Let It Snow: The Blogging Conference That Really Should Have Happened in a Snowstorm

Posted on December 6, 2013 by thesadderbutwisergirl

Welcome to the December 2013 edition of the Secret Subject Swap (Take One). This week, twelve brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.

My prompt was: December has arrived. You can either A.) spend it alone on a tropical beach (with full amenities) or B.) with your favorite individual(s) trapped in a snow storm. You have to choose. It’s for one week. Which would you choose? And what would you do during the week?

It was submitted by: www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com

As I am writing this, it is what we call “butt cold” here in Iowa. Don’t ask me where that phrase came from, because I haven’t a clue. My butt is one of the last things that gets cold when it’s cold. Being arm cold would make much more sense.

At first I thought oh give me the beach, please. I’m so cold right now. And I don’t even have a fake fireplace to warm me up. Yet.

Then the more I thought about it… I decided to go for it. Let the snow fly, I’m getting snowed in with my blogging friends. Here’s my totally silly fantasy party:

Two weeks before Christmas I was headed to a fancy hotel for the best writer’s retreat in the whole wide world. That’s right, I was headed to the B.U.T.T.S. conference. Bloggers United Through Total Sensationalism. Never heard of it? That’s okay, because it only happened once. It was that epic that it could not be repeated. It was better than BlogHer. It was better than the Erma Bombeck Writer’s Workshop Conference. It was better than ANY other conference, even parent-teacher conferences!

So many others I had missed out on because I couldn’t afford to go, but not this one. And now I was going to finally meet all of these people I had been talking to in PERSON. They were all going to be there-all of the bloggers I had known and loved over the past couple of years.

Thank goodness for Evil Joy. She was able to use her evilness for good and let me know all about it super early. And it only cost $1.99 to attend (plus tax, of course!) I happily counted out my pennies and sent in my registration the very second it started. That was such a great deal I made my husband sign up too (he wrote a blog post once, right?) There was no way I was going to miss this. I was so excited about it that I promptly drove to Target and bought myself a new outfit to wear to it right off the clearance rack. I didn’t even lose my keys while I was there, so it was a GREAT day!

We made sure that we gave ourselves plenty of extra time to get there, since the weather was a bit iffy. Evil Genius is an excellent driver, but I can’t say that other people are when the weather gets bad. As it turned out, we didn’t have to make any u-turns at all and arrived early.

I checked into my room and excitedly made my way to the conference area. Not just any conference area-this one had a chocolate fountain, a pop fountain, AND a water fountain.

Karen from Baking in a Tornado was the first to arrive. Not only did she bring a truckload of ingredients for some of her famous recipes, she also brought some new drink concoctions for us to try. Just in case we wanted to stay away from mixed drinks, Dani from Cloudy, With a Chance of Wine arrived with plenty of wine for everyone!

Marcia The Menopausal Mother had to come all the way from Florida. She hates to fly, so she arrived by train. She brought several rum cakes. Not just any rum cake. It was the most amazing cake I had ever had. She kept insisting it was her “special” rum cake. Mmmmm… Thanks to this cake I can only recall certain things from my time there. I still wonder what the heck was in that cake?

My bestie Jen Kehl of My Skewed View brought the tunes of course. We got together right away and spent time planning the end of the world. You know, by allowing our kids and husbands to hang out together. That should do it, right? BOOM.

Amy of Funny is Family brought her crockpot, because she never strays too far from it. What was in it? Beer chicken. She’s been raving about it (and it WAS good!). I made her promise that she would finally do the slow cooker chicken and noodles that I’ve been bugging her about forever on her blog, because the world needs to taste that awesomeness!

About the time that arrived, the weather happened. It started snowing. Not just a little snow, but feet and feet of it. Ice. Maybe even a little hail. It was the snowstorm to end all snowstorms. The Snowpocalypse. It closed down everything.

But as it turned out it wasn’t so bad. Not at all, we were in a hotel that only cost us $1.99 plus tax, there were bathrooms and places to sleep. And also because these people were just gosh darn entertaining. Thank goodness Amy brought her crockpot and Karen and Dani brought the booze! We were set indefinitely.

Kate of Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine With My Morning Time? live tweeted the whole thing. I think her thumbs got really, really tired. There was so much going on because we are so much fun, dammit.

One of the highlights had to be when Starr of The Insomniac’s Dream got into a knock down drag out with MJ Mele of The Nerdy Side of Life arguing over comic book characters. Thank goodness that Kelly of Debie Hive jumped in and used her superpowers to break it up, or there could have been serious blood shed.

We couldn’t be too mad at MJ, since he couldn’t leave home without his Playstation 4, he provided some much needed entertainment for some of the spouses. He even shared.

Stephanie of When Crazy Meets Exhaustion couldn’t wait for one of us to have an embarrassing moment so that we could write about it and submit it to her Oversharing series.

So many funny people-Vikki from Laugh Lines must have made me pee my pants at least once laughing. Lisa Newlin made me snort wine out of my nose at least twice!

Penny from Mom Rants and Comfy Pants wrote a rap for us. Then TA Woods of PenPaperPad wrote a poem. Not be outdone, Kristi from Finding Ninee drew a group portrait of all of us. Due to copyright concerns, I can’t share it here. Which is too bad, because it was really, really great. All of this talent in one place!

I got inducted into a kind of not really secret society. One that was just for redheads. Only that name was already taken so we had to go with Redheads that Write. Cool, no? Jenn from Something Clever 2.0, Terrye of The Adventures of a Misplaced Alaskan (currently the queen of Bubbleviews) Marj of The Domestic Goddess and I will all be card carrying members, whenever one of us gets around to actually printing out the cards.

