Printer Purgatory

This may very well be taking place in my front yard very soon.

I don’t use consonance for just any reason.  I am really at my wits end these days.  My kingdom for a printer that works right!

I had to get rid of the old Kodak that had a few issues but was fed stuff that it shouldn’t have been fed.  The brilliant work of a toddler.  I don’t remember what exactly was shoved in there but it was certainly akin to putting a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in a VCR (which is a terrible waste of pb&j if you ask me).  This was the same week that she got a hold of a pen and proceeded to write all over everything in my scrapbooking area.

As it turned out, it was ok timing.  Best Buy had a deal where you could turn in your old printer for credit towards a new one.  So I did, and after hours of painstaking research came home with what I thought was a pretty nifty Kodak ESP 7250.  Wireless, baby.  I could order it to print and have it happen all while laying in my bed.  I’ve never actually done this, by the way.

We coexisted in bliss for awhile before it started having some major problems, and I started going crazy.

Why all the fuss?  Well, for starters, I used to scrapbook like a boss.  I’d churn out pages nightly, all while watching episodes of Bones.  Who knew that David Boreanaz could be so creatively inspiring?  I’m one of those who prints most stuff on my printer, including the pictures.  Partly because of the instant gratification factor, partly because you can’t get all of those different sizes for layouts when you go to Walgreens, and partly because I live nowhere near a place where I can get pictures developed quickly without expending tons of gas.  When my daughter was a wee thing, my husband ordered me to get a Cricut for myself for Christmas, wrap it, and put it under the tree.  My Mom got me the SCAL software the following year, and I was a scrapbooker on crack.

In addition to this, I coupon so we can buy groceries.  You know, stuff to eat besides ketchup sandwiches.  What I can’t find in the newspaper I sometimes am able to find online.  And did I mention that I’m unemployed?  They kind of expect you to have this thing called a resume and cover letter.  Fortunately a lot of this can be done by email, but not everything.  Some places even ask for this on stuff called PAPER!

So back to the printer from hell.  If you have a few thousand hours of your life to spare, please buy a Kodak Printer so you can be on the phone with someone whom you can barely understand.  I estimate I’ve spent close to that between the two printers that I have owned.  There’s the online Support as well-a site that rarely has answers that you actually want to hear.  Usually if your printer is having trouble, you’ll spend hours trying to find solutions, only to always come to the same conclusion:

You need a new printhead.

Kodak used to send these out for free.  At least that was worth the thousands of hours trying to print a picture without success.  But now they are going in the toilet, and I just don’t think they care anymore.  So in order to start scrapbooking again without shelling out a ton of dough for ink, I had to pony up the $50 or so for a new printhead.

I pretty much quit scrapbooking about that point.  And this went on for quite some time.   My Mom finally helped me get a new one, but I found the exact printhead I needed on Ebay, about $20 less.  I was excited.  I bought new ink cartridges, I prepared for the arrival of this printhead like some people prepare for the arrival of a new baby.

The day it arrived, it took ten minutes to get it unwrapped, installed, and ready with brand new ink cartridges.  It then took another two hours online lo0king for solutions as to why it didn’t work properly.  It WAS the correct printhead, it just didn’t work any better than the old one.  Then I did an online chat with a support rep.  The end result?  They offered me a new printer.  Oh no, they weren’t going to give it to me.  If I took advantage of this special offer, I could get a brand new one at 30% off.

HOLY COW!  Are you serious????  My old printer isn’t even two years old.  Do they really think I am going to pay over $100 for another one of their printers?  I only paid $50 for the last one, because I am a bargain shopper.  No thank you, I’d rather dropkick the one I have.

Sadly, after trying a few more tricks that I thought I had up my sleeve, I unhooked the printer and laid it to rest.  I saved the ink cartridges, because gosh golly I can at least get Staples rewards points for them.  I felt like I was paying my last respects to an old friend.  One that didn’t treat me all so well.

