a four letter word in your house?   Hmmmm, Skyrim is the same thing in my house.

Do you own pets named Fluffy and Spike?  Mine are named Rogue,  Neo, and Tiberius.

What do your kids like to spend money on?  My 5 and 8 year old children pooled their Christmas money so that they could buy Skylanders for our Xbox.

So you say you can name all of the people on Real Housewives of Orange County?  I can name every major character on all five Star Trek series.

You said you’ve read the whole 50 Shades of Grey Trilogy?  I’ve read the whole Lord of the Rings Trilogy.

You named your kids names like Emma and Brayden.  We considered names like Jadzia and Zephram.

You spent your Saturday morning getting a pedicure?  I spent mine at the comic book store.

My son loves the comic book store. Where else can you hang out with Leonard and Sheldon?

Your say your kids got an Xbox? I’ll see your Xbox and raise you an Atari, a 3DO, a Nintendo, a SuperNintendo, a GameCube, a Playstation 2, and a TANDY.  Yes, a Tandy.

Your favorite show is Gossip Girl?  Mine is The Big Bang Theory.

You went to see Sex and the City on opening night?  I saw Star Trek: Insurrection on opening night.  I was one of the only girls there, unless you counted the ones in the ISU Marching Band.  By the way that had to be the coolest night of my life.

How many times have you watched Bridgette Jones Diary?  I’m pretty sure I’ve seen The Empire Strikes Back at least 100 times.

You play the Sims a little?  I bet my husband’s Sims could kick your Sims asses.

What did you ask for when it was your birthday?  I asked to go see Iron Man 3 and Star Trek Into Darkness!

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So there you have it.  I’m totally okay with being a big geek.  If that scares you away, so be it.  I wouldn’t be trying too hard to talk to you anyway!  😉

I also wrote about accepting my geekiness many moons ago in the post Learning To Embrace Geekdom.

Now go forth and read further about geek culture by clicking on the Theme Thursday button at the top! 

Observations of a Band Geek, Take Two

This is all I found after searching for funny marching band stuff for hours. Wow. Apparently marching band is very serious.

Somehow the planets aligned themselves for a second time this weekend and my husband and I were able to go out.  We got to attend yet another college football game.  Alone.  No kids.  How fortunate are we?  I’d say we pretty much rock.  What’s not to like?  Tailgating with free fried food and free beverages, free entry to the game, great seats, all compliments of my husband’s employer.  I’d say that kinda sorta makes up for the fact that he drives almost two hours a day.  That and having insurance, and the fact that they pay him to be there.

The previous game we attended we were able to take the whole family.  That was an experience.   I think the kids enjoyed themselves, but I am quite convinced that The Professor doesn’t really care what’s going on, as long as there is a big screen to watch.  At one point Evil Genius leaned over and said to him, “You know, there’s also a game going on down there, on that field.”

The last time just the two of us went, I believe I made some random observations when I wrote Observations of a Band Geek.  You see quite a bit of stuff when you’re not really watching the game.  It sure started out as a miserable cold and rainy day, but ended up being pretty nice.  We started out in lots of layers and ended up in short sleeves.  We only got rained on a little bit, when the pregame stuff was going on.  Thank goodness.  We may have melted.

This is what happens when you take an ADD band geek to a football game:

• You know your husband loves you when he uses his own butt to dry off your bleacher seat.  I must remember to turn that sentiment into a greeting card someday.
• As the rain started to fall, most people’s thoughts don’t turn to the band.  Unless you’re me.  I let out a gasp and cried, “Oh no, that’s not good for those band instruments!”  Well, it’s not.
• I found myself explaining to my husband just how many notes the flute part had in some of the songs.  I don’t think he cared.
• The line for the men’s room was waaaaaay longer than the line for the women’s room.  That never happens!

Maybe this is why.

• I felt like throwing a bit of a tantrum.  It was the 80s and 90s when I was in band and we didn’t get to play any of that cool 80s stuff.
• I wondered aloud at one point, “Do you really think Maroon 5 planned on “Moves Like Jagger” being used for so many things?  Do you think they have heard their song played by a marching band?”  I did not receive a response.
• The piccolo section had their own fan club.  Really!  As we were getting ready to go in to the stadium the band came by.  I actually heard someone say, “Here come the piccolos!”  And then scream and yell enthusiastically.  I am not making this up.  I have a witness.
• I experienced jealousy at half-time.  When I was in college and in the band, we didn’t really get uniforms.  We had sweaters.  We didn’t get to march either.  No wonder I wanted to transfer.
• I was very happy due to the fact that the dance team had their midriffs covered this time.  The yoga pants didn’t look quite as weird.
• Who decided that the cheerleaders had to wear really ugly bows on their heads?  And why?  Did they lose a bet?
• There was also a bunch of guys throwing a ball around on the field.  I think it may have been football.  I heard they lost.  I don’t know, I wasn’t paying attention.  I guess I paid a little attention, because I spent a lot of time trying to figure out who had the ball.
• When the basketball coach gets up and leaves, so does everyone else.  I’m thinking he may have an inside scoop on something.
• Apparently the guy who has the Captain America garb attends more games than the stormtrooper guy.  I was a little sad not to see him.  This particular game was seriously lacking in any kind of Star Wars references.
• You may not wear a shirt, and paint letters on your chest, but if you’re not head to toe sparkly then you’re just not cool.  I saw this on a game on tv recently.  We questioned the effect this massive amount of glitter on one’s body may have on the person’s health.  If you’re willing to risk your health for your school, then you are truly a fan.

