August Fly on the Wall: Bob’s Lubed Bamboo Edition

If you tell your Iphone “A whop bop-a-lu a whop bam boom” it will translate it as “What Bob lube up a lot bamboo.”

Confused? I was trying out the talk to text function in the Notes to try to help preserve all those precious quotes for future Fly on the Wall posts. And it was funny.

Yes that’s right people, it’s fly time again.  Did you know that I spend quite a bit of time each month preparing for this moment? 

But Sarah, what exactly is Fly on the Wall?  And how will it make my life deeper and more meaningful?

Glad you asked, random anonymous person who kind of sounds like me.  Fly on the Wall is a post putting together many of the random things that are said or done around the house that on their own wouldn’t make up a post on their own.  Eleven bloggers all publish their posts at the same time with links to all the participating people so that you will get to take in all of their awesomeness in the SAME TIME PERIOD. 

Hot damn.  So make sure you check out some of the links at the bottom of this post.

As far as making your life deeper and more meaningful?  I’m not so sure about that happening.  But you will laugh…

This picture from the State Fair makes me laugh every time I see it.

The kids are playing legos in the next room.
The Princess: Wait! My lego guy says to wait!
The Professor: Ok, what’s his name?
The Princess: His name is Rotisserie.
(I suppose that’s better than Victoria Secret.)

The Professor:  “These shorts make me better. I’m like Ezra 2.0.”

My Facebook status a little more than halfway through our week of vacation:  So a week of vacation thus far: Sunday we took a trip to the zoo, yesterday we bought American cheese and cat litter, and tomorrow my husband gets an oil change. Bet you’re so jealous.

The Professor, upon hearing about Pigs in Space:  This pigs in space, is that an angry birds thing?

My children are deprived. They had never had cotton candy before!

We went to the Henry Doorly Zoo in Omaha.  The most interesting animal name we saw was a Screaming Hairy Armadillo.  No I did not take a picture, because it was dark and I couldn’t see it. Couldn’t hear it either.

I don’t have a bucket list, I have a Dixie cup list.

A good app to invent for those long car rides:  A where’s the next potty app, so we how long we have to wait until we can stop and pee at an actual restroom.  Somebody get on that, will ya?

Perhaps you saw my husband and I out on a date at the Piggly Wiggly? Apparently we also brought Scott and Pa.

Recently we decided to do something that normal people do for a change and watch Game of Thrones.  Since we have it at the library we have rented it and have been watching it as we can.  It’s pretty good, though I can do without the very graphic killings and whatnot (unless you live in a box, you know what I mean by the whatnot). I literally sit and watch it, ready to turn my head at a moment’s notice so I don’t see heads being sliced off/throats being cut/etc.  Here are some things that have been uttered or typed on Facebook chat while watching Game of Thrones in our living room:

“I have to get off here now and go watch all the sex.  Evil Genius just put Game of Thrones in.”

“I wonder if they have breast auditions.”

“This is going to end badly.”

“Hey look, it’s John Oates.”

I really have to get off of Facebook while I’m watching this, because so far I keep seeing “Everybody diiiiiiiiessssss!”

(Maybe this is where Bob’s lubed bamboo fits in?)

Look! A four leaf clover!

After arguing with my kids about the fact that they NEED to go outside and then MAKING them go outside for a bit, the thing that irks me is this: I wish someone would make ME go play outside while they do all my chores.

The Princess:  “Mommy, look, the Science Center has a MOAT!”  Hmmm, must be to keep unwanted science out?

Evil Genius:  “I’ll take a triple shot soy vanilla latte.  That’s right, that’s a man’s coffee.”

The Professor:  “These sunglasses make me look like a man.”

Played slow pitch softball for the first time ever.  My kids were the ones on the bleachers, biting each other on the butt.  Just in case you were wondering.

The first day of school. Adorable. Especially when they aren’t biting each other on the butt.

Now don’t forget-go visit my other friends (yes I have those.)

http://www.BakingInATornado.com                          Baking In A Tornado

http://www.therowdybaker.com                                  The Rowdy Baker

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                                Just A Little Nutty

http://themomisodes.com                                          The Momisodes

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                          Spatulas on Parade

http://followmehome.shellybean.com                            Follow me home . . .

http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/                   Stacy Sews and Schools

http://www.menopausalmom.com/                                Menopausal Mother

http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com                          Someone Else’s Genius

http://www.gomamao.com                                          Go Mamma O

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Theme Thursday: What I Did Not Do On My Summer Vacation

Theme Thursday is a weekly party where women get together and write their takes on a particular topic.  It is non fattening, good for your heart, and may actually reduce your bad cholesterol, kind of like Honey Nut Cheerios.