I had so much fun swapping kid stories with my favorite moms. Ashley of Sorry Kid, Your Mom Doesn’t Play Well With Others, Kristi of The Robot Mommy, Angela from Momopolize, Melissa from Motherhood is an Art, Rachel from Tao of Poop, Deb of Urban Moo Cow, so many fabulous moms I lost track of everyone I talked to. I’m sure there were more.

As it turned out, we were all snowed in for a whole week. And what do writers do when they are forced to stay in together due to bad weather? We wrote a book, of course. Yes we all put our contributions in for “I Went to BUTTS and I Cannot Lie”.

Publishers fought madly over it. It broke all kinds of records and we all became famous overnight. Except for the ones who were already famous, like The Bearded Iris and Susan from The Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva. They just got more famous.

If only it really could have happened. Too bad I made it all up. Or DID I? Are you sad that you’re not in it? I swear you were there. I just couldn’t fit everyone’s name in here, or my post would have been a million words long. You wouldn’t miss out on a blog conference for $1.99, right? Even if there wasn’t any free lubricant?

I’d like to thank everyone who has supported and cheered me on throughout my blogging career. I’m on a break at the moment, not the Ross and Rachel kind, more of a real life is sort of in the way type of break. It wasn’t planned, it just happened. I’m revising my focus and trying to get back to posting a couple times a week here very soon. Life without an outlet is a little blah, and I need to get back into writing something besides grocery lists again!

Now-check out the other bloggers that are doing the swap this month! The links are below.

http://BakingInATornado.com Baking In A Tornado

http://themomisodes.com/ The Momisodes

http://mooreorganizedmayhem.blogspot.com/ Moore Organized Mayhem

http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com The Sadder But Wiser Girl

http://crazyasnormal.com Crazy As Normal

http://singlemumplusone.blogspot.com Searching for Sanity

http://followmehome.shellybean.com Follow me home . . .

www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com Evil Joy Speaks

http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com/ The Bergham’s Life Chronicles

http://www.juiceboxconfession.com Juicebox Confession

http://dates2diapers2.blogspot.com Dates 2 Diapers

http://www.theinsomniacsdream.com/ The Insomniac’s Dream

Revelations of a Weenie: What Scared Me The Most (But I Lived and Got Over It)

Posted on November 8, 2013 by thesadderbutwisergirl

Welcome to the first round of this month’s Secret Subject Swap. Can’t you hear the Mission Impossible theme song in the background? That’s right, it’s about time I put all of that flute knowledge to good use! Twelve bloggers and myself are simultaneously releasing our posts into the wild. Once you’re done with my post, please please pretty please follow the links at the bottom and read their stories! Satisfaction guaranteed or your money back. Oh wait, you don’t pay to read these! How about your satisfaction is guaranteed or I will make silly faces to make you laugh, or at least pretend that you can see me through the computer…

My prompt is “What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done?” It was submitted by Moore Organized Mayhem.

Upon sitting down to write this, I turned to my husband and asked him “What do you suppose the scariest thing I’ve ever done is?”

He immediately replied: “You married me.”

(By the way, I knew he was going to say that.)

Hey I DID have a waist at one time…

In some respects that is very scary, but not the scariest thing I’ve ever done.

Having kids. That’s the scariest thing I’ve ever done.

Picture me years ago when I was but a young newly wedded lass. I was terrified of the idea of having kids, not because I didn’t want them, but because I’m a weenie. I was frightened of the whole pregnancy thing and the way it changes a woman’s body as it was. But the thought of enduring the actual childbirth scared the pee out of me. I don’t like pain of any kind, and really who does?

Since I was so terrified of the prospect of childbirth, naturally I got pregnant on the first try. Once we decided we wanted a baby those sperm apparently couldn’t wait to get to their destination. And even though I had finally decided it was worth the scariness and done the deed I was so freaked out by the idea of the actual labor that I didn’t want to hear ANY stories about childbirth. I’m not saying that people didn’t still try to tell me, I was just one step away from sticking my fingers in my ears and singing at the top of my lungs at all times. Being the wuss that I am I elected to take the breastfeeding preparation classes but declined to take the childbirth classes because I DID NOT want to know what was going to happen. I mean, I knew WHAT was going to happen, I just didn’t want any details.

When I planned the whole birth thing, I was asked whether or not I was going to have drugs for the pain. I said SIGN ME UP. Give me everything you have. And I was still freaking out right up until the bitter end.

When I went into labor with The Professor, he had to announce his impending arrival with grand fashion. My water broke all over the kitchen floor, only I didn’t know it, because I was gushing blood all over the house. Nice, huh? My husband calmly called the hospital, and they sent paramedics out to my house.

Oh, add to that we were having a blizzard at the time.

When they arrived, I was laying on the kitchen floor wrapped up in a blanket. They came in and did their thing, but were having a hard time hearing the baby’s heartbeat. Of course I was concerned about this, but I was also concerned about the state I would be arriving at the hospital in. When I was informed that I would be taken by ambulance I had to inform them of the news:

“I’m not wearing any underwear!” I said worriedly.

To which the female paramedic responded “Oh that’s okay honey, I’m not either.”

So we traveled by ambulance to the hospital. In a blizzard. And the freezing cold.

And yes, they found the baby’s heartbeat just fine.

Here I was so scared about the pain, but that’s not the part I really remember. It’s funny how your mind works like that! I do remember that I was in labor for fourteen hours. I know that when they did the epidural that my husband got really weirded out.

After fourteen hours of labor the doctor pretty much walked in and caught the little guy as he was on his way out. And he was cute. Very, very cute. Not all smooshed like a lot of newborns look (no offense to anyone who had a smooshed looking baby-they do get cuter). All the nurses were in love with him. And so were we.

As you already know, he came out just fine...

He came out just fine, but you knew that.

It obviously went okay, because I decided to do it a second time three years later. With this one, I certainly do remember the pain. Maybe it was because I was in labor with The Princess for what seemed like two weeks before my due date. The doctor told me that if I didn’t have her by my due date that they would take pity on me and induce me. Nice.