You wish you were this cool.

Don’t worry about being subjected to my random observations of college football again for quite awhile.  I think we’re done going to games this year.  We’ve already subjected our very nice friend to more of our children than most people can stand.  We owe her dinner, maybe even a movie at this point.  I’ve really enjoyed spending time with my husband though, even if football was involved.  I must admit it is a little more interesting in person than on the tv.  Don’t get your hopes up, this anti-football band geek isn’t changing her tune.

Extreme Geekdom, Iron Man Style

Guess what this is?

For those of you who have read my “About” page, as you can see by the picture above Evil Genius really did make his own arc reactor.  Now it’s not real-all it does is light up, but it looks REALLY cool.  It’s LEDs and a power source, nestled into a pvc pipe vent that has been hollowed out and the design cut into metal by a laser.  Oh and vellum, that was my contribution.  It’s actually part of his cubicle sign at work, but this part he worked on for quite some time at home.

(Just in case you haven’t noticed, we are geeks.)

At some point in this process, Evil Genius promised The Professor that he was going to make him an Iron Man suit of his own for Halloween.  He wasn’t thinking at the time that The Professor would remember. He did.  I ended up buying him a cheap Iron Man costume at Target last week.  There were two different costumes.  The $20 one had muscles.  As far as I could tell, that and the glow in the dark arc reactor were the only differences that I could tell between that and the $10 one.  Needless to say, I bought the cheaper one.

Me being me, and the wife of an engineer, I had to make it light up somehow.  I jokingly asked Evil Genius to make him his own arc reactor.  Not going to happen.  Then I had a vision.  At Lowes they have these lights that look remarkably like the arc reactor in the movie.  Lowes is not a place I get to very often. It’s not like it’s out of my way, it’s just one more place to stop when I’m out running errands.  I checked the light section at Target while I was there, but it didn’t look enough like what I was going for.

Now who cares that a seven year old’s costume that happens to have the middle light up is authentic looking.  Apparently I do.

Today we finally made it Lowes after renting movies.  The light, while not exact, looked pretty darn close to the one in the movie.  So I shelled out the money, and have spent the better part of the afternoon trying to figure out how the heck to attach it.  The first idea was to sew a pocket onto the inside of the costume, and slip the light in that part.  I don’t want stitches showing.  So that idea went away.  My second idea was to use the circle of velcro that came with the light.  I had my son put on a black shirt, then the costume over it.  I slipped the light in between with the sticky side up against the shirt and stuck it on.  Then I sewed the velcro to the shirt.  Looks great, but it’s pretty obvious that the light probably won’t stay on.  The additional part didn’t work-I cut circles of velcro in half and stuck them to the light and to the inside of the shirt.  You could see the half circles of velcro through the costume when the light is on.

The light, attached to the shirt, with the velcro that I have since removed from the front.

This is kind of what it looks like shining through.

This is what I’m actually trying to light up.

So that’s where I’m at.  I’m not sure where to go next here.  Suggestions are welcome.  I’m sure I’ll come up with something, it may just take some time.

Here’s the funny thing, this isn’t an abnormal situation at our house.  We always seem to have something a little strange brewing.  Some days I don’t think we are just geeks, we are EXTREME geeks.  Now granted, I’ve seen people take it to extremes on the internet.  I’ve seen people get married in full Klingon garb and wear their Star Wars costumes around for fun.  But we get into the technical stuff, and that’s a little scary.

I think Tony Stark would be pretty darn proud of my ingenuity. Oh wait, he probably wouldn’t care. He’s a narcissist.

Halloween in my family has never had a shortage of creative costumes.  As an adult, that creativity has been stifled in me somewhat.  Mainly by a husband who doesn’t care for Halloween.  Also because I just haven’t had much opportunity to dress up.  This year, the kids are getting old enough that I can really have fun with it.  We have the house mostly decorated, we’re working on the costumes, I’m getting my geek on in a big way!

I’ll keep everyone posted on the costume.  I’ve had a couple of suggestions from friends on Facebook.  Maybe between that and the old brain, I’ll come up with an uber brilliant idea…

(Incidentally, just as proof that we aren’t just geeks, but well rounded ones- The whole family actually got to go to the football game this time.  It was meant to be.  Not only was it perfect weather, but the eagerly anticipated half-time performance from the marching band just happened to be music from Star Wars.  This was enhanced by the summary of the football season thus far scrolling on the big screen in a Star Wars type title sequence, as well as a mock award ceremony on the field with people dressed up as Star Wars characters.  It had to be one of the coolest things I had ever seen.  I don’t know if anyone else shared my enthusiasm outside of my family sitting with me, except maybe the guy who comes to the games in the Clone Trooper helmet.)

