Toilet Tales: The Scoop on the Poop

Now hear this!

Now hear this!

Is it one of Murphy’s laws that when you need to go and want privacy that your kids will make sure you have anything but, but if you need another roll of toilet paper those little darlings will be somehow completely out of earshot?

When you’re a Mom let’s face it, there are NO secrets.  The world will inevitably know what you’re doing whether you want it known or what.  Recently I had one of those moments when I wished I could throw on a cloak of invisibility and hide away.

The children and I were literally up at the crack of dawn to deliver dear daddy to work.  We got up, threw some granola bars at them and were on the road at 6 am.  After a stop for my transportation fee of one large McDonald’s iced coffee, a little bit more than an hour passed and we arrived to deliver him to his destination problem free.

On the hour trip back home it was obvious that I was not going to make it home without a pit stop.  Last night’s supper combined with my ingestion of said coffee wasn’t going to let me off easy.  I was going to have to stop at a rest stop before I got back on the interstate.  I literally flew from the car right into the women’s restroom, daughter in tow and son ordered to use the men’s bathroom.

My daughter is scared of self flushing toilets.  Therefore I have to be in the stall with her when she does her business.  So of course she must come right into the stall with me as I barely make it to the throne to do business of my very own.

HA HA-there's no toilet paper!

HA HA-there’s no toilet paper!

I should have known better.  I’m not sure what that happened immediately after that was more embarrassing:

It could have been my daughter in the bathroom proclaiming to the whole world “YAY Mommy you’re pooping!  Ohhhhhh…. your little poops are so cute!”

(Damn self flushing toilets anyway.  Why do they only flush when you DON’T want them to-usually while you’re sitting on them, and not when you get up before your daughter can admire what you just made!)

Or it could have been my son standing outside of the women’s bathroom yelling “Mom are you done in there?  Mom?  Mom?  WHAT IS TAKING YOU SO LONG?  Are you pooping?”  I kept yelling back “I will be out in a minute.  I’m not finished.”  To which he would just keep yelling because he wasn’t actually listening to what I was yelling to him…

At that moment I really wished the toilet was a portal to the Ministry of Magic.  I bet they let you use the restroom in peace there…

My apologies to everyone at the Flying J rest stop that particular morning.  So sorry you had to hear all about my poop…

redneck-toilet

I might as well have been using this toilet. It would have been just as private.