I went into the hospital a few hours early because I was so miserable I couldn’t stand it, and they decided to try breaking my water around 8 am to see if this would get things moving. It worked. This angered my daughter, and she decided that she had to come right then, because according to Evil Genius they had “drained her pool”. They couldn’t get that anesthesiologist in there fast enough. I mean, he made it, but not fast enough for my taste. I’d had a nice dose of morphine in the meantime. Morphine=good stuff.

And that was that. The Princess arrived. She was more smooshed looking than The Professor, but got much cuter as time went on. Which was a very good thing, because she rarely slept and cried a bunch… The fact I couldn’t walk or turn my neck for quite some time afterwards meant that yeah, cuteness was definitely on her side.

She came out okay too. But more importantly, don’t I look sexy in that hospital gown?

I survived the thing that scared me most-childbirth. But the scariest thing that has ever happened to me has been simply having children. It has also been the most wonderful thing that has happened too. It continues to be wonderful, and scary, every single day.

Here are the links to the other participants in this round of the Secret Subject Swap. Please check their posts out too!

http://BakingInATornado.com Baking In A Tornado

http://themomisodes.com/ The Momisodes

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/ Just A Little Nutty

http://followmehome.shellybean.com Follow me home . . .

http://mooreorganizedmayhem.blogspot.com/ Moore Organized Mayhem

http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com The Sadder But Wiser Girl

http://dinoheromommy.com/ Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

http://crazyasnormal.com Crazy As Normal

http://singlemumplusone.blogspot.com Searching for Sanity

http://dawnsdisaster.blogspot.com Dawn’s Disaster

http://www.menopausalmom.com/ Menopausal Mother

http://www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com Evil Joy Speaks

What? You’re still here? Go read some other posts or I’ll get you with my glowy claws! RAWR!

The Totally Tubular Story Of Tie-Dye Girl and Her Amazing Rubber Chicken

Posted on October 11, 2013 by thesadderbutwisergirl

Welcome to this month’s edition of The Secret Subject Swap, Take 2! Presented to you by the lovely Karen of Baking in a Tornado, it all begins with participating bloggers sending in top secret prompts ahead of time. Each blogger is then assigned one of these prompts and the resulting posts are all shared at the same time!

My prompt: You had a horrendous day with your family. You argued with everyone even after you got a call from your son’s principal regarding his bad behavior. After a couple of glasses of wine, you fall asleep ready to start over tomorrow. The next morning, no one was home. Everyone gone. No note, just looks like they disappeared. What do you do?

It was submitted by: http://www.100lbCountdown.com

So be afraid, be very afraid of what I’m about to do with this one:

I woke up that morning with a pounding headache, laying across my bed, still in my clothes from the night before. It took me several minutes to fully realize that I was awake, and that I hadn’t even bothered to get under the covers. I knew I was exhausted last night, and the wine didn’t help, but this was a bit extreme.

That wasn’t all that was amiss. My husband wasn’t there either.

“That’s funny.” I thought, “Usually he sleeps in on the weekend.”

I walked downstairs, fully expecting to see my husband sitting in the chair with his laptop and both kids watching Saturday morning cartoons. But no one was around. Not even the animals. It was like the whole world had disappeared.

Just like in the movies.

Had the world ended and I missed it?

Was the world ending? I should have realized the signs: The cats within feet of each other? Apocalypse is nigh…

I made my way to the back porch and opened the door. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and I could hear the neighbor kids plain as day.

So much for that theory. The world was still there.

I got a lump in my throat. I tried to remember what exactly had started the argument the night before. There was a phone call from the school. The principal. Something about a note. The Professor was in serious trouble. Evil Genius was livid. And The Princess was not liking that someone else was taking the limelight from her.

I was upset, and the wine went down easily. It was all blurry after that, and I barely remember going into the bedroom to lie down.

And now it was so hard to think… especially with that loud whirring sound. Wait a minute-that whirring sound, WHERE WAS IT COMING FROM?

I followed it to the basement door. The secret passage. I had always wanted wanted a house with a secret passage. Evil Genius had come through and made pantry shelves that swung open in place of the door. Being an old house, the uneven floor and plaster walls made it not quite so secret. But it was stuck!

Pushing with all of my weight, I was able to slide the shelves aside. I peered into the dark. Dammit, the light wouldn’t work. I grabbed the lantern and headed down into the darkness.

The whirring sound grew louder as I approached the brick wall. But there was nothing there but the crawlspace. That icky, gross place under the house where the basement stopped. It was nothing but dirt and bugs. But the sound was driving me crazy, and somehow I knew that it must have something to do with my family vanishing.

I crawled up on the freezer and put my hand upon the wood. Only it didn’t feel like wood. It felt like… nothing. I pushed my hand through until I could not see my arm any more. I pulled back in horror-what was going on? Was this some sort of weird joke? I pushed forward again, this time with both hands and the rest of my body. And I fell forward right into the nothingness. And smacked my face hard against the floor. Because putting my arms out to stop myself would make sense.

After a moment of lying there upon the cold floor, I sat up and opened my eyes.

Instead of that icky, dirty, buggy space there was a room. Not just any room, like a command center. Like a batcave. Or that super secret room they won’t ever let you see at Target.

A voice boomed out of the shadows “Welcome back Tie-Dye Girl! We thought you were going to sleep all day.”

I turned, very slowly, only to come face to face with…nothing.

“Huh? I don’t know what you’re talking about!” I replied.

The voice sounded very annoyed. “Really? Again? Do we have to go over this EVERY TIME????” Roger, we really need to quit using the brain eraser on our agents.”

