Let’s Get Physical (In a Non Olivia Newton John Sort of Way)

She definitely looks better in a headband than I do.

She definitely looks better in a headband than I do.

While many of you were out enjoying the great weather earlier this week, I was lying face down on a table.  Doesn’t that sound like fun?

It was actually means to an end.  The beginning of finally getting some relief for the literal pain in my neck. Since nothing that I have been prescribed has worked thus far, I ended up getting sent to get physical with the physical therapist.

Ironically, I started physical therapy this time exactly five years ago to the day I first had physical therapy at that same facility.  I had my tiny baby little girl in her carrier and an adorable three year old boy accompanying me back then. This was when I could barely walk without excruciating pain and had a horrible pain in the neck.  Now I have two adorable and curious elementary school aged children who asked a lot of questions with me, and a neck and head that throbbed when I blinked.

deep tissue massageI filled out paperwork. I squeezed stuff.  I got smacked with one of those things they test your reflexes with. I got pushed and prodded and got my head almost yanked off of my body.  I got some great deep tissue massage.

Meanwhile, my children were so good they were practically little angels.  This may have something to do with the fact that they thought I was going to have electroshock therapy or something like that.  No, dear children, the TENS machine does NOT deliver electric shocks.  Apparently that is what my son took from the conversation we had the previous night about what physical therapy actually was.

Both children stared at me with wide eyes the whole session, whispering to one another and looked quite a bit worried.  At the end when she hooked up the electrodes to me The Professor started jabbering a billion miles a minute.  He wanted to know what exactly was going to come out of those things.  The therapist was great, explaining everything that she was doing and how it all worked.  Even then, they didn’t relax until she turned it on and I didn’t even react, or started smoking or anything interesting like that.

static electric chairThey got tootsie rolls in exchange for all of the stress that my session put them through.  I’m probably in for it on Thursday when I go back, now that they realize what I’m really having done.

I have to go for at least a few more times.  Next time I need to take a notebook, because I forgot pretty much everything she told me by the time I got home.  Something about C1 and C2 (which disappointingly has nothing to do with cookies).  Use cold instead of heat. Something about a something something muscle in my back.  I was given three exercises to do every day at home.

Oh-and I was told no more blogging on the couch.



In other words I need to stop being so lazy.  I need to sit in a chair at a table or desk with the computer at a certain height.  While sitting on my couch with my laptop most likely did not cause the problem, it certainly isn’t helping!

So I carried the desk from the bedroom down the stairs and set myself up for blogging in the living room where I could keep an eye on both kids.  I found the fold up chair with the padded seat and back, but since I have to keep my elbows at a 90 degree angle I also have to sit on pillows.

Guess what?  I hate it.

I can’t concentrate.  I’m certainly not comfortable.  I’m not inspired.  My back hurts.  Add the pounding headache that I’ve had all day and it’s SUCH a good time.  I have posts scheduled for other people that I need to write.  This with the realization that I haven’t written much that can be considered actual humorous writing lately makes me a bit frantic.

Who knew that I was really that lazy?  I’ve always known that desk work isn’t my thing, but it’s necessary.  I need to channel my inner couch so I can have some inspiration to write funny things.

What do you do when you need inspiration?  How do you make the best of a situation that isn’t ideal for you?


Theme Thursday: Lots of Pain, So Far No Gain

Theme ThursdayTheme Thursday is a magical place where dreams come true.  All the magic is brought to you by Jenn from Something Clever 2.0.

This week’s theme was to write about what drives you crazy.

Crazy is right.  I feel absolutely nuts about now.

I have eluded to the fact that I’ve been in a lot of agony lately.  I don’t like to say a whole lot, because I don’t want to come off a complainer.  Trust me on this one, and don’t listen to a word my husband says about there always something being wrong with me.  He thinks he’s being funny, you know.

I’ve had a stiff, painful neck on one side for months, and it finally got so bad that I went in and got it looked at.  I’ve now been in there threee times.  Appointment #1-It’s stress and all in my head.  Appointment #2-I got X-rays and oh that was FUN. My spine is fine, thanks for asking.  Appointment #3-I don’t have shingles and it’s not going away on its own.

