REBLOG: If My Life Were A Movie, I’d Hire Better Writers

This is my second REBLOG weekend. This is one of my better posts. Not too old but not too new. Just right, as baby bear would say.

The Sadder But Wiser Girl

I keep thinking lately that if my life were a movie we should almost be at the point where something wonderful happens.  You know, things just seem like they are so bad and then that great thing happens that miraculously turns things around.  It of course results in a happy ending.  The “It’s always darkest before the dawn” type thing.

So obviously this is real life and although I’m sure there’s a plan for me somewhere, I don’t see it happening.  But this brought up a very good bunch of stuff for my blog.  What IF my life WERE like a movie?  What would happen?

I’d get some sort of anonymous donor all of a sudden paying to send me to school.  Then I could follow my dreams.  If this were a movie, I’d know what those dreams were…

I’d have a trainer preparing me for my first triathlon using…

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If My Life Were A Movie, I’d Hire Better Writers

If my life were a movie… there’d be great refreshments at reasonable prices.

I keep thinking lately that if my life were a movie we should almost be at the point where something wonderful happens.  You know, things just seem like they are so bad and then that great thing happens that miraculously turns things around.  It of course results in a happy ending.  The “It’s always darkest before the dawn” type thing.

So obviously this is real life and although I’m sure there’s a plan for me somewhere, I don’t see it happening.  But this brought up a very good bunch of stuff for my blog.  What IF my life WERE like a movie?  What would happen?

I’d get some sort of anonymous donor all of a sudden paying to send me to school.  Then I could follow my dreams.  If this were a movie, I’d know what those dreams were…

I’d get to go back to school with really smart fun people…

I’d have a trainer preparing me for my first triathlon using ordinary things.  I’d be weightlifting family sized cans of vegetable beef soup and full containers of cat litter. I’d be running through an obstacle course made of hula hoops, carefully arranged dog poop, empty Cheerios boxes, and leftover siding.  I’d be pulling a wagon loaded with all of the uneaten food from my house, which would be REALLY heavy (great training potential).  I’d be forced to run up and down the playground equipment at the park over and over.

Just as I’d just given up forever on finding a job and threw myself into something else (most likely the chest high mountain of laundry on the back porch), the dream job would happen to come up on the job website.  I’d decide to apply for one last job and get an interview.  They wouldn’t offer me the job at first, but something miraculous would happen and I would end up getting an even better job because I impressed someone there… because they would think I’m awesome.

We’d break out into song at the most interesting moments.  My daughter going poop in the potty would rate a huge song and dance number.  I would finally get a job interview, and there would be dancers following me as I sang all the way there about how I was going to change my life.  Dinnertime-you bet there’d be some sort of production.  And everyone would like and eat the food too.

“Myyyyyyy husband mowed the laaaaaawn!” Everything would be cause for a musical number if my life were a movie.

Somehow my schedule would miraculously allow me to do all kinds of work to prove the naysayers wrong.  I’d be out there, pounding the pavement, doing something to make everyone who ever doubted me have faith in me again.  Not sure what that would be, but I’d be proving them wrong.

My husband would be very romantic. You know, random flowers and stuff like that.  I bet he’d be conscious too, unless it was a comedy relief type of thing, because unconsciousness can be very funny.

I’d have a better wardrobe (does the HD camera also add ten pounds?)  And better hair.  Much better hair.

I have pretty cute children anyway.  I suppose they would be just as cute, and would say much of the same stuff they say in real life.  Except my daughter wouldn’t poop her pants at the most inopportune moments, and my son wouldn’t eat his boogers.

I’d be giving up my blog just about the time a famous editor would read it.  He would make great strides to try to find me and hire me to come to work for his company.  Also, my fans would rally around my house begging me to return to what inspired their life:  My blog.  Oh yes, and I would have a lot of fans.

I’d have a lightsaber.  I’d also have some sort of superpowers.  And I’d be able to do that slow motion floating and turning in the air thing like on The Matrix movies.  There’d be some sort of epic battle in my backyard.  I’d win.

It would have an awesome, though eclectic, soundtrack.

Yes my life is definitely not a movie.  If you’re willing to buy my story, however, we’ll talk.

Would my life story have the elements that Nicholas Cage looks for in a movie? Would he wonder how he wasn’t in my movie? I’m sure that 1) all of the dialogue probably would be whispered or screamed and 2) food would be served in the movie.

Have Fun Storming the Castle!

It’s often like this show at our house. Except we have more hair.

We quote a lot of stuff at our house.  A LOT of stuff.  Mostly movies, and TV shows, among other things.  I wouldn’t be surprised if my husband and I have had a whole conversation in movie quotes.  Hey, that would be a really neat game.  “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” used to do games where you spoke only in song titles.  I’ve always wanted to try that.

