Pure Evil in a Small Jar

It’s just like eating chocolate frosting. Why won’t anyone share the evil with me?

Dear People of Our Small Town:

My son may look like he is starving to death, but I assure you that we do try to feed him.  But as they say, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.  Especially if there is recess involved.

My son won’t eat his lunch at school.  Him not eating isn’t unusual, but lunch is a meal that he traditionally actually eats, because it tends to be things that he doesn’t have weird issues with-sandwiches, etc.  The last two years we have either been on reduced price or free lunches, so it has been cheaper for him to eat the school hot lunch.  This year we supposedly have more money (we don’t), therefore we don’t qualify for assistance on this.  Which is fine-I send him a lunch every day, and it’s much healthier than what they serve.  He thinks I’m killing him.  I’m not totally mean, I do let him eat there once a week, usually when it’s pizza day or something like that. But the rest of the time it’s stuff from home.

Every day he comes home with a lunch that is barely touched.  It’s not like I’m sending stuff he hates.  I send sandwiches or wraps, usually either meat and cheese or peanut butter.  He likes peanut butter, he just tries to avoid it at all costs.  He’s weird in that he won’t eat jelly on it.  What kid doesn’t like peanut butter and jelly?  I subsisted on pb & j lunches every day for years and I was perfectly happy.

Recently I’ve discovered something that’s really good: peanut butter and honey-oooooooh, it’s delightful. Now I’m hungry.  What was I talking about again?

Oh yes, my son the slow and oh so picky eater. I emailed his teacher about it.  I’m not one of THOSE parents who expects the teacher to parent my child, but he had told me that he didn’t have time to eat his lunch because he had his small group reading right afterwards and he didn’t want to be late.  I was suspicious.  His teacher confirmed my suspicion, he had recess right after lunch, not reading, and he was welcome to stay in during recess to finish.  I didn’t push it, because I didn’t want her babysitting him when she could be doing her own stuff.  I’m not concerned necessarily that he isn’t eating as much as I am that if he doesn’t eat it could affect his behavior due to him being hungry. He has enough behavior issues on certain days (he’s on an IEP for his ADD and behavior), I don’t want to make it worse.  He has really good days, and not so good days, but there’s not exactly any rhyme or reason to them.

He does supposedly finish his lunch when it was a school lunch.  Maybe he just didn’t like the stuff enough that I was sending.  He always finishes his milk, which is a dream come true because they can have chocolate milk, EVERY DAY if they want.  I remember when I was a kid, we only got chocolate milk on Friday.  Kids are so spoiled!

My Mom had a great idea when she was up visiting.  What about trying nutella?  It’s supposed to be healthy.  I had never thought about it because it was hazelnut and I assumed it tasted like coffee.  Oh no it doesn’t-it tastes like chocolate frosting!  It is wonderful!

Shockingly the kids won’t touch it.  They have both tried it and said that they liked it, but every time I serve it, they don’t eat it.  I, however, can’t stay out of it.  All 210 calories a serving and 29 grams of sugar.  I spread it on a tortilla, I put it on bread, I put in on graham crackers, heck I eat it right off the knife.  I thought my peanut butter craving was bad-this is worse.  It’s pure evil in a small jar.  I’ve gone to the dark side, and it’s made of hazelnuts.

I personally will make sure that this jar disappears and I will save my family from that delicious pure evil… now if you’ll excuse me I have to go to the dark side with my spoon.