Today’s theme is summer vacation.

*Ahem*  This is my report on what I did on my summer vacation… nothing.

I remember when I was a kid-we always seemed to do something cool when we were on vacation.  Now that I am an adult, I am the queen of the Nonvacation Summer Vacation.  I long to go somewhere and do something without us getting seriously behind on our bills and then having to play catch up for the next year.  When you’re living on the edge, and not in the fun Aerosmith song way, then taking a vacation isn’t always an option.  Evil Genius and I have been married thirteen years and together almost fifteen.  We’ve never really taken a REAL vacation, though we both would like to very much.  I see different places that people go, and just wondering how the heck they can do it.  And EVERY year, even!  A little of it’s Facebook envy, a lot of it is just wanting to go somewhere, anywhere.

For example, where did I go for my honeymoon?  Nowhere.  I was teaching school at the time.  A job that I got after we planned our wedding, booked the church and so forth.  I got to have one day off, the day of my wedding rehearsal.  I had to be back the following Monday.  I believe I called in sick.  I remember one of my coworkers remarking “What kind of teacher gets married in September?”  Me.  Because our church was booked every weekend clear through midsummer, and we didn’t want to get married in 100 degree Iowa heat.  So there.  I WOULD have got married over my summer vacation, but I couldn’t.

As close as we have come to an actual vacation in the summer was the year we went to the zoo.  We took my adorable two year old son to the Omaha Zoo.  We had to drive over and back because we didn’t think we’d be able to foot the bill to stay over.  It was fun, but upon planning it I overlooked one very important detail: The Collegiate World Series happened to be that very day, and it was right across the street from the zoo.  We spent a lot of time waiting in traffic.  We did have a good time, though a good piece of advice for anyone thinking about doing this is to BRING YOUR OWN FOOD.  You are allowed to bring you own stuff in, which is pretty much a must considering a sandwich costs eight dollars.

He was so little in this picture! So was I.

Speaking of expensive sandwiches, two years ago my husband took me to the Iowa State Fair so we could see Def Leppard and Heart live.  We camped overnight and my sister in law watched the kids so that we could make that happen (and even get some grown-up time together).  It was awesome-one of only two rock concerts I have ever attended.  What’s the expensive part?  If you have ever been to a State Fair, it is one gigantic money suck.  A corn dog is at least four dollars.  And it gets worse-often they jack the prices of stuff up later a night:  a beer after the concert cost eleven dollars.  I’m not kidding.  That beer my husband had afterwards will live in infamy, at least as long as I’m alive and can bring it up.

Proof I was there, double chin and all.

This was also the famous weekend that my husband’s sister swore she’d never watch our children overnight again.  They weren’t bad, just needy.  They also needed to pee 50,000 times.

Our one and only time where we have really gone anywhere and stayed overnight as a family wasn’t technically over the summer.  A year ago this weekend we went to Kansas and attended the NASCAR Sprint Cup race at the Kansas Speedway.  It was fun but COLD.

The world’s coldest NASCAR race. Except for maybe the one where Kurt Busch did a snow angel.

I worried a little about writing this post because I didn’t want to come off as whiny.  I’m not complaining.  I love my children and my husband, and I wouldn’t trade them for any old vacation.  I’m just talking as well as dreaming. Summer vacation the last few years has consisted of two kids resisting the outdoors and very hot weather.

So what do I WANT to do?  Drive somewhere.  I’d love to go to Chicago or Minneapolis or St Louis for a couple of days.  See mountains.  Go to the Grand Canyon.  See some ocean again.  Go to Seattle.  Go back to Maine. I’d go with my whole family, or even just a couple of days with Evil Genius (he won’t have his laptop, he’ll HAVE to pay attention to me).

Nothing expensive, nothing fancy, just something that isn’t the same old surroundings.  Are you one of the lucky ones that actually gets to travel over summer vacation or do you have to stick close to home?

This post has been brought to you courtesy of a cold cold Spring and cabin fever.

If you went on an a three month tour of Europe, took a long cruise through exotic locales, or bathed topless along the Riviera, just shut up already and DON’T comment.  Post your pictures on Facebook and then I can be plenty jealous. 

Be sure to check out all of the other Theme Thursday posts by clicking on the Theme Thursday icon at the top of this post.  Thanks for playing.