“Ummmm… brain eraser?” That would explain so very much about my life…

I heard a very loud sigh from, well, WHEREVER that voice was coming from. Mumbling, angry whispering. “We’re giving you the short version. We’re facing a world crisis and all reserve super agents have been activated. That includes you and the agents assigned to you that also happen to be your family.”

“World crisis?” I inquired.

“A caffeine and chocolate shortage of massive proportions. It seems that . Your son, The Professor, intercepted a message that was meant for the Evil Genius yesterday.”

“Wait a minute. My husband is the Evil Genius.”

“No he’s actually the Not So Evil Genius. The name just stuck. The actual Evil Genius is somebody else.”

Suddenly things were starting to fall into place. Sort of. “So my family isn’t missing? They’re saving the world?”

” No ma’am they are assisting the people saving the world.” The voice replied.

“I can’t say that I’m really understanding what you’re telling me.”

“You have a job to do. YOU have to stop the madness. You’re our only hope.”

That’s when it hit me. “Oh.My.God. I’m an Avenger.”

I heard something that sounded like a forehead being smacked. And then laughter. Lots of laughter. As a matter of fact, the laughter went on for about ten minutes.

“Actually, not quite. Here’s the story. Someone gave Tony Stark a magic mirror for his birthday, he’s so busy looking at himself that he won’t answer his phone. Thor had to attend some hair product convention because Fabio backed out at the last minute. Captain America has been trying so hard to catch up to modern day technology that he discovered the internet and we can’t drag him away. He muttered something about games called ‘Bejeweled Blitz’ and ‘Candy Crush’ when we talked to him. The Hulk is in an anger management session. Black Widow is nowhere to be found. And nobody cares about Hawkeye. So yeah, you’re it. So get into uniform and await your instructions.”

“So I guess it’s up to me.” After rummaging around for several minutes, I found my superhero outfit:

Protecting the earth from evil by dying them hideous shades of tie-dye! Look up in the sky, it’s a peacock, it’s a rainbow, it’s TIE-DYE GIRL!

“Take this rubber chicken and place it at these coordinates. This will disable the caffeine sucking machine and restore the world to its natural balance.”

“That’s it? I was really hoping for something a bit more, um, interesting.”

“Dammit Tie-Dye Girl, do you really want to exist in a world where this is no caffeine OR chocolate? We’re losing precious time! Not to mention that the rest of your family would really like to be done with dishwashing duty. You are welcome to switch places with one of them if you wish.”

“Okay” I said quickly. “Give me the rubber chicken.”

The next thing I knew I was transported to the most vile place on the face of the Earth. A place where few venture into and even fewer make it out of alive. Yes, I was in the Wal-Mart bathroom.

From the middle stall emerged a man who looked remarkably like Dermot Mulrooney. Or was it Dylan McDermott? “Tie-dye Girl. So we meet again.”

Again? We’d met before? I stood staring at the guy for a really long time. A REALLY long time. This was because I couldn’t remember his name. Was it the memory eraser or was it just my brain? Dang it he really looked familiar too. And what was I supposed to do????

Then I heard a voice in my head “Remember the rubber chicken. Use the rubber chicken…”

So I closed my eyes, and threw the chicken over his head. Whatever force the was guiding me wedged that rubber chicken smack in the middle of the spinning caffeine sucking machine. It stopped the machine dead. Right there in the Wal-Mart bathroom…

The world rejoiced. The Avengers were so thankful that they took me to the movies. It was the dollar movie and I’d seen it before, but it was really cool getting to hang out with actual superheroes. And Starbucks was so thrilled that they gave me a lifetime supply of free frappucinos.

And my family? Back home and off of dirty dish duty. Until the next time I need to save the world. I hear there may be a wine shortage. Nooooooooooooooooooooooo…

And of course in celebration I enjoyed some wine with my favorite superhero…

Now see what other talented bloggers have written! Here are the other participants in this month’s swap take 2:

http://www.menopausalmom.com Menopausal Mother

http://BakingInATornado.com Baking In A Tornado

http://www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com Evil Joy Speaks

http://www.100lbCountdown.com 100lb Countdown

http://followmehome.shellybean.com Follow me home . .

http://dinoheromommy.com/ Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com/ Stacy Sews and Schools

http://thisisdiscoveringme.wordpress.com/ Discovering Me

http://www.itsyummi.com It’s Yummilicious

http://dates2diapers2.blogspot.com Dates 2 Diapers

http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.com/ Confessions of a part-time working mom

September 2013 Secret Subject Swap: Senseless

Posted on September 6, 2013 by thesadderbutwisergirl

Welcome to the latest edition of The Secret Subject Swap! Presented to you by the lovely Karen of Baking in a Tornado, this fun begins with participating bloggers sending in top secret prompts ahead of time. Each blogger is then assigned one of these prompts and the resulting posts are all shared at the same time!

My prompt was: If you had to lose any of your senses, which one would you choose and why? It was submitted by http://singlemumplusone.blogspot.com

Oh boy, I really need those senses! As a mom it is VERY important that I have my eyes and ears handy-you never know what those kids are up to… Though I will say that there are many things I’ve seen over the years that I think that I wouldn’t mind giving up my sight because of. Sometimes you just want to unsee things.

Sense of touch? Very necessary for hugs from my kids and the occasional touch of the spouse! My sense of taste? Sorry I’m not giving that up-because I need to be able to taste my chocolate and my wine!

So if I had to choose one to lose, it would definitely be my sense of smell…

Think about it. I like smelling things that smell good, don’t get me wrong! This is kind of one of THOSE questions, like would you rather have poison ivy or poison sumac. Every choice is going to have it’s negative side, but I’d much rather not be able to smell than to not be able to taste or see or hear or touch.

In all honesty, I really think the nose was kind of an afterthought when god was putting the humans together anyway.