Then I tried to go on with my life.  I brought in the other printer and hooked it up, my husband’s HP Photosmart that we bought on special when he went back to school.  We did this so I could still scrapbook and he could print papers for school without running me out of ink.  It’s a good printer, but it has an identity crisis.  One of two things typically happens-it either forgets who it is or my computer forgets who it is.

Got that?  So now the thousand extra hours that I would be spending dealing with Kodak support is dealing with HP.  I’m either online trying to get the correct software, AGAIN, because you know you have to uninstall and reinstall everything each time it forgets who it is, or I’m standing on a chair putting the wireless password into the printer itself for the zillionth time.  I never thought I’d ever memorize one of those weird passwords, but I know this one by heart.  And it doesn’t take long to run the ink out.  Every year I make calendars for my parents.  This year I was unable to find the blank picture calendars anywhere, so I tried to print the whole calendar pages on the HP.  I ran out of ink halfway through.  Their Christmas present was given to them with this note:  “Get half a year now, get the rest later!”

And of course there was the whole bat cake incident.  Since my computer had forgotten the software, I couldn’t print or copy or do much of anything, including the batman symbol I so desperately needed for my son’s birthday cake.

Enough was enough, I was going to get this all together so I could get my creative life back.  I was going to get that software, make some calendars, and seriously start learning how to use my Adobe Photoshop Elements so I could make some wicked scrapbook pages.  I spent half the day Sunday finding all of the software (again), getting it all ready, even downloading a patch that was supposed to fix all of this nonsense.

Yesterday I tried to print out a recipe.  When I went to print, guess what the program said?  “PRINTER IS OFFLINE”.  The computer knew there was a printer, but the printer did not where it was.

And this, my friends, was when my head exploded.   And it was a mess…

I believe it.

Limited Edition Cat Butt Christmas Cards

We’ve done a few, but we have many cards to go…

A picture is worth a thousand words, and since my son has been little, I have started making picture Christmas cards.  The first year it was simply a photo on nice Christmas cardstock with a little message in it.  Since then I’ve gotten a bit more elaborate, even shelling out the dough for the store bought ones you do online.

This year we’re going back to basics.  Princess Artistic is EXTREMELY interested in making cards for everyone, and since we are buried in a blizzard I figured this would be a prime opportunity for her to do just that.  And with her brother home to help this made it even better.  I figure at this point it’s pretty hopeless to get all of that done in time.  They will get there when they get there, and that’s ok.

Fortunately in the past I have way over bought on the card making supplies, and have inherited some as well through some relatives.  I took down the big box of cards from the shelf, dug out all of the Christmas stickers, punches, stamps, and Christmas colored ink and paints.  I let them create with some supervision.  They look pretty nice!  We have many more to make, though.

We’ve done some card making before.  We’ve always sent the photo cards in the mail and sometimes make homemade ones for people we see often (in other words, they already know what my kids look like.)  One year my cat even tried to get into the whole Christmas card making thing.  One year my son wanted to make cards for everyone at school, from the principal to the lunch ladies (and we all know with what they put up with, they deserve them most of all).  I gathered Christmas shaped sponges, Christmas colored paint, construction paper, and glitter.  He sat and stamped for quite awhile.  Once done we proudly laid them out to dry in the game room.  Not even five minutes after we finished the cat decided that the cards would be an excellent place-for him to sit on.  He proudly turned the sparkly green Christmas tree prints into sparkly green cat butt prints.  He had a green sparkly butt for a bit after that, and we ended up making different cards to replace the three that he sat upon.  Now that he is gone, I kind of wish I had saved those butt print cards!

Ah sweet kitty, he was always willing to lend a hand, or rather a butt.

