Necessity is the Mother of Invention, and Maybe His Grandma Too

It was a time of dread…

A darkness had fallen across the household.  Evil Genius retreated to his dark cave to hide from the world.  Children were bored and sad.  Mom was slowly losing her mind because she could not remember where she had put it.  All of this because… we had no satellite…

This would not be so bad, except that the rabbit ears were being, well, very very bad.  We could not move, we could breathe lest the station go out.  We were down to two stations that would actually come in, and even those were extremely touchy.  This is not something that I would care about very much, except that nothing else seemed to be working right to try to help the situation.  I needed PBS back for my hour of sanity per day.  The kids wanted PBS back.  Evil Genius wanted his football.

Finally Evil Genius tired of all this foolishness, and went about a solution.  I didn’t hear much of the scientific explanation as to why all of this was happening. There was something to do with water and electromagnetic something or others in our body that would affect the signal.  I’m sure there was some sort of coefficient in there too.  He set to work, and in a matter of a short time he came up with a very sound solution:

Well looky there. A nail solved the problem.

That was easy.  Jeff Foxworthy would be proud.  Everything comes in plus we gained a station.  No ABC, but I think we can live with that.  At least there is one thing in my life I sort of have control over.

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My Road is Unpaved… No Intentions Happening Here

I am so full of good intentions.

Every evening I seem to have such good plans for the next day.  Get up an hour before the kids and do yoga.  Get out first thing after getting my son off to school for a walk with the dog and daughter.  Exercise during PBSKids.  Read more of a book.  Apply for 60 jobs.  Stay off of Facebook.  Only drink one or two caffeinated beverages.  Make homemade baked treats and prep a healthy dinner.  Reorganize the house.  I make lists of what I need to do.  Sometimes I even meticulously plan what I am going to eat the next day in the losing battle against my non existent willpower.

And then I go to bed.  For the record, I don’t look like a man when I sleep.  I just really like this picture and this movie.

Sometime in the night I think something comes in and sucks out my brains.  Or melts them.  (BTTF reference #2, thank you very much).

The next morning I blearily stagger out of bed at the exact time my son needs to get up for school.  My daughter bounces out of bed at that exact same moment.  I prepare breakfast half asleep and then doze off on the couch after my son leaves.  I may get off the couch and put clothes on by 9 am-yoga pants and a t-shirt.  I can’t find the lists.  I let my daughter watch PBS all morning.  I might get the walk in, but I probably won’t.  I haven’t showered in days.  No baking or reading of any kind occurs.  Each time I reach for the weights some sort of catastrophe occurs involving insert name here.  I eat a whole box of Kraft mac and cheese for lunch plus a handful of M&Ms.  I consume more caffeine than a human should possibly be able to tolerate.  Supper is whatever takes the least amount of time (usually some sort of pasta).  I spend half the day checking Facebook.  I apply for no jobs because the three that looked halfway interesting I wasn’t the least bit qualified for.

(Not…gonna…happen…)

Yeah, this is my world.  And then each night comes around and I start all over again, being optimistic and stuff…

…And look there’s that road of good intentions again.  UNPAVED!