“Hmmmm… something is missing. This really seems off. We need to have something right there in the middle. You know, right above the mouth and below the eyes. Oh it should probably DO something too.”

And it’s probably a good thing he did that, because otherwise we’d all look like Lord Voldemort from Harry Potter!

And then just to show he had a sense of humor, that’s why he created farts. Think about what the first fart had to have been like.

Adam: “Hey Eve, pull my finger!”

I know there have been many times in my life when I wished my nose would go take a long hike off a short pier. Especially at bedtime after consumption of both chili and beer and beer of said spouse. Or having to endure the stench of manure spread out on our local farm fields. Or hitting a skunk with the car.

So yes as a former childcare provider, a wife, a mom of two, and a dog owner, I am pretty sure that I have smelled all that there is to smell and then some. A lot of it hasn’t been pleasant! Having held the title of poop detective for many years, I think I’d be okay with giving up that gig.

And not to mention, not being able to smell would not take away my enjoyment of online stuff one little bit. Even if they did invent Smellbook, I think I’d be good.

So yeah, I might not be able to write the next “Smelly Cat”, but I think I’d be okay…

If the same situation were to arise for for you, what would YOU be willing to give up?

WAIT! Don’t go away! Take a little time and check out some of the other posts by my fellow swappers down below. Interested in participating in a future swap? Contact Karen at Baking in a Tornado for details of what to do!

http://BakingInATornado.com Baking In A Tornado

http://themomisodes.com/ The Momisodes

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/ Just A Little Nutty

http://followmehome.shellybean.com Follow me home . . .

http://mooreorganizedmayhem.blogspot.com/ Moore Organized Mayhem

http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com/ Stacy Sews and Schools

http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com The Sadder But Wiser Girl

http://dinoheromommy.com/ Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

http://singlemumplusone.blogspot.com Searching For Sanity

http://crazyasnormal.com Crazy As Normal

http://menopausalmother.blogspot.com Menopausal Mother

Http://momsdontsaythat.com Moms Don’t Say That

Diary of a Sock: A Story of Hosiery Infidelity

Posted on August 9, 2013 by thesadderbutwisergirl

Welcome to Take One of August’s Secret Subject Swaps. This week, 12 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.

My prompt was : “You are a sock that has been separated from its mate” submitted by Just A Little Nutty.

Dear Diary:

I can’t believe this is happening! My dearest Hildegard has betrayed me.

Before the incident we spent our days rolled up together in the drawer between the underwear and the boxer shorts. It was cozy, especially when the cat came to keep us warm. We were happy. Life was good.

And then HE appeared. The envy of the sock drawer. 100% cashmere, black herringbone print. I should have known then that I was no match. I was just a lowly 100% cotton black sock. Why was he alone in the drawer? Something was not right.

I had heard the rumors, the stories of other socks that had gone astray. The crew socks that had paired up with no show socks and produced the anklets that populated our drawer. I never thought it would happen to me.

That particular day, that fateful day when she was taken from me, we had just frolicked in the soft soggy mud down at the river. We were filthy and wet. Naturally we were thrown in the washer.

In recent days I had noticed her distractedness, her seemingly total lack of caring about me.

Could it be? Had my worst nightmare come true? She didn’t love me any longer?

As we approached the final spin cycle she spun closer and closer to HIM. I yelled out for her, and she acted as if she couldn’t hear me. As I started to yell for her again a fitted sheet reached out and grabbed me. I was trapped! Wrapped up within the elastic prison of the corner.

Into the dryer I went, trapped, helpless, but not alone as a pair of Barbie underpants had joined me. The heat from the dryer was soothing, but I could not rest between her incessant chatter and the breaking of my 100% cotton heart.

Finally I found some relief as I drifted off for just a moment…

Suddenly, escape! Barbie panties and I were flipped out of the confines of our entrapment. As I lay on the floor, I saw Hildegard across the room.

“My darling! My dearest Hildy it is I! Your love! Please answer me!”

She did not answer. She just lay there, her toe touching HIM.

And then, just like that, they were wrapped up together and gleefully tossed into the laundry basket.

“Nooooooooooooooo!” I cried “You DON’T EVEN MATCH!”

I was relegated, broken hearted, to the mateless sock basket. The cold cruel world of socks with no partners. I did not belong here. What did I do to deserve this?

It is horrible! The rainbow toe socks mock me. The athletic socks are too busy high fiving each other to speak to me. The gold toe socks are too good to speak to me. The pantyhose knee high is so transparent that I can see right through her. Even wise old Menghzi the wise bamboo sock offers me little help. “He who learns but does not think is LOST!”

As I am learning, there are worse things than being dirty.

At least Dr Argyle Sockk is here to console me. “Laddy,” he said gently in a thick Scottish accent, “You must let her go.”

I’m not ready to live my life without her. I am ready to fight. I just have to get Hildegard back, I just have to!

Sadly yours, Rupert the lonely sock

Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts. Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there!

http://BakingInATornado.com Baking In A Tornado

http://themomisodes.com/ The Momisodes

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/ Just A Little Nutty

http://followmehome.shellybean.com Follow me home . . .

http://mooreorganizedmayhem.blogspot.com/ Moore Organized Mayhem

http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com/ Stacy Sews and Schools

http://menopausalmother.blogspot.com/ Menopausal Mother

http://dinoheromommy.com/ Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

http://hypnoticbard.blogspot.com/ The Insomniac’s Dream

http://singlemumplusone.blogspot.com Searching For Sanity

www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com Evil Joy Speaks

July Secret Subject Swap: If I Could Turn Back Ti-ime (Read it in Cher’s Voice)

Posted on July 12, 2013 by thesadderbutwisergirl

Welcome to Take One of July’s Secret Subject Swaps. This week, twelve brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.

My prompt was: If you could go back in time and relive any moment of your life, what would it be?