The Getting To Know The Blogger Challenge: The Rest

I haven’t forgotten about the blogger challenge through A Little Unhinged. I’ve just been really busy with stuff like, receiving AWARDS (yes, people like me for some reason), not sleeping, and getting ready for the holidays.  Now I’m back to finish it up.  Today I’m answering all of the questions that I know won’t take a whole blog post to answer.  I realized that after we started the challenge that the questions were changed a little, so I may be answering some that aren’t on the list any longer!

What are your fears?

I also hate things that pop up suddenly-I can relate.

One of my biggest fears is something happening to my children.  I have lots of dreams where I’ve lost them.  I mean, like I can’t find them.  Dreams for me are so strange anyway.  I also dream about losing my husband.  Now as an ADD person, losing things is highly typical.  Just not children.

My other fear is natural disasters-specifically the more weather related ones.  I probably am afraid of these because it is something totally beyond my control.  My whole life seems beyond my control these days!  I actually have legitimate fear of tornadoes.  As a child we traveled home to see relatives during tornado season.  We were held up during one part of our route, and that turned out to be a good thing.  If we had been on schedule we would have been smack dab in the middle of a horrible tornado.  It was a scary night-I remember it vividly to this day.  The eerie cast to the sky, seeing all the destruction as we drove-telephone poles in the road.  And the radio broadcast-the stories they told. One woman got in her bathtub for safety and took a little ride in it.

A few years later when we were living in Maine my mother and I went shopping an hour and a half away from where we lived.  On the way back, a fuse went out and we were left in our Toyota in the dark, waiting for my dad to come help us.  It was a night of horrific weather with spectacular electrical storms.  This was very scary for me, even though we were probably in the safest place that we could be.  A lot of it probably had to do with that night in Iowa, but in Maine, thankfully tornadoes are very rare.

I can’t watch those shows about the super volcanoes or about the giant earthquakes or about giant asteroids smashing into the earth.  I just can’t!  They scare the bejeezus out of me.

What are your hobbies?

I scrapbook.  Or at least I used to.  Then life got in the way.  It was my release.  I am hoping getting my printhead ordered tomorrow so I can get back into it.  Much like my blogging, it takes up a lot of time because I am a perfectionist about it!

It’s true!  (ignore the typo)

The last couple of questions I saved for last.  This is because I am not real technically savvy when it comes to blogging.  If I hadn’t hooked up with A Little Unhinged, I’d probably still be walking around like a blindfolded person!

What are a couple of your favorite blog tools that you use?

Top blog tools that I use?  Ummmm… a laptop?  Maybe I should just say Bonnie Franks, she’s awesome at answering questions and helping you get things figured out on your blog!

Social Networks/Blog Communities that you want others to know you’re a part of.

Why cats are lousy with social media

Social Networks that I am a part of?  I have a fan page on Facebook, I use Twitter but not as much as I probably should (it is fun to do what I call “Twitterdropping”, where you read conversations that other people have on there.)  I have a Pinterest account that I’ve had for a long time, I just haven’t quite figured out how to link up to it yet.  I’ve joined SITS.  I’ve done a couple of Blog Hops.  I have an account on BlogHer and Networked Blogs.  I’m a member of the Bearded Iris’s #PMSClub on Twitter, does that count?  I created an account on Circle of Moms, but haven’t done anything else with it.  I have an account with SparkPeople through my other blog, Aluminum Girl, that I NEED to do more with but haven’t.  If you know of a social community that I SHOULD be a member of, or you WANT me to be a member of, please feel free to tell me about it!

And that’s all I’ve got for this challenge.  It’s been a lot of fun sharing.  It has also really helped me out-I’ve been inspired to change my blog to work better for me, and am trying to implement some changes that will help all of us connect better.  I have icons to load on there, and I am trying to make a blogroll on my sidebar that includes the blogs I read every day, not just the WordPress ones!  I like giving credit to people who have great blogs!

If you haven’t been participating in the challenge and want to, there’s plenty of time!  I couldn’t get the button right on my blog, but you can click on the link to A Little Unhinged and it will take you to the page where you can get going on it.