I’m sure I look like I’m possessed the way I’m walking around rolling my head these days.  I’m trying to unkink my neck, even though I know it’s not going to help.  It hurts like holy heck.  Add to that the newest member of the pain family:  The head.  Whichever part of my body decided that this was a funny joke can really just knock it off now!  Really?  A million pin pricks of hot pain on my scalp?  That’s real funny.  Not.

You find this funny?  I don't, because I'm completely out of chocolate.

You find this funny? I don’t, because I’m completely out of chocolate.

As one would expect, this is a huge challenge for someone who is considered a humor writer.  It’s put a great big giant Charley Horse in my style.  Although I’ve managed to maintain somewhat of a sense of humor during all of this, I feel like a horrible mom and wife.  I’m crabby because I hurt so bad and don’t sleep well.  I can do very little around the house.  I’m sure that my husband and kids would like to auction me off very cheaply about now.  Or at least trade me in for a mom without body issues.This past Sunday I felt totally useless as I lay on the couch and my family pitched in to do everything that I have been neglecting around the house.  It was literally all I could do.  I’m so happy that they stepped up-I fall somewhere between bad and terrible when it comes to housecleaning and maintenance as it is.  This is not helping my image!

I think I’d feel about the same as I would if were to lean on a cactus…  Or maybe I’d feel better?  I’ve shared my pain with a few of the people I talk to regularly.  My blogging friends in particular have been wonderful-I’ve received plenty of advice on things I can try:

Acupuncture:  It’s needles.  IT’S NEEDLES!  Noooo!  I’m deathly afraid of anything with a needle. No wonder I don’t sew.

Supplements:  I really would like to take some, but I already take a multivitamin and I’m skeered of growing an extra head.  One that would hurt just as much as the one I have.

It would be like the cars.com commercial but scarier...

It would be like the cars.com commercial but scarier…

Massage:  Hell yeah!  Who wants to give me one?  Actually, Evil Genius has stepped up nicely in the department, but he can’t do much about my head.

Alternative Medicine:  I’ve had all kinds of wonderful stuff suggested to me that I’ve never heard of before, and that unfortunately aren’t available here in corn country.

Chocolate Therapy:  I understand that chocolate goes quite well with vicodin.

Alcoholism:  Maybe a glass or two, but I really like my liver, thanks.

I personally think that if I were to cut myself in half I might actually feel better.  I’d look pretty weird though.

As I said, we’ve tried to keep a sense of humor about the whole thing.  Evil Genius has made sure to make plenty of jokes at my expense.  Some of them were even funny. He’s had his own pain to deal with-his knee is going to explode any day now.  Some snippets of things said at my house this week:

“You said you wanted to tighten up. I can’t help it if you’re an overachiever.”

“Come over here and put your neck against my knee.  Maybe we can cancel out each other’s pain.”

The doctor referred me to physical therapy, FINALLY.  She said I needed deep tissue massage and a few rounds with the TENS machine.  Unfortunately I have to wait until Monday to get any relief.  I’m really hoping it helps.  I’d really hate to feel like this for the rest of my life!

Have you ever been in pain that just wouldn’t quit?  What did you end up doing for it?  Did anything work (or are you still in pain)?  I’d love to hear your story, however depressing or funny it is…

lost itPlease be sure to see what drives other bloggers batty by clicking on the Theme Thursday link at the top!

I’m doing double duty this week by cohosting the Tattler Thursday blog hop.  I’m a blog hop virgin, so I’m not really sure what I’m doing…  We can’t get the links to work, so I’m plugging it sans links for now.  If you’d like to link up, please visit The Wild and Wonderful World of Gingerssnaps and/or CHill Thoughts to link up your post!


The Wild and Wonderful World of Gingerssnaps



The Sadder But Wiser Girl

Theme Thursday: Breastfeeding Gave Me Super Powers

Oh I still have this super power.

Oh I still have this super power.