It was submitted by: http://singlemumplusone.blogspot.com

She makes the outfit work, I could never pull it off…

If I could “turn back time” and relive just one moment, minus those pants, what WOULD it be?

Or maybe I really need the pants. They might be a time machine.

I recently wrote a post about do-overs for Theme Thursday, and really wanted to make sure I didn’t rehash the same thing. I wouldn’t want to relive a moment just to change it, so I thought about a moment that I wouldn’t mind experiencing over and over again!

So just one moment? Really? Do we really want to have both a Cher reference AND a Whitney Houston reference in the same post? Besides, anyone who knows me knows how gosh darn indecisive I can be! So instead of one big event I’d rather be allowed to select a “highlight” reel from my life. A top ten list, in order of occurrence. That way when the mad scientists in my house perfect time travel, I can give them some direction you know!

Sarah’s Top Wonderful Life Moments List

I went to New York City as a kid. The future was so bright, I had to wear shades (and apparently a Hawaiian shirt).

1) Start spreading the news…The week I went to New York City with my family. All right I’m breaking the rules of the rules right off the bat by choosing a whole week instead of a single moment. This was before digital cameras, so I do have some photographic memory of it, but not nearly as many pictures as I would have liked. We did so many cool things that week!

2) M-I-C-K-E-Y Any of the times I went to DisneyWorld as a kid. We went five times because when we lived there, everyone who came to see us had to go. I miss that. We were so lucky to live in that area for two years!

3) Supermoon+ocean Night on the beach in Florida, the full moon shining on the water. Many people have their happy place that they go to in their head. This is mine. I hope to get back there someday, but the way things are going I surely am not holding my breath!

4) The Proposal The day my husband proposed to me on the playground of the daycare center where I worked at the time. Never in my life have I been so surprised. I had no idea it was coming!

5) Going to the chapel and we’re gonna get married… My wedding day. I know, I know, let’s be predictable here.

6) Supermusical! When I went to see Phantom of the Opera. AMAZING! People can poke fun all they want, I was blown away by it and would love to see another Broadway play. Sadly I have no pictures of it, just vivid memories.

7) Happiness with no ouch The birth of my kids, minus the pain.

8) SURPRISE! When I went to surprise my friend Marcus who sings with the Texas Tenors. The look on his face was absolutely priceless!

9) Pour some sugar on me The time I went to see Def Leppard in concert. I got rocked. There is nothing that compares.

10) Drivers and Danica start your engines The trip we took last year to see the NASCAR Sprint Cup race in Kansas City.

So there you have it. These were all great times in my life. Many of these things I will most likely never get to do again, but at least I can close my eyes and relive them in my head!

Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts. Check them all out, pretty please with lots of sugar on top?

http://BakingInATornado.com Baking In A Tornado

http://themomisodes.com/ The Momisodes

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/ Just A Little Nutty

http://followmehome.shellybean.com Follow me home . . .

http://mooreorganizedmayhem.blogspot.com/ Moore Organized Mayhem

http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com/ Stacy Sews and Schools

http://menopausalmother.blogspot.com/ Menopausal Mother

http://dinoheromommy.com/ Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

http://hypnoticbard.blogspot.com/ The Insomniac’s Dream

http://singlemumplusone.blogspot.com Searching For Sanity

www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com Evil Joy Speaks

June Secret Subject Swap Pt 1-Star Wars: Return of Red Solo (Cups)

Posted on June 7, 2013 by thesadderbutwisergirl

Welcome to Take One of June’s Secret Subject Swaps. This week, 11 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.

George Lucas just called you–he knows you are a HUGE Star Wars fan, and he tells you he is tweaking one of his older movies. He wants to cast YOU in the film as a new character, and lets you choose the movie and the type of character you would be. Tell us your role and how it would change the movie.

It was submitted by: http://menopausalmother.blogspot.com/

Disclaimer: I’ve been under a lot of stress due to neck, head, and back pain, therefore affecting my writing. Read with caution. I am not responsible for pants peed from laughing or followers running away and screaming and never coming back to my blog again. There, you’ve been warned. Now keep reading if you’re not too scared to do so…

What else do you do with the death star but make a death star bra?

It is with great pleasure that I write using this prompt, because 1) I am a huge fan of the original movies. 2) Marcia Doyle aka Menopausal Mother is a good friend of mine and
3) Anyone could play the part of Anakin Skywalker better than Hayden Christiansen, including me.

Today I will be enacting the second subplot within Return of the Jedi, also known as the worst of the original trilogy and the movie “with all those teddy bear looking things.” If you aren’t familiar with the Star Wars movies, or maybe you are, you might want to access this quick tutorial of the original movie before you read on…

Obviously I would have to be a shapely redhead with big blue eyes and mad typing skills. I’d play Red Solo, Han Solo’s first cousin seventeen times removed. But since it’s the Star Wars universe, and we can’t be too obvious that she’s a Solo we have to give her a pseudonym. It can’t be anything normal, it would have to be something like Fon Doo, Lap Dans, or Shasta Windbreaker. I like Shasta, we’ll go with that.

Shasta Windbreaker is the key to the entire Star Wars universe. She’s the assistant to the Emperor’s assistant. No one knows that she is a double agent. She’s actually a member of PMS-a secret order of Jedi that Darth Vader did not find and destroy during the Clone Wars. She organizes a resistance within the Empire luring Imperials over by bribing them with cookies.

Along with her droid 3M and her handsome but dumb companion Duh Mahn, she sets out to destroy the Empire from the inside out.

What she doesn’t know though is that her fellow PMSer Lady Vagisil has gone to the dark side and is planning on exposing their whole plan. She and her accomplice, Saran Rapp, are secretly organizing the PMS army of jedis to strike against the good guys. She also bakes better cookies, and therefore manages to lure the people that had just been lured to Shasta’s side back to her side. So poor Shasta is left without anyone on her side other than Duh Mahn, who is just not a smart guy.