I hope you have enjoyed reading all of this!  😀  I leave you with this:

ALL THE CHALLENGE POSTS RIGHT HERE!:

This Could Be Fun:  I’m Doing The 15 Day Getting To Know The Blogger Challenge, Where I Grew Up, Favorite Childhood Memories, School, Work, Life, Friends, Family, Goals, The Why and the What, The Top Posts, The Blogs I Visit

The ADD Mom Makes Stuff…With Assistance

This is really getting out of hand.

My sister’s birthday is on Thursday.  In true ADD fashion I am just now getting around to doing stuff for it.  I’ve thought about it quite a bit, as usual I realized “Hey it’s in TWO days!” today.  And we’re making stuff, because that’s what we do.

Hey sis, if you read my blog, your present is going to be late.  Mainly because stuff needs to dry.  Scared yet?  By the way, I wrote this yesterday.  I DO know when your birthday is.

Princess Impatient loves to help Mommy make stuff.  Especially if there is any sort of art involved.  I scrapbook and I make my own cards.  Ahem, I used to scrapbook and I used to make my own cards.  That’s because whenever I get stuff out she must be involved, and take over.  So now WE make cards.  My goal is to start scrapbooking again before the month is over.  I have a couple of days.  We’ll see how that goes.  I can give the princess a scrapbook page of her own to make, but somehow I don’t think that will fly with the dog.  That will be another post:  The Dog Ate My Scrapbook Page, He’s Dead Now.

So WE made a card today.  It started out simple.  After she got done with it, I think it could possibly be used to reflect the sun away from the earth.  It’s THAT sparkly.  Four year olds don’t  have any form of sparkle self-control.  There’s no glitter, just lots and lots of sparkly stuff.  I don’t want to go there, because to paraphrase Demetri Martin “Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies”.  Because once it gets on you, you’ve got it forever.

The genius of Demetri Martin.

(For the comedically uninformed, Demetri Martin is one of the funniest people who’ve ever walked this earth.  He not only does stand up comedy but draws lots of pictures and stuff.  Here is an example of his funniness.  I understand he just wrote a book.  I need to make money so I can buy it.)

I mentioned the “worm” that she crafted out of sparkly pom poms and craft sticks yesterday.  This worm thing is also getting out of hand.  We now are on to our second worm, second worm house, a worm slide, and a worm teeter totter.  She wants to make many more worms, mainly because she’s obsessed with those sparkly pom poms.  I hate pom poms because no matter what kind of glue you use they won’t stick to anything (I haven’t tried Super Glue-I’m not giving that to a 4 year old.  I have visions of the dog wearing permanent sparkles, glued to the side of the stove).  She also wants to make worm chew toys, because apparently worms are notorious for chewing stuff up (who knew?)  By the way, the worms are named Worma and Wormy.  Worma has issues with her head-I think it must be some sort of genetic mutation that only sparkly worms get.  Her head won’t stay on.  She’d be an easy target for The Highlander.  Oh wait, worms don’t have hands (no sword fighting going on at that worm house).  Maybe if Princess Impatient would just WAIT FOR THE GLUE TO DRY!

Where the little wormies live!

Anyway, back to the gift making process.  We have a very sparkly card, various artwork, and before the end of the day we may have a human sized sculpture to send through the mail.  I can’t afford that kind of postage.  I hope I can find the postage I have.  I hope she likes Christmas stamps.

(Mom-I made you a card for Mother’s Day.  It was very cool.  I had it.  I never sent it.  Then I meant to give it to you but I forgot.  Then I lost it.  Maybe you’ll get it by next Mother’s Day.)

Oh wait, we’re back to the worms again.  Now she wants the worms to have pets.  Adhesive google eyes on a sparkly pom pom-BAM!  You got pets.  Oh wait, now they’re worm babies.  I don’t have the heart to tell her how worms reproduce.

This could go on for days…