Observations of a Band Geek

Sadly, there was no grill like this… but it was still good tailgating.

I attended my very first college football game this weekend.  The very first one that I wasn’t in the BAND, that is.  This is very sad considering we live near a college town, lived in the area for 13 years, and my husband attended this very school up until the end of last year.  I went to a basketball game there once years ago, but the only thing I really remember is the fact that they had great ice cream.

I not only got to go to the game, I got to tailgate.  I got to do it all without children.  All of this because my brother in law couldn’t get a ride from my husband’s hometown in time (about two hours from here).  That’s ok-I don’t mind being the back up choice.  Once he found out his brother couldn’t make it, Evil Genius walked down the street with the kids while I was walking the dog and made the arrangements.  He went down to see a  friend of ours from church who lives down the street.  She was more than happy to watch the kids.  That was awesome-not only do they like going to see her, she likes to have them come.  By the time I had returned from my walk, the kids had their bags packed and were ready to go, though we weren’t actually leaving for three hours.

This whole thing was through his work.  They have tickets for every game that people can sign up for.  If more people sign up than tickets, it’s a lottery thing.  They not only have the tickets, but they have a very fancy tailgate vehicle complete with a deep fryer and beverages galore plus two big tvs.  It was a good time-I like getting to put names with the faces of all of these people that he works with.

So you’re thinking, “Wait a minute, she hates football.  Why did she agree to go when it goes against her principles of being against the sport?” Let me clarify, when I get to go somewhere with my husband with no children, I’ll agree to most anything.  We don’t get out together much.  And it was a good time.  I’d do it again if he asked me.  I’d even go with the children.  I still don’t like football, but it is more interesting when it is live instead of on tv.

That being said, since I was there without distraction, here are some random observations I made as a non football fan, band geek, and anxious ADD person:

• They may think the cannon is cool.  I didn’t.  I have a thing about loud noises.  Every time there was a touchdown, I about hit the deck.  We left early because it was a blowout-the last field goal we witnessed they decided to shoot the cannon.  I thought I had been shot!  Does anyone else feel this way about large weapons at football games or is it just me?

• Speaking of the cannon-how does one get the job of shooting the cannon?  I would like to see the application for that.

• Do what everyone else does in your section.  I had no idea what was going on most of the time, I just tried to figure out who had the ball.  I stood when everyone else stood.  I clapped when everyone else clapped.  They kept yelling some first down thing.  I never did figure out what that really was.

• If your entire dance squad is going to wear yoga pants, wear a top that covers your stomach.  Not flattering at all.  Wish I had been part of that meeting.  That is NOT how you wear yoga pants.  You’re supposed to have a frumpy shirt to go over it.  At least that’s what Moms do.

• The down markers are not big upside down exclamation marks, or lowercase “i”s.  I asked Evil Genius what they were, and he explained it to me.  I remember they were called down markers.  The rest went over my head.

• If you wear a stormtrooper helmet and a cape, you get on the big TV.  A  LOT.

• I got reminded why I don’t drink to excess.  I saw a lot of REALLY REALLY drunk people.  And you can’t even drink inside the stadium there.  I even was flirted with by a really drunk creepy guy when I got up the one time I went to pee.  I’ll stick with my little bit of wine, thank you.

• People get really irritated with you if you have to pee.  Thank goodness I only had to go once.  I think I was the only one who went to the bathroom so I wouldn’t miss the band perform at halftime.

• The best hat I saw was a coonskin cap.  A REAL coonskin cap.

• Silver tubas have to be one of the coolest things I have ever seen.  Even if they were in the opposing team’s band.

• It’s best to put your memory card in your camera.  Hard to take pictures without it.  I forgot mine.  I took a couple of pictures with my phone, but I couldn’t get it to take a picture of Evil Genius and me together.  No proof we were there together.  How sad.

• Band music has evolved quite a bit from “Land of a Thousand Dances” and “Hang on Sloopy”-the standards that I had to play back in the day.  This band played Metallica!  I would have given about anything to play Metallica in marching band!

• Another fashion police comment:  Who decided that off the shoulder on one side shirts were back in style?  That’s not symmetrical.  If you see me wearing one of those, it’s because someone has ripped off that part of my shirt.  And that shorts that are so short that they show your buttcheeks are tasteful?  Nobody wants to see that.  I know I didn’t.

• Park far far away.  And walk.  It’s worth it.  Not only do you get an hour’s worth of exercise in, you can get away much faster than if you parked close.  We parked clear on the other side of campus and hoofed it.  It was great-I made up the extra calories I burned with the cinnamon ice cream I still had in my freezer.

I had a good time.  I had some really good mozzarella sticks.  It was perfect weather and I got to see the band perform.  I even found a shiny penny.  Maybe it’s a sign.  And the best part was that my kids were good for our friend for that long of a time.  She even said she’d like to watch them again.  This is good news.  The last time we left them with someone else who wasn’t my parents was Evil Genius’s family.  (They said never again, something about them peeing too much.)  It’s always good to know that your children are wanted.  They had a good time, but were happy to see us when it was over.  I’d like to say that maybe Evil Genius and I will get to go out together again very soon, but I won’t hold my breath!