Determined to complete her mission, Shasta and Duh make plans to leave the Imperial Cruiser They attempt to leave by taking their ship, The Flatulent Penguin, but quickly realize that the ship is unable to fly very far. Apparently Duh has a knack of picking bad spaceships. Several previous ones that he has purchased, including The Fat Emu and The Frolicking Platypus, didn’t pan out either for some reason. So instead they have to stow away on an Imperial Carnival Cruise Ship.

As they quickly discover it’s a tramp… I mean trap!

Our heroes are quickly discovered by the PMSers. Lady Vagisil decided to put an end to Shasta once for all by challenging her to a karoake sing off. The songs? “It’s the End of the World As We Know It” by REM, “Informer” by Snow, and “The Morning After” by Maureen McGovern. As Shasta goes up to sing, Lady Vagisil tries to choke her death with her Sith chokehold. It’s Duh to the rescue. He runs onstage with a folding chair and knocks her off the stage with it.

A duel to the death with foot long corndogs ensues. There is ketchup, there is mustard, but there is no mercy!

In the end, Shasta spares Lady Vagisil’s life. But why? WHY would she do such a thing?

Because Lady Vagisil is really… Princess Leia’s siamese twin sister, Lola Skywalker. They were joined at the feet, but were separated at birth. Shasta was able to sense this with her super force senses and underwear that glows whenever a member of the Skywalker family is present. Of course what really gave it away was the croissants on her head.

Having decided to go to the lighter side, Lady Vagisil and Shasta join forces to help finish the Empire once and for all. But before they can even leave the cruise ship, breaking news is broadcast on the Cruise News Channel. The Emperor and Lord Vader are dead, the Death Star is destroyed, the Empire is defeated, and the whole galaxy is cordially invited to a weenie roast on the forest moon of Endor.

On Endor she crosses paths with her distantly related cousin. She sees him and nods. He says, “Wassup?” (The Solos have never been known for being very affectionate.)

However, after a long talk, she and Han decide to go into the disposable cup business together so that Leia can stay home and take care of all of the Ewoks they ended up adopting. Now you know where Solo Cups really come from.

Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts. Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:

http://BakingInATornado.com Baking In A Tornado

http://themomisodes.com/ The Momisodes

http://dinoheromommy.com/ Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/ Just A Little Nutty

http://followmehome.shellybean.com Follow me home . . .

http://mooreorganizedmayhem.blogspot.com/ Moore Organized Mayhem

http://hypnoticbard.blogspot.com/ The Insomniac’s Dream

https://sadderbutwiser.wordpress.com/ The Sadder But Wiser Girl

http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com/ Stacy Sews and Schools

http://menopausalmother.blogspot.com/ Menopausal Mother

http://www.noteveryonecanbeamermaid.com Not Everyone Can Be A Mermaid

May Secret Subject Swap: My Life Without Kids

Posted on May 10, 2013 by thesadderbutwisergirl

Welcome to Take One of May’s Secret Subject Swaps. This week, 12 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.

My prompt is this: Imagine yourself with no children, where would you be and what would you be doing? If you have no children, imagine yourself with children, how do you think life would be different?

It was submitted by: http://aworkingmomswhoas.blogspot.com/

If I had no children:

Eating would be much different. I could eat grown up foods when I wanted, and no one would complain about it. Or wear it.

I would travel, and no one would be fighting in the backseat or complaining about the destination. Or wearing Wal-Mart bags on their heads.

I would be fabulously in shape, since I would be able to work out and do things like take walks, take long bike rides, and do yoga without anyone protesting.

My house would be clean.
(Though I must say my house, however messy that it is, doesn’t look like a drunken Barbie orgy took place. Oh poor Flynn Ryder-it must hurt to be passed out in that pose…)

I would sleep, perchance to dream and not be awakened by a little one at 6 am on a Saturday “Mommy you need to GET UP!” (Some people are just too perky that early…)

But I would NOT have:

Original artwork for free. Like this, um thing.

The experience of seeing the world as a child sees it.

Free comedic entertainment (I think he’s trying to read someone’s shirt while running those bases).

Infinite love.

The truth is, although there are times when I would like to just be able to have a day away, I was a very boring person before my kids came along. I really don’t want to imagine a life without them.

This post is written for all the Moms out there. Happy Mother’s Day ladies!

Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts. Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:

http://www.BakingInATornado.com

http://chewylicious.wordpress.com/

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/

http://followmehome.shellybean.com

http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com/

http://aworkingmomswhoas.blogspot.com/

https://sadderbutwiser.wordpress.com/

http://menopausalmother.blogspot.com/

dates2diapers2.blogspot.com

www.akashicwindow.blogspot.com

http://theycallmemummy.com

www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com

April Secret Subject Swap Take Two: When I Grow Up

Posted on April 12, 2013 by thesadderbutwisergirl

Welcome to Take Two of March’s Secret Subject Swap. This week, 11 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.

My prompt was: What did you want to be when you grew up and why, submitted by: dates2diapers2.blogspot.com

In case this sounds somewhat familiar to those of you who have been reading my blog all of this time (like there are so many of you, haha), much of the following is an excerpt along with a few additions from a post I wrote for The Getting to Know The Blogger Challenge, which I participated in through the blog A Little Unhinged way back when. You know way back in the past in 2013.

As a kid I had big dreams. There were so many things I wanted to do. For example, one thing I wanted to was write science fiction like Robert Heinlein. NOT books like Starship Troopers though. Ick.

Another thing that I wanted to do was work for Industrial Lights and Magic. I grew up when George Lucas was putting out the first set of the Star Wars Trilogy. You know, before Jar Jar Binks, when it was GOOD. (Sorry George, I mean Walt…) I watched a lot of movies. Keep in mind that I also thought Clash of the Titans was one of the coolest movies on the face of the earth at that time. The ORIGINAL Clash of the Titans. Don’t judge me.

