The ADD Mom Is Bored

I’ve been there.

It’s a typical weekday night. A little before 9 pm. Everyone is in bed.  I’m a little bored.  It’s not that there aren’t things I could do, I just don’t have the motivation or brainpower to do them.

So what exactly do I do to pass the time?  Read on:

The first thing I do after everyone goes to bed is get my big soft comfy blanket.  Then I have a snack that I don’t have to share.  I eat cinnamon graham crackers along with my Diet Sunkist Lemonade.  I agree the tastes aren’t exactly complimentary, but I like it.  I fight with the dog, who is trying to steal my cinnamon graham crackers.  He can’t have any, like I said I don’t share!  No wine tonight, that’s only on the weekend.

I go and check to make sure my son has remembered to not read past 9 pm.  He’s out cold.  Books are dangling out of his loft.  At least he remembered to turn his light out.

I sit back down and check the DVR.  There’s nothing on here I want to watch.  Parenthood gave the Mom cancer.  Not fair.  I’m not watching that.  Realize that I have a lot of hostility directed towards TV shows choices for their characters.

My laptop has been open this whole time-this is when I check on Facebook.  Comment on posts commenting on posts.  Realize that everyone has a more exciting life than me, sitting here all by myself with my Diet Sunkist Lemonade.

I find some stuff to read.  I go to Confessions on Some of these moms I can relate to.  Others-like Moms that smoke pot and cuss about their husbands and kids?  Oooooooh, I feel like a really, really good Mom now!  My Mom license is not in jeopardy tonight!

I check my email.  Uh-huh, I really must be on the school’s blacklist.  How about you guys just email me back and tell me you don’t need subs?  Grrrr!

Suddenly a stuffed animal comes flying down the stairway.  I calmly usher my daughter back to bed.

I read fellow bloggers blogs.  I comment on posts I like.  This is National Pork Awareness Month?  I never realized just how important it is to recognize pork.

I then go to look at job boards.  I sob quietly to myself.  I will never find a job…  Oh look, there’s a part-time opening for a “Floating Teller”.

I go up and check on my daughter.  She is sound asleep as well.  There’s no room for her in the bed between the stuffed animals and all of her books.  I want to take a picture but my camera battery is dead.  I really should charge that.

I read up on legitimate ways to make extra money.  I don’t want to sell stuff like Tupperware (how many consultants can an area have, seriously?)  I can’t donate sperm for money.  It has a disclaimer that you must be a guy.  Duh.  The online stuff looks interesting, but is it legit?

Back to Facebook.  Snicker at stuff I shouldn’t find funny.  Look at people’s timelines…

I just now realize that football has been on the TV for over an hour.  WHY?????  I turn it over to Conan.  A bit of self-deprecating humor for my night.

I’m so bored I Google myself. Wow!  I didn’t know there was someone with the same name as me!  A golfer.  How cool.  There’s also lots of references to my LinkedIn page.  You’d think that would help in the job search!  I also look at the images-I didn’t realize there were so many of me that look so different.

I come back to my blog and mess around on my dashboard. Oh look, here are the search terms people have used to get to my site.  Hmmmm… some of those are a bit disturbing.  Note to self, never put the word “penis” in a blog post title again.

I go back to Google to try to figure out how to become a freelance writer.  I need my own website?  I have to advertise myself?  Can’t I just be awesome?

I work on a blog post.  I also look for pictures to go with it.  Hey there’s going to be a Wayne’s World 3?  Oh it’s a joke.  Now I’m sad.  I work on different blog post.  I have seven of them I’m working on at a time, you know.  I work on my other blog.  I briefly contemplate having a third blog.  No… let’s not disturb a whole new set of people just yet.

Back to Facebook.  No one loves me.  I repost something funny yet disturbing.

Out of desperation, I look at jobs on Craigslist.  How many of these are real?  How many of them are actually murderers advertising for help?  How desperate am I for a job?

Someone commented on my blog! I read the comment. I then realize this isn’t Facebook, so I can’t “like” the comment.  I comment on the comment.

I let the dog out to pee.  I try to get him to come right back in.  He’s chasing moths, imagine that.

I turn off the TV and turn on the Ambient music on Itunes to help me wind down to sleep.  I google “ways to get out of the house when you are broke”.  I don’t find what I am looking for.

I take half an Ambien.  I have to feel sleepy SOMETIME!  Hey I just got that, “Ambient” and “Ambien” must have a connection!!  After this revelation, I let the dog back in.

I go back to Facebook.  It’s the last time, really.  I type things I probably won’t remember in the morning.  Then I realize I’ve been asleep at my computer for 15 minutes.  Off to bed.  It’s 1 am.

And THAT is a typical evening for me… exciting, huh?

This Looks Like A Job For… SUPERZERO!

I found this little gem awhile back. On days like this it certainly makes me smile…

If worrying was a superpower, I’d have it made.

Today I feel like a zero.  I don’t look like a zero.  At least not yet.  If I keep eating the way I’ve been, I may resemble the shape of a zero.  Obviously I could never completely look like one, since I have organs and stuff.  Organs are good.  We’ll keep those.

Why zero?  Let’s examine the numbers.  My income for the past two months?  Zero.  My bank account balance?  Zero.  The amount of assistance I am currently getting?  Zero.  The number of interviews I’ve had?  Zero.  My fitness level?  Close to zero.

Not everything supports my theory.  The number of jobs I’ve applied for-oh way way more than zero.  I wish my self-worth could be proportional to my clothes size.  That is definitely not zero.

This is one of those days where I have to keep smiling through the tears.  Trying to find the humor in the situation and blog about it.  After all, I need something to feel good about.  The job boards have all the same jobs that I keep applying for, and I wonder what is wrong with me?  I almost wish one of them would call me and say “Hey, this is why we won’t hire you.  This is why potential employers won’t even call you.  We don’t like you.  You worked for places that nobody cares about.  You have mispellings on your resume.  You said you have excellent compuper skills…”  You’re a miserable human being, you’re ugly, you smell bad, and you dress funny…  ok maybe that’s a little much.

Another day where I can sit and berate myself all day long for the choices that I made years ago.   Yay.

I’m certainly no supermom.  I can’t even say that I’m particularly good at being A mom.  I’m glad my kids love me, that’s for sure.  My housekeeping skills are less than stellar and I’m not a great cook.  After the dinner I served last night, they should take away my Mom license.  It’s probably a good thing they don’t hire you for motherhood, or issue a license, or even give a test.  I can’t remember to take library books back, or get the mail, or even pay bills.  Right now I am sitting at the library, looking at jobs online and blogging while my daughter does story time.  I am the only mom not over there with the kids.  She doesn’t need my help-and doesn’t want it.  She wants me to leave her here like I do her older brother.

Yeah, I’m no superhero, more like a superzero.  While superheroes can swoop in and save the day when needed, I am the one who would show up and contribute absolutely nothing to the situation.  I can worry about it like nobody’s business, but I can’t do a darn thing about it!  My superpowers-SUPERANXIETY!  Superdistractibility!  Able to jump to a conclusion in a single bound!

My husband is the real superhero in the house.  If it weren’t for him, we’d live in a box.  He drives two hours a day, works long hours on little to no sleep, fixes things when they are broken, keeps the kids and dog in line, and somehow manages to stay in a semi-conscious state in the evenings.  I hope he knows how grateful I am for everything he does, even though he probably just want me to just go away and leave him alone a lot of the time!

I won’t be applying for a Superhero license of any kind any time soon, unless I get bit by some sort of radioactive mosquito.  Guess I just need to work at being a human being.