This Mom’s Birthday List

bday 20001_edited-1On May 1st I will turn the ripe old age of 39.  I know, don’t I look young for my age?

I’ve been thinking a lot about it, and I believe I will go the extra mile and think really hard about what I want for my birthday.  I know it’s not about the gifts, but I’ve been extra good this year.  I have even kept my house clean for almost a week straight.  I am kind beyond belief, even when I want to strangle other people that I live with.  I bathe the dog.  I spend hours planning out and then executing my plan of attack for grocery shopping to maximize what we get for the money.  I make lunch AND coffee every morning for my husband.  I send him thoughtful messages.  Although I am not a fabulous cook, I don’t let my family starve.  Did I mention I have two children???

1) Permission To Be An Adult  A night out where we have a sitter and my husband is not on the verge of falling asleep, where there is a movie on that we actually WANT to see and enough funds to catch dinner somewhere beforehand (a place where we could make *gasp* reservations??  Do they DO that in Iowa?) Not having to rush home, and maybe even some grown up fun when we GET home.  Hmmmm…I don’t ask for much, do I?

2)  BOOKS.  Not just any books.  Books by my favorite people.

I told a huge lie.  I didn’t mean to.  I told Amber Dusick that I had just bought her book. Technically I had.  It was sitting in my cart on Amazon. I was GOING to buy it.  Twice.  I wanted the free bookplate, because she’s my hero. And I said ‘penis’ on her blog comments.  Therefore it was the least I could do, right?  But then real life intervened and decided that groceries and gasoline were more important than me getting to read her book.  Sigh… For those of you living under a rock, I’m talking about the Parenting, Illustrated With Crappy Pictures book.  I’d also take any of the books from the Life Well Blogged series, because I like to support other fellow bloggers!

3)  Complaint Free Shopping. A shopping day alone or with a willing companion (who is not four years old).  I’m no shop-a-holic.  I do, however, like to have time to actually browse in stores that don’t have a toy or a dollar section.

It’s fun to go to stores without an eight year old declaring that it is the worst day of his life because I made him put the DS down and get out of the car.  To leave the house just once without Evil Genius declaring “Let’s get this over with before I vomit!” To go eat at a place that doesn’t have fries or chicken nuggets on the menu.  To be able to try on clothes without a child licking the mirror.  To go to a scrapbook store without a time limit or a little one dismembering a whole rack of stickers.  To not have to scramble to get back home to make supper.  To go to any place that sells anything without a little voice begging “Can I have that, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease????”  (For the record, Evil Genius does that too-he still won’t forgive me for telling him he couldn’t have a Lego Death Star). To have a highly caffeinated beverage without someone pouting.

Evil Genius at the Lego Store at the Mall of America.  He dreams of a Lego Death Star.  His mean wife keeps telling him no.

Evil Genius at the Lego Store at the Mall of America. He dreams of a Lego Death Star. His mean wife keeps telling him no.

(Truth:  I love my family, but sometimes I just need a day away.)

4)  Recharge  A massage or something relaxing…HA HA HA!  I DID actually get a certificate for a massage once.  It was very, very nice.

For the record, my husband has informed me multiple times that he does NOT do subtle.  I have to flat out tell him or smack him.  So honey, here’s my list…  I want to see Iron Man 3 and Star Trek: Into Darkness, for when you take me out.  Maybe we can even hold hands in public or something.  Ooooooooooooooo…

I’d be happy with a bottle of wine and a nice homecooked dinner, but let’s pretend for a minute that I could have those other things I want, k?

Today I also dumped my purse out for Kelley’s Breakroom on her Facebook page.  My husband thought that was really weird, but I thought it was kind of fun!  So come over and check it out!  Tomorrow catch me over at When Crazy Meets Exhaustion, where I’ll be rambling about that special place where people understand me.  Also, don’t forget if you have a crazy question for Evil Genius, send it to me at thesadderbutwisergirlisme at gmail dot com with “Dear Dr Genius” in the subject line. 

Theme Thursday: Parenting, ADD Style

Theme Thursday

Theme Thursday was created by Jenn at Something Clever 2.0 to bring peace and harmony to the blogging world on Thursdays… and a place for a few of us to complain.  This week’s theme is Parenting.  To read other people’s takes on parenting, stay tuned immediately following this program.  OR click on the link at the end of this post.  Something Clever 2.0 assumes full responsibility if you are entertained by this post.

I love this picture and I want to use it everywhere...

I love this picture and I want to use it everywhere…

Last week’s theme was O.P.K.:  Other People’s Kids.  This week the theme is parenting.  You don’t know how badly I wanted to entitle this post O.P.P.-Other People’s Parents.  But no, instead I decided to blog about me and what an awesome *cough* parent I am.

That’s a lie.  I am most likely classified among the World’s Worst Parents.  The WWP, it’s kind of like WWE without all of the chair smashing.  It’s because I miss stuff.  Not big stuff, like forgetting an important meeting.  I usually get to those.  I’m talking about the little things.  Little things like noticing that The Professor has claws instead of fingernails.  He probably doesn’t tell me they need to be clipped because he’s hoping that he’ll turn into Wolverine, so I can’t totally take the blame for that one.

I’ve got plenty more examples to support my point, take yesterday morning for instance.  I hit the snooze one too many times, spent too long on the computer looking at stuff, got in the shower late, got The Professor in the shower late, yet actually got in the car on time, got The Professor off to the sitter’s house just a little off schedule, and then drove the half hour to work.  As I pulled into town I caught a glimpse of Princess Tantrum in the rearview mirror.