Release the Kraken! Now it has so many connotations…

I also wanted to be an astronaut, because I loved space that much. Then I found out that you have to actually understand some of those science concepts and be good at math. That was as far as that dream went.

No great view for me. Thanks, algebra.

When I was in high school and living in Florida I wanted to join the Air Force. I’m sure this was thrilling news to my NAVY family. This was because we lived on an Air Force base (Patrick Air Force Base, for anyone who was wondering). Then our circumstances changed and we ended up moving away. Not being around all of that stuff all the time made it less of a dream for me. I also wanted to go to Florida State, but lack of money for my family at the time and that lovely out of state tuition you have to pay made that not work out either.

I hate the Gators. And besides, FSU has glitter guys.

And of course I wanted to be a teacher because I loved school and learning and all of that stuff. For those of you that have been following my blog all know that didn’t work out so hot for me, huh? If I had to do it all over again, I would have stuck with early childhood education and hoped for the best. But, you can’t go back. I have to deal with the hand that I’ve been dealt.

IT NEVER GETS OLD! NEVER!

Now that I am an adult, I have been married for more than thirteen years and have two very funny children. It wasn’t something that I aspired to do, but it was nice that it turned out so nicely in that respect.

September 1999. Weren’t we just ADORABLE???

My kids. They are now the adorable ones. Most of the time.

The truth is, I never really decided what I wanted to be when I grow up. Even when I was in high school, although I knew I liked education, I wasn’t totally set on it. In college, I was persuaded to go with the major that I then attempted as a career for a few years before it obviously wasn’t working out for me. I still don’t know what I want to be. These days I am a Stay At Home Mom who is trying to make it as a writer. While I am hoping it works out, I’m still not totally set on that being the one and only thing I want to be.

I hope you enjoyed my post! Be sure to check out the other posts in the Secret Subject Swap!

http://www.BakingInATornado.com

http://www.peanutlayne.com/

http://menopausalmother.blogspot.com/

https://sadderbutwiser.wordpress.com/

www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com

www.theblacksheepmom.blogspot.com

www.homeonderanged.com

http://victoryrosevintage.wordpress.com

dates2diapers2.blogspot.com

http://badwordmama.blogspot.com/

http://mylifeaslucille.blogspot.com/

March Secret Subject Swap Take One: Sparkly Rainbows Meet the Imperial Stormtroopers

Posted on March 8, 2013 by thesadderbutwisergirl

Welcome to Take One of March’s Secret Subject Swaps. This week, 15 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.

My subject is “You’ve followed the rainbow and found the pot, but it’s not gold in there, it’s . . .” submitted by Baking in a Tornado.

Ah March. The time of year where we celebrate things like Spring, green beer, good luck, little green men, and pots of gold at the end of the rainbow. I thought it only appropriate that I receive a prompt where I talk about what I might actually find at the end of the rainbow. Me being the mistress of the random thought, now embark upon this in my own personal style.

As a child I used to think magical thoughts about things in nature. I believed that when it thundered that angels were bowling. I believed that when there were clouds and there was light shining through that someone’s soul was going to heaven. Come on, if you’re my age you most likely at least saw a commercial for Highway to Heaven. You know, Michael Landon? Pa Ingalls? Anyone? Anyone?

Anyway, although that stuff was all well ingrained in my head I don’t ever remember learning much about leprechauns or pots of gold at the end of the rainbow. First of all, why on earth would you put a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow? Gold is so valuable, I’m sure that whoever possesses it would put it anywhere but there, in a place that is waaaay more secure. Not only that, but I think that if there would be something there it would be something more colorful, like rainbow sherbet, don’t you?

As a child I used to love rainbows. I had lots of things with rainbows on them. Growing up in the 80s, there was plenty of that stuff to go around. I remember having something (maybe it was a book bag?) that said “Rainbows are my favorite color.” I found one of my sticker books that was complete with many rainbow stickers as well as scratch and sniff and those stickers you touched to make them change color.

This is all so very weird to me, because I remember being more into Star Wars than sparkly glittery things. And the Dukes of Hazzard. And the A-Team. Call me diverse. Nah, just call me plain weird.

My daughter is four and happens to love rainbows. And unicorns. And glittery things. Unicorns and glitter… what was I talking about again? She also loves playing Star Wars and superhero action figures with her brother, but usually prefers the pink and sparkly to the “boy” things. Now that I think about it, the action figures are usually hanging out with ponies or the Hello Kitties. Remember, it’s a scary world where the kitties have to fight the bad guys who take their candy. I think if there were sparkly pink stormtroopers that she would be thrilled beyond belief. A lavender Death Star? It would be her utopia. I can’t make this stuff up, it’s all totally true.

Hello Kitties struggling to survive in their scary post-apocalyptic world.

Here are some recent comments she has made to me. “Mommy, I want you to find the GIRL books for me.” Translation-books that are pink or have a girl or a cute animal somewhere on the cover.

“Mommy I like action figures but I only want the girl ones.” The girl ones are hard to find, believe me, I’ve tried.

I recently had to threaten her to get her to start putting her socks in the hamper. I told her that if she didn’t start getting them put where I could find them to wash them that I would pull out all of her brother’s old socks and make her wear them. That was quite a catalyst! She didn’t want to wear “ugly boy socks”. We haven’t run out of socks since.

And to go right along with this post-her favorite socks? Her rainbow socks-striped socks with virtually every color in every hue on them! See, it all may be random but it all has a reason for being in here…

Oh. You’re probably wondering what I think I would find instead of gold at the end of the rainbow? Unicorn poop, of course. Unicorns fart glitter and poop rainbows. What else would you find at the end of the rainbow?