Today’s Theme Thursday topic is breast feeding.  I told Jenn that I gave this one two boobs up. 

When I breastfed, I had super powers.   Yes you saw that right-breastfeeding my kids gave me a couple of special powers.

Always sleeping he was...

Always sleeping he was…

Breastfeeding Super Power #1:  Super Sleep Inducer.  Ability to make infants fall asleep upon contact.

I breastfed my son with no complications for me other than sore boobs.  The thing about this kid is that he SLEPT ALL THE TIME.  Literally.  People would come to visit and he would sleep.  We couldn’t even get him to wake up long enough to give them a “Hey what’s up?”  We would try to give him tummy time on the floor and he would fall asleep.  I would try to breastfeed him and he would FALL ASLEEP.  Immediately.  I really stressed out about this, because since he slept all the time he wouldn’t get a whole lot to eat.  I had directions to do all kinds of things to get him to wake back up.  Tickle his feet, undress him, and so on.  Nothing really worked.  In the end he must have got enough, the doctor didn’t seem all that worried about it.  I wish I could say that power carried over to the second one, but alas it did not.  While my son slept all the time my daughter rarely slept for very long, and she always wanted to sleep with me.

When The Princess was this teeny thing I was a champion staircrawler, that's because it's the only way I could get up there. Damn pelvis.

When The Princess was this teeny thing I was a champion staircrawler, that’s because it’s the only way I could get up there. Damn pelvis.

Breastfeeding Super Power #2:  Dislocation.  Surely useful for something.

Breastfeeding my daughter was an interesting experience because as great as the health benefits were for both of us, it was actually making some things worse for me.  When I had her something weird happened with my body.  I was at the doctor’s office just a few weeks after having her with neck and body problems.  My neck hurt so bad I couldn’t move it, I couldn’t sit up, I couldn’t even lay down without it killing me.  I also couldn’t walk up the stairs.  My legs and lower back hurt so badly I could barely get out of bed to get her when she was screaming her head off.

My doctor handed me a neck brace and then told me to crawl over to the physical therapist and have them take a look-see.  The diagnosis?  My neck muscles were clenched so tight that there were literal knots in the muscle.  And why I couldn’t walk?  My pelvis was out of alignment.  I was an inch higher on one side than the other.  What would help?  Months of physical therapy.  Oh, and if I’d stop breastfeeding, that would help too.  Apparently your body releases something called relaxin when you are pregnant so that all the joints loosen up to let that baby come on out easier.  Some people like me just had body parts just waiting to pop right out of place, and it keeps going until you stop breastfeeding.

I didn’t stop-I kept on breastfeeding as long as I could.  The physical therapy plus the exercises I had to do at home really helped.  However, for months afterward I would literally have part of my pelvis pop out of alignment walking down the hallway at work. I’d have to go into my classroom while the kids were out of the room, lie down on the floor, and do the exercises to bring everything back to semi-ok.  I’m sure anyone walking by the window of the classroom wondered what the heck was going on.

I can’t say that I ever used this superpower, or even what it would be useful for.  Maybe it was in case my daughter got stuck somewhere and I had to go in and get her?  With her that was entirely possible, considering she was mobile pretty early on because she hated to stay in one place.

To this day I have issues with my neck and back.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again-she is literally a pain in my neck.  I’m having some breastfeeding body flashbacks at the moment.  I have barely been able to move my neck for weeks now.  (If you’re a blogger that I’ve been commenting on tons and wondering why I’m not visiting your blog like I used to, well, sitting around aggravates it even more, so I’m doing what I can…)

I was lucky to be able to breastfeed both kids for the first seven months of their lives.  Yup, then they kicked my boobs to the curb.  That was it, they wanted no more.  None of that having to worry about weaning, they just did it themselves.  I applaud people that are able to do it for the full year, but for me it was probably better this way.  Of course no breast feeding=no more superpowers.  😦

Thanks for the mammaries…HA HA. Sorry, I just couldn’t resist!  Be sure to read all of the Theme Thursday posts over at Something Clever 2.0