Oh-I had forgotten to brush her hair.  And here I was congratulating myself on the fact that I got her out of the house in clothes that matched without a fight.  This isn’t unusual, she hates to have her hair brushed and will find any way she can to try to get out of it, but I usually catch it before I leave the house.  So I brushed her hair in the car before we went into the building.  Shockingly, I had a brush in my purse.  This IS unusual-I usually have all kinds of interesting stuff in there, but rarely something useful like that.  I am the person who has to buy extra deodorant in case I forget to put it on or has to go buy a box of maxi pads because I don’t have any on me when Aunt Flo comes to visit.

For those who are maybe just starting to read my blog, it’s not because I’m working.  It’s not because I have too many irons in the fire.  It’s because I’m ADD.  I have been all of my life.  I also happen to be the parent of an ADD child as well as married to an ADD adult.

I’m sure my son’s teacher is ready to throw me under the school bus.  She sends me little notes that I sometimes get, and sometimes I don’t get.  Again, I know about the important stuff, it’s those little things.  When I bring The Professor home, we have a little routine that we follow (partly for him, more for me.)  He puts his coat away and then brings me his take home folder with all of his papers in it.  When Dad picks up it doesn’t work as well.  Yes he get the stuff out, but by the time I get home it’s spread all over the living room.  Last week I found a note about having the kids bring in a little snack to eat during ITBS tests.  These were three weeks ago.  I also unearthed a note about bringing stamps for pen pals.  I vaguely remember her mentioning something at his last IEP meeting.  I guess I forgot.

Keep in  mind that trying to get to our post office within the ten minute window it is open each day is challenging even when you do stay home all of the time.  Now that I am working in a different town and trying to get to a place that sells stamps when I remember it is even more challenging.  I even sent the teacher an email about said stamps, asking how many he needed and adding that I might be able to stop on my way to work during one of the many two hour delays we’ve had.  I didn’t make it.  Today I got her reply, and I told her I didn’t make it, but would try to get over to HyVee after work and get some.

forgot

After work I went to HyVee.  I bought pop.  I also purchased pasta.  As I got on the interstate to go home I realized that I had forgotten the stamps.  I wasn’t going back.

She also mentioned his glasses.  Oh dear, dear *Mrs Saint-please don’t ask about the glasses.  Oh the glasses…

The Professor has owned two different pairs of glasses.  Add in the times that they have been completely replaced and it is more like four or five pairs.  The glasses he originally had were made of porcelain or something else like it that broke when someone spoke too loudly.  These are the kinds of things you get while you are on Medicaid.  You can’t afford a nice pair of glasses?  We’ll give you the cheapest pair ever for free and actually spend the amount of a nice pair of glasses fixing them.  Grandma stepped in after the 1,927 times I had to go get either the frames replaced completely, the glasses bent back into shape, the lenses replaced because they fell out, the earpieces replaced because they had fallen off or snapped…  She helped us buy a very nice supposedly indestructable pair.  He broke them three times.  He even had them replaced completely at one point because they were still under warranty and shouldn’t have been broken like that.  Never underestimate the power of an ADD boy.

The good pair snapped in half completely the week after the warranty expired, so he resumed wearing the crappy glasses.  These glasses actually have earpieces that are two different colors because that was the only way they could fix them the last time they broke.

I noticed him pushing the glasses into his face as he usually does (because apparently that is how you wear them when you are eight?)  His nose looked really irritated on one side.  This is because the nosepad was missing completely on that side.  The next week I went to the eye doctor on my break and had the nosepad replaced as well as the glasses unbent as much as possible.

And now?  We have no idea where they are.  I brought them home.  I brought them into the house.  Where they went after that is a mystery.  I can’t even blame him this time.  So now my son has no glasses.  Doesn’t that make me look like such a FABULOUS mom?

The good glasses, right before their imminent demise...

The good glasses, right before their imminent demise…

(Valuable Info that I need you to know:  My son can see without his glasses, he has lazy eye in one eye.  And yes, I will not let him go too long without them.  If they don’t show up soon I’ll fork over the dough to get a new pair-when insurance permits us to do so…)

To add to all of this great parenting glory, I got a call on my phone from the school yesterday from the school.  It turns out that although I had received the letter about kindergarten roundup for Princess Tantrum, I had neglected to sign her up.  Luckily, they know me pretty well there by now…

While I may receive no awards for my fabulous parenting akin to a zombie (except that I don’t eat human flesh or brains-former vegetarian you know) I think I should at least be considered for a Miss Congeniality of Parenting.  I’m nice, I try, and I don’t judge other people’s parenting.  If nothing else, I probably make other parents feel REALLY good about their parenting.

So what kind of parent do you think you are?  Are you a member of WWP like me or do you fall closer to the PPs-Pinterest Parents?  Pinterest Parents are the great ones who actually do all of that crap they find on Pinterest as well as remember to brush their children’s hair before they leave the house.  I merely have good intentions.  To make myself feel better, I just call them PPs.  Get it?  PeePees?  See?  World’s Worst Parent!

For other tales of my fabulous parenting, read And The Mother of the Year Award Goes To…Not Me!

*Names have been changed to protect people that probably don’t want to ever be associated with me.

Yes, he can be in the WWP club too!  Check out last week's post featuring Darth here!

Yes, he can be in the WWP club too! Check out last week’s post featuring Darth here!

Go ahead, don’t be shy.  Don’t walk, RUN over to Something Clever 2.0 and embrace the insanity.  Tell them I sent you.  On second thought, forget I said that!