But I digress…  which reminds me of digest.  But this is not a rhyming game.  But…”Rhyming is fun.”

We don’t quote stuff that other people quote, mostly more obscure stuff.  What brought this whole post on?  Today my husband took both kids and the dog to drive to his sister’s house to pick up some stuff she’d done for him, as well as stop in and see the folks.  I packed them each a drink and snacks, and as they went out the door I yelled “Have fun storming the castle!”  The neighbors probably think I’m really weird.  I can’t help it.  It’s verbal diarrhea, it just comes out and I can’t stop it.  Especially stuff like that, from “The Princess Bride”, only one of the best and most quotable movies ever.  It’s a good book, too.  One of the best and funniest ever written.

I get it honest, my Mom does it too.  Every time we go somewhere and park, of course she quotes Star Trek IV, the scene where they leave the cloaked Klingon Bird of Prey in the park.  “Everybody remember where we parked.”  That’s another very funny and very quotable movie.  What other movie do you get to hear Mr Spock cuss?  “Perhaps now is a good time for a colorful metaphor?”

Weird weird stuff makes us quote stuff.  Don’t ever talk about rueing the day.  Because that really opens up a can of worms at our house.  “Rue the day, who talks like that?” (Real Genius).  “I rued the day once.” (Friends)  Seeing a large amount of cups in one place often leads to these quotes, starting with “They will rue the day they put in me in charge of cups!” (Friends, again).  Someone uses the word “youth” “Da two yutes.”  “What is a yute?”  “The two YOUTHS.”  (My Cousin Vinny)  Anytime we come across anyone called Newt “She turned me into a newt… I got better”.  (Monty Python and the Holy Grail)

We actually quote Monty Python almost to the point of absurdity…  “We already got one.  It’s verrah nice.”  “I fart in your general direction!” “I’m FRENCH!  Where do you think I got this OUT-RAGEOUS ACK-SENT!”

Speaking of french, anything that has the word french in it results in this:  “Fronch fries, Fronch toast, Fronch dressing, and for dessert, Peru.” It costs two dollars?  It results in one of us yelling “TWO DOLLARS!  TWO DOLLARS!” (Better Off Dead).   And of course when anyone has strange symptoms of any kind in our house, “Maybe it’s a tumor.”  “It’s NOT A TOO-MAH!”  Gotta go to the bathroom?  “There is no BAWTHROOM!” (Kindergarten Cop).  And to round out the 80s movies, who DOESN’T say “AUTOMOBEEEEEL?” when they see the word automobile written down somewhere?  (Sixteen Candles)

Some things we can’t even say right anymore because it makes us think of something else.  Anything that’s navy blue isn’t “navy” blue, it’s “nah-vee blue” (You know, Fronk from Father of the Bride, oh you DON’T know?).  Or we make something similar to a quote in a movie.  Me with my coffee:  “I love coffee.  Coffee, coffee, coffee.”  (Substitute Scotch for coffee, Anchorman).  In addition to this we’ve also stolen many ideas that we work into our every day conversation.  Like needing an “epiphany toilet”.  Betcha can’t guess where that one came from…

And don’t forget the commercials.  You know when you get things that go together, I have to say “Unicorns and glitter!”  (I love Flo)  My daughter has caught on to that, she can’t hear the word smooth without reciting “He’s smooth, like Keith Stone”.  I’m not sure whether to be proud or horrified at that.  We really watch too much TV.

Oh, and before I forget, “Rhyming is fun” comes from Scrubs.  Yet another awesome TV show.  Anytime we have to guess how much something costs, “I’m going to guess…seven dollars.”  Also from Scrubs.  I could go on and on…

Perhaps it’s all related to the recessive gene we all have in my family that causes us to burst out into song at the mention of something that reminds of a line in a song.  It has to at least be in the same general area of the brain.  Thank goodness I met Evil Genius, because he understands all of this.  See, there’s someone out there for everybody!  He’s actually there to correct me, because I never get the quotes exactly right.  I understand that he and his boss talk in movie quotes all the time at work.  So there are more of us, maybe even some who won’t admit that things make them quote other things.  We must find them, and assimilate them.  “Resistance is Futile” (Star Trek:TNG)

When I was younger, much like with my interests, I tried to repress my quoting urges.  Guess what, I was…

You have to do it to the tune of a clock chiming. Think about it.

I WAS wrong.  It’s a good thing I decided to accept my geekdom.  And by the way this above picture’s quote would count as both a song AND a quote.  “See what I did there?”

Wish I knew what THAT was from